The Oldest Profession Podcast

Is this phrase “Ho, ho, ho!” just the joyful expression of a jolly fat man OR the outcry of the original Captain Save-a-Ho?!? This week, the ladies discuss the legend of Patron Saint Nicholas, his relationships with sex workers and the transformation to his most popular incarnation, Santa Claus! The girls also stress the importance of setting boundaries, the delicate issue of breaking ties with a client AND easy tips to help you look your very best in the event of a police department booking photo. Wendi (@wendibird82) explains why she has no interest in the identity of a secret benefactor THEN, Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) shares her harrowing survival tale after a week long Twitter and fast food binge. PLUS, is it more vital to grab a knife or your best mascara when answering the front door? Does it even matter when there might be aliens preparing an attack?!? *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

The ladies come out of the gate swinging, taking aim at abusive men and starting their very own whisper network to help keep fellow sex workers safe in the sometimes treacherous world of the oldest profession. After Wendi (@wendibird82) suggests that they double check the lock on Kaytlin’s (@kaytlinbailey) front door, they bring you the story of Wu Zeitan and outline her rise from an impoverished child to concubine of a powerful Emperor, and finally, to her ultimate destiny as a powerful Empress. THEN, they debut a new segment called Dear John where the girls read and respond to an email question from a client AND they spitball possible business ventures that will not land them behind bars! PLUS, has Wendi’s ovulation cycle grown so intense that her building is being condemned? Have Kaytlin’s antibiotics been replaced with MDMA?? And what the hell is an Equifax sauna?!? *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** EMAIL US: @ theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com  Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***  Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Accusing women of witchcraft and condemning them to death was just one of sadistic methods in the systematic disempowerment of women. But have those seemingly archaic practices and patterns gone to the wayside in today’s society, or are they being subtly implemented by law enforcement agencies in an attempt to criminally punish sex workers? The ladies break down specific cases and draw parallels between historic and present day horror stories, while addressing lighter issues like what to do when your older lover starts trending on social media AND the importance of passing down traditional family abortion and birth control recipes. PLUS Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) shares one of her seduction secrets and Wendi (@wendibird82) brings up the controversial matter of bovine suicide bombers!!! *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @oldpropodcast Instagram: @oldpropodcast FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Incest, murder, lepers and a masked man locked away in a metal cage… the story of Joanna of Naples plays out like an episode of Game of Thrones just with MORE testicular abuse! The women get into the hypocrisy of morally ‘superior’ legislators trying to ‘save’ sex workers while simultaneously (and very vocally) objectifying and harassing women. They also break down the latest in the dismantling of Eros PLUS how is it possible that Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) feels more like a kept woman in a traditional relationship than when she was sugaring?? AND **spoiler alert** Wendi (@wendibird82) drops a bombshell about the afterlife!!!   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

We’re in the midst of what feels like a societal seachange and the ladies are FIRED UP. In addition to ranting about the latest public sexual assault allegations, they dig into the sordid and tragically exploitative story of stripper, model and media target, Anna Nicole Smith. A larger than life bombshell, Smith was labeled a white trash, gold-digging whore throughout her career then died of a drug overdose at the age of 39. But was she a gold-digger OR was she actually in a loving relationship with J. Howard Marshall who was 63 years older than her? The girls break down the inherent hypocrisy of society’s demonization and ostracization of women for capitalizing on their sexuality when they are raised to believe that their most valuable asset is tucked away between their thighs. We also hear about Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) throwing away her virginity after several failed attempts AND Wendi’s (@wendibird82) creepy new porn obsession! PLUS are there benefits to loose, hanging jowls? What kind of monster doesn’t let you have a glass of water?? Can you actually motorboat someone to death?!?   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

With Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) back at the helm, the ladies dive into the story of Phryne, infamously powerful courtesan during the ancient Greek Empire. They also detail the shift in Grecian society that streamlined all sex workers and essentially morphed Athens into the Walmart of prostitution. The girls then tackle the issue of women being sexy vs. strong. Does our society still view female sensuality as a mystical, destabilizing force that strips men of all self control? Why in the world would a chick force her friends to take off their makeup at a sleepover?? What kind of a discount does Wendi (@wendistarling) give for being a cool dude?!? They also breakdown the current stripper strike in NYC which addresses the very important question… what in the actual fuck is a ‘STARtender’?!?   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    *** Jacque the Stripper   EMAIL US theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   FOLLOW THE SHOW Twitter: @theoldpropodcast Instagram: @theoldpropodcast   FOLLOW KAYTLIN Twitter: @kaytlinbailey Instagram: @kaytlinbailey   FOLLOW WENDI Twitter: @wendistarling Instagram: @wendibird82   ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

What exactly does a Wednesday feel like? When will it finally be cashmere weather?!? The ladies address the tough questions before getting to their woman of the hour: Mary Jones aka Beefsteak Pete. Mary was a 33 year old black trans sex worker who has the literal & proverbial balls to show up in court in full drag in New York City in 1836. She was charged with larceny NOT with prostitution or sodomy because her clients refused to admit knowingly hooking up with a trans woman. After they delve into the delicate issue of ’tricking’ clients, Kaytlin makes the case for pooling together to provide a basic living wage to help alleviate global poverty while Wendi progressively hot-boxes her pussy throughout the episode. They also discuss the unsolved death of trans and sex worker rights activist Marsha P. Johnson and debate whether or not prop comics qualify as humans. Can we come together as a society and raise each other up? Will robots be able to take over your local drug store?? How much can a bitch get for a cunt-soaked cashmere dress?!?    ***   FOLLOW US (on social media, not down a dark alley pretty please) Twitter: @oldpropodcast @kaytlinbailey @wendistarling Instagram: @oldpropodcast @kaytlinbailey @wendibird82 theoldestprofessionpodcast@gmail.com   ***   Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.    ***   Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

It’s a hot one outta the gate because Kaytlin (@kaytlinbailey) invites Wendi (@wendibird82) into her bedroom for a surprisingly unsexy reason! Then, after discussing their favorite, overpriced reusable containers, they dive into the sordid tale and love story of Harriet Hicks, one of the few documented cases of harassment and abuse of women by the government along with a gaggle of well-meaning but ill-informed feminists. Harriet worked as a prostitute during inception of the CDA (Contagious Diseases Act) in 19th century England. After an outbreak of syphillis in the military, the government decided against testing and treating the soldiers (it was proven to lower morale) and INSTEAD opted to randomly test prostitutes and pretty much any other women walking alone at night. Or during the day. Or early morning. Sometimes late afternoon. Once corralled and assaulted with a speculum, a woman would either be deemed clean enough to return to her life or condemned a diseased whore and locked away in solitary confinement for an undetermined amount of time. Once they finish screaming about the patriarchy, the ladies get into the pros and cons of consuming mercury AND using makeup products in lieu of tampons! They also share a couple of their harrowing hook-up tales AND expose a very modern law that penalized women for carrying condoms. PLUS, the girls read a fan email and debut their new segment “Dear Johns”. Prepare to cleanse yourself of any misconceptions you may have had about sex work… *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.  *** Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

The ladies are going waaaay back with this episode’s historic whore, the goddess of romantic love and fertility, Ishtar. She was worshipped through the bodies of church-sanctioned prostitutes who were trained in arts of tantra, healing AND they are rumored to have started the halloween tradition of the slutty nun costume. In addition to breaking down the tragic shift of women being treated like people to property, Kaytlin recalls the time she aided in a soldier’s reentry into polite society and Wendi waxes poetic about not one but TWO times she was publicly fingered! After making a handful of terrible Hogwarts puns, they discuss the persecution of a living goddess dedicated to tantric healing PLUS fun new ways to realign your butt chakra! *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing. Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.  *** Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

One of most difficult aspects of engaging in sex work is dealing with the judgement of friends, family and the general public if and when you decide to come out. With our technological advances, it’s easier than ever for internet trolls to hide behind an anonymous persona and attack strangers through multiple platforms. It’s nightmarish and it’s been going on since the dawn of man. During the 16th Century in Venice, Italy, courtesan Veronica Franco endured public shaming that attempted to strip away her status as a prolific poet and author. The ladies weigh out pros and cons of coming out publicly AND stress the importance of fucking dudes that look the same and taking probiotics! They also celebrate a surprisingly public figure that has spoken openly about her past as dominatrix and phone sex operator as well as spoiling the fuck out of the poorly executed film Tulip Fever. *** Brought to you by Velvet Swing.  Velvet swing is a cannabis-enhanced lubricant known to enhance pleasure. THC dilates the smallest capillaries, which increases blood flow, heightens sensitivity, and can lead to longer, stronger orgasms. The product was meticulously researched by sexual icon Mistress Matisse and delivers a unique levels of sexual satisfaction for men, women & couples.  *** Produced by Mary Kelly Funky One Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/