

Shrink For The Shy Guy
Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach
Everyone has some level of fear in social situations. For you it might be meeting someone new, networking, dating, sales conversations, presenting, public speaking, or business meetings.
In order to get to the next level in your life, create better relationships, find love, earn more money, or advance in your career, you must overcome fear, social anxiety, and self-doubt. In order to be outstanding, you must have confidence.
That's where Dr. Aziz comes in. After struggling with shyness and social anxiety for 9 years, he decided to take life into his own hands and master confidence. A decade later, he is the world's leading expert on social anxiety and social confidence. He received a doctorate in clinical psychology from Stanford and Palo Alto Universities and now works as a confidence and success coach with people from all over the world.
This show contains the profound and immediately life-changing information he teaches high-paying clients every day. Learn from the best about how to overcome social fear, gain confidence in dating, public speaking, sales presentations, business meetings, and all of life.
In order to get to the next level in your life, create better relationships, find love, earn more money, or advance in your career, you must overcome fear, social anxiety, and self-doubt. In order to be outstanding, you must have confidence.
That's where Dr. Aziz comes in. After struggling with shyness and social anxiety for 9 years, he decided to take life into his own hands and master confidence. A decade later, he is the world's leading expert on social anxiety and social confidence. He received a doctorate in clinical psychology from Stanford and Palo Alto Universities and now works as a confidence and success coach with people from all over the world.
This show contains the profound and immediately life-changing information he teaches high-paying clients every day. Learn from the best about how to overcome social fear, gain confidence in dating, public speaking, sales presentations, business meetings, and all of life.
Episodes
Mentioned books
Oct 28, 2025 • 22min
Boost Confidence And Kill Anxiety At The Same Time
In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the secret to boosting confidence while dissolving anxiety and it’s not another breathing exercise or mindset hack. It’s a deeper shift in how you see yourself and how you approach life. Most people try to overcome fear by gritting their teeth and pushing through. But what if you could unlock a bold version of yourself that actually wants the challenge? Dr. Aziz introduces the powerful identity of the Bold Explorer a part of you that thrives on uncertainty, risk, and discovery. Whether you're working to speak up at work, approach someone you're attracted to, or just stop overthinking every social interaction, this episode gives you a new way to show up with strength, courage, and yes, more fun. Ready to activate the version of you that’s fearless, adventurous, and fully alive? Tune in now and start living like the bold explorer you were born to be.
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If you’ve tried all the “calm down” hacks—meditations, breathing apps, mantras—and still find anxiety waiting for you at work, on dates, or before you speak up… this is for you. There’s a faster path than soothing your nerves in the moment: change who’s showing up. When you do, confidence rises and anxiety dissolves—without white-knuckling your way through it.
“Confidence isn’t something you earn— it’s something you remember.”
The One Shift: Become the Bold Explorer
Anxiety spikes when the “stay-safe” part of you takes the wheel. Instead, step into a different identity: the Bold Explorer—the part of you that seeks growth, welcomes the unknown, and chooses meaningful risk over comfortable stagnation. Explorers don’t wait to “feel ready.” They move toward the edge on purpose.
Try this: Before a conversation, meeting, or date, pause and say (quietly or aloud), “I’m a Bold Explorer. Let’s see what’s here.” Notice how your posture, breath, and tone shift toward grounded courage.
“Boldness is always rewarded: with aliveness, with wisdom—and often with wins.”
Why This Kills Anxiety (and Builds Real Confidence)
Most people dip a toe outside their comfort zone, endure the fear, then retreat. That trains your body to associate growth with threat. The Explorer flips the script: discomfort becomes a signal of aliveness, not danger. When your brain interprets the moment as chosen adventure, your nervous system calms and capability expands.
Two guaranteed payoffs every time you act boldly:
Aliveness — You feel more awake, present, and powerful.
Wisdom — You learn faster through doing than by rehearsing in your head.
Make It Practical: An Explorer’s Daily Reps
Name the Expedition. What’s today’s “edge”? Speaking up once in a meeting? Starting a conversation? Sending the pitch? Write it down each morning: “Today’s exploration = ___.”
Use the 5% Rule. You don’t need to cliff-jump. Reveal 5% more, ask one deeper question, take one bolder step than yesterday.
Anchor the Identity (Cold Shower Primer). Tomorrow morning, take a 30–60 second cold shower. Not for biohacking bragging rights, but to train your brain: I move toward what’s uncomfortable on purpose. Then carry that energy into the first bold action of your day.
“Don’t wait to feel brave. Act—then let your feelings catch up.”
Final Word: This Is Who You Are
You’re not building a new self from scratch—you’re remembering the part of you that has always been willing to try, to learn, to live fully. When the Explorer leads, anxiety loses its grip because there’s nothing to defend—only something to discover.
You can do this. Stand a little taller. Breathe deeper. Choose one bold step today. And watch how confidence rises while anxiety quietly fades into the background.
Oct 21, 2025 • 19min
Stop This For 7 Days To Transform Your Confidence
In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz issues a bold 7-day challenge that just might transform your confidence: stop apologizing. Not when you bump into someone, but the deeper, more compulsive “I’m sorry” that leaks out when you speak up, have needs, or reveal who you are.
If you’ve ever found yourself saying “Sorry to bother you” or “I’m sorry, that was probably too much…”—this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals why chronic apologizing isn't just a bad habit—it's a deep, unconscious signal that says “I’m not allowed to exist as I am.” You’ll learn how these little apologies sap your power, disconnect you from others, and reinforce toxic self-doubt.
Packed with stories, humor, and a clear 7-day “apology fast” experiment, this conversation will help you ditch the reflex, reclaim your voice, and show up unapologetically real.
Ready to stop shrinking and start owning your space? Tune in now and begin your 7-day confidence reboot.----------------------------------------------
How many times did you apologize today?
If you’re like most people, it’s probably more than you realize. “I’m sorry” slips out when we bump into someone, when we speak up, when we share something personal, and when we even exist in a way that might inconvenience someone.
But here’s the truth: you’re not being polite—you’re being powerless.
For one week, I want to challenge you to stop apologizing unnecessarily. What happens next might shock you.
The Addiction You Don’t Realize You Have
Over-apologizing feels harmless—like good manners. But in reality, it’s an emotional addiction.
Every “I’m sorry” is a tiny attempt to soothe discomfort. You’re trying to make sure no one’s upset, that no one disapproves, that everyone’s okay with you.
It’s a self-soothing reflex, just like reaching for sugar or scrolling endlessly on your phone. It gives you a micro-hit of safety… at the cost of your power.
The moment you say “sorry” when you’ve done nothing wrong, you send a subconscious message to yourself:
“I’m a problem. I shouldn’t exist this way.”
And you don’t just say it once—you reinforce it dozens of times a day.
The Cost of Compulsive Apologizing
At best, this habit makes you seem uncertain. At worst, it damages your confidence and your relationships.
When you apologize for having an opinion, for asking a question, or simply for speaking up, people don’t feel more comfortable around you—they feel disconnected.
It’s like you shared a genuine moment, and then poured cold water all over it.
I’ve seen clients apologize for being seen:
“I’m sorry, I know I’m talking too much.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
But when you say sorry for simply being human, what you’re really saying is: “I’m sorry for who I am.”
And that is the one apology you must stop making—forever.
The 7-Day Apology Fast
Let’s make this practical. For the next seven days, go on what I call an Apology Fast.
That doesn’t mean you never apologize. Real apologies—where you’ve acted outside your values or hurt someone are powerful and healing.
But all the other ones? The nervous, automatic, I just want you to like me apologies? Those go.
Here’s how:
Notice it. Catch yourself the moment you say “sorry.”
Interrupt it. Imagine the gentle but firm correction: “Ah-ah. Leave it.” (Yes, like training a puppy!)
Replace it. Instead of “sorry,” say something direct and grounded. Try “thank you for your patience,” “excuse me,” or simply say nothing at all.
Keep score. See if you can reduce your unnecessary apologies each day.
The Real Transformation
When you stop apologizing for existing, something beautiful happens: You start to take up space. You start to feel solid. You start to respect yourself.
And that shift ripples outward. People listen more closely. You speak more clearly. You move through the world as someone who knows—deeply—that they belong.
So, for seven days, no unnecessary “I’m sorry.” Just you unfiltered, unapologetic, and free.
Because confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from finally realizing you have nothing to apologize for.
Oct 14, 2025 • 21min
3 Keys From Conversation Master
In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz shares the Top 3 Keys from the Extremely Confident Conversation Master Training—a powerful 3‑day virtual workshop designed to help you break free from self‑doubt, deepen real connections, and show up fully as yourself. Whether you attended the event or missed it, this episode distills the most transformative takeaways you can apply right now to create more ease, connection, and confidence in every conversation.
Discover how to reignite your natural desire for connection, rebuild your innate capacity for authentic conversation, and dissolve the illusion that you don’t belong. Dr. Aziz reveals why connection is not optional—it’s essential—and how to overcome the hidden beliefs and fears that keep your heart closed or your confidence limited.
Packed with humor, stories, and actionable insights, this episode invites you to open your heart, take bold social risks, and remember that you already belong.
🎧 Ready to unlock deeper connection and social freedom? Tune in now to Shrink for the Shy Guy and discover the 3 keys that can change how you show up in every conversation.-----------------------------------------------
What if connection isn’t something you have to earn… but something you already deserve?
Most people spend their whole lives trying to “get better” at talking to others—learning the right things to say, the right tone, and the right body language. But at the root, confidence in connection has nothing to do with perfect lines or tricks. It’s about how open your heart is, how much you trust yourself, and whether you believe you belong.
After teaching my Supremely Confident Conversation Master workshop for the seventh time, three powerful lessons stood out that will change how you relate to everyone—from strangers to soulmates.
1. You Have to Want It
You can’t create real connection if you’ve convinced yourself you don’t need it.
Maybe you’ve been hurt before. Maybe you got rejected, ghosted, or left behind. Somewhere along the line, you told yourself, “I’m fine alone.” But that story isn’t strength—it’s self-protection.
Connection is not optional. It’s essential. Just like your body needs water, your soul needs genuine human connection. When you shut that part of yourself down, you start to feel the symptoms: emptiness, numbness, endless scrolling, constant distraction.
When you wake up to that truth, something inside reignites. That quiet hunger to feel seen, heard, and loved—it’s still there. You just have to admit it’s real.
2. Your Capacity for Connection Is Innate
You don’t need to “learn” how to talk to people—you were born with the ability to connect.
If you’ve ever laughed with a friend, comforted someone in pain, or told a story that lit up a room, that’s it. That’s the real you. Somewhere along the way, fear, criticism, or trauma might’ve dimmed it—but it’s still in there.
When I see people go from isolated and anxious on Day 1 of my workshop to laughing and connecting effortlessly by Day 3, it’s not because they learned a few “social tricks.” It’s because they remembered who they were before fear took over.
Like learning to walk again, it takes a little practice. You might wobble at first, but once you remember how natural it feels, it becomes effortless. You already have everything you need.
3. You Belong Everywhere You Go
The deepest illusion of social anxiety is the belief that you don’t belong.
You can be surrounded by people who welcome you—and still feel like an outsider. But belonging isn’t something others give you. It’s something you choose.
When that voice says, “I don’t fit in,” challenge it. Ask, “What if I already do?”
At the event, we practiced a simple phrase: “I belong at every table.”
Say it until it feels less like a lie and more like a truth waiting to surface. Because when you act as if you belong, something miraculous happens—people start responding to you as if you do.
You Don’t Have to Wait to Be Ready
If you’ve been waiting to “feel confident” before taking action—stop waiting. Confidence doesn’t come before connection. Connection builds confidence.
Take one small step today. Say hi. Ask a question. Share a story. Take a risk. You might stumble—but you’ll also start to feel alive again.
Because you do belong. Everywhere you go.
26 snips
Oct 7, 2025 • 27min
The Antidote To Anxiety
Discover the unexpected antidote to anxiety that isn't just breathing techniques or mindset hacks. Dr. Aziz reveals how attachment to specific outcomes fuels our fears and how embracing uncertainty can lead to genuine freedom. Learn why the events themselves aren't the true source of anxiety and hear fascinating stories that illustrate this truth. Find out how mental exposure to feared outcomes can help you reclaim your peace and personal power, allowing you to navigate life without fear holding you back.
4 snips
Sep 30, 2025 • 23min
The Suprising Secret To Becoming Magnetic & Attractive
Discover how your beliefs about yourself can be the biggest barrier to being magnetic and attractive. It's not about looks or status, but about embracing and showing your true self. Learn why waiting for perfection holds you back from meaningful connections and how vulnerability is essential for building lasting relationships. Dr. Aziz shares personal stories and actionable insights on how to practice being seen and known, ultimately unlocking your natural magnetism. Take the leap towards genuine connection and confidence!
Sep 23, 2025 • 27min
How To Actually Like Talking With People
Do you ever say, “I just don’t like talking to people,” or “That’s not my scene,” and leave it at that? In this episode, we dig deeper into that resistance—what’s really behind the stories we tell ourselves about not wanting to socialize. Whether it’s shyness, discomfort, or old fear masked as preference, Dr. Aziz unpacks how these beliefs can limit connection, joy, and opportunity. You'll learn how to move through that inner “I don’t wanna” voice, what it takes to build real social confidence (even if you're more introverted), and how to stop shrinking your world out of fear. If you’re ready to drop the excuses, expand your comfort zone, and experience more freedom in social situations, listen now. And if you want to go further, check out the link below to join the Supremely Confident Conversation Master workshop—happening soon.------------------
"Resistance and fear only have power if you let them control your choices."
Do you dread networking events, parties, or casual social interactions? Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m not the kind of person who does this,” or “It’s just not my scene.” Over time, these stories create a version of yourself that avoids connection, missing friendships, opportunities, and growth.
The good news: talking with people can be enjoyable—and even energizing—once you understand the patterns holding you back.
The Hidden Block: Avoidance and Resistance
Most social anxiety isn’t about the people around you—it’s about your internal response. Resistance, aversion, and fear mask themselves as judgments about the environment or other people. You might think, “Everyone’s superficial, it’s going to be boring, I don’t fit in here,” when really your fear of judgment or rejection is driving the story.
Here’s the truth: naming your discomfort and recognizing it as natural is liberating. You don’t need to eliminate fear—you need to act despite it.
"The truth will set you free, man. When you name your fear, that’s an act of courage."
The Cold Plunge Principle: Embrace Discomfort
Imagine a cold plunge: it feels awful before you step in, but exhilarating afterward. Social interactions work the same way. The initial hesitation is temporary—your mind says “don’t go,” but when you act, you experience confidence, connection, and flow.
Terrible before, awesome after. That’s the reality of human interaction. The more you step into conversations, the easier and more natural they become. Over time, your nervous system rewires old patterns of avoidance.
Steps to Actually Enjoy Talking With People
Notice your fear: Identify what you’re avoiding. Is it judgment, rejection, or uncertainty?
Connect with purpose: Ask yourself, “Why does this interaction matter?” Focus on curiosity, contribution, or connection rather than performing.
Take small actions: Approach one person, start with a greeting, or ask a simple question. Each step builds confidence and reduces avoidance.
You don’t have to become an extrovert. The goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin and engage as yourself. You can enjoy meaningful interactions without forcing charisma or overthinking every word.
"Every time you step forward, whether it’s a hello, a conversation, or attending an event, you reclaim a piece of yourself."
The Invitation
Life is short, and avoidance only fuels regret. Social freedom starts with courage and intentional action. Step into the room, move toward connection, and allow yourself to be fully present. As you practice, the joy of conversation will replace fear and resistance.
"You have the courage to be who you are. Trust it, embrace it, and know on a deep level that you’re awesome."
Sep 16, 2025 • 19min
The Secret Path To End Social Anxiety
Social anxiety management often falls short, leaving individuals trapped in a cycle of fear and avoidance. Discover the radical idea of achieving true social freedom by understanding the unconscious choices that drive anxiety. The hiking metaphor reveals two paths—one leads to connection while the other perpetuates anxiety. Aziz emphasizes the importance of reframing rejection and retraining the nervous system through gradual exposure. Get actionable steps to break free from avoidance and embrace bold, authentic connections.
Sep 9, 2025 • 22min
No More Awkward Conversations
If you've ever walked away from a conversation cringing, overanalyzing what you said, or feeling disconnected and uncomfortable… this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals exactly what causes those awkward moments—and how to stop them for good.
You’ll learn the different types of “awkward,” why it’s not actually about what you said, and how your inner narratives (not your social skills) are often the real culprit. He’ll also guide you through powerful mindset shifts that melt away social tension and help you show up more relaxed, confident, and authentic.
Plus, get a sneak peek into Supremely Confident Conversation Master, Dr. Aziz’s upcoming virtual event where you’ll not only learn tools to master conversations—you’ll practice them live with others. Whether you want to stop overthinking, deepen connections, or finally feel at ease in any interaction, this episode is the first step.
🎧 Tune in now to break free from awkwardness and experience the power of showing up as the real you.--------------------------------------------------
Have you ever left a conversation feeling embarrassed, replaying every word in your head, thinking, “Ugh, that was so awkward”? You’re not alone. Awkward conversations are painful—not just in the moment, but in the aftermath, haunting you long after the words have been said. But what if I told you that “awkward” doesn’t actually exist in the way you think it does?
Redefining Awkward: It’s Not What You Think
Most people use the word “awkward” as if it’s a tangible thing, like a chair or a water bottle sitting in the room. “It was awkward,” they say. But here’s the truth: awkward isn’t real. What you’re actually feeling is discomfort—anxiety, embarrassment, or self-consciousness. And the other person? They probably didn’t notice a thing.
When you start labeling your interactions as awkward, you amplify your inner anxiety. Suddenly, the focus isn’t on connecting—it’s on whether you’re performing correctly, saying the “right” thing, or being judged. That’s when social anxiety takes over, and the moment you could enjoy becomes a moment you dread.
Three Ways to End Awkwardness
1. Notice Your Inner Critic Much of what makes a conversation feel awkward comes from inside. That voice telling you, “They’re judging you” or “You shouldn’t say that” hijacks your focus. Begin by observing this voice without judgment—it’s separate from you. Awareness is the first step to quieting it.
2. Focus on the Interaction, Not the Outcome Awkwardness often emerges from attachment to a specific result. You want someone to like you, or to agree with you, or to be impressed. Shift your attention from what you want to happen to what’s happening in the conversation. When you engage without needing to control the outcome, the interaction naturally becomes more relaxed and authentic.
3. Build Real Connection Skills Being comfortable in conversation isn’t about memorizing lines or following a rigid formula. It’s about developing presence, confidence, and the ability to relax into the moment. When you feel grounded and self-assured, the words will come naturally. You don’t need to be perfect—you need to be human and fully present.
Awkward Is Optional
The good news? You can learn to experience conversations without that inner turmoil. By redefining what awkward really is, understanding the source of your discomfort, and practicing presence over performance, you can transform every social interaction into an opportunity for connection, clarity, and confidence.
So next time you step into a conversation, remember: awkward isn’t real. Anxiety is just a feeling, and it doesn’t define your interactions. You can walk away from every exchange feeling lighter, freer, and more connected than ever before.
You have the power to end awkwardness—and embrace conversations that are genuinely enjoyable. Start today. Your confidence—and your connections—will thank you.
Sep 2, 2025 • 22min
Escaping The Web Of Guilt
Welcome to this week’s episode, where we dive into one of the biggest emotional traps that keeps people stuck—guilt. Whether it's around setting boundaries, saying no, or just doing what you want, guilt can silently run your life.
We’ll break down what actually causes guilt (hint: it’s not just someone else’s reaction), how to spot the invisible strands of the “guilt web,” and what it really means to live free from it. If you've ever felt selfish for protecting your time or space, this episode is going to shift everything.
Plus, I’ll share exciting updates about the upcoming Supremely Confident Conversation Master virtual event happening October 10–12, where we’ll not only talk about this stuff—we’ll practice it live.
Ready to stop feeling bad for being honest? Listen now and learn how to step out of the guilt trap—once and for all.----------------------------------
Guilt. Oh yes, guilt.
It comes up in so many areas of life—relationships, work, social obligations. In fact, it’s one of the biggest obstacles to setting boundaries. Many people get stuck not because they fear conflict, but because they fear guilt—the heavy, internal tug that fires off the moment you consider saying no.
But here’s the good news: you can shift this experience and navigate your interactions without getting trapped in the web of guilt.
Why I Call It the “Web of Guilt”
I call it a web because that’s exactly how it feels—sticky, entangling, and hard to escape. Imagine a spider web with a bug trapped in the middle. Every strand pulls, tugging the bug in multiple directions.
Guilt works the same way. There are many invisible strands—often subconscious—that keep us tied to other people’s expectations, imagined or real. But just like some insects are resistant to spiderwebs, you can learn to navigate guilt without getting stuck.
It’s tempting to blame the other person. You might think:
“I feel guilty because I said no, and they’re upset.”
Not quite. Guilt is internal. The other person’s emotions—whether upset, disappointed, or angry—don’t automatically trigger your guilt.
Here’s a quick test: imagine a random stranger demands your meal at a restaurant. Most people wouldn’t feel guilty. Why? Because you don’t believe you owe them anything, and you don’t inhabit a reality where refusing is “wrong.”
In real life, the people you care about matter—but guilt still comes from your interpretation of the situation, not from their feelings.
How the Guilt Machinery Works
You imagine the other person is hurt or upset.Even before they respond, you anticipate disappointment or anger.
You step into a “bizarro reality.”In this reality, you’re responsible for all of their discomfort. Every missed expectation feels like a moral failing.
The guilt fires automatically.Your mind labels you as selfish, bad, or wrong—even if your actions are fully respectful.
Sound familiar? That’s why guilt can feel so inescapable—it’s a mental construct, not a reflection of reality.
Healthy reality: You communicate what you want or don’t want authentically and respectfully. They may feel disappointed, but you haven’t done harm.
Insano reality: You bend over backward to avoid discomfort at all costs, sacrificing your needs endlessly. Even then, disappointment may still occur.
Living in the insano reality keeps you trapped in relationships, obligations, and roles you never really wanted—all fueled by guilt.
Here’s an example:
A friend invites you to a run that’s longer or faster than you’re comfortable with.
You check in with yourself: “Do I really want to do this?”
You might respond:
“Saturday won’t work for me, but how about we run together Thursday instead?”
Notice what happens here:
You honor your own needs
You communicate respectfully
You offer an alternative without over-apologizing or overexplaining
Guilt might still surface—but by staying anchored in your reality, you keep control and avoid the sticky strands of the web.
But here’s some exciting news—very soon you’ll be able to sign up for Supremely Confident Conversation Master.
The event is October 10–12, virtual, so you can join from anywhere. I’ll talk about it more next week when the link and registration are ready, but for now, just pencil the dates in—trust me, you won’t want to miss it.
There’s going to be brand-new material: new ways I teach you how to feel interesting, know that you bring value to any social interaction, and gain the skills to keep conversations going without awkwardness, worry, or running out of things to say. And of course, we’ll practice these skills live in real time, just like all my events.
If you’re not on my email list yet, now’s a great time to sign up—you’ll hear about the early-bird special and get first access.
Guilt is internal, layered, and often imaginary. You don’t need to absorb or fix everyone else’s feelings. By practicing self-awareness, respectful communication, and boundary-setting, you can navigate social interactions guilt-free.
And stay tuned—next week I’ll share more tools from Supremely Confident Conversation Master that make it easier than ever to feel confident, engaging, and in control in any conversation.
Aug 26, 2025 • 19min
Confident at Work: Speaking Up in Meetings Without Freezing
Want to speak up more confidently in meetings—whether it's a one-on-one with your boss or in front of a whole group? If you've ever stayed quiet even when you had something valuable to share, this episode is for you. We’re diving into what holds you back, how to shift the way you see yourself, and powerful tools to start showing up with boldness at work. Plus, I’ll share a special invitation to my only virtual event this year.
🎧 Hit play and let’s help you become more visible, confident, and influential in every conversation.-------------------
If you struggle with speaking up in meetings, you’re not alone. Many people I work with are highly skilled, intelligent, and capable—they do great work—but when it comes to the social side of work, they retreat. They recede into the background, becoming the wallflower of the meeting. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s a one-on-one with a supervisor, a small team of two or three colleagues, or a large group of ten or twenty—this pattern shows up everywhere.
For many, especially those who have a history of people-pleasing, the anxiety is subtle at first. They freeze, hesitate, or simply stay quiet. Virtual meetings can make it even easier to hide—camera off, muted, and invisible. I’ve had clients tell me that, since working with me, they started turning their cameras on during meetings, and they noticed a profound shift in how present and engaged they felt. Before, avoidance ruled their behavior. Now, with awareness and practice, they’re stepping forward.
Avoidance may seem harmless, but it comes at a cost. Professionally, it can limit your growth. I can’t tell you how many people have shared with me that they were passed over for promotions—not because their work was lacking, but because they didn’t speak up. Others who spoke more, shared ideas freely, and took visible action often got ahead, even when their ideas weren’t better. This isn’t fair, but it’s reality. Social visibility matters.
It also impacts your confidence and self-esteem. When you retreat, you reinforce the belief that your voice isn’t valuable. You diminish your own engagement and sense of power at work. But here’s the truth: showing up, speaking, and sharing your ideas builds confidence. It strengthens your presence. It reminds you that you have something valuable to contribute.
So how do you shift this? Start by recognizing the root of your anxiety. Most often, it comes from a fear of judgment. You imagine that if you speak, someone will think you’re incompetent, awkward, or weak. That fear drives invisibility, pushing you toward the wallflower role. And that association—visibility equals danger—is deeply ingrained for many people. If you’ve ever been embarrassed, criticized, or dismissed, your mind naturally links attention with pain.
But this association is wrong. Being the center of attention is not automatically dangerous or bad. You’ve been projecting your fears onto others, assuming judgment, when in reality, people are rarely as focused on you as you think. Understanding this projection is the first step in breaking the freeze. Your fear isn’t about them—it’s about the story your mind is telling.
Once you recognize the story, you can start practicing presence. Begin small: contribute one idea in a meeting, answer a question, or share a brief thought. Gradually increase your participation until speaking up feels natural. Remember, visibility is a skill. Like any skill, it strengthens with practice. The more you engage, the less frightening it becomes, and the more confidence you build.
Conversations—whether one-on-one, in small teams, or in large meetings—are opportunities to practice this skill. They are not threats. Each time you step forward, you prove to yourself that you can be heard, that your ideas have value, and that visibility does not equal harm.
This principle applies beyond work too. Public speaking, social gatherings, even family discussions all benefit from the same practice. Every brave step you take in one arena reinforces your courage in others.
If you want a focused, immersive way to accelerate this skill, consider my upcoming virtual event, Supremely Confident Conversation Mastery. Over three days, we’ll dive deep into conversation mastery, work on speaking confidently in any setting, and even explore storytelling to help you own the room. It’s a live, interactive experience—nothing compares to throwing yourself in and practicing in real time. If you’re ready to transform your confidence and your career, this is the opportunity.
Remember, confidence isn’t about never feeling fear. It’s about acting despite it. Speaking up is a muscle—every time you use it, it grows stronger. The more you show up, the more natural it becomes. The wallflower in meetings can step into the room with presence, authority, and impact. And that is the work, the practice, and the gift of building real confidence.


