Becoming Whole

Send us a textTo start I want to let you know this podcast will be a little different. One that I hope will be helpful for you.I am going to talk about the difference between arousal and desire.The reason that’s so important for us to recognize is that when we feel arousal towards something that we know we don’t want, it can produce an amount of shame for us.If you’re pursuing sexual integrity, if you’re trying to walk away from unwanted sexual behaviors, the fact that those behaviors are unwanted means you desire something more for yourself, your family and for your life than the sexual sin that’s entangled you.Today is not going to be very prescriptive in the sense of offering you three steps to this or that. But I'd like to share with you what happened to me recently and how I dealt with it in the hopes that it will be useful for you and help you see things that you might want to do differently.Outline:The difference between arousal and desire. I want people to be free from pornography. Slow down your thinking and not rush. Breathing deep breaths. The importance of picturing Jesus in different scenes. Fleeing sexual temptation.Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIn today’s podcast I’m going to be answering a question that was emailed to us. Is it okay for a man to masturbate while fantasizing about his wife?We encourage you to send us your questions as I really love to answer some of things that you all are experiencing and facing.So the question I got this week was from a guy who's involved in an accountability group. The guys in the group are making good progress.They're leaving their unwanted sexual behaviors behind including masturbation and fantasy, but one of the questions that's come up in the group is, “Is it okay for a man to masturbate while fantasizing about his wife?” Is it okay for a man to fantasize or a woman to fantasize?If the man is fantasizing about his wife, if the woman is fantasizing about her husband?There's actually a lot in that question.So I want to address this question by asking two questions:    what does scripture say?    What is helpful?Join us today, as I believe this will bring clarity, wisdom and healing on our journey towards sexual integrity.Outline:    Introduction to this episode.     What does scripture say about masturbation?     God’s design for marriage.     Scripture on masturbation and sexual integrity.     It’s not a landing spot.     Are you really being faithful to your spouse?     Lift up your eyes to the greater calling. Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textHow free can you be? How free? Can you be?In some version or another, this is a question that we get a lot, especially for people who are just starting their journey towards sexual integrity.They've wrestled with their specific attractions and temptations and are wondering, is this going to be a part of my life forever? Can I actually be free? Can real change happen for me?Can I Really Change!?!In some ways, they're asking three different questions.How much change is possible for me?How much change can I expect; specifically? And that's a slightly different question.Has God actually promised me change?So there's three different kinds of versions of the same question of can I ever really be free?And the answer is yes, yes you can be free!Join me in this episode as we walk through those three questions as I answer both from my experience in 20 years in this ministry and in God’s Word.Outline:How free can you be in sexual integrity?Can I ever really be free?All things are possible according to scripture.What we can't promise you.How to be conformed to the image of Christ.Sanctification and salvation happens by God’s grace.We all want to get back to Eden.Learning to open your desires.What is possible in this life?Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIn Genesis when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and there was adelight to the eyes, and the tree was to be desired to make one wise she took of its fruit and ate.What did she see?The enemy when he tempts us wants us to see something. But the truth is, what he wants us to see is not reality.She saw something that wasn’t actually there. And the enemy does the same thing to us.He gets us pointed at pornography, at an extramarital relationship, masturbation, fantasy, a hookup, or a same sex relationship.And he tells us all that will be there for us and all that it’s going to do for us. And it feels on some level like it will. And it never does.Join us as we talk about the power of our imagination and how to take hold of it for His glory.Outline:Your imagination is a part of the struggle you have with sexual sin.What the enemy wants us to see is not reality.Your imagination is important to your journey of obedience to God.The enemy wants to hijack the gift of our imagination and use it for his purposes.How do we renew our minds? How do we think about the truth?What is a tempting thought? How do we take it captive?The enemy’s got a hold of my imagination.The enemy is using your imagination to draw your attention to a smaller vision.What is faith? It’s the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textAt the core of every sexual integrity problem is relational brokenness. Because God created sex to be relational, it is relational down to its core. And so if you are dealing with a sexual issue, you are dealing with a relational issue.What is a partner or group for accountability? It's a certain kind of connection. As a result, if you have a relational brokenness in your life, you may have similar relational issues. Could they prevent you from achieving the level of sexual integrity you desire?Listen in as we identify some of those tendencies and those broken relationship pieces. Also a few ideas about how you can even beginning today, improve your accountability relationships.Outline: Do you have an accountability partner?  We are human beings, not human doings.  The tendency to avoid pain.  Don’t focus on behavior and focus on sin.  Let’s bring kindness.  How to be with someone in their pain? What do you want to do differently?Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIf you are wrestling with unwanted sexual behaviors or recurring sexual behaviors, and want to get free, you have to know the why behind the what? What is the why, behind your specific what?So for example, if you struggle with pornography, and you're typically looking for a certain kind or genre, types of people, gender, or specific sexual acts in the pornography? What's the why behind those specifics that you're looking for? Or if you're acting out with other people physically, and you're typically doing certain behaviors, or looking for certain types of people, what's the why behind the specific kinds of people or activities you're, you're typically drawn to.You can't stop the behaviors by just knowing the what. If I know that I'm typically looking at pornography, I can get filters on my computer, I can set up accountability software, I can get rid of my smartphone and have a dumb phone. If I know I'm acting out with people through this app, I can get rid of the app.There is merit in that, you should do that. But when you get to the why underneath it, you can actually get to the heart issue.Today we will address  Symbolism and Emotional and mental imprints that cause our sexual actions. As well as answer these questions.What triggers sexual desire and attraction?How to deal with sexual temptation?How can I untwist my emotional and mental imprint?Resources mentioned in this podcast: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay StringerHelp the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textThere are just things you don't talk about at church, right?Absolutely not!I think the church is meant to be a place where we talk about the things that are really the most difficult to talk about in life. If we can't do that in our church community, where will we do it?Certainly, one of those topics is sex.Both in its beautiful, glorious holy intention that God designed sex to be between husband and wife in marriage, and also in the fallen expressions of sex that pervade our culture.So if you're a Pastor, layperson, or Elder at a church, maybe you're a parent or a leader in some other fashion, or perhaps you lead a youth group or a small group, I want to talk to you on this podcast about how important it is to talk about sex in some way or another. And share some light ideas about how you might begin to go there with the people who are in your care.Sex is a very sensitive topic. Bringing it up on Sunday morning can be difficult and raise many questions. Questions like…What if a lot of people are struggling, what do I do? How do I care for them?These questions, in addition to the ones mentioned in this podcast, are very difficult for leaders. But I want to emphasize how important and meaningful it is when people who are in church or Christian leadership, in their home or a small group, youth group, or from the main pulpit in a church, speak up about these topics. Here are a few helpful ideas that can help start or strengthen the conversations about sex.Share stories of Sexual redemption. Making use of books and resources for sexual redemption.Borrow from other people (listen to others' sermon notes, borrow liberally without plagiarizing)Reach out to us at Regeneration Ministries (for consultations, an interview, resources, hosting a parent group or workshop)Resources to have available in your church:Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay StringerIs God Anti-Gay? by Sam AllberryBorn Again that Way: Coming Out, Coming to Faith, and What Comes Next by Rachel GilsonTreading Boldly through a Pornographic World: A Field Guide for Parents by Daniel Weiss and Josh GlaserGreat sermons on sexuality: Holy Sexuality - series by Bay Area Community ChurchHelp the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textThis week we will talk about breaking the allure of temptation. We will unpack it through the pattern that the enemy uses to tempt us. We can look at our sexual experiences and think that it’s just something that’s before us.But it is actually tempting us. It looks so appealing and harmless.  Yet it has this magnetic pull that draws us in. So by talking about the patterns the enemy uses to pull us in, it will provide us the tools to get out of his tractor beam. It will expose the reality of what’s happening.Hopefully this podcast will illuminate some things and draw you towards God in ways that will bring help and healing. Scripture reference: Genesis 3Know your enemy’s tactics 1. He divides and isolates2. He exaggerates God's prohibitions3. He attacks God's character, attacks God's characterDoes this sound familiar?Your divided, you feel isolated. He exaggerates God's prohibitions. Gets you focused away from God's blessings and focus instead on the things that you're not allowed to do. He attacks God's character, making you believe you can't trust God, he attacks your value making you think that you're less than everybody else.What's left for you to do, when he puts that temptation in front of you? That object that looks like it satisfies that sexual temptation. It makes it look like you're experiencing a little bit of bliss, a little bit of attention, a little bit of love or pleasure from somebody. Maybe a little bit of joy in a moment?Well, why does it look so good? What else are you supposed to do? You can't trust God, you have no value and you're all by yourself. You're surrounded by these heavy burdens of moralistic thinking that you need to obey.  There's no hope for you, so you might as well just grab at the fruit.In the moment of temptation, first I want you to begin practicing, “this is not God against you, this is the enemy.” He is trying to get you to believe all of this stuff around you, so that you increasingly feel shame and despair. And so you are more tempted to grasp of that fruit. What do we do from here.1. Connect with others.  Have some people on speed dial that you can reach out to in the moment when your tempted or the moment you start hearing the accusations about yourself and God.2. Practice gratitude and count your blessings. Secondly, practice gratitude. This is not just another moralistic thing to do. Those who are serious about counting their blessings don't struggle to believe that God gives more than the enemy gives. Count your blessings, you'll find out who gives more between the enemy and God. You'll find every time it's God.Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textThis week we will be responding to a question from one our listeners. “How does someone deal with doubts about identity in Christ while struggling with sexual addiction?”There is something about sin in general when it’s habitual and repetitive. When we experience in our bodies that conflict that we do what we don’t want to do, and we keep on doing it.It’s hard to believe that we have a new identity in Jesus. Or in my case, there were worse sexual behaviors that I engaged in after I had a conversion and really started to follow Jesus.So how could I trust that my conversion was real?How can I trust that I have a new identity in Christ.Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textYou know, it's just interesting, isn't it? That so many women wrestle with self esteem issues around their bodies. And so many men wrestle with lust.And it seems like the enemy just has a hay day there. Because put those two together and it just seems like a recipe for couples really to struggle.Pornography impacts both husband and wife and it certainly impacts their sexual intimacy. Here's what happens. He recognizes that when he looks at porn she feels hurt by him. From that hurt, all sorts of questions arise in her, like, am I not valuable enough for you? Am I not pretty enough? Do you find them sexier than me? Am I not pleasing you in our bed?When he recognizes that she feels those things, he's tempted to to keep his sin from her. To not let her know because he doesn't want to hurt her in that way. It's wired into him to want to be her hero, not the villain who hurts her. On her side of things, she feels all those those questions. And now any insecurity she has is now highlighted. Any insecurity she has about her body, or what she feels are imperfections in her personality or in her physique. Those become highlighted for her and she feels even less desirable.And so what happens in turn, they both end up pulling away from each other. He is keeping things from her and feeling more shame about what he's doing. She is is keeping herself from him. Because to be naked and unashamed to open herself to him, both emotionally and literally physically in the act of sex is such a vulnerable thing to do. And when a man looks elsewhere, it's very, very difficult for for a wife to believe.Why should she? That's not to point a finger and be extra mean to the guy. But it is to highlight the complexity between husband and wife.How there's this chemical reaction that gets tricky and really difficult and painful for both husband and wife in this situation.God's original plan was that husband and wife would be naked and without shame. And instead, the marriage becomes a place of fear and shame. Where both feel like they need to hide themselves and wear fig leaves in front of each other in order to be accepted and loved by the other.So what are those fig leaves?What are those things that we keep from each other that keep us from each other?Help the show:Support the showAsk a question by emailing usLeave a reviewSubscribe wherever you get your podcastsFollow us on YouTube for behind the scenes and more.Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)