The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Kute Blackson is no stranger to miracles. Growing up the son of a spiritual leader in Ghana, Africa, Kute witnessed healings and transformation that were nothing short of awe-inspiring.   But when he realized it wasn’t his calling to take over his father’s ministry in the way his family expected, it led him on a challenging and transformational journey of his own: one in which he discovered the magic of surrender and how it can heal our lives.   In this episode, Kute delivers so much wisdom about what surrender really is (it’s not passive like you might think ), the role of the ego in our lives, why the challenges we face are an essential part of our soul’s journey and how to let go and live open to the possibilities – the miracles – life holds for us.   Listen to discover: ● Kute’s story of courageously following his calling even in the face of adversity ● Why challenging experiences are essential to our soul’s growth ● What surrender actually is and why it’s so powerful ● How to tell when we’re in the flow ● What to do when you feel stuck and are struggling to surrender ● Where resistance comes from ● Why surrender requires grieving what we think we know and how it opens us up to more love and joy Each of us is here with a purpose, and even the difficult moments in our lives hold something important for our growth. When we can relinquish control and what we think our lives should look like, we discover that there are divine possibilities beyond what our mind can even think of or dream up…and what a truly exciting, miraculous journey that is! “Those challenges [don’t] mean you’re on the wrong path. It sometimes means you’re on the right path; you just have to go through, on a human level, the soul test.” - Kute Blackson “Forgiveness frees you.” - Michelle Chalfant “It doesn’t mean that when something difficult is in your path, it’s not God-inspired, soul-inspired.” - Michelle Chalfant “Life is a university for our soul’s evolution…We’re always succeeding when we’re learning the lessons, even if it’s difficult.” - Kute Blackson “In our culture, we have this misconception that surrender is weak.” - Kute Blackson “In true surrender and letting go, what if you actually got more than you could have intended and planned with the limited concept of your own mind?” - Kute Blackson “Surrender is when we stop trying to force life to fit into our limited idea of what we think it should look like.” - Kute Blackson “Many of our goals are often projections of unmet needs from our childhood.” - Kute Blackson “The mind is constantly seeking to understand why…which is another form of control.” - Kute Blackson “It’s the journey that brings us the happiness.” - Michelle Chalfant “Many times people think that they’re feeling the feeling, but they’re actually thinking about the feeling.” - Kute Blackson “To truly surrender requires the willingness to move through the portal of grieving.” - Kute Blackson   LINKS & RESOURCES Kute Blackson Website https://kuteblackson.com/  Kute Blackson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kuteblackson/  “The Magic of Surrender” (Kute Blackson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Surrender-Finding-Courage-Let/dp/0593189094  Kute’s Bali Retreat https://www.boundlessblissbali.com/  The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification  STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant 

You guys know I’m a huge believer in meditation for its emotional and spiritual benefits. It’s one of the greatest tools I’ve found for personal growth and living a more peaceful life. But it turns out that meditation also has a major impact on the brain, from our fear response to how well we sleep at night. In this show, we take a deeper look at meditation through the lens of neuroscience alongside neuroscientist and brain expert Ariel Garten. In this fascinating show with a fascinating guest, Ariel talks about what meditation is (and what it’s not), the benefits of meditation and how it positively affects the brain – backed by tons of research and data. And in case the studies she cites aren’t enough, she actually invented a smart headband called Muse that monitors brain activity and gives you biofeedback to help you calm your busy mind, sleep better and measure the real benefits of a meditation practice! How cool is that?! This episode will give you the scoop on all the science behind fear, how our brains get wired for anxiety, how the brain contributes to sleep and the power to choose thoughts that heal our brain instead of hurting it. Listen to discover: What meditation is and what it does for the brain How to get started with a meditation practice The benefits of meditation (with data to prove it) The amygdala, the fight or flight response and how it connects to meditation What happens to the brain during sleep + the two mechanisms that govern sleep The 5 essentials of a good night’s sleep The neuroscience of anxiety I absolutely love when science helps back up and explain ancient wisdom, and there’s no arguing with the info Ariel shares. We NEED to be meditating as humans! If you don’t currently meditate, start small (even 5 or 10 minutes a day has major brain-boosting benefits) and consider using tools like Muse to help you build a habit. I promise you won’t regret it! "Meditation is not a weird or woo woo thing. Meditation is a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind states." - Ariel Garten "Meditation is a practice. It's not something we can ever master." - Michelle Chalfant "Meditation is about learning to observe your thinking and then be able to make a different choice." - Ariel Garten "Our amygdala is really there to save us from the bad things in the world, but it goes way overboard." - Ariel Garten "Just eight weeks of meditation led to actual change in the brain." -  Ariel Garten “The trick with anxiety is just to realize it’s just a broken alarm.” - Ariel Garten "In meditation, you have the thoughts that come. You rise up above them. You notice that you're having thoughts and you don't get sucked in." - Ariel Garten "We forget how powerful we are, that we can actually choose our thoughts." - Michelle Chalfant "We fall victim to our thoughts all the time." - Michelle Chalfant "One of the things that may be happening in somebody who has a hyper-reactive emotional state is that they've spent a long time engaging with that emotional state." - Ariel Garten "The thoughts in your mind and the emotions in your body don't need to trap you into yourself and into a small way of living your life." - Ariel Garten LINKS & RESOURCES Muse https://choosemuse.com/ Use code POD10 for 10% off Muse Social Media @choosemuse Ariel Garten Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ariels_musings Untangle (Ariel Garten podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untangle/id1073460738 The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We were all created with a purpose, but so many of us feel disconnected from who we are and why we’re here. We get bogged down by everyday life, social pressure and the need to make money, and we get stuck in survival mode. Many of us don’t even know what our passion is! But you were made for more! You were made to live a life of joy and passion that lights you up inside…and it’s never too late to find that. In this show, I’m giving you five hands-on steps to uncover your passion and purpose in life. This episode will take you on an exciting journey of self-discovery that will reconnect you back to yourself in a profound way and discover why your beautiful soul is here on this planet. So, grab a pen and paper and follow along with me, or listen for the tips and do the exercises at a later date. But I promise, if you go through this process, you WILL discover more about what your purpose is…and how to start taking action towards it! Listen to discover: 5 hands-on steps for finding your passion and purpose 3 lists you can make to uncover your passion today Affirmations for finding your passion and purpose How to keep fear and inaction from getting in the way Our purpose in life isn’t rigid. It might be more than one thing. It might change over the years. The way we live it out might evolve. This is why it’s so important that we learn how to tune into our intuition and take the next step on the illuminated path in each season of life. When we let go of exactly what it should look like and instead embrace the exciting journey of life, we will be able to respond to the nudges we get from our soul and experience the joy of living in the flow…our unique path, designed around our gifts, passions and purpose. “Hopefully, your purpose lights you up and you feel passionate about it.” - Michelle Chalfant “The body knows why we’re here.” - Michelle Chalfant “Use your heart and your body as a navigation system that will lead you down a path to help you to find your passion and purpose.” - Michelle Chalfant “Every soul on the planet has gifts.” - Michelle Chalfant "What you hear, you have to take action on." - Michelle Chalfant "That soul, it's connected to something way bigger than us. It's got a vision for our whole life." - Michelle Chalfant “You are wise beyond your knowledge.” - Michelle Chalfant “Life is happening through you all the time.” - Michelle Chalfant “Feel your fear and do it anyway.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Certified Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Join the Waitlist! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Grief, anger, sadness, fear…YUCK! I don’t know anyone who likes to feel these emotions. I get emails from you guys all the time asking how to get rid of “negative” emotions like these. But are these emotions really negative? Or do they serve a purpose in our lives? While some emotions might feel more unpleasant than others, I personally don’t believe any emotion is negative. All emotions are part of the human experience and carry information for us. However, they can create negative experiences in life when we get stuck in them. The problem isn’t the emotions; it’s that we don’t know what to do with them! In this show, I’m teaching you how to work through the full range of emotions you were designed to experience as a human and how to get unstuck if you find yourself lost in anger, grief or fear. You’ll discover practical steps for feeling your emotions in a way that allows them to move through you, no matter how you saw emotions modeled growing up. Listen to discover: Why “negative” emotions serve a purpose in life The messages we receive about emotions as children What causes emotions to get stuck Practical steps to feel emotions and move them through you Emotions are simply energy that moves through our body and creates sensation. And on the spectrum of emotions from love to fear, some feel better than others…but because they are energy, they can ALL move through us (and move through us quickly). Problems arise when emotions come up that we don’t want to feel. We avoid them and shut them down, which makes us more likely to get stuck in these “negative” experiences. That's why we have to start going INTO our emotions, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel. When you do this, you’ll be surprised how quickly they move through you...and what powerful insights they might hold for you. ​​“We’re human, and humans were created to have emotions. We were created to have a range of emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant “There’s an energy to emotions that rises up and passes through us.” - Michelle Chalfant “I don’t even like to call emotions on the fear end of the spectrum ‘negative.’” - Michelle Chalfant “Anger propels us forward.” - Michelle Chalfant “Energy is always in motion, and emotions are energy.” - Michelle Chalfant “Something that keeps emotions stuck is a story.” - Michelle Chalfant “Just let it go and be present with whatever is coming up.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you put pen to paper, you’re tapping into your unconscious world.” - Michelle Chalfant “There’s power when someone is witnessing what’s going on in our inner world.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you feel the energy of peace, it's neutral.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

If there’s one thing that most cases of narcissistic abuse have in common, it’s that the narcissist has an incredible ability to blindside their victims. Nearly every story starts out with someone meeting a wonderful, charming person until suddenly their dark side comes out.  Sometimes the abuse can be so subtle that the victim doesn’t notice it’s happening until it’s broken them down. The gaslighting can be so intense that even the strongest person can wonder if they’re the crazy one and if it’s all their fault.   Narcissism is so, so sinister.   This was what happened to Melanie Tonia Evans after she married what seemed like a wonderful man, before she even knew what a narcissist was. His abuse eventually pushed her into a breakdown that became a moment of healing, as it revealed to her the unhealed places in herself. Today, she has developed her own energy healing method to heal trauma at the soul level – beyond the conscious mind – and help others recover from narcissistic abuse.   In the episode, Melanie talks about the keys to recognizing and healing from narcissistic abuse, how her experience with narcissism led her to healing her own self-worth and inner child and how she eventually learned to love who she really was and become whole. Listen to discover: The dynamics of a narcissistic relationship  How Melanie discovered the unhealed places in herself that attracted her to a narcissistic partner Why it's so hard to leave a narcissist How to heal from narcissistic abuse in your inner world Next steps when leaving a relationship with a narcissist The difference between a survivor and thriver The #1 mistake people make when trying to recover from narcissistic abuse I’m so thankful that narcissism is more widely talked about. While the narcissist is cunning, with the tools to recognize narcissism and become our emotionally healthy true selves, I hope more and more of us can see through the narcissist's careful image and stop being blindsided by abuse. "What really scared me the most was how I started tolerating behaviors I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be tolerating." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "One of the biggest realizations I had in that epiphany moment was that he was treating me identically to how I'd been treating myself." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "I had plenty of understanding from the chin up, but I wasn't standing in who I was." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "When the person leaves, the narcissist does go after the person that leaves, and it's not pretty."  - Michelle Chalfant   "There's got to be a sense of the inner strength and empowerment in order to leave." - Michelle Chalfant   "The narcissist is a black and white individual." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "You're either serving the false self, where you're amazing. And if you want to get away or you're not, well then you are absolute trash." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "The victim often looks like the perpetrator." - Melanie Tonia Evans   "We actually thrive, not despite what happened to us, but literally because of what happened for us." - Melanie Tonia Evans   LINKS & RESOURCES    Melanie Tonia Evans Website https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/     Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program https://courses.melanietoniaevans.com/p/narp     Melanie Tonia Evans Masterclass https://www.recoverhealthrive.com/    The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville     MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/  The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification  https://theadultchair.com/certification    STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/  The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant 

Anne Moss Rogers will never forget the day she got the news that no parent wants to hear: her son had died. And then a second piece of news came like a punch to the gut: he had died by suicide. Anne Moss and her husband knew he had been struggling with alcohol and drugs, but they didn’t realize he had been using substances to mask thoughts of suicide. On top of their loss and grief, they were forced to wrestle with the questions that often come in the wake of suicide: Did they miss the signs? Was there more they could have done? How could such a wonderful person like their son feel so hopeless? In this episode, Anne Moss shares her powerful story of surviving and healing after her son’s death, how she overcame the questions and guilt that come when someone close dies by suicide and her work as a mental health and suicide prevention speaker, reaching others who are hurting and educating people on the signs of suicide. Anne Moss uses her expertise to pull back the curtain on a tough topic that we often want to sweep under the rug and gives practical advice on how to talk about suicide, how to help someone who might be contemplating suicide and how to process grief following a suicide.   Listen to discover:  Anne Moss's story and how she has processed the grief of her son’s death How Anne Moss overcame the guilt and questions surrounding her son's death The increasing rates of suicide among young people and what might be driving it The signs that someone might be contemplating suicide What to say and what not to say to someone contemplating suicide Correct language for describing suicide Tips for parents concerned about their children   Suicide is becoming a rising cause of death, especially among young people, and while it’s a tough topic to talk about, it’s one that is too important to ignore. In fact, 86% of people who think about suicide let their intentions be known in some way. Anne Moss’s advice in this episode helps us know how to approach this topic with empathy and boldness and how to walk alongside a child or friend who might be struggling.   If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org/ to talk to someone who will offer you support and understanding with zero judgment. You don’t have to walk through this alone.   "Our love isn't what prevents suicides." - Anne Moss Rogers   "They don't leave because they don't love you...they leave because they are in pain or a place of deep despair." - Anne Moss Rogers   "It is really hard for a lot of humans to walk in and sit with someone in their tragedy." - Anne Moss Rogers   "Time removed [grief's] fangs." - Anne Moss Rogers   "You cannot push pain away. You have to go straight into it to heal it." - Michelle Chalfant   "I'd rather somebody be mad at me than dead." - Anne Moss Rogers   "Your job is to listen with empathy...allowing another person to feel heard is the absolute greatest gift you can give to another human." - Anne Moss Rogers   "86% of those who thought about suicide let their intentions be known in some way."  - Anne Moss Rogers     LINKS & RESOURCES Anne Moss Rogers Blog www.emotionallynaked.com   Anne Moss Rogers Website https://annemossrogers.com/   "Diary of a Broken Mind" (Anne Moss Rogers book) https://www.amazon.com/DIARY-BROKEN-MIND-Mothers-Haunting/dp/0998788163   Suicide Prevention Lifeline Call or text 988 https://988lifeline.org/   The Adult Chair Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville     MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

As humans, we tell ourselves stories all the time, every day. As we go through life, we try to make sense of our circumstances by making assumptions, filling in blanks and telling ourselves stories about why things are the way they are.   The problem? 97% of the time, these stories aren’t true!   These untrue stories and assumptions that we believe create SO much unnecessary stress, anxiety and pain…they can even destroy our relationships.   In this show, I chat with my good friend and fellow life coach, Claudine Sweeney, about the time that stories and assumptions almost ended our 15-year friendship. This hilarious story is an incredible example of how easily we can all fall into story and the domino effect assumptions have on our lives and our relationships. It’s only because we chose to be truth seekers that we were able to clear up the misunderstanding and save our friendship!   In this show, we’re sharing practical tips for how you can bust stories and live as a truth seeker…and save yourself a whole lot of stress, pain and drama in the process!   Listen to discover: The (now) hilarious story of how Claudine and I almost lost our friendship ALL because of assumptions Why our brains so easily create stories How our past experiences can feed our stories and assumptions Steps to bust stories and unwind assumptions How to change your life by choosing better, more conscious thoughts The power of giving others the benefit of the doubt and seeking a higher perspective   Stories and assumptions are a vicious cycle because once we have a story in our mind, our ego collects all the evidence to validate that story. We suddenly only see things that reinforce our beliefs.   It takes courage to slow down, question our thoughts and ask others for clarity, facts and truth…but it’s what we do from our Adult Chair!   We don’t just make assumptions about our own lives; we make assumptions about others around us all the time. We assume we know what type of person someone is and what type of experience they’ve had in life because of where they live or what they look like or stereotypes and prejudices we hold. How often do assumptions lead to anger, division and even hate?   By being curious, giving people the benefit of the doubt and leading with love, we not only change our lives and our relationships, but we might even change the world.   “Stories and assumptions are things that plague every aspect of our lives.” - Michelle Chalfant   “And all of the sudden that lack of invitation becomes this whole story and there’s so many assumptions and it can really destroy relationships.” - Claudine Sweeney   “We collect data to reinforce the story…The eyes and the brain will sort for anything to reinforce what my belief is.” - Michelle Chalfant   “What we do as healthy adults is we learn to bust those stories.” - Michelle Chalfant   “Our pasts come into play here.” - Claudine Sweeney   “Blame is all from the ego.” - Michelle Chalfant   “[We] believe our feelings are fact and truth.” - Claudine Sweeney   “97% of the time that we’re in stories and assumptions, they’re incorrect.” - Michelle Chalfant   “If someone comes at us and treats us in an unkind way, we have to consider the circumstance.” - Michelle Chalfant   “I challenge and encourage my clients to get curious, not critical.” - Claudine Sweeney   “We fall victim to our negative, unconscious thoughts.” - Michelle Chalfant   “When I learned that my thoughts generated my emotions…it was mind-blowing and absolutely changed my life.” - Claudine Sweeney     LINKS & RESOURCES   Claudine Sweeney Website https://claudinesweeney.com/   Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4     MORE ADULT CHAIR   The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We’ve all heard that relationships are hard work…but why are they so hard? And what does healthy hard work look like versus putting up with behavior we shouldn’t?   Dr. Stan Tatkin has a unique approach to answering these questions by looking at relationships through the lens of psychobiology. This means understanding how our brain, our body, our nervous system and our survival instincts can contribute to and work against healthy relationships. Yes, it’s as fascinating as it sounds!   In this episode, we talk about how our self-preservation instincts can keep us from experiencing deep relationships and sabotage our happiness, how attachment and projection work, why we pick partners that feel familiar to us and how we can work against the brain’s tendency to “get used to” our partners and keep the spark alive!   Listen to discover:  How our survival brains sometimes work against us in relationships Why we pick the partners we do Why relationships change after marriage What projection is and how it works The power of a purpose-centered relationship Practical habits for getting out of self-preservation mode and working towards the good of your relationship How to handle conflict in a relationship The biological reason relationships lose their spark and why curiosity is a game changer   Dr. Tatkin talks about how great partnerships are built not just on love and emotions but shared values, principles and goals. When the partnership develops its own identity and vision, it helps us look beyond ourselves and seek the good of the whole instead of just the good of ourselves.   This way of thinking and the habits that go along with it create powerful loyalty, intimacy and love that grows with time. This episode will help you work with your human nature to build stronger, more mutually fulfilling relationships with your love…and who doesn’t want that?!   "[Secure functioning relationships] are built on full equality, parity, fairness, justice, sensitivity, collaboration and cooperation. That's a very simple idea that's hard to do." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "When we are threatened or under-resourced, under stress, we are more likely to act and react automatically."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "We have brains that are always aware of what's missing...what we don't have."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "We are picking partners that look familiar, feel familiar in some way." - Michelle Chalfant   "It makes sense that we would pick somebody that's familiar enough to get close to but stranger enough to be interested in."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "We are in projection all the time." - Michelle Chalfant   "We've never lived outside our heads, and we never will. It's all perception." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "When being in a relationship, one has to surrender that their perception is correct, that their reality is correct, in favor of the relationship." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "We're inter-dependent, which means we have the same things to lose and the same things to gain."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "[Our partner is] a stranger that we're always trying to get to know." - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "Humans have a hard time with ownership and apologizing." - Michelle Chalfant   "A purpose-based relationship is a commitment to do the right thing when it's the hardest thing to do."  - Dr. Stan Tatkin   "When you become ordinary is when I look for the unique and novel in you. That's my job." - Dr. Stan Tatkin     LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Stan Tatkin Website https://www.thepactinstitute.com/   Dr. Stan Tatkin Retreats for Couples https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats   Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all experience emotions, but most of us don’t really understand what emotions are. These feelings can drastically alter our day, our life and our experience in the world, yet they’re intangible and often messy and confusing. It’s no wonder many of us try to avoid them altogether.   Well, get ready to have your mind blown and to see emotions in a whole new light in this brilliant episode with Dr. Joan Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg began her study of emotions when she was trying to figure out what made some people confident in life, and her finding was surprising: confidence didn’t just come from a sense of self-esteem but from our ability to handle uncomfortable emotions.   As she dug deeper into the human emotional experience, she uncovered a world of surprises around our understanding of emotions and how we can better process, experience and master our emotions.   We talked about why emotions are so uncomfortable for us (it’s not why you think), what a compliment really is and why it matters so much, what drives fear, anxiety and grief, our fears around emotions and how we get stuck in emotion. Dr. Joan also shares her formula for feeling, experiencing and expressing the eight core emotions in an authentic way that helps them truly move through us.   Listen to discover: The unexpected key to building confidence "The Rosenberg Reset" formula to build confidence The 3 things that cause our uncomfortable feelings to linger (it's not the feelings themselves!) Steps to build more confidence The true power of a compliment (this one left me speechless) What's actually underneath fear and anxiety Why we need to both feel AND express our emotions   As much as I talk about emotions, I was still left speechless more than once in this episode as Dr. Rosenberg got to the heart of what is really beneath certain emotions and my perspective was shifted in so many ways. This is a truly empowering show that will help you live a more balanced and confident life.   “We need to learn as humans how to feel our emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant   “The ability or the capacity to handle unpleasant feelings really is the foundation of confidence.” - Dr Joan Rosenberg   “I think of confidence as the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or whatever you pursue.” - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "We're one interconnected whole...The brain is always feeding information to the body, and the body is always feeding information to the brain." Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "It comes down to handling short-lived bodily sensation waves." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "100% of the time that sensation morphs and vanishes if they stay with it." - Michelle Chalfant   "We metabolize feeling by feeling it and expressing it." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "If you want to stop your ruminating thoughts, you have to feel the emotion that's underneath the rumination." - Michelle Chalfant   "I think of the ability to speak up as the superglue to confidence." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "A compliment is a reflection of you back to you." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "What looks like arrogance is insecurity." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg   "Disguised grief is the gap between what we wanted, what we needed, what we felt we deserved and what we really got." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg     LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Joan Rosenberg https://drjoanrosenberg.com/    “90 Seconds to a Life You Love” (Dr. Joan Rosenberg book) https://www.amazon.com/Seconds-Life-You-Love-Authenticity/dp/1478999764    Dr. Joan Rosenberg TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy19WzkPxE      MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You think you’re a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing …so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce?   These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was “supposed” to do in a marriage – yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships.   What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time…and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he’s on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them.   In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love.   Listen to discover: Matt’s story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safety Nothing in life is static. Either we’re cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we’re neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can’t see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt’s work because he’s helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we’re either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem “fine,” and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we’re on. “There’s so much power in that ‘I’m not alone’ experience.” - Matt Fray   “That’s when healing truly began — when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life.” - Matt Fray   “When you think you’re a good person, it’s so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that’s being experienced by someone else.”- Matt Fray   “Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another.” - Matt Fray   “Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate.” - Matt Fray   “When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, ‘You know, I really need help with this,’ and it’s our partner’s job to show up and say, ‘I’ve got you.’” - Michelle Chalfant   “It’s not about being right – it’s being there in it with that person.” - Michelle Chalfant   “The low-hanging fruit…is ‘I’m not going to invalidate.’” - Matt Fray     LINKS & RESOURCES Matt Fray Website https://matthewfray.com/   “This Is How Your Marriage Ends” (Matt Fray book) https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/   “The Mask You Live In” Documentary https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/     MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification     STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/   The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant