Find Your Food Voice

Along your Food Peace™ journey you may have connected with how you were raised around food and how to treat your body. Did you learn early on that only thin bodies were acceptable? That we MUST diet in order to keep our weight low and letting go was a failure? Not surprising then that the desire to lose weight will continue. How do you stop wanting to lose weight? How do you accept your body? Listen now to the latest Love Food podcast episode for insight along this part of your journey. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice. He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,   I've been struggling with you for almost my entire life.  When I was little I remember watching my Dad go on diet after diet and rigidly refusing to go up a pant size.  It looked so miserable but I also wanted to be like him.  I also knew (from what my parents had told me) that I was getting fat.  So when I was 8, I went on my first diet and began counting calories.  Later, around age 15, I began to reject dieting and wanted to relax and eat what I wanted.  This made my parents uncomfortable and eventually they began to mandate that I diet and exercise.  I began to sneak you up to my bedroom and eat you in the middle of the night.  I was riddled with shame, guilt, and self-hatred.  Even when I was outside of my parent's control, I carried their voices of judgment with me and continued dieting throughout most of my adult life.   Now I'm 31 and I've tried so hard to redefine my relationship with you and my body.  I've seen a counselor and nutritionist who come from an intuitive eating approach.  I was fortunate enough to be part of a 10-week intuitive eating group and I loved it!  But a job change caused me to move away from those resources and now I feel stuck.  I'm heavier than I've ever been in my entire life and I'm so ashamed of my body.  I don't even recognize myself when I look in the mirror.  While the dream of being smaller is still tempting, the thought of dieting repulses me.  I know dieting isn't the answer, but I can't seem to get the hang of intuitive eating.  I feel like I'm making zero progress on my journey to food peace.   Often I still feel like that rebellious teenager who would overeat (whether it made her feel good or not) just to spite her parents.  I still want to lose weight but I know that intuitive eating isn't suppose to be about that.  How do I stop the incessant desire to be smaller when it's been a part of my life for so long?   I'm also feeling scared because sometimes listening to my body and choosing to stop eating when I'm full/satisfied or not eat something because my inner wisdom is telling me that I don't truly want it reminds me of the rules and restrictions I lived under for so long.  Intellectually I know that responding to my body and inner wisdom is different than dieting.  But emotionally they sometimes feel the same.  Eventually I end up still engaging in rebellious eating even though I'm not sure what/who I'm rebelling against.  Then I feel like I've fallen off track and give up and shame takes over.  I know this is a diet mentality but I can't seem to shake it!  I'm not sure how to interrupt this cycle and stop thinking of intuitive eating through this dieting lens.  I want to move forward in my food and body peace journey but I'm not sure how to get past this hurtle.  I just want to find peace with you and my body but I'm not sure what the next step should be.   Love,   Stuck In The Cycle Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. The PCOS and Food Peace Podcast Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Have you done the Food Peace™ journey for some time yet still find yourself emotionally eating? Are you frustrated that food still soothes you like nothing else?? Does it feel as though you are doing Intuitive Eating incorrectly because you can't just eat when hungry? Well, we have a podcast episode made just for you. Listen here now with special guest Heather Caplan RD from Lane 9 Project. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice. He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,  I feel like I am at a crossroads with you. For years I restricted you and then binged on you, part of me struggling to give myself enough of you and part of me demanding that I get my needs met. I know so much more now than I did when I first started struggling with you; I know about trauma, dissociation, how bingeing can't be "fixed" with restriction, that my weight and my body and even what or when or how much I eat are not the problem. I know that, nowadays, when I use you to numb my feelings or try to escape them, you don't provide me the true comfort and relief that I long for. I also know that, nowadays, I can enjoy you so much more than I did in the past. I can be flexible about when and what I eat, I can sometimes articulate what of you I'd like to eat, and I can sometimes say when I've had enough of you.    I no longer binge as often as I used to, and I don't binge on the quantities of food I used to. But there are still lots of evenings when I turn to you and eat more of you than I'm hungry for, or I eat something that I don't even truly want to eat. I don't think this is the same as bingeing, but it still feels like I'm trying to use you in ways that you can't help me, and this behavior is keeping me stuck in a place I want to grow out of. I feel like I turn to you when I simply WANT—want more of a good feeling, or want less boredom, or exhaustion, or frustration from the workday. Why do I keep turning to you when I know you can't give me what I need? How can I connect this knowledge that you can't fix my feelings or take them away with the part of myself that still depends on you for . . . everything? I'm ready to take the next step, yet at the same time I feel like I am holding myself back.   From, Caught in Between Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Lane 9 Project Lane9Project.org Lane Nine Project Podcast Heather Caplan Heather Caplan on Instagram: @RDRealTalk The PCOS and Food Peace Podcast Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When did you learn that certain bodies were more valuable? When did you start your first diet? Recovering from chronic dieting or an eating disorder can't all be independent and individual. Culturally we must change together to help support your recovery. Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast episode and hear from Caroline Dooner, author of the book The Fuck It Diet. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice. He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,  You are my best friend and my worst enemy. You are as familiar to me as my own backyard, and yet as foreign as the deepest realms of the ocean. I taste you and smell you and manipulate you with my two hands every day. I read about you. I peruse photographs of you on Instagram. I am obsessed with you. And yet, I hate you.  Currently, I work as a baker. I graduated last spring with a BS in nutrition. I’ve learned through my career how to meld delicious flavors and bake a custard to perfection. I’ve learned through my schooling how to teach others about ‘balanced’ eating. However, I don’t know how to eat. I’ve cycled through patterns nearly my whole life. Restriction, bingeing, purging, exercising and always compulsively weighing myself. I’ve probably spent at least $200 on bathroom scales. Once, in Italy, I pretended to tour a gym in interest of their membership, just hoping to find a scale. My weight is the center point of my life. Therefore, you are at the center point of my life.  My childhood was…interesting – as said in a negative, classically Minnesotan matter. I also don’t have the best memory of those days, but I can place pieces together. I ate for comfort, and my high weight quickly became an issue I could not escape. I don’t remember when I was first placed on a diet, but the on-again, off-again dieting cycle started some time in elementary school. My step-mom took me to doctors for weight loss medication. I’d take it, but with limited results. I remember shopping for clothes Old Navy. I remember my embarrassment having to purchase the XYZ T-shirts. I remember my step-mom telling me “if only you could lose some weight, your face is so pretty.” I remember when I was 11, my mother brought me to a plastic surgeon to consider liposuction. Thankfully, he advised us not to take this route because my body was still changing. At school, I was bullied. I remember a child in middle school telling me I was the cause of world hunger. I remember a girl at a birthday party asking me why I was invited. I was ‘too fat’ to sit in the hot tub.  Everything changed when I was 13. As a bit of background, my father had custody of me during the summer. Most children coveted summers, but I dreaded staying with him. He was almost always working and traveling – leaving me alone with only my stepmom. I felt lonely, isolated and, eventually, angry. I decided to take control: I stopped eating. Between the beginning of eighth grade and the beginning of ninth grade I lost over XYZ pounds. I could finally wear clothes designed for people my age. Boys finally noticed me. My mom finally told me I was pretty. I was also very hungry. I carefully watched my food intake. I obsessively counted calories. And I’d weigh myself every day. In high school, I started hiding my scale because my mom had realized it was an issue. At age 14, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder.  Since this diagnosis, I have been in and out of recovery. My eating disorder has shifted all over the board. I identify most closely with bulimia, but I also have restrictive tendencies. I still weigh myself compulsively. I hate myself on the days the needle hasn’t budged – I hate myself even more if the needle budges in the wrong direction. Some days I cry to myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. I pinch my fat rolls and tell myself over and over that I am fat and useless. Throughout the tougher battles, I’ve sought out treatment. But when I initially step out of the grip of my eating disorder, that hideous monster wraps his hands around me and draws me back. He convinces me I don’t need treatment. He convinces me I should have an abusive relationship with him instead of a healthy relationship with you. I am fortunate in that I have gone through periods of more mindful eating. Typically, this lasts only for a few months, but those months have always brought freedom and joy. Unfortunately, you’re so entangle with the eating disorder that he never leaves completely. He always finds his way back to me.  At the same time that I struggle, those around me don’t notice a thing. They praise me for my dedication to working out. They commend my healthy eating. “Oh, what’s for lunch today? A salad? Classic.” My co-workers don’t feel my isolation when they’re enjoying a staff lunch of barbeque while I quietly eat raw vegetables. My family doesn’t understand my pain when I’m the only one to deny dessert. They love my self-control. I tell them I’m a baker and I get sick of sweets. Really, I’m denying myself the current satisfaction only so I can secretly eat to no end later. As a baker, though, I still find enjoyment in you. My friends and I are fanatics of the restaurant industry, and I do admire you as a work of art. The eating disorder likes to deprive me of this adoration and leave me only with desperation.  Food, you make me so confused. I don’t know if I want to work with you full-time. I don’t know if my joys for cooking and nutrition are true, or if they only stem from the grips of my disorder. I am confused with my path in life, and my relationship with you is blocking my view. I want to remedy our relationship so I can navigate my future, but my self-hatred and fear of weight gain keeps me from full recovery. Although treatment has helped, I still feel trapped and terribly alone. Will I ever find my way out of this terrible maze? Sincerely, The Broken Baker Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Caroline Dooner The Fuck It Diet Book Your Fat Friend on Instagram: @YrFatFriend Body Respect (aff) Health at Every Size(aff) Intuitive Eating (aff) Caroline Dooner on the PCOS and Food Peace Podcast The PCOS and Food Peace Podcast Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Are you trying to navigate your Food Peace™ journey yet stuck within the Fertility Dieting Bubble? Do doctors tell you that you MUST diet to get fertility treatment? Do you have that primal desire to get pregnant yet grieve every month it doesn't happen? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast and hear from Nicola Salmon, a Fat Positive and Feminist Fertility Coach. We hope it helps you pave your way forward. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. I want to share the work going on within Decolonizing Fitness. The person behind it, Ilya Parker, is a trans person of color Physical Therapist Assistant and Medical Exercise Coachwith over 13 years of rehabilitative and functional training experience. He is a social justice advocate and educator whose work centers gender, racial and healing justice. He decided to merge his love for restorative based movement practices and community advocacy to create Decolonizing Fitness, LLC; which is a social justice platform that provides affirming fitness services, community education and apparel in support of body diversity. Check out www.decolonizingfitness.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear food, I’ve loved the last 8 months after finding intuitive eating and going on my non diet ‘adventure’, it’s helped me find peace with myself and explore food in a different way. I still am working on it and am not perfect, I’m learning every day and slowly learning to love my body and treat it with the compassion it deserves. My partner and I have been trying to have a baby for the last two plus years and have been doing fertility treatments (including ivf) for the last year. My fertility issues really started my journey into non- dieting after my quest to have a baby sent me trying every weird and wonderful diet and ultimately I hit diet rock bottom. I’ve been a dieter most of my life but feel like it really spiralled when trying to conceive, I found intuitive eating after not feeling like I could embark on yet another diet. Reading everything  online about what you should and shouldn’t eat when trying to conceive was a downward spiral, I tried everything and anything (all which didn’t work!). Infertility really is an emotional mind fuck (excuse the language). Now that I’ve found the non diet approach I try to treat myself with love and compassion, but all of the ‘research’ out there tells you to go keto or dairy free or eat pineapple or [focus on weight loss] etc how do I nurture myself when tying to conceive while following the non diet approach? Thanks Struggling with infertility Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Julie shares her body image experiences along with infertility on this episode of the Love Food Podcast: episode 18: I am a hypocrite Nicola Salmon: Fat Positive and Feminist Fertility Coach The Fat Fat Girls Guide to Getting Pregnant Nicola Salmon on Instagram: @FatPositiveFertility Follow the #PlusSizePregnancy on IG Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ever listen to how kids and teens speak about their bodies? Have you overheard kids teasing a person because how their body looks? Wonder how young people already know those crappy diet rules? Let's be a part of the culture change to give access to Food Peace™ to all bodies! Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast as I give my top 5 ways to promote Food Peace in the classroom. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. thirdwheelEDis a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food, Since I was diagnosed with an eating disorder over 4 years ago, our relationship went from one of anger and neglect, to one of cautious optimism. Over years of intensive work, I have slowly regained trust in both you, as well as my body’s ability to use you. Rather that defining your existence by calories, weights, and other numbers, I now see you something to be valued in your entirety. I enjoy you in social events and gatherings, as well as on my own. I’m not longer shackled by the rules that I thought I needed in order to be safe. While I am still learning to appreciate the body you gave me, I have fallen head over heels in love with the life you have allowed me to live. I never would have believed that our relationship could evolve into what it is today, and for that, I am grateful. My question, Food, is how do I talk about you with others? I’m thinking specifically, with regards to my work. I currently work as a reading specialist at a school for kids with learning differences. My students seem to have a lot of questions about food. They comment on what they are eating as well as what I am eating. Since my work is all one-on-one, I have a lot of time to address their concerns head-on. I only have 7 students per year, and I get to know them very well. They are in middle school and high school. I want to let them know, Food, that you are safe and can be enjoyed. They don’t need to fear you like I used to. However, I don’t want to go against messages their parents’ may be sending them. If their parents tell them certain foods are off-limits, I feel like I can't say otherwise. I tread a fine line as an educator between teaching my students what I think is true, and going against messages they may be receiving at home. Further, because this issue is so near to my heart, I find myself struggle when I hear my students agonizing over food choices. I want to help them, but I’m not sure if I would be overstepping. I don’t want to cross that boundary, especially because I do know that I have emotional investmentment, and somewhat biased opinion on the topic. I also recognize that I'm not always 100% equipped to talk about you, and I need to protect my own well-being. I guess my question for you is, to what degree can and should I bring my knowledge of food peace to my role as an educator? How can I talk about you in a way that feels comfortable to me and does not overstep boundaries? Signed, Teaching and learning Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post The Best Podcasts to Help Your Relationship with Food from Popsugar Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What does your partner think about you moving away from diets? Are they cheering you on? Or admitting they wish you were pursuing weight loss? I wish this didn't matter yet getting support from those around you helps your Food Peace™ journey. What do you do when the closest people reject body respect and acceptance? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast and hear from Dr. Jillian Murphy. We hope it helps you pave your way forward. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out through the month of February 2019. thirdwheelEDis a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear food, I have always had a tumultuous relationship with you. When I was a child, I was alone a lot with books and used you as my companion when I read. I read a lot! Now when I look back, I really was just in a normal kid-sized body.   However I was teased - not in a cruel way but in a loving way by people close to me - my mother, sister and later brother in law all called me chubby. A normal kid would have just laughed this off, but I was a very sensitive child and took things to heart. For a long time as a child I thought I was ugly. As a teenager, I finally understood that I could react to this teasing by controlling how much I ate of you, food and by doing that I got compliments and felt beautiful.   Then came the college years and I found I needed to control you even more, food because now I was the one responsible for buying and eating you. I had very low self esteem as a child and did not know how to be around boys. In college, I dated a guy I had a huge crush on, who acted like he was doing me a favor by starting our relationship by saying "ok we can date but you need to lose weight". I bent over backwards for this relationship - did a lot of yo-yo dieting in those years when I would lose a ton of weight by severely restricting you, food, then get into a happy place and forget about dieting, while gaining weight.   I finally left this boyfriend and moved to another country. I met my future husband and for a couple of years was very happy and comfortable around you food. I thought I was in heaven because for the first time in my life I had found someone who truly did not see my weight and saw me as a person. I am sure I gained weight in those years but it didn't seem to affect our relationship.   However it didn't last long. My (now husband) has been the cruelest critic of all with the most influence over my eating habits and weight because of how close we are. He has told me he's not attracted to my body, we've had big fights and little ones over my weight and my eating and he thinks if I truly loved him I would lose weight for him.   Over the last 20 years of us being together, 17 years of marriage, 2 kids and many of life's milestones, I have developed a serious binge eating problem. I hide and eat you food. I no longer feel conformable eating what I want in front of any one, even at work when I am away from the judging eyes of my husband. As soon as I finish one meal, I am thinking or looking for my next one. Even when I'm not hungry, I am still buy and eating you in secret. I no longer have any will power against you food and have not been able to diet or lose weight (even 5 pounds) for the last 10 years.   Over the last year as I turned 40, I have been doing different things like meditation, journaling, reading blogs and listening to podcasts to get a better control and understanding of my mind. I have begun to slowly open my mind to the concept that it was never you food, but rather how I thought about myself and my body that was the problem.   My question is this - my husband and I have been to therapy a few times and my weight and his issues with it have always come up. He has always been adamant that he is not trying to be cruel but that he is just not attracted to someone who is overweight. A quick search on the internet shows that there are thousands of men out there just like him. I know that my desire to please him may have started me down this path of hiding and eating, but I have now internalized it and taken it to a whole new level that is all my own. Is my only option to leave him and try to rebuild my life? We don't fight about my weight any more but we are also not intimate or loving. We have two kids and he is a great dad - I feel I owe it to them to stay in this relationship. How can I build a better relationship with you food, when I have someone in my life who doesn't believe in this approach? Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Jillian Murphy's website and Food Freedom Body Love Method Self Study Program Jillian's 7 part podcast Body Image Masterclass called 7 days 7 stories PUSSY by Regena Thomashauer Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How do other people recover into a world that hasn't recovered from its own eating disorder? How do others binge less and love their body more in this thin obsessed world? Listen to this Love Food episode featuring words from a previous letter writer who wants to share the steps they've taken. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how.  thirdwheelEDis a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food, I wrote you back in episode #64, and so much in our relationship has changed since then that I wanted to write you again. I was so terrified when I wrote that letter, so scared of what lay ahead and unsure of whether I could do what needed to be done to recover from a lifetime of disordered eating that had left me at rock bottom. But I write you today saying that I am on the other side of that mountain, and sometimes I still can’t believe it. It’s not perfect, and never will be. But that is the beauty of life, we will always struggle, and there is beauty and meaning and so much learning in that struggle. So I wrote you, and Julie and Judith Matz discussed the contents of my letter with such care, kindness and compassion. It meant so much to me, and I felt more validated that my struggle was real, and that I needed help. I ended up finding a wonderful eating disorder therapist in my hometown. She was a huge support during the really hard parts of my recovery, and helped me to challenge my beliefs and made me realize - or at least begin to digest the fact - that my worth as a woman and a person in this world does not depend on the size of my body. I have to say that when I wrote that first letter, I never thought I’d be able to internalize that as truth. I wanted to share the three pivotal parts of my journey. And my intention here is to try to speak to those who feel as I did back then: that there was no way I could ever stop dieting, and there was no chance that I could accept my body if it was not thin. For those who feel as scared as I did, I want to let them know that it is possible, and there truly is freedom on the other side. It involves taking some big risks, lots of trust in the process, as well as grit, patience and commitment. The first part of my journey involved letting go of all rules around food - which was terrifying - literally like jumping off a cliff and hoping that I'd be okay on the other side. I would say for me, this took a few years, and the beginning was so rough. It felt out of control and so awful at first, and I just had to keep going and trust that I would be okay. Over time, things slowly started to shift, to the point where today, I literally eat whatever I want. I no longer question my food choices, and rarely feel regret over what I’ve eaten. I crave healthy food a lot more than I ever thought I would, and when I want treats, I don’t think twice. I have ice cream and chocolate and cookies in my house all the time, and often don’t even think about them. My hunger and fullness signals are so much stronger than I ever knew they could be, and it feels so good to see foods that would have once sent me over the deep end, and now if I want them I eat them, and if I don’t feel hungry or don’t feel like eating them, I just say “meh” and leave them for others to enjoy. I can honestly say I never thought I’d have that freedom. The second part of my journey was body acceptance work, which involved beginning to undo the beliefs that I had about a woman's value, and really questioning why people in my life do value or love me, and eventually realizing that it truly has nothing to do with how I look. That took time - but I continually remind myself that since I stopped dieting and my body changed, not one relationship has been negatively impacted by it. I still have wonderful friends, laugh my head off, have a great marriage, have sex, go to parties, spend time with family. Changing my social media feeds was super helpful with respect to body acceptance -seeing strong, smart and incredible women of all shapes and sizes owning their shit and unapologetically living their truths - that continues to be so helpful and inspiring. Doing this work also got me thinking about how I would want to be remembered after I’m gone. And I asked myself, do I want people to say, "Oh she had such a great body! Such small, tight thighs and she worked out so hard!" I can say with 100% conviction that that is not the legacy I want to leave behind on this earth. I would much rather it be that I truly loved and cared about those around me, and tried to live a life true to who I am and to my values. The third important part has been self-compassion: This was another critical part, because we can be so cruel to ourselves, and we would never talk to others the way we speak to ourselves. Self-compassion means that in times of trouble and inner conflict (which is basically all the time), that we talk to ourselves as we would speak to someone we love - a good friend, a child. So as I let go of food rules and my body inevitably changed, instead of using words like gross and disgusting when I looked in the mirror, I worked on being more neutral and accepting. Changing that inner dialogue to a much kinder one was a real shift for me and I continue to work on that every day. This doesn’t mean I look in the mirror every day and think I look beautiful. What it means is, I can now look in the mirror and even if I don't like what I see, I can say, "Ok. I don't love how I look today. But...oh well. I am still gonna go to work, hopefully accomplish something productive, have some good talks or laughs with colleagues and friends I cherish, and then come home and share a meal with my family, and love and be loved. How I look today will have no impact on any of those things.” So there you have it. No more food rules, accepting my body, and practicing self-compassion. So many big hurdles, so much change. And here I am on the other side of it. When I wrote you back in episode #64, I never thought I’d be where I am today. I know that this journey will be lifelong, and I am completely okay with that. I can’t and won’t ever go back to that way of life, to those values I had internalized that were never really my own, to a world of body shame and unrealistic beauty standards. I am committed to the ups and downs of the road ahead of me, now that I know that my beauty and value lie within. I choose freedom, I choose to live my own truth, and I choose to honour all people and all bodies, including my own. Sincerely, Previously Stuck and Scared and Wanting to Charge Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Episode #64 of Love Food with Judith Matz Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Are you into a sport while trying to move away from diets? Does your sport demand you to keep your weight low?  push you into a weight class that is not consistent with your body wants to weigh? Have you been told you will be better at your sport while at a lower weight? Listen up because this episode of the Love Food Podcast explores this topic featuring Kristie Amadio from RecoveredLiving.com. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out through the month of February 2019. thirdwheelEDis a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear food, I have written and re-written this letter so many times, but we need to talk. Our relationship has always been rocky, coming from an americanised easter-european family, and after flirting with several eating disorders I thought I had finally broken free from restricted eating. But then I became a boxer. Not just a lunchtime class, fitness, instagram boxer, but a fighter. I love boxing, I love fighting and the sense of ultimate conquering I get from coming out on top and training so hard; but my relationship with you has been abused and almost destroyed in my quest to become a champion. Within the combat industry there is a prevailing, toxic undercurrent of weight loss and diet culture expectations; crystallised in the dangerous ritual that is the weight cut. Cutting weight is often a combination of severe restriction, forced dehydration and over exercise; and in my fight history I have done all to the extreme. This has caused not only our trust to erode, but also extreme weight cycling by about 20lbs a cut. I am now trying to engage with intuitive eating and the HAES community after a big scare where my last cut almost landed me in the hospital. I have just started to see a anti-diet dietician who was blown away by the sheer volume of HAES resources I have consumed in my quest for health and pleasurable eating. I am slowly increasing the amount and variety of you that I consume, but I am still stuck on true eating permission due to my fear around my club and my coach. I am heavy, food, and I always have been. I am stocky and short for my weight and to make matters worse my family has a history of having great bone density; which probably means that I can never lose as much weight as I need to for the “fight advantage.” While working overseas I was able to train on the fight team of a female coach. It was a mind blowing experience as far as food freedom and body positivity goes; I felt so free and proud to be my size! I was allowed to fight very close to my walk-around weight, and even though I was 4 inches shorter than my opponent I felt fit, and fuelled, and strong. Now back in my home country I am back at my home gym, and although I love and respect my male coach and my almost all male teammates I am so scared and anxious about the thought of gaining weight! I don’t know if he will let me fight close to my walk around weight, but even if he does I am scared that permission to eat sweets will skyrocket my weight upwards; forcing me to undertake another dangerous weight cut. I’m scared, food. I wrestle with guilt every time we’re at the table and you are in a regular portion size or contain “bad” carbohydrates. There are bountiful resources for your average Jane looking to undertake the intuitive eating journey, but there are precious few for serious athletes of size like myself. I am sick and tired of compulsively moving all day, over training, and under fueling and undernourishing my body so everything hurts when I do the smallest things like climb the stairs or pat my dog. I’m the fittest and strongest I’ve been in my life, but I’m scared about losing that again just to make a stupid weight I’m not supposed to be. I want to fully engage with you again, food, and have a healthy relationship where I can fuel my training and have eating competence and satisfaction! My fear of perceived judgement from my ringmates and coach is holding me back. How can I feel better about my bigger body in a room of lean athletes? How can I stop comparing myself to my sole female training partner who is as skinny and shredded as they come? How can I stay off the scale and retain my food choice autonomy without feeling guilt towards my coach? And how can I be proud and confident of the amazing things I can do, and my size, despite falling outside the norm of today’s media “athletes?” Love, fighting diet culture. Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Recovering Voices Recovered Voices www.recoveredliving.com Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you find yourself reliving certain polarizing food memories over and over again in an exhausting loop? Curious why they have so much power? Do you feel like your chaotic eating has all the control and you just want to be the one driving the bus for once? Listen to the latest Love Food Podcast with special guest Whitney Catalano where we explore some possible next steps. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peaceand Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out through the month of February 2019. thirdwheelEDis a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,    I hate you.    I think about you every second of every day, and I think of all the things I’ve lost and can’t get back because of the power I’ve given you.    Growing up, I was always bigger. Actually, the biggest. The bigger sister, the bigger cousin, the big friend. I was a quiet, sensitive, and curious little girl, always the observer. I also had a difficult home life, which was the best kept secret in town. My dad was a volatile alcoholic, which led to a great deal of anxiety, fear, and chaos, and a mother who was in too much pain to really be there for us girls. I compensated for all of these things by attempting perfection in almost every other part of my life.    Straight A’s through high school, studied abroad for a year, president of the international club. I wasn’t much of an athlete, but it wasn’t because I didn’t like sports. It’s the classic big girl dilemma – they’ll judge me if I don’t, they’ll laugh at me if I do. Instead, I was a musician. Principal cellist of five different ensembles, and the only high school cellist in the college symphony. But it always came back to my size, and no matter what I achieved I felt like losing weight was the only thing that would make me belong or be truly loved.   The busy schedule I designed for myself meant that I didn’t “have time” for food most days. Really, what I had was a rock-solid alibi for my absence in the school cafeteria. I had tried everything under the sun before I had even reached junior year. Skipping meals, eating frozen grapes because they took longer to eat than regular grapes (logic where???), you name it. To my perpetual shock and devastation, nothing worked.    When I was a senior in high school, I was on a diet and my family knew about it. It was probably not a safe, healthy diet, but I was overweight so they encouraged the behavior. My dad, especially. He was big his whole life, and had just dropped a significant amount of weight.    This particular night, I had been at school since 7:30 AM, and didn’t get home from college orchestra practice until close to 9:30. I was exhausted, and, quite literally, starving. I grabbed a can of Lite Progresso Soup for dinner. My dad made a condescending remark, something to the effect of “You should be careful, that has a lot of sodium in it.”    I completely shut down. I put the soup back in the cupboard, and walked upstairs unable to speak or look anyone in the eye. Once I got to my room, I started to sob. I remember hearing my mom say something like, “What’s wrong with you?” to my dad.    As I write this, I’m in one of the deepest holes I’ve ever experienced with my binge eating. I feel like I'm on a runaway train, except I'm the driver and I can't get it together enough to take the wheel (don't think trains have steering wheels, but you get it). I haven’t been able to shake this memory for a few weeks, and I can’t exactly articulate why but I know this was an impactful moment in my life, and there were others like it. I know my dad came to talk to me after, but I don’t remember what he said because it didn’t matter. He couldn’t unring the bell, in my mind. I don’t remember if they were able to get me to eat that night, but I remember feeling the emotional pain overcome the hunger pains, and I couldn’t stomach the thought of eating.    I’m 25 now, and I can feel that I’m in a nosedive, and I feel absolutely powerless. I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last year, and my preoccupation with food and my eating disorder is negatively affecting my job, my social life, and my health. I eat to soothe my psychological pain, but my psychological pain stems from my inability to control my eating. My eating disorder is definitely at the wheel right now, and I don’t know how to take back control. I don’t even feel that I’m strong enough.    From,    Runaway Train Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post The Body Image Workbook by Thomas Cash The Trust Your Body Project podcastand Instagram Diet Binge Cycle Pendulum video WhitneyCatalano.com Julie Dillon RD blog Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Many on their Food Peace™ journey find it tough to raise children because of the pressure to limit certain foods or focus on weight. Even tougher when a child is placed on a restrictive diet or given a recommendation to avoid certain foods or food groups. Can you relate? How did this effect your Food Peace journey? Listen to the latest Love Food podcast episode that examines this part of the journey with special guest Kathryn Riner. Subscribe and leave a review here in just seconds. This episode is brought to you by my courses: PCOS and Food Peace and Dietitians PCOS and Food Peace. You CAN make peace with food even with PCOS and I want to show you how. Get 30% off using the coupon code 'lovefood' at check out through the month of February 2019. thirdwheelED is a social media advocacy platform that raises awareness of eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities. Started by a queer couple whose writing addresses the intersectionality of eating disorders and body image, including gender dysphoria; a queer identity; trauma; and gender identity and expression, CJ and OJ provide a dual perspective of eating disorder recovery through the lens of a nonbinary person in recovery and of a nontraditional family carer, who just happens to also be a registered dietitian! CJ and OJ would love to work with eating disorder professionals on cultivating inclusive treatment for eating disorders in LGBTQ+ communities and are available to discuss training, webinars, and speaking engagements. You can follow them on instagram, facebook, and twitter @thirdwheeled or email them at info@thirdwheeled.com. This episode's Dear Food letter: Dear Food,  You and I have had our ups and our downs.  When I was younger I avoided you.  When I was older, I feared you.  Yet, I could never quite get over you.  You helped me connect with my children through baking and cooking.  Covered with flour in the kitchen, we created some of my favorite memories.  Then I would swear you off and eat 'diet' versions of you, leaving my children confused and looking for an answer.   I realized that something was wrong when my 7 year old twin girls started measuring themselves.  They would tell me proudly how they had said no to the pizza at the cafeteria and had only eaten the small salad for lunch.  I had never talked to them about you, food, but they caught on quickly.  I felt awful.  I didn't want my children to go through the same confusion and disappointment that I felt.  This led me to my journey to finding my own peace with you, food.   After discovering intuitive eating and ellyn satter's books about a year ago, our family has practiced the principles as we eat together each day.  We have learned how to reconnect with both nutritious and fun versions of you.  I have felt so much peace when I've see them eat a cookie with enthusiasm, and then reach for bell peppers with that same enjoyment.  The obsessions with weight are gone for both me and my children.  I thought we had it all figured out!   Then we hit a roadblock with you, food.  My 6 year old son was diagnosed with PANDAS, an autoimmune disorder.  He has an infection in his brain, and his body is confusing his own brain tissue for the infection itself.  After an ineffective round of antibiotics, his doctor is pushing us to go on a 'no sugar diet', so there is nothing to feed the infection.  This means no sugar and very limited fruits and carbohydrates.  The diet could last for months or even years.   I am happy to do anything I can to see my son be healthy again.  But I am concerned, food.  I am worried that by throwing good and bad labels into our families food vocabulary, we will undo all of our hard work. I am worried that even after my son is healthy, he will still have a fear of these versions of you.  I am worried that he will start sneaking you at friends houses or at school and end up eating more sugar than he is now (which isn't a lot).   Yet, I am also worried that if I let him choose, he will never get better.  I have always been good at being extreme with you, food.  It seems easier just to ban everything that might be hurting him.   When I brought up these concerns with our doctor, he just seemed confused.  He said that if I have the discipline to make an extreme change, that could only be helpful to my son.   The holiday season is here and it is time to make a decision.  Is there a way to eat intuitively and follow these dietary restrictions?  If we leave weight out of it, is it still a diet?  I just want to make life a little more simple for my children than it was for me.   Sincerely, Scared and Hopeful Show Notes: 6 Keys To Food Peace™️ blog post Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine book Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch Julie Dillon RD blog Kathryn Riner's website including access to her free download "5 signs your child has a negative relationship with food, and what you can do about it right now" Link to subscribe to the Love Food’s Food Peace Syllabus. Eating Disorder Dietitians Do you have a complicated relationship with food? I want to help! Send your Dear Food letter to LoveFoodPodcast@gmail.com.  Click here to leave me a review in iTunes and subscribe. This type of kindness helps the show continue!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy