Women Over 70: Aging Reimagined

Closure from ambiguous loss is a harmful misnomer. What’s needed is resilienceto live in meaningful ways with no closure. - Pauline Boss, PhD.In the 1970s, Pauline Boss, PhD, began developing her theory of ambiguous loss which shebrought to the lay public in 1999 in Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief.Ambiguous loss is an “unclear loss with unanswered questions.” Such loss can be physical orpsychological, catastrophic or commonplace. In her recent book, The Myth of Closure:Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change (2022), Dr. Boss expounds on ambiguousloss on all levels, from the individual to the world stage. She proposes that generational effectsof racism might be understood more fully though the lens of ambiguous loss. Across culturesand contexts, Dr. Boss has found that reaching closure is a myth, and a harmful one at that.Rather, the aspiration is resilience: to learn to live with no closure, to recognize grief as anatural response, to find meaning in the loss, and to go on to live a good life.Connect with Dr. Boss: https://www.ambiguousloss.comThe Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. WW Norton,2022. https://wwnorton.com/books/9781324016816

Karen Kalish’s career included school teacher, consumer advocate, business owner, and on-air TV reporter. She became a serial social entrepreneur and believes that to whom much is given, much is required. “Partners and collaborators are what make it work. No one nonprofit can do “it” alone and doing things alone is the weakest form of leadership”, she says. In this way the missions of the three nonprofits she created, all of which are still running today, had to do with academic achievement in low performing schools, race relations and discrimination. - Karen Kalish I don’t let grass grow under my feet. I have a growth mindset. I’m not retired, I’m reWired and have a next chapter. At a Renaissance Weekend, Karen sat on a panel that asked, “Can You be Happy As You Age?”, and shares her answers in this episode.  Philanthropy is where Karen’s interest lies today. She discusses what we need to think about when donating money to organizations. Her legacy? “Here lies Karen under the only stone she left unturned!” Connect with Karen:Email: karenkalish@gmail.comWebsite: https://KarenKalish.com"Today’s interview with Karen Kalish was – like so many others – fantastic. I remember her from her reporting days here in Chicago in mid-late ‘70s. What a dynamo. I start many days with a podcast and this one really knocked my socks off. Great choice." - Jill Stewart

At age 97, Joan Harmsen still thrives on helping others make life more meaningful and fun. As a young war bride, Joan traded the paradise-like environment of southern Australia for the hard realities of farm life in Minnesota. To alleviate disappointment and depression, Joan brought fun to her hard-working community--teaching tap dancing, championing girls’ athletic activities, and acting in community theatre. Joan’s husband died soon after they retired to Oregon. She adjusted to widowhood by earning a college degree at age 59 and teaching school for ten years. After being single for many years, Joan married at age 79 to a man 10 years older. Before he died at age 103, they had a marvelous time traveling to 4 continents. Joan continues her lifelong commitment to exercise regularly, eat healthy food, read and study. She pledges to “never give up,” and to “use whatever energy I have left for the purpose of doing good on this earth.”You can adjust to any life challenge if you inject a little fun into it. - Joan HarmsenContact Joan:joanhharmsen@gmail.com

Lois Wagh Aronstein has advocated for older people the majority of her career. First, when she initiated Project Reward through the Framingham Chamber of Commerce and then as the New England representative for AARP and in various capacities for 26 years."As a society we must understand the value of older people. We can design social structures in a way that plays down dependence and creates independence, but progress is slow..." - Lois Wagh AronsteinWhat she learned from her work is that older people want to keep making contributions and feel valued. They have assets that are underutilized. Lois shares many stories that illustrate the change that occurs, physically and mentally, when their passions find opportunities to be expressed. Ageism is a very real threat to our culture. We must create opportunities for older people to stay independent, rather than expecting dependence. We have to change that view of older persons wanting dependency, when what they really cherish is continuing to contribute. Connect with Lois:Email: LoisWagh@gmail.com

For Phyllis Walden, life experiences offer abundant opportunities for learning.  Reading The Second Sex near completion of her doctoral program in Philosophy in the late 1960s reinforced Phyllis’ feminist perspectives. As a mentor and teacher in innovative college programs, Phyllis brought her daily practice of journal writing to the classroom. After retirement at age 57 from college life, Phyllis trained as a volunteer docent at The Field Museum in Chicago where she became an unanticipated expert on dinosaurs. For over 30 years, Phyllis is Tia (aunt) to her dear friend’s adopted daughters from Peru and China. She treasures her experience as a mentoring figure in their daily lives and as a member of this multi-cultural family. Phyllis’ love of travel took a new turn during the pandemic. She now enjoys learning virtually about Broadway musicals and world religions along with immersive travel to places like Provence, France. Aging is another learning project; what do I need to know now? - Phyllis Walden PhDConnect with Phyllis:Email: phyllis3632@gmail.com

At age 65, Jane Llewellyn (PHD, RN) decided to retire from her rewarding and demanding positions as Vice President of Nursing and as Associate Dean of the Nursing College at Rush University Medical Center. Why retire when she was on top of her game? Having survived aggressive breast cancer at age 43, with only a 20% chance to live beyond five years, Jane wanted to “experience more and enjoy life while I am able.” Thus began her new life as a world traveler--a temporary local--to exotic places in all seven continents. Jane says her favorite place is the next trip although she especially loved Antarctica and Africa. Jane’s continued involvement in health includes serving on the Board of a local hospital and on the Oak Park Action Team for End-of-Life Options Coalition--Compassion & Choices. She travels with and anticipates providing more care for her sister who has Alzheimer’s disease. Jane is writing her own extraordinary life story. Life is short, take the trip, buy the shoes.Contact Jane Llewellyn jllewellyn@me.com

Ever since she came to the United States from Kobe, Japan, at 10, Lily Liu has devoted herself to living up to the role models she found in her grandparents, aunt and mother. Her grandmother raised her while her mother, widowed at 32, worked to support her children. Every Sunday was Mother’s Day because it was the only day her mother was off from her work. She came to spend quality time with Lily and her brothers and planned adventurous activities. Lily Liu took full advantage of the world her mother shared with her.  Lily was a sought-after model as a teenager. Later, she gave her own three children the same opportunity when each was born during the years she owned her agency. Soon other mothers approached her to find modeling jobs for their children. Lily’s Talent Agency grew out of these early years. Lily shares how she became a model and how important it is to her to guide the talent she represents to excel, be professional, and pay it forward.  Live your life to your fullest, but remember to take care of yourself. Don’t let others influence you to give up what you love. - Lily LiuAs president and founder of a 501(C)3 non-profit,  “Mentoring Artists Chicago” since 2010, Lily helps young performing artists in the Chicagoland area with monetary as well as financial awards. She is also the founder, owner, and manager of Lidi Real Estate L.L.C. since 2000 and invests in properties to rent, as well as sell, at the most opportune time.CONNECT WITH LILY LIU:Website: https://lilystalent.comEmail: lily@lilystalent.com

Martha Hansen knows what it’s like to age. What she didn’t know was that 7 Days at Sea would be the first play she wrote and self-produced. Or that it would hit, head-on, the sexuality of women at older ages, as well as bring her close up to illness, gayness, and the growing insignificance women experience as they age.Martha says a lot of the credit for mounting the play goes to Kristina McCloskey who helped her with development. And, Margaret Knapp, who helped with structure and production and ultimately became the director. She couldn’t believe the support the theater community heaped on her and said she could never have come to this day without them. Not bad for a woman whose entire career was in science! ”I’m a big storyteller. I was such a wild child that I have a lot of stories.”7 Days at Sea is enjoying a limited run in Chicago at the Edge Theater on Broadway. Connect with Martha:Email: mjhansen613@comcast.netWebsite: https://www.lightandsoundproductions.org/

As a child of the 1960s drug culture, Stephanie Raffelock dropped out of high school. Her return to formal education in her mid-thirties opened the doorway into examining her own life and providing platforms for other women to tell the stories of their truths. In her recent book, Creatrix Rising--Unlocking the Power of Midlife Women--Stephanie changes the last stage of a woman’s life cycle from the dried-up Crone to the blossoming Creatrix. Aging, she believes, “is a remarkable and noble passage.” Through telling her own and others’ stories, Stephanie offers a reflective guide to embody and celebrate the Creatrix in each of us. I am replacing the archetype of the Crone with the Creatrix--women with resounding voices who inspire us with their personal stories.- Stephanie RaffleockConnect with StephanieStephanie.raffelock@gmail.comhttps://www.byline-Stephanie.comBooks by StephanieCreatrix Rising--Unlocking the Power of Midlife Women (2021)A Delightful Little Book on Aging (2020)

Dr. Katharine Esty’s husband was seriously ill when she turned 80. It put her in a funk. Even hiking with her family, an ordinary event, sent her deeper into the doldrums. Katharine couldn’t make it to the top of a favorite hill during one hike and it (removed only) made her realize she couldn’t keep doing everything she did. She decided it was time for research. As a psychotherapist, Katharine knew what to do. She searched for a diverse group of people across the country in their 80s to interview: men and women, most were flourishing, primarily in a positive economic space; most lived independently, some in retirement communities and a few in nursing homes. She interviewed some of their children, too, to understand how family dynamics changed as elders aged.“I was paralyzed with fear about aging until I began to feel, 'I can do this.' My picture of aging was completely out of date." Dr. Katharine EstyThe conclusion was very clear. The picture she held of old age was completely out of date. Her image came from her grandparents’ lives and that provided a grim reality. Some 11 million people are in their 80s today and this group is growing faster than any other decade. Her research revealed that, in part, people are thriving due to modern medicine and can continue to enjoy active, pain-free lives as long as they are healthy. Surprisingly, they are much happier. They stay involved, continue to learn, and have a purpose. This happiness is psychological and stems from having dropped regrets and striving in the rat race, as well as feeling gratitude for just being alive.Connect with Katharine:Book: Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected HappinessAvailable at Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/Eightysomethings-Transitions-Letting-Unexpected-Happiness/dp/151074312XSign up for her monthly newsletter: https://www.katharineesty.com/newsletter-subscriptions