Redemptive Living Radio

So our plan was to talk about the ins and outs of detachment for this last episode of season one. But first, I wanted to start with a quick question regarding equanimity in the recovery process. Simply because I often hear of husbands saying - they want it to be equal. As Jason and I continued to dive deeper into the topic, I realized that we would need to save detachment for season two.   In this episode, we unpack the reasons behind why we believe demanding equanimity from her doesn’t work. We also discuss the reasons it can be so hard for him to not see recovery through this lens of balance and equality. We also talk about what this has looked like for us - and how long Jason had to surrender equality. And I share a bit about where I am at today with moving toward Jason and my hearts desire to love him well.   Loving what Jason said during the episode - “Trust is destroyed at her expense, trust is rebuilt at his expense.”  Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.comand rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

We’ve received some great questions during this season of the podcast. We wanted to tackle as many of these as we could and didn’t get near as many answered as we wanted to but that’s okay. There (hopefully) is always the next episode! A couple of the questions we answered - Is it possible that Jason loved me in the midst of his acting out? And is it fair for husbands to say that they didn’t mean to hurt us while they were acting out. We cover this and more! Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

Sitting on secrets is incredibly detrimental in the recovery process.  We (actually, Jason) shares four main reasons that men choose to sit on secrets during the recovery process.  In addition, he talks through the really important recovery aspects that sitting on secrets will block (intimacy, empathy, grieving, ability to help others, and freedom).  Ultimately - when a man working recovery is sitting on secrets, it will increase the chances of him acting out.  But we’re not going to leave you there.  We are going to walk through what it can look like to stop sitting on secrets and press into vulnerability, intimacy and movement forward! "Are you more desperate to hide or to heal?” - quote attributed to Scott Nickell of Southlands Church and his podcast is here. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites:  redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

In this episode, I (Shelley) share how difficult it is when my story of being a betrayed wife is the first thing that people know about me. We are so much more than this part of our stories, ladies. In this episode - I share more about how the betrayal piece is just a small part of the story and give hope and encouragement to women that are feeling like it’s all consuming for them in the here and now. Selah Summit and Mallory Morgan - you can get to know her here.“ God reached out His arm and pulled me out of the slimy pit and set my feed on solid ground” is referring to this verse. Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.comand rlforwomen.com. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

In this episode, we discuss several strategies to mitigate anxiety during the recovery process. It’s fair to say we segue into some other topics - women’s intuition, women trusting other women, support groups, who is driving the recovery bus. Let’s just say you’re going to feel like you are sitting in our living room while Jason and I are chit-chatting. So grab a warm drink and a blanket and get comfortable. We are so glad you are here!   The Restore Workshop is this weekend. More details about the workshop here. Interested in a support group for women? You can find out more about them here. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

Did you know there are two different types of shame? There is toxic shame, which most of us refer to and talk about these days; and then there is Biblical shame. Shame is complicated, yáll, and because of that, Jason does most of the talking here. I was just trying to keep up! Keep in mind that we must work through the toxic shame before we can work through the Biblical shame. However - Biblical shame only applies when we have done something wrong. Otherwise, we are only dealing with toxic shame. Whew. Verse in 1 Corinthianswhere Paul says - "I say this to shame you.” Entropē- Greek word for shame - literally means to recoil from what is vile. David feeling the weight in his bones refers to this verse. Interested in a support group? Find out about current openings here. Living out our identity in Christ - we discuss this inEpisode 4. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelleywith the subject line: Podcast.

Have you heard him say - “I’m sorry I hurt you. You would be better off without me.” And it doesn’t actually help? This is because comments like this are enveloped in shame and are sympathetic, but not empathetic. In this episode, Jason and I talk through what she needs to hear and how, yes, HOW he can learn to be empathetic. Get your pen and paper ready - you’re going to want to take notes!   Video by Brene Brownon Empathy versus Sympathy Wanting more of this? Jason teaches a MasterClass on Empathy, would love for you to join the next one! To see the other MasterClasses being offered, click here. Our websites - rlforwomen.com and redemptiveliving.com You can connect with Shelley on Instagram @Shelley-Martinkus Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

Piggy-backing off of the last episode, there are times when there is no good answer for the questions that she might be asking. This doesn't mean that the questions aren't worthwhile. Not even close - her questions are incredibly important because it's part of how she is working through her grieving process. "I don't remember" is not a good answer. Listen in as Jason and Shelly share three practical things to help answer the unanswerable questions.   We talk about empathy and Jason teaches a 5-week Empathy Master Class. You can get all the details here.   Our websites - rlforwomen.com and redemptiveliving.com   You can connect with Shelley on Instagram @Shelley-Martinkus   Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelly with the subject line: Podcast

Why did he do this?If you haven’t already noticed, I like to give Jason a hard time (as you will hear a couple of times throughout this episode). He’s real patient with me and just rolls with it. He’s a good guy. In this episode, we talk about a big question that women ask - “Why? Why did you do this?!" I share a couple of reasons as to why she needs to hear the reasons from her husband, we talk about how answering this question is apart of the grieving process, and we also talk about what he can do in the here and now for the why from the past to not hold so much weight moving forward. Shelley mentions the Restore Workshop which will be held next month virtually, then back to in-person in Spring 2021. “Good work in the present creates a future where there won’t be as much focus on the past.” - Jason said this during the episode and I thought it was so good. Interested in working with us or someone on our team? Find out about our services here. Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast.

We are back with a candid conversation about triggers. Have you heard of a trigger-squared? Well - it’s a real thing and we want to make sure that doesn’t happen so in this episode, we talk through some practical tips to help manage triggers  in public. Links to select blog posts on triggers: here and here Questions for the Podcast? Email Shelley with the subject line: Podcast. Order the Rescued workbook here, there is a chapter devoted to understanding and working through triggers