Better Sex

My guest today is Tamara Pincus, who is an AASECT certified sex therapist, an advocate for BDSM and polyamory, and an overall celebrator of the diverse BDSM community. In this episode, she breaks down the fundamentals of BDSM, gives advice on how to start and practice safely, as well as talks about trauma and dissociation and other important topics. As she reminds us, BDSM is really common, so if you’re just getting started, curious, indifferent, or have been practicing for many years, this episode is for you. Enjoy! What is BDSM? Tamara says that the four letters stand for bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism. This essentially means tying your partner up, having power over another, sometimes utilizing pain, and things of that nature. She says that a lot of typical intercourse can be seen as versions of BDSM, given that there is usually a power dynamic at play. This can be considered an offshoot of BDSM – meaning that intercourse can be seen as a continuum of sorts on the BDSM spectrum. She says that role-play can also fall within the same category. For more on her BDSM ideas, listen in! BDSM for Healing from Trauma Tamara says that BDSM can actually lead to breakthroughs in sexual trauma. Someone who has experienced a specific kind of sexual trauma can claim and have mastery over their trauma through a BDSM act. Tamara says that healing can occur if the trauma victim feels better emotionally or experiences positive feelings afterward. When asked how sexual partners can engage in BDSM in a safe, non-intimidating way, she says that it’s important to have a safe word or safe signal, as well as make sure there is agreed-upon consent between all participants. She also makes the good point that couples should get kink training and be cognizant about health conditions before doing rope play or breath play, and various other activities of the same category. To find a local dungeon or similar setting where you can learn these techniques, Tamara says to make sure you check out https://fetlife.com/.   The “Top” and “Bottom” Dynamic Tamara says there’s generally two distinct dynamics at play during any BDSM proceeding: the bottom and the top. The top is the dominant player, while the bottom is the receiver. There can be a flexible interplay of differing power dynamics as the top can also function as the bottom at the same time. Tamara makes it a point to remind listeners that the top needs to be completely aware of the wellbeing of the bottom given that dissociation can happen. After all, a lot of the draw of BDSM comes from the fantastical aspects of the act, so altered mental states are common. Legitimate BDSM Versus The “Fifty Shades” Version Tamara says that one of the biggest mistakes of Fifty Shades of Gray is that it doesn’t understand the concept of non-concordance. This basically means that just because something turns you on physically doesn’t mean you’re emotionally turned on as well. Basically, your body is not lining up with your mind in this instance.   How to Start & What to do if a Partner Isn’t Into BDSM She suggests a few books that you can find below in the “key links” section, as well as the aforementioned FetLife community. She suggests being careful, using the right equipment, make sure you have ways of getting out of any equipment, and having open conversations about boundaries and consent with your partner.   For those who have partners who are not into BDSM, she says that you need to have frank conversations about likes and desires. She says that you can try and fight your sexuality, but it might be a losing battle. It’s best to explore options with your partner and see if there are compromises that can be made. Communicating about expectations is important! Key Links for Tamara:   Her website: https://www.tamarapincus.com/ The social network for BDSM and Kink communities: https://fetlife.com/ Affiliate links for her book: It’s Called Polyamory The New Bottoming & The New Topping Yes-N0-Maybe Kinky List: http://www.thatotherpaper.com/files/Yes_No_Maybe.pdf Worksheet For Talking to Partners About Sex: https://www.autostraddle.com/you-need-help-here-is-a-worksheet-to-help-you-talk-to-partners-about-sex-237385/ RoughBSAndKinky: http://sunnymegatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ROUGH-BS-1.pdf More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Chronic Illness and Sex My guest is here to talk about chronic illness and how it relates to sex. Originally, there wasn’t a lot of information or resources on the subject, so to fulfill this pressing need, Dr. Lee Phillips made it a point to devote his time towards researching and alleviating some of the sexuality stressors of chronic illness. Lee has worked for more than 12 years as a psychotherapist; he is a licensed social worker, an educator, a sex therapist, and a prolific researcher in the sexuality realm. He brings a lot of experience and wisdom to this episode. Check it out! The Inspiration for his Book on Chronic Pain Lee says that he started a chronic pain management group through his work as a geriatric psychotherapist in Williamsburg, Virginia. This would lead to the inspiration for his subsequent work in understanding and mitigating the detrimental sexual effects of chronic illness.   Shortly after, he was approached by a colleague and persuaded to get into sex therapy because of the impacts of chronic pain on sex and relationships. He knew he could do some good work in that facet of therapy.  He also says that he was inspired to take his own research further because there wasn’t a lot of information out there on the topic of chronic illness and pain, and how it relates to sexuality. The Various Emotions That Can Accompany Chronic Illness in a Relationship Lee says that some couples go through ‘crisis mode’ whenever a partner is diagnosed, but overall the emotions and dynamics vary from person to person. He says that it’s typically a dynamic consisting of one ‘ill’ partner and the other healthy. Occasionally relationships can “open up” as the ill partner doesn’t feel adequate enough to pleasure their partner. But even more frequently, the healthy partner teams up and doesn’t act adversarial towards the illness, but instead looks for a way to manage it together. And sometimes there’s actually relief after diagnosis because it brings context to an otherwise mysterious ailment that hadn’t been understood. The Mental Aspects of Chronic Illness Lee says that the physical symptoms can be extreme for chronic illness, but they can also lead to severe mental health difficulties that should not be overlooked.   A big part of his job is to try and alleviate the mental turmoil that can arise in dealing with an illness. When considering getting back into as healthy of a sex life as possible, he likes to take into account their sexual history and see what can be done about getting back to the same level of frequency and intimacy. This can be a good boost for overall mental health in a patient. Imago Dialogue for More Reconnection Between Partners He says he uses Imago dialogue therapy for his couples. One of the core principles of Imago is that we unconsciously pick partners based on the qualities of our caretakers through life. So, if there’s a lot of isolation, anger, fighting, or depression within a chronic illness relationship dynamic, he will use the Imago model as exercises to break through some of those issues. He says there is a sender and there is a receiver within this model. The basis of the practice is to have couples actively listen and repeat what is sent from the sender back to them. This builds the necessary rapport and reassures both partners that what they’re saying is being internalized and understood. The Importance of Seeing a Sex Therapist Lee encourages couples to see a sex therapist and make active strides for sexual reconnection. In addition, a sex therapist can help a couple figure out alternatives to the traditional way they’ve had sex. Because, after all, sex is so much more than just penetrative sex. There’s a whole spectrum, and a sex therapist can help illuminate this crucial aspect of sexuality to those suffering from chronic pain.   Key Links for Dr. Lee Dr. Lee’s Website: https://www.drleephillips.com/ His blog: https://www.drleephillips.com/drleephillips Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drleephillips/ Facebook profile: https://www.facebook.com/drleephillips Affiliate link for The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest is Sherrie Palm, who is the founder and CEO of the Association for Pelvic Organ Prolapse Support. In addition, Sherrie wrote a great book called Pelvic Organ Prolapse: The Silent Epidemic that delves deeper into the subject of this episode: Pelvic Organ Prolapse or POP for short. Driven by Sherrie’s expertise and research on the subject, this talk demystifies the condition and shines a light on treatment options, causes, challenges, and ultimately the ways to manage the condition and live freely with it. Such an important episode that I am glad I have the opportunity to share with you. Enjoy! Pelvic Organ Prolapse and its Causes For those who are not aware of the condition, Pelvic Organ Prolapse (POP) is a condition where the pelvic floor muscles are weakened over time and cannot provide adequate support for the sexual organs atop the pelvic floor. There are 5 different types of P.O.P. as Sherrie states:  it can affect your bladder, rectum, uterus, intestine, and colon.   Sherrie also says that the most common cause of POP is childbirth. But it can also be caused by menopause because as estrogen is depleted within the body, muscles grow weaker and lose their supportive function throughout the body. In relation to this, heavy lifting can also cause POP.   She says that women typically have more than one cause for developing POP. She goes into a lot of shocking facts and stats on the causes for POP within. Be sure to listen to that. The Most Common Symptoms of POP Sherrie says that feeling a bulge or tumor-like presence coming out of the vagina is a common symptom of POP. Additionally, urinary incontinence is a big indicator of developing the condition. Frequent constipation, pain during intercourse and lack of sexual sensation are also common indicators as well. “A Push for Patient Empowerment” Sherrie shares how many gynecologists are not looking for POP symptoms, and it can actually be hard for them to diagnose if they don’t know what they’re looking for the physical manifestations of the condition. Sherrie states that there are a lot of pushes for correct screening protocols, including a standing screening procedure because it’s easier to notice any prolapsed tissue from that position. She suggests taking a handheld mirror, standing, and then to examine yourself to see if there are any protruding tissue from your vagina. There are varying degrees of tissue bulge, and she says that any at all is a red flag. She goes into detail on surgical and non-surgical treatments for POP as well, which you should really take into consideration. What Will POP Mean for Sexual Function? Sherrie says that this condition significantly affects women, as they are usually sexually stigmatized by any vaginal tissue bulge. This can translate to a lack of desire and intimacy as body image issues arise. A whole cycle of sexual avoidance can occur if POP happens, even if it’s not a severe case. Again, responses are unique and can vary from partner to partner, but POP definitely increases the likelihood of sexual self-consciousness, as it can be an emotionally devastating medical condition.    She also states that the incontinence and physical symptoms of the condition can lead to intimacy difficulties as they can be embarrassing for some. But Sherrie states that the biggest way of overcoming some of these struggles of the condition is to educate yourself about the condition itself.   Once the fear of the unknown diminishes, you can become more comfortable with the condition and experiment with whatever positions and dynamics work best. You can also opt for surgical treatment as well, which can drastically improve symptoms.   Key Links for Sherrie:   For the homepage of the Association for Pelvic Organ Prolapse Support (explore for a lot of great resources): https://www.pelvicorganprolapsesupport.org/ More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest today is Jennifer Valli. She has been on the show before to share her expertise and we’re very fortunate to have her back!   Jenifer has a PhD, has 26 years of clinical experience in psychiatry, and she is an experienced therapist an AASECT-certified sex therapist and educator. She is professional involved with many different publications including Men’s Fitness Magazine, and she did Post-Grad work in Sexual Health at the University of Michigan. This is just a few of her notable accomplishments and qualifications. Most applicable to this particular episode is her training in fetishes/paraphilias through Johns Hopkins University.  Within this talk, she explores the complex world of fetishes, and how we should approach them, some theories on their starting points, as well as ways to normalize atypical arousal. What is Paraphilia? Jennifer says that “a paraphilia is when someone has an intense sexual arousal pattern to an atypical object or situation.” These are known as fetishes. While we used to consider these “abnormal,” we now see these arousal patterns as part of the spectrum of human experience. A couple common fetishes that Jennifer talks about are the cuckold fetish and the infantilism fetish.   The cuckold fetish means that one partner derives pleasure from another person pleasuring their partner. It usually involves a male, and there is often a humiliation component to the act. This is different than a threesome, though. With cuckoldry, there is a voyeuristic component that is different than three individuals collaborating together in a threesome. The infantilism fetish consists of being treated as an infant during sexual encounters. This often involves wearing a diaper or drinking from bottles. Jennifer walks through a lot of different non-consenting paraphilias which are listed as a disorder in the DSM-5. The Importance of Sex Positivity for Those With Paraphilia As is discussed within the talk, the DSM has been shifting in a positive direction when it comes to paraphilia. This is important because it normalizes these desires and removes shame from the consensual fetishes – that are actually pretty common across the board. Where do Fetishes Start? As far as the origins of some fetishes, there are the rare cases that can be traced back to a particular moment. But she states that there is not a lot of consensus on why people develop fetishes.   One of the theories is that because men have a higher incidence of paraphilia, that there are distinct moments, say around the age of 10, when they witness a taboo moment that is linked to an erotic arousal. And then as they masturbate, this serves as a biological reinforcement that is sort of mapped into the mind. Females are more likely to have sexual fluidity around arousal, and males are more linked to a kind of sexual imprinting. Listen along for a detailed 5-step breakdown of how assessments are made for fetishes. Legal Vs Non-Legal Assessment When talking about the assessment of fetishes, legality is a key thing that professionals like Jennifer are required to assess. If the fetish is legal, there will be efforts to normalize the behavior by minimizing any residual shame surrounding the paraphilia. If it is not legal, like pedophilia, she then looks to see if there is any distress around the urges. If there is no distress, that’s when the red flags are raised, and there’s a problem. Mistakes in Accommodating Paraphilia in a Relationship Jennifer says that a common mistake is in too much time and attention being spent on the partner with the fetish and not enough on the balance of the entire relationship. Another mistake is in trying to meet both partner’s needs in one night. Jennifer states that it’s probably a better idea to separate out days and accommodate the fetish separately.   One strategy to accommodate fetishes, if a particular partner is having a hard time participating, is in strengthening other activities that speak to that paraphilia but which aren’t quite as involved. This is for the benefit of the partner without the particular fetish.    You can also make a hierarchy of interests and compromise according to a determined range you decide with your partner. This relates to strengthening related interests that speak to the original fetish. She goes through a lot of other different strategies and practices for accommodation within the talk. Make sure to check it out! Key Links for Jennifer:   National Coalition for Sexual Freedom: https://www.ncsfreedom.org/ Perv: The Sexual Deviant in all of us: Book Link https://www.amazon.com/Perv-Sexual-Deviant-All-Us/dp/0374534837 Her website: http://www.jennifervalli.com/ AASECT website: https://www.aasect.org/ More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest, Taylor Pierce, is a therapist at the Center for Couples & Sex Therapy in Portland, Oregon. She works closely with couples to explore issues in relationships and sexuality and really loves connecting and working with the LGBQT community and ethically non-monogamous dynamics. In this episode, in particular, she explains the ins and outs of jealousy and how we can avoid it by diving deeper into the root causes of our insecurities and fears. Really important, powerful stuff that Taylor does a great job demystifying! Her Interest in Jealousy   Taylor says that she first gained an interest in jealousy because she likes working with people who are in ethically non-monogamous relationships, and jealousy can come up a lot within that relationship dynamic.   But Taylor soon began peeling back the layers of the jealousy onion and realized that jealousy is a basic, universal trait of many types of relationships. This led her even farther into a specialized interest in the trait and she has a lot to share about the subject! Control Issues Because of Jealousy Often, if a partner becomes jealous, they can forbid the other from seeing another person out of insecurity or fear. For example, let’s say that a couple in a monogamous relationship develop some trust issues. It can be common for one of the people in that relationship to assert too much control over the other because of underlying insecurities.   Taylor says it’s never a good thing to let the jealousy morph into controlling situations because it’s often a sign of avoiding communication about the deeper issues at play: insecurity and a lack of trust. Primary and Secondary Emotions To understand jealousy on a deeper level, Taylor says that you can frame it through primary and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are your gut reactions. They are the most vulnerable and tend to act as defense mechanisms. They are also full of fear and display any insecurities that may have been circulating inside of you.   Secondary emotions are reactions to those primary emotions, which in turn add to the complexity of the overall emotional reaction. Jealousy is a secondary emotion; it may arise after feeling angry, sad or hurt when your partner is flirting with someone else. Steps for De-escalating Jealousy Taylor reminds you to first be self-understanding because jealousy is a pretty common emotion to have. Almost everyone has felt jealous in a relationship before–if not now, then probably in the future. She says self-awareness of emotions or deeper core issues at play– like a fear of abandonment–can help mitigate the overall intensity and longevity of your jealousy. Taylor also encourages you to ask yourself questions to investigate the surrounding thoughts around your feelings of jealousy. And if you start having that regular dialogue with yourself, you’ll find that you come to the root cause of your jealousy and can often move past it.   Identify What You Need to Feel Safe After you have identified what emotions or deeper insecurities are at play in your jealousy, Taylor encourages you to make a list for achieving a safe solution to your jealousy. She states that the list should be a balance between the work you do yourself and your partner could provide for you–for example, reassurance that you are not going to be abandoned. Create Self-Care Rituals Taylor says that creating a self-care ritual can really help if you’re struggling with jealousy. So often the main cause of jealousy is a feeling of inadequacy and insecurity, so reminding yourself just how strong you are, as well as empowering yourself with positivity, is never a waste of time!   Negative Reactions to Jealousy Taylor says that shaming yourself for feeling jealous will only make you stuck in jealousy even more.   She also states that trying to react to jealousy by controlling your partner is a bad idea as well because it will only keep you in that cycle of jealousy.   More Sexual Connection Rather Than Avoidance Taylor says that avoiding jealousy is also a gateway for better, more connected sex with your partner. There are a lot of jealousy issues around porn use or your partner’s sexual history, but if you can dive deeper into the layers of your jealousy and not react automatically, you can come out the other side much more connected.   Compersion The term compersion is often associated with the non-monogamous community. It is a direct antonym to sexual or romantic jealousy. Taylor describes it as the positive feeling you may have when someone you love is experiencing something positive and fulfilling in a romantic or sexual way. And although by definition this is the complete opposite of what you’d feel while you are jealous, just trying to imagine yourself full of compersion instead of jealousy is a powerful technique for overcoming your overwhelming feelings. You can approach it from less vulnerable places in order to build up to dealing with jealousy as well. Key Links for Taylor:   Her Center for Couples & Sex Therapy profile: https://ccstpdx.com/meet-the-team/meet-taylor/ Taylor’s email: taylor@ccstpdx.com More info: Link to the free guide – Talking About Sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest is a repeat guest, which is a first for the Better Sex Podcast! His name is Matthias Rose and he is a Tantric teacher and healer. Matthias operates his practice out of Seattle and loves to connect couples through the power of Tantra.   In this episode though, he explores the power of “ejaculatory choice”. This is the concept that men can be in control of their ejaculation and learn to orgasm without ejaculation. By riding what he calls orgasmic waves, men can slow down their experiences, ramp up their connection and intimacy with their partner, and overall just let go and experience sex in a healthy, care-free, powerful way. Listen in for much more on this powerful practice. The Benefits of ‘Ejaculatory Choice’ Matthias says that rewording the phrase “ejaculatory control” to “ejaculatory choice” is a much more accurate and healthy representation for men. The benefits are many, and can extend to covering premature and retarded ejaculation. Ejaculatory choice is also beneficial for those with erectile dysfunction. The Difference Between Ejaculation and Orgasm Matthias says that when he is paying attention to internal experiences, arousal, and physical stimuli, the act of ejaculation doesn’t necessarily coincide with orgasm. Usually, orgasm and ejaculation happen close together, but they are not the same thing.   And so, as he states, you can have the orgasmic experiences without ejaculation. Because they are separate, you can practice ejaculatory choice and forego ejaculation to experience the waves and sensations of orgasm.   Multiple Orgasms and Greater Intimacy Apart from being able to separate ejaculation and orgasm and thus achieve multiple orgasms with practice, ejaculatory choice also means greater intimacy with your partner.   It can lead to an exploration and a ‘playing’ in orgasmic waves that naturally stokes the embers of passion. And overall, being present and thoughtful and fully engaged with your ejaculation choice leads to more thoughtful, intimate sex. He says that once sex is approached from a more open-ended way, there is greater potential for felt connection and overall better sex. Ejaculation Obstacles and Techniques for Resolution Matthias says that rapid ejaculation is more common than delayed ejaculation. He says that his approach is to let go of the ‘why’ when talking about ejacluation. His approach is less analytical and more practical in the sense that he introduces techniques for resolving the ejaculatory issue. He says that getting rid of the usual anxious thoughts and distractions is key. He also tries to bring conscious attention to the physical sensations. And within that consciousness comes a shifting of the body’s automatic path to climaxing. The Power of Breathing Mathias says that deep, calming breaths are important for curbing the urge to ejaculate. You can self-regulate in this way if you are feeling the intensity ramp up.   He also says that you look at breathing as a way of moving energy away from the penis and upwards into the body, this can give you a lot more control over your ejaculation. This practice de-escalates the need to ejaculate and makes for more pleasurable sex. It is also directly applicable to females as well.   This breathing technique opens the door for more relaxation, which by extension leads to better sex. This is diametrically opposed to the tensing and clenching techniques often used to delay ejaculation, which leads to loss of energy and doesn’t give the benefits of ejaculation control. As he says, most men who practice slowing down and doing the deep breathing find that after the initial climax builds and the male successfully slows down and avoids ejaculation, the brain understands that you are not wanting to ejaculate. Most men report having a few more minutes of free play until it builds back up again.   In short, you build up the potential to ride orgasmic waves as you continually build up the delayed climaxes.   Listen in for much more that wasn’t shared here! Key Links for Matthias:   His LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthias-rose-053b35a3/ Websites: http://matthias-rose.com/ || http://moksha-tantra.org/ Articles: “How to Find a Tantric Healer” – https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/how-to-find-a-tantric-healer-8b2dd2b29c1a   “Tantric Bill of Rights” – https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/a-tantric-bill-of-rights-f0af021b1c1e   “The Heart of Tantra” – https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-heart-of-tantra-2fbfca187e45   “The Origins of Tantra” – https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-origins-of-tantra-acc4334638e9   More info: Link to the guide sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest Susan Bratton has been called a ‘trusted hot sex advisor for millions’. She is a sex technique publisher, a celebrated speaker, educator, CEO and Co-Founder of Personal Life Media, and the list goes on and on about her qualifications and amazing qualities. In this episode, in particular, she shares her experience with sexual vitality and the summit she is spearheading in September (September 23-29, 2019). Within this talk, she also shares some insights into intimacy issues and basic remedies for those disconnects between couples of all dynamics. Really useful, informative stuff. And I’d recommend that you check out the many resources that Susan has put out there! How She Got So Passionate About Her Career Susan got her start as a publisher for sex techniques. She was inspired to continue pursuing this avenue because she started to see much more pornography than actual positive tips for more satisfying, engaging sex.    In addition, she and her husband were taking workshops and tantric classes trying to ensure that their sex life was healthy and fully engaging. In that process, she reinforced her passion for sex and helping others find great sex. She and her husband actually started their company once they had learned enough to reinvigorate their sex life. Roadblocks for Intimacy and Their Solutions Susan says that after asking and having people fill out surveys, there were hundreds of different answers towards intimacy problems. About 15% of them were related to trauma; others were the products of physical hurdles: from diabetes and heart disease to painful sex for women and erectile dysfunction for men. When approaching how she would address this wide array of intimacy issues, she came to the logical conclusion that a Sexual Vitality Summit with a diverse panel of experts was the way to cover all bases. And then she also came up with the Magic Pill Method to spark a dialogue between people and get them to open up about their intimacy troubles.   The Life Stages of Sexuality During the talk, the subject of age-specific intimacy issues came up. And usually the younger couples struggle with a lack of information and experience, and they aren’t communicating as openly as they should be on the subject.   Middle age is usually more varied when it comes to intimacy problems:  with children, careers, neglect, complacency, and physical issues being responsible. And as Susan reminds us, sex can just keep getting better and better. In fact, most 60-year olds are probably having the best sex they’ve ever had because of the experience levels and the acceptance of old age. There comes a point where sexual self-consciousness and intimacy issues are replaced with more grounded sex.   Couples Heal Each Other Susan states that most healing work is done together with your partner. It’s a very involved process that incorporates not just yourself but your partner(s) as well. She also says that it can be challenging to connect with a partner who has been programmed (so to speak) through cultural means that sex has a linear function. Susan states that younger couples are less prone to these fixed behaviors and mindsets derived from environmental and familial factors. This is very common and applicable to LGTBTQ dynamics as well.   How Your Gut Microbiome Affects Your Intimacy Susan states that the foods we ingest, the water we drink, the cleaning products we use, lotions we rub on our skin, and much more, all affect our gut microbiome.   And after all, our gut is closely correlated with our libido. Physical vitality is inextricably linked with gut health, which really is an overall precursor to a healthy body.  So probiotics and an emphasis on better nutrition really is essential for better sex. If you feel bad, you definitely won’t want to have sex. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. She goes into much more depth within the episode itself; be sure to check it out! Key Links for Susan:   Website for the Sexual Vitality Summit: https://moresexualvitality.com/ Her books: https://susanbratton.com/books/ Personal Website (for all resources): https://susanbratton.com/ More info: Link to the guide sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sexual Fantasies and Eroticism I know I say it often, but this topic is one of my favorites. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Justin Lehmiller about the all-important topic of sexual fantasies.   Justin is a celebrated speaker, researcher, author, and a very effective educator on the psychology of sexuality. His blog Sex and Psychology (https://www.lehmiller.com/) gets millions of visitors every year, and he regularly contributes his writing to major publications. This talk about his research is guided by his expertise and experience in the field. The Most Common Sexual Fantasies   Justin says that when he surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from 2014 to 2016, the most common fantasies encompassed 7 different themes. Multi-partner sex BDSM Novelty, Adventure & Variety Taboo activities Emotional connection and fulfillment Homoeroticism and gender-bending Non-monogamy Justin describes these as the building blocks of fantasies, meaning that they are not mutually exclusive and many overlap. For example, you can very well dip your toes into multiple categories in your own personal fantasy life. Are people ashamed of their fantasies? As Justin states, he found that men reported more shame about their fantasies than women. Overall, the majority of study participants reported that they held a positive relationship with their fantasies, but there were still some who felt negative emotions towards their fantasy. Another important thing he found during his research is that just sharing sexual fantasies can open up eroticism and alleviate feelings of embarrassment or shame for having certain fantasies. The Differences between Men and Women regarding fantasy Although the data showed that both sexes share a lot of commonalities, there were still some marked differences. Men had more multi-partner fantasies than women did. And women had more fantasies about an emotional connection with a partner. Women also had way more BDSM fantasies than men by a large margin. In addition, men usually had a specific person in mind during their fantasies, and the women focused more on the setting and environment overall. Justin also found that the LGBTQ community had more sexually adventurous fantasies, as well as taboo fantasies. Justin provides some insight into why women might like BDSM more than men, as well as the LGBTQ community and their sexual fantasy preferences. Listen in for that. Sexual Fantasy by Personality Type Justin shares some interesting insight into the correlation between personality type and sexual fantasy. For example, those who are more extroverted by nature will be more outgoing the bedroom. And for those who are ‘agreeable’ personality types, there will be a higher incidence of focusing on their partner’s sexual satisfaction in the bedroom. He also talks about what conscientiousness has to do with fantasies, as well as self-esteem. “Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar” Justin says that sexual fantasies don’t really have to mean all that much. They can offer a glimpse into something deeper, but for the most part, they are just a product of your environment and genetic makeup and can be left out of the examination room. Fantasies can be a good evaluative road map to follow for your own unique sexual satisfaction, though.   But when talking about sexual traumas, there were small connections between sexual victimization and types of fantasies. But there was a lot of inconsistency in the data.   Hear Justin explain the data on this subject. How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner Justin says that before you share with your partner, you first have to feel good about yourself. You aren’t alone in your fantasies, so there’s a normalization that needs to first occur.   He says to lay low and start slow. A gradual buildup for disclosing your fantasies to your partner is much more powerful than an overwhelming information dump!   He also goes into detail on how important sharing is for increasing overall sexual desire and satisfaction within the relationship.   Key Links for Justin:   Affiliate link for Justin’s book: Tell Me What You Want : https://amzn.to/2ZPPezs His website: https://www.lehmiller.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustinLehmiller Justin Lehmiller Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/psychologyofsex/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/ More info: Link to the guide sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

My guest is Dr. Corey Allan. He is a professional counselor and host of the podcast Sexy Marriage Radio, which centers on helping couples experience amazing sex within their relationships. He hosts the podcast with his wife, Pam, and they share some pretty stellar information on the topic every week. Corey also has a private practice in McKinney, Texas and holds a Ph.D. in Family Therapy. And in this episode, Corey talks about desire discrepancy in particular. More specifically, he talks about productive ways for partners to navigate the high seas of fluctuating desires and the frustrations that can occur. One of the most important concepts that he shares (among so many others) is the importance of accepting desire discrepancy as natural, and not as right or wrong.   But this is a complicated subject. And through this episode, we dissect the many nuances of a common phenomenon. Be sure to listen and learn because this affects so many of us. Enjoy! Framing Desire Discrepancy in a Positive Way As Corey states, close to two-thirds of all relationships experience some sort of desire discrepancy within the dynamic of the relationship. So this is a common phenomenon that doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong within the relationship at all. Corey likes to frame it in a higher-lower spectrum rather than a right or wrong metric. This relieves some of the pressure and reframes this frequent aspect of relationships in a much more positive light. He points out that sometimes it’s actually the lower desire partner who brings the necessary perspective to the relationship by shedding light on areas that perhaps need more improvement: this could be manifested in more mindful, present sex and other areas to explore for more meaningful sex for both parties. Often the lower desire partner has a good reason for not wanting sex all that much, and attending to those reasons can shift the whole relationship dynamic in a positive way. The Harms of Pathologizing Desire As we discussed during the episode, a common thing that happens within couple dynamics is the ‘pathologizing’ of each other’s differing desires.   The lower desire person will often ask what’s wrong with the higher desire individual, and vice versa, leading to a harmful interplay between each. It’s natural to get defensive, and it’s easy to assume that someone is to blame in the relationship; but mostly, desire discrepancy is a natural byproduct of being in a sexual relationship with anyone. More on this within the episode. Don’t Take Rejection Personally Corey highlights the productive and constructive ways to initiate sex with a lower-desire partner. This means if you are high desire, you should not pout or whine at rejection. In addition, don’t complain that you do all the initiation–that just comes with the high-desire territory. Corey reminds you to play the long game and frame your initiation in a positive way. How you respond to your lower desire partner’s reaction is important! Corey’s Definition for Great Sex Corey says that the best sex is when a partner is seeking what they want, and at the same time, trying to give their partner what they want. He calls it a “fluid dance”, which could also be described as a healthy interplay between the wide spectrum of sexual interests that two people can naturally develop in their relationship.   He says that both partners have to show up to achieve this. Frequency has less to do with it. It has to do more with the quality of the sex itself. He says that if you can have good, quality sex, the number doesn’t really matter. In other words, there’s no quota to fulfill, but instead, there’s a standard of quality to achieve between both partners.   The Importance of Communication for Lower-Desire Partners It can take courage for a lower-desire partner to speak up about their needs, or to break off an initiation, but it is extremely crucial for a healthy relationship and sexual dynamic. If the lower-desire partner can communicate their needs and be in a comfortable enough place to assert their comfort level with sex, then a lot of good can come from that. It is the responsibility of the higher-desire partner to create a space that is conducive for this type of communication to occur. And for much more within this episode that wasn’t touched on here, be sure to check the rest of this episode out. There’s definitely a lot to chew on and digest! Key Links Corey’s podcast: https://smrnation.com/series/sexymarriageradio/ Website: https://smrnation.com/ More info: Link to the guide sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Come As You Are My guest today is the acclaimed author of the best selling, Come as You Are. Emily has been a sex educator since 1995, where she put her education to good use (psychology, cognitive science, and philosophy). Quickly, she realized that sex education, woman’s well-being, and violence prevention was far more fulfilling work for her personally. So, she made the switch from more neuro-centric work to that of the sex-education realm. And that switch has made all of the difference for the countless people who have benefited from Emily’s work in the field. She has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with an emphasis in human sexuality, and the list of her qualifications could go on.  And within just seconds of this interview, you will immediately understand just how smart and articulate Emily is. Listen in.   The Motivation for Come As You Are As Emily relates, the motivation to write her best-selling book has a very prominent beginning. It was the first day of the semester and Emily was beginning her usual Anatomy class. A student raised her hand and asked if Emily would walk the students through the evolutionary origin of the hymen. Never having contemplated the question, she knew the semester was going to be a challenging but rewarding one. And during the final exam, when asking a question worth 2 points, she asked students to state one thing they had learned. The answer was far from what she expected. She found herself grading the final exams with tears in her eyes. Listen in to learn what most of her students’ answers centered on.   We All Have the Same Parts Consider the scrotum. Yes, never before has someone provided an opening sentence like that, but stop for a moment and consider it. The central tenet to Come as You Are is that we all have the same parts, they are just organized differently. If you look at the center of the scrotum, there is a demarcating line that runs down the center; during gestation, all it took was a simple hormone and genetic difference that prevented the scrotum from becoming a labia. They are both stretchy and anatomical similar, but they become formed differently during birth. Through this type of thinking, Emily crafted the book to alleviate the stresses and insecurities of sex. With stress-free sex, with more comfort inside one’s skin and the anatomy that we have developed, we can become comfortable in the fact that we are completely normal. For more on this, listen along. Variance Should Be Celebrated Getting to know your own sexual parts, as well as your partner’s. There is no one-size-fits-all type of sexual practice. Some women, a minority actually, can experience orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone; the majority cannot. And all because of slight anatomical differences that can’t be controlled. So, the number one message communicated is to celebrate the inevitable variance between everyone! SES & SIS This is another extremely interesting section of the interview: Emily talks about the internal sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibition system in our brain that is constantly working behind the scenes. These two work in tandem to balance out sexual excitation with an inhibiting effect that prevents us from being sexually excited all of the time. For more on this dual-control process and how understanding it can help trauma victims, listen along. I am not doing it justice here! The Ramifications of Stress on Sexual Health Stress can make one’s body shut down completely when it comes to healthy sexual functioning. As the brain is highly reactive and conditioned through many facets of existence, a stressful situation can kickstart the sexual inhibition system (SIS) which will more often than not win out over any excitation.   But again, variance shows up in this respect as well. Everyone is wired differently. Some people have an increased sex drive once stressed, and others don’t. It’s all a matter of preconditioning. But what do couples do when they are mismatched in this regard. Emily tackles the question with gusto. Tune in to learn more. Scheduled Sex Just because you schedule sex with a partner, doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen. But it is a very good idea if you don’t have a lot of sexual desire or have a partner who doesn’t, to schedule the opportunity for sex. Don’t have an expectation that it’s going to happen, just create the opportunity. Sometimes once in an environment that is conducive for sexual excitation, there can be adequate responsive desire. A no-stress desire! Emily discusses this further in the episode.   Tips for Re-tuning One’s Sexual Response For the most part, all it takes is a simple change to retune your sexual response to become less stressful. A compromise, a locked door, a new bed that doesn’t squeak, sometimes all it takes is to change your environment to take as many worries off of your mind as possible.   These are just simple fixes though. Sometimes sex can be very stressful, especially for trauma victims or those who have suffered from sexual shaming; but Emily has some information on that that she shares during the episode. Tips for Overcoming Harsh Self-Criticism Emily has three tips for the subject of overcoming body shame and insecurity. Two of them are, tune in to your body’s needs and undress in front of a mirror and point something out about your body that you like. Do this every day and eventually, you will get more comfortable with what you have. Instead of hiding it, celebrate it. Again, celebrate the diversity of everybody out there. For the other tip and much more information, tune in.   Concluding Thoughts For a teaser of her new book Burnout, some fascinating neuroscientific information on context and sexual excitation, as well as another project she is working on, tune into the final minutes of the show. And follow her through her various social media channels, so you can be updated whenever her new book hits the stores. Links For Emily Nagoski and Other References: Come As You Are – https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090 Website – http://www.emilynagoski.com/ Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/enagoski/?hl=en Twitter – https://twitter.com/emilynagoski Jes Baker Website: Militant Baker Website – http://www.themilitantbaker.com/p/resources.html More info: Link to the guide sex: http://bettersexpodcast.com/talk Join my email list here: http://bettersexpodcast.com/list Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass