PLAYING-IT-SAFE

Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.I don’t deserve kindness.A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.Self-criticism motivates me all the time.Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.Key TakeawaysThe beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner criticThe difference between shame and guiltHow to approach self-forgivenessThe intersection of self-compassion and exposure practicesPaul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practiceWhat to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”How to deal compassionately with anger(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It was a true pleasure to discover the work and passion of Sonya Looney; her enthusiasm, laughs, and insights are contagious!There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more. Key TakeawaysThe mindset of an athleteThe upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-workingHow to skillfully manage unpredictabilityAcceptance of emotionsHow to deal with a strong attachment to goals or winningDefusion: thought - labelingGoodhart’s lawHow to manage physical fatigue using acceptance & defusion skillsHow to go back to your values when your mind gets noisyHow to manage comparison thoughtsABC of resilience(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In part 1, we discussed the foundations of how Dr. McKay thinks of process-based therapy. Today, we discuss, in particular, different mechanisms of action:What is attentional trainingHow to look at your values when getting stressedHow to practice acceptance How to handle uncertaintyHow reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day life(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If anxiety is a part of our day to day life, if we hold on to the framework that to be human is to be anxious, how did anxiety ever become a problem? How do you go from worrying about not being good enough to chronic states of worry? How do you go from feeling uncomfortable taking the elevator to developing an elevator phobia?What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills – the core skills – that you can learn to navigate those anxious moments and get back into your life?Short-term fixes that help us avoid or numb our emotions may temporarily alleviate our internal discomfort, but the same responses can also end up causing anxiety, depression, chronic anger, and even physical health problems.In this episode, I chat with Matthew Mckay, Ph.D.Key Takeaways:The difference between rumination and worryRepetitive negative thinking as a processWhat is a transdiagnostic processHow anxiety becomes a problem in our lifeWhat is a safety-seeking behaviorProcess-based changes(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you.In this episode, Julian McNally, Ms. Psych., and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.Key TakeawaysCreative HopelessnessValues-based behaviorsValues-based exposuresNotice approaching versus avoidant behaviorsHow to practice acceptance of messy momentsFocus on your doing your best, not being the bestFocusing on what is happening right now instead of why is happening.(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with others’ social performance.When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.Key TakeawaysHow to live your valuesHow to practice commitmentPlaying-it-safe How to manage negativity biasesHow to deal with comparison thoughtsContext sensitivity(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our minds are amazing at many, many things. Our minds are capable of remembering the birthday of the ones we love, calculating a budget for our next trip, thinking about our next writing project, and coming up with questions for a podcast. Our minds are also capable of ruminating, dwelling, coming up with strange thoughts, announcing all types of bad scenarios, and many more …why are our minds both so awesome and so challenging to deal with at times? How can we skillfully and effectively deal with our busy minds?In today’s episode, I interview Josh Malina, host of the podcast “Anxiety Book Club.” We discuss the different ways in which our minds influence our physical and mental health and the different approaches to dealing with them.Josh and I discuss how mindfulness and meditation can help us deal with our busy minds; he points out different times in which anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worry thoughts took him away from being present and pushed him to play-it-safe.You will hear from Josh how regular mindfulness practice has helped him transform his relationship with his thoughts, become an observer of his thoughts, and be non-judgmental of his worries, fears, and anxieties.We discuss in particular three practices: exposure exercises, acceptance and commitment skills, and internal family systems.I leave you with this quote:“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or would’ve happened… Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”– Tupac ShakurKey TakeawaysWhat is OCDWhat is Generalized Anxiety DisorderWhat is Internal Family SystemsWhat is perspective takingValuesExposure therapyTalk therapyTranscendental meditationChoiceless meditationMBSR(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When was the last time you had an aha moment in which your next steps were clear? Do you remember how it is to be in the midst of a difficult situation, and then, have clarity of what you need to do?If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.Without that awareness, it’s easier to play-it-safe, live automatically, and continue to respond to all those anxieties, worries, and fears in the same way you have been doing for years.One way to build that awareness is through the practice of mindfulness.In this conversation, Seth Gillihan, Ph.D. and I discuss how to nourish your mindfulness practice. In a world that moves so fast, and there are hundreds of mindfulness apps, books on mindfulness, and mindfulness teachers, it is easy to develop misconceptions surrounding the practice of mindfulness or to hope for a quick fix with it.  But how can you really cultivate your mindfulness practice in your daily life?  Key TakeawaysHow to approach mindfulness with a beginner’s mindThe intersection of Christianity and mindfulnessTips to practice mindfulness in your day-to-day lifeHow to use movement as a way to practice mindfulnessHow to bring yourself back to the present when your mind is wanderingThe intersection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulnessHow to coach yourself to recognize thoughts as thoughts versus getting consumed by themHow to practice non-attachment to how things are supposed to beThe relationship between non-attachment and mindfulnessHow looking for evidence for and against a worry may not be helpfulHow to use mindfulness skills to manage worry The benefits of developing an observer-self(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this second part of my conversation with Andrew Nalband, we discussed in detail how he manages all the noise that shows up in his head, what has worked, and what hasn’t when dealing with a tendency to do things right and perfectly.Key TakeawaysWhy meditation/mindfulness practices matterThe influence of cell phones on our thinkingThe difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptanceA key question to ask yourself when your mind comes up with a lot of thoughtsThe impact of “positive thinking” in our wellbeingHow to practice mindfulness on-the-go(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling. In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.Key TakeawaysThe raw version of how perfectionistic actions show upThe plus, benefits, and cons of perfectionistic actionsHow perfectionistic actions show up in all areas of lifeIf-then thoughtsHow to hold our mind lightly The beginnings of practicing mindfulnessHow to cultivate presence in your day-to-day life(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.