The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Today we wrap up this month's focus on attachment with my dear mentor and friend, Bonnie Badenoch.  Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT is a thought-leader in the relational neurosciences.  When I think about her contribution to this emerging field of study, I think ‘integrator.’  Bonnie has helped us all feel into the many different strands that are woven together to become what we now call relational neuroscience- interpersonal neurobiology, affect regulation theory, polyvagal theory, memory reconsolidation theory, attachment theory, and more.  Bonnie has taken the science and created space for clinicians to make meaning of how the science comes alive in us and in our work with clients.  Bonnie knows the science of relationships better than anyone I know, but more than that she knows relationships.  She’s been an integral part of my own journey- without Bonnie there certainly would not have been this attachment series or the Brilliance of Attachment eBook. Bonnie is the author of three books- Bing a Brain Wise Therapist, The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Work Book, and her newest book, Heart of Trauma.  If you want to learn more about the amazing work Bonnie does in the world, head over to the website www.NurturingtheHeart.com If you'd rather read a summary of the interview instead of listening on the podcast, you can head over to my blog https://robyngobbel.com/bonniebadenochYou can download the F R E E eBook "The Brilliance of Attachment" at https://robyngobbel.com/ebookThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Part 6 of 6 in the June series on attachment!The part you've probably been waiting for: how does attachment change? If you haven't caught the previous five episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.In this episode, we look at How important it is to recognize insecure attachment as protective, trusting in the truth that things only change once we stop trying to make them changeWhat was needed at the time- but not received- for each stream of insecure attachmentHow to meet that need now, creating a possible experience for that experience in attachment to shift toward securityThe power of rupture and repair in shift toward secure attachmentThere’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookOr even better!!!  Go to my website right away and download the free eBook!!!Yup!!  I took this entire six part series and had it beautifully and professional designed into an eBook!  You can download it, read it slowly, read it repeatedly- whatever you want.Head over to https://robyngobbel.com/ebook to receive the free download. The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

***Possible Trigger Warning***Learning about disorganized attachment might feel overwhelming and bring up uncomfortable feelings.  Listen in a place and at a time you can take breaks and seek regulation.  Titrate yourself!  Maybe read the article on the blog instead of listening to the podcast.  www.RobynGobbel.com/disorganizedattachment***********Another episode in the June series on attachment!Today is all about disorganized attachment.  If you haven't caught the previous four episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.In this episode, we look at What happens when a baby's attachment system has them fleeing toward their caregiver when they are afraid, but the caregiver is who is causing the frightWhy disorganized is disorganized- it's the only attachment 'style' that isn't organizedThe kinds of experiences an infant can experience as disorganizingThere’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookHit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!  Tomorrow we'll explore How Attachment Changes!  The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Another episode in the June series on attachment!Today is all about insecure avoidant attachment.Avoidant attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible.  So smart!In this episode, we look at The behavior patterns that lead to avoidant attachmentThe attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with avoidant attachmentAvoidant attachment impact on regulationThe hope versus the expectation of avoidant attachmentThere’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookHit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!  Next week, we'll explore disorganized attachment!  The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Another episode in the June series on attachment!Today is all about insecure anxious attachment.Anxious attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible.  So smart!In this episode, we look at The behavior patterns that lead to anxious attachmentThe attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with anxious attachmentAnxious attachment impact on regulationThe hope versus the expectation of anxious attachmentThere’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookHit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!  In the next episode, we'll explore insecure attachment!  The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Here we are with the THIRD episode in this monthly focus on attachment!Today is allllll about secure attachment.   85% of the time, a child’s attachment experience will parallel the working model of attachment of the principal person caring for her.  ~Eric HesseWhoa.  Well, if that's the case, the obviously we have to first talk about attachment in adults and caregivers.In this episode we look at five characteristics of an adult with secure attachment.Then we look at some of the characteristics of a child with secure attachment.THEN we look at the inner working model that develops from secure attachment.There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookHit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!  Next week, we'll explore insecure attachment!The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

June is allllll about attachment!  We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."Today- we are going back to basics.Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion.  In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.We look at the three attachment behaviors Bowlby identified:Seek, monitor, and maintain proximity Use the attachment figure as the secure baseFlee to their attachment figure when afraidGoing Back to Basics certainly means highlighting the work of Mary Ainsworth, which ultimately led to The Strange Situation and the attachment classifications we now know as secure and insecure. I'm a big fan of scaffolding (which you know if you're a member of The Club or you've taken Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain online digital course) so consider this episode an important part of the scaffolding of attachment.  We've got to get clear on the basics before moving on!Hit subscribe to Parenting after Trauma in your podcast player so you don't miss anything in this monthly focus on attachment!There’s a lot in this one episode and the whole six-part series!  I made the series into a beautiful eBook so you don’t have to take notes and you can review it as often as you want.  To download the F R E E ebook, click here: https://robyngobbel.com/ebookThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Bethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment.  Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom. Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awakenings of maternal instinct.Which did not happen.  Bethany remembers that she wasn’t patient with her daughter.  She didn’t feel very loving toward her.  And ultimately she felt broken because Dr. Sears had promised in his book that attachment parenting was easy because it ‘feeds on a mother’s natural intuition.’  Bethany stated she was doing her best but also doing a lot of things wrong as a mom- and couldn’t figure out why.   So she went on a deep-dive journey into exploring the science of attachment, in particular Mary Ainsworth and The Strange Situation.  Bethany’s exploration into the science of attachment led her to the conclusion that behaviors have actually very little to do with attachment. There isn’t a checklist.  Raising a child with secure attachment isn’t about breastfeeding or co-sleeping. It has to do with how you think and feel about your attachments and how this is transmitted from mind to mind, generation to generation. I can't wait to hear what you think about this interview with Bethany!!!You can find Bethany on Instagram The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Dr. Mona Delahooke is an infant and toddler mental health specialist who weaves together the connection between behaviors and the nervous system. In addition to her direct clinical work with families, Dr. Delahooke has dedicated her career to bringing the science of behaviors and the nervous system to educators and parents.Dr. Delahooke’s third book, Brain Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids, was released today, March 15, 2022.In today’s interview with Dr. Delahooke, you’re going to hear about the three things she always takes into consideration when supporting a child with behavioral challenges: the child’s autonomic statedevelopmental stageindividual unique needs But more than practical tips, what I’m most excited for you to hear from Dr. Delahooke is how much compassion she has for parents of kids who struggle.  Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/BrainBodyParentingThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting. It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need to be successful?" and then giving them that.It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never frustrated or we always say yes.It's about changing the lens on how we view their expressions of emotions and behaviors.And yes- it's about setting boundaries that keep our kids safe and help their brains develop the internalized co-regulation (self-regulation!) they need!In this episode, I reference a LOT of other episodes.Has Trauma Informed Become a Behavior Modification Technique?What’s Regulation Got to do With itFocus on Arousal not BehaviorConnection can’t not workWe are Always Searching and Yearning for ConnectionFelt Safety- what’s that?Connection or ProtectionWhat Behavior Really Is- free video series mThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain! Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion :::Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubApply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)