The Oldest Profession Podcast

Sex workers are some of the baddest bitches around and in the 1950s, the US government took full advantage of that by forcefully enlisting handfuls of whores to aid them in administering LSD tests on their unsuspecting clients. Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) is justifiably appalled, while Wendi (@wendibird82) weighs the pros and cons of receiving double pay, government benefits and sipping on the sweet stash of CIA booze. The ladies take a hard turn and get into a heavy discussion about the homeless population and share the deeply personal stories that shaped the opinions they hold today. PLUS, hear why Kaytlin wants to live on top of a trash heap, how Wendi became a pool shark! They also stress the importance of focusing your energy, finding calm and freedom within yourself AND realizing the power you have to change your circumstances. Inspiring stuff. But, does anything even matter since robots are actively taking over the world… starting with this very podcast?!? *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.  *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82  ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

The girls are sobered up and exchange their drastically different holiday survival stories: Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) finds out the frightening details of exactly how her Father would murder the man she loves, while Wendi (@wendibird82) spills the salacious details of the Christmas Cub she seduced with the help of her sugar daddy! After catching up, the ladies dissect the history of courageously contrarian cunt, Yu Husuan-Chi. They trace Yu’s journey from young, admired poet to kept second wife and ultimate destiny as a fiery, desired artist that sabotaged herself into a position of persecution by the very people that once worshipped her. Can a fiercely outspoken and rebellious person thrive in sex work, or are those wild spirits destined to self-sabotage, contributing to their own demise? When did getting wine drunk cease to be a status symbol at the nunnery?? PLUS, the girls clumsily plug their shit AND explain why they would rather be dry fisted than unexpectedly FaceTimed. *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.   *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82  ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

After a long day, and even longer pours of whiskey, the girls get loosey goosey as they dive into the sordid life of infamous Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss! They recount her stratospheric rise and catastrophic fall that landed her in a dessert home surround by fowl creatures. Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) schools Wendi (@wendibird82) on the importance of sending the IRS more than an envelope full of drink tickets, then they detail all the ways in which Kinkos is actively keeping poor people below the poverty line. PLUS, tips on how to not get caught doing drugs in your parents’ house AND how to tell if your masseuse is secretly in love with you. *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.   *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82  ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Is this phrase “Ho, ho, ho!” just the joyful expression of a jolly fat man OR the outcry of the original Captain Save-a-Ho?!? This week, the ladies discuss the legend of Patron Saint Nicholas, his relationships with sex workers and the transformation to his most popular incarnation, Santa Claus! The girls also stress the importance of setting boundaries, the delicate issue of breaking ties with a client AND easy tips to help you look your very best in the event of a police department booking photo. Wendi (@wendibird82) explains why she has no interest in the identity of a secret benefactor THEN, Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) shares her harrowing survival tale after a week long Twitter and fast food binge. PLUS, is it more vital to grab a knife or your best mascara when answering the front door? Does it even matter when there might be aliens preparing an attack?!? *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

The ladies come out of the gate swinging, taking aim at abusive men and starting their very own whisper network to help keep fellow sex workers safe in the sometimes treacherous world of the oldest profession. After Wendi (@wendibird82) suggests that they double check the lock on Kaytlin’s (@kaytlinbailey) front door, they bring you the story of Wu Zeitan and outline her rise from an impoverished child to concubine of a powerful Emperor, and finally, to her ultimate destiny as a powerful Empress. THEN, they debut a new segment called Dear John where the girls read and respond to an email question from a client AND they spitball possible business ventures that will not land them behind bars! PLUS, has Wendi’s ovulation cycle grown so intense that her building is being condemned? Have Kaytlin’s antibiotics been replaced with MDMA?? And what the hell is an Equifax sauna?!? *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Accusing women of witchcraft and condemning them to death was just one of sadistic methods in the systematic disempowerment of women. But have those seemingly archaic practices and patterns gone to the wayside in today’s society, or are they being subtly implemented by law enforcement agencies in an attempt to criminally punish sex workers? The ladies break down specific cases and draw parallels between historic and present day horror stories, while addressing lighter issues like what to do when your older lover starts trending on social media AND the importance of passing down traditional family abortion and birth control recipes. PLUS Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) shares one of her seduction secrets and Wendi (@wendibird82) brings up the controversial matter of bovine suicide bombers!!! *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Incest, murder, lepers and a masked man locked away in a metal cage… the story of Joanna of Naples plays out like an episode of Game of Thrones just with MORE testicular abuse! The women get into the hypocrisy of morally ‘superior’ legislators trying to ‘save’ sex workers while simultaneously (and very vocally) objectifying and harassing women. They also break down the latest in the dismantling of Eros PLUS how is it possible that Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) feels more like a kept woman in a traditional relationship than when she was sugaring?? AND **spoiler alert** Wendi (@wendibird82) drops a bombshell about the afterlife!!!   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

We’re in the midst of what feels like a societal seachange and the ladies are FIRED UP. In addition to ranting about the latest public sexual assault allegations, they dig into the sordid and tragically exploitative story of stripper, model and media target, Anna Nicole Smith. A larger than life bombshell, Smith was labeled a white trash, gold-digging whore throughout her career then died of a drug overdose at the age of 39. But was she a gold-digger OR was she actually in a loving relationship with J. Howard Marshall who was 63 years older than her? The girls break down the inherent hypocrisy of society’s demonization and ostracization of women for capitalizing on their sexuality when they are raised to believe that their most valuable asset is tucked away between their thighs. We also hear about Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) throwing away her virginity after several failed attempts AND Wendi’s (@wendibird82) creepy new porn obsession! PLUS are there benefits to loose, hanging jowls? What kind of monster doesn’t let you have a glass of water?? Can you actually motorboat someone to death?!?   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

With Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) back at the helm, the ladies dive into the story of Phryne, infamously powerful courtesan during the ancient Greek Empire. They also detail the shift in Grecian society that streamlined all sex workers and essentially morphed Athens into the Walmart of prostitution. The girls then tackle the issue of women being sexy vs. strong. Does our society still view female sensuality as a mystical, destabilizing force that strips men of all self control? Why in the world would a chick force her friends to take off their makeup at a sleepover?? What kind of a discount does Wendi (@wendistarling) give for being a cool dude?!? They also breakdown the current stripper strike in NYC which addresses the very important question… what in the actual fuck is a ‘STARtender’?!?   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** Jacque the Stripper   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

What exactly does a Wednesday feel like? When will it finally be cashmere weather?!? The ladies address the tough questions before getting to their woman of the hour: Mary Jones aka Beefsteak Pete. Mary was a 33 year old black trans sex worker who has the literal & proverbial balls to show up in court in full drag in New York City in 1836. She was charged with larceny NOT with prostitution or sodomy because her clients refused to admit knowingly hooking up with a trans woman. After they delve into the delicate issue of ’tricking’ clients, Kaytlin makes the case for pooling together to provide a basic living wage to help alleviate global poverty while Wendi progressively hot-boxes her pussy throughout the episode. They also discuss the unsolved death of trans and sex worker rights activist Marsha P. Johnson and debate whether or not prop comics qualify as humans. Can we come together as a society and raise each other up? Will robots be able to take over your local drug store?? How much can a bitch get for a cunt-soaked cashmere dress?!?    ***   FOLLOW US (on social media, not down a dark alley pretty please) Twitter: @oldpropodcast @kaytlinbailey @wendistarling Instagram: @oldpropodcast @kaytlinbailey @wendibird82 theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/