The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

It’s that time of year again…the holidays are here, and with them come all the delicious food and treats. I’m ALL about treating ourselves and eating for enjoyment, but there can also come a point where it’s no longer fun. You probably know the feeling: the sugar crash, the sluggishness, the fatigue, maybe even body aches or indigestion or mild depression. It turns out there’s a reason behind this: what we eat is deeply connected to our brain chemistry, our hormonal balance and our mental and emotional health. And it’s different for everyone. On the show today, I talked to functional medicine nutritionist Andrea Nakayama about the connection between nutrition and mental health and how we can make mindful choices that support our health and happiness this holiday season. We talked about understanding our food triggers and our inherited beliefs about food and our bodies, the way sugar affects our brain chemistry, the root causes of chronic disease and why understanding your unique makeup and your story is critical to making conscious nutrition decisions. This is a fascinating conversation about how nutrition can actually affect our psychology and how we can develop holistic, sustainable habits that are rooted in a deep connection to self. Listen to discover: What functional medicine is & the role of a functional medicine nutritionist in overall health Understanding our inherited beliefs about food and the reasons why we eat the way we do Raising awareness to our food triggers The role of sugar in our brain chemistry and psychology The three roots of any chronic condition Ways to enjoy sugar or sweetness without negatively impacting your hormones or brain chemistry Epigenetics and its connection to disease that can trigger mental health issues Why it's so important to enjoy our food To be 100% clear, this episode is not about labeling food as good or bad or about how our bodies look. It is about understanding how our brains and bodies FEEL when we eat. We were made to eat and enjoy food! And true enjoyment comes when – like everything else in The Adult Chair® – we stay connected to ourselves, bring things into awareness, live embodied and make conscious choices that support our health – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. "Everything is connected, we are all unique and all things matter." - Andrea Nakayama "There's never one root cause." - Andrea Nakayama "Systems biology tells us that everything in the body is connected, the psychology is connected to the physiology, the gut/brain, the gut/hormones, the detoxification and the hormones...it's all connected." - Andrea Nakayama "We have to remember that we are our best judge, we need to tune into ourselves, what do we need intuitively." - Michelle Chalfant "Understanding all of that, your relationship to your body and the way you eat, is a critical part of the equation." - Andrea Nakayama "There are reasons we may be eating sugar or consuming sugar that feel like they're about regulating things, when they may be contributing to a dysregulation." - Andrea Nakayama "There's nothing good or bad about the food." - Andrea Nakayama "It's not about the food. It's about the food and you." - Andrea Nakayama "No two people are the same." - Michelle Chalfant "We've got to pay attention to our moods…what happens to ourselves, to our emotional state, our mental state, when we are eating these foods." - Michelle Chalfant "I think one of the mistakes is the elimination, elimination, elimination, elimination of food without the internal physiological healing." - Andrea Nakayama "Sugar is like the band aid that gives us the quick feeling of, 'Now I'm boosted," or 'Now I'm motivated,' but it's not the long-term solution." - Andrea Nakayama "It's kind of remarkable to me how complicated the relationship with food has gotten." - Andrea Nakayama "There's so much trauma that's influencing chronic health concerns." - Andrea Nakayama LINKS & RESOURCES Andrea Nakayama Website https://www.andreanakayama.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts January 1! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ Episode #237: Healthy & Balanced Eating During the Holidays with Jessi Jean https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/237/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Resistance. Like gravity, it’s such a common part of the human experience that few of us stop to acknowledge it, but it’s a force that exists in all of our lives. It’s in the fear that pops up when we go to move forward in life. It’s in the inner critic, the imposter syndrome and the voice telling us we can’t. It’s in the writer’s block, the snooze button, the procrastination and the distraction. It’s the force that pushes against our creativity and our efforts – especially the big dreams that are part of our soul’s mission – and none of us is immune to it (nope, not even the greats in their fields). The people who accomplish great things aren’t people who don’t experience resistance; they’re the ones who can recognize it and choose to act anyway. I was so honored to have one of my favorite authors, Steven Pressfield, on the show to talk about the dynamics of resistance in our lives. As a writer, Steven understands this force intimately, and some of his most famous work, like “The War of Art,” has focused on the topic of resistance: what it is, where it comes from and how we can stare it in the face and move forward anyway. In this episode, he shares his own 27-year journey of working with his ego to publish his first book, what he’s learned along the way and how he continues to dance with resistance to pursue his soul’s calling. Listen to discover: What resistance is and where resistance comes from How to take action even with resistance (and why we shouldn't expect resistance to just "go away") The many different forms resistance can take How to work with resistant voices like the inner critic The mindset of an amateur vs. a pro (and how you can start thinking like a pro from the start) How to handle rejection and failure and get back up again The danger in resistance is failing to recognize it. It’s so easy to listen to that negative inner voice and truly believe that something is too hard and we shouldn’t do it. By naming resistance and even listening to what it’s trying to tell us, we can begin to separate our calling from our egoic fears and make the conscious choice to act anyway. When we do, we might realize it’s not nearly as hard as we thought it would be. "When I would hear those voices trying to distract me or those voices telling me I'm unworthy, I would say to myself, 'Well, that's not me talking. Those aren't my thoughts. That's resistance.’" - Steven Pressfield "I'm convinced that resistance is a force of nature." - Steven Pressfield "No matter what your passion is, resistance is going to pop up." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel massive resistance to something, you know that's the thing you gotta do." - Steven Pressfield "The more resistance you have, the more in line with your soul's mission that you are." - Michelle Chalfant "The bigger the dream, the bigger the resistance." - Steven Pressfield "We will think, 'Well, let me wait until the fear goes away and then I'll do it.' But the reality is that the fear never goes away." - Steven Pressfield "Once you take action, resistance will recede." - Steven Pressfield "Resistance has no strength of its own." - Steven Pressfield "Resistance takes the form of a voice in your head. And the mistake we make...is we think it's our voice." - Steven Pressfield "You certainly cannot argue with resistance. The only way is to dismiss it." - Steven Pressfield "The ego, it's based in fear. It's trying to protect us on some level." - Michelle Chalfant "When we build something big and we're here to help others, resistance is gonna pop up and rejection and failure. It's gonna happen. You keep going anyway." - Michelle Chalfant   LINKS & RESOURCES Steven Pressfield Website https://stevenpressfield.com/ Steven Pressfield Instagram https://www.instagram.com/steven_pressfield/ "The War of Art" (Steven Pressfield book) https://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/1936891026  "Govt Cheese" (Preorder: new Steven Pressfield book) https://store.stevenpressfield.com/product/govt-cheese-signed-copy/  2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts in January! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we face challenges in life (and we all do), it can feel like the whole world is against us. Whether we blame ourselves or others for our problems, it’s natural to think of our struggles as weakness. But what if the challenges in our lives are actually a doorway to our strengths? What if they give us the opportunity to build resilience and uncover our superpower – the unique way we’re meant to make a difference in the world? Amberly Lago is living proof that our struggles can become our strengths. After building a career in dance and fitness, her life dramatically changed when she was hit by an SUV while riding her motorcycle. In an instant, she went from having a full, active life to undergoing 34 surgeries, spending six years in and out of the hospital, almost losing her leg and living in constant pain. She had every reason to be discouraged, to believe her life was over and to feel like a victim. But instead, she tapped into her “why” and chose to live a life of victory – and today, she is a wildly successful coach and motivational speaker who helps others find their superpowers in the midst of life’s difficult times. In this powerful and inspiring conversation, Amberly and I talk about falling and getting back up again, how to find your superpower and how to overcome blocks, fears and dead ends in life so you can thrive! Listen to discover: Amberly's powerful story of overcoming challenges and building her resilience Simple, powerful habits that can pull us out of negativity and depression The power of resilience How to find your superpower What to do when you feel stuck, blocked or at a dead end in life How to take the first step right now, even if you feel blocked or scared It’s so easy to hear an inspiring story like Amberly’s and think she must have special superpowers, but the truths of her experience are universal. We all face challenges, and we all get to choose whether we will let them overwhelm us or we will overcome them. We all run into fear, blocks and resistance, and we all get to choose to pursue our purpose anyway. You have everything you need within you to face whatever life throws your way, and I hope this episode inspires you to keep going and encourages you that the difficult moments of life can be turned into superpowers! "I think to really thrive and to tap into your superpower of resilience and thrive, sometimes it is so super simple of just getting back to basics." - Amberly Lago "Gratitude is alchemy." - Amberly Lago "I think that when we start asking ourselves the right questions – like 'Why?' 'What is your why?' 'What is your purpose?' – we can get through the hows." - Amberly Lago "I really, truly believe that the human spirit is powerful beyond measure." - Amberly Lago "Success is built on relationships, and proximity is power." - Amberly Lago "I don't rely on motivation. I rely on resilience." - Amberly Lago "When we read, we learn about the world, we learn about other people. But when we write, we learn about ourselves."  - Amberly Lago "[When we journal] it's like we discover what's on the inside." - Michelle Chalfant "It's normal to feel scared. That means you're doing something really important." - Amberly Lago "So much of it is mental and emotional work...It takes practice." - Michelle Chalfant "I have learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself." - Amberly Lago "Everybody has resistance that pops up." - Michelle Chalfant "You don't quit on yourself." - Michelle Chalfant "If you can't say that you need help, reach out and see how you can be of service to somebody." - Amberly Lago LINKS & RESOURCES Amberly Lago Website https://amberlylago.com/ Amberly Lago Instagram https://www.instagram.com/amberlylagomotivation/ Free Download: How To Tap Into Your Superpower of Resilience and Thrive Text GRIT to 818-214-7378 "True Grit and Grace" (Amberly Lago book) https://www.amazon.com/True-Grit-Grace-Turning-Tragedy/dp/1683506235 Episode #202: Turning Tragedy Into Triumph with Amberly Lago https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/202/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification Free 2023 Journaling Challenge - Starts in January! https://michellechalfant.com/journal/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

All of us have an inner critic – the part that reminds us of our limits and our failures and tries to “keep us in line.” It’s that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it’s just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with. Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it’s keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t. That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear. In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is. Listen to discover: How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic A beautiful parts work example from Jenny’s work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coach As Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts – they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they’re ok, they transform. Jenny’s story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge. “I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born.” - Jenny Jansen “When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath.” - Jenny Jansen “The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we’re able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph.” - Michelle Chalfant “A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar.” - Jenny Jansen “What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?” - Jenny Jansen “When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Jenny Jansen Website https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Close December 16, 2022! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

It’s that time of year again…the holidays are officially upon us! This is a happy time, but it can also be really triggering…especially for those of us who struggle with people pleasing and codependency. This time of year puts us around more people than usual, and more demands are placed on us during this time…a combo that is like kryptonite for those who are addicted to other people. No wonder the holidays are so exhausting! On today’s show, I’m helping you figure out how to stay in balance this holiday season, with practical steps you can take today (yes, before the first family gathering even begins!). We’re talking about how to catch ourselves when we’re getting pulled into others’ wants, needs and demands; 3 tips to connect back to self and how to set boundaries – with scripts for common, uncomfortable holiday situations. This is not about healing this tendency overnight, but it is possible to get activated less, even over the next four weeks of the holiday season. And with time, these practices can totally transform you out of people pleasing and codependency…and into a life of peace! Listen to discover: Why the holidays can be such an exhausting time for people pleasers and codependents What codependency is How to bring people pleasing and codependency into balance Three practices you can use to avoid exhaustion this holiday season (and how to implement them in tangible ways) Boundary scripts for holiday gatherings The tricky thing about people pleasing and codependency is that they make us so focused on others that we might not even know we have these habits! If you’re always exhausted and you don’t know why, take a look around and ask if this could be you. As I share in this episode, the first step towards healing this is awareness, so why not try the steps and see how you feel when you do? This might just be your best holiday ever! “I don’t believe that we can ‘heal’ or transform our codependency in just a few short weeks…but you can begin the journey of transforming these habits.” - Michelle Chalfant “What we really want to do is rewire the brain for balance.” - Michelle Chalfant “Codependency, it’s an addiction.” - Michelle Chalfant “We’re just living our lives exhausted and putting our attention outside of self.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s really about connecting back to you.” - Michelle Chalfant “We are doers instead of just being and being ok with self.” - Michelle Chalfant “I’m not suggesting that you stop being a caring person. What I am suggesting is that you start with you first.” - Michelle Chalfant “It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but this is where the rewiring of our brains begins…It’s beautifully uncomfortable.” - Michelle Chalfant “The practices are going to change how you act and react and respond.” - Michelle Chalfant “If you practice these things I just mentioned to you, boundaries become easier.” - Michelle Chalfant “[Boundaries are] sharing with others what I feel and what I need.” - Michelle Chalfant “Boundaries are your right.” - Michelle Chalfant “The authentic you is in there. It’s just covered up. This is how you uncover and discover the true, authentic you.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all know the feeling: someone says or does something, and we feel our heart rate go up, the heat rise in our body, and the anxiety or anger take over. We just got triggered! A trigger is an emotional reaction that we have to someone else’s words or actions. They often catch us off guard and can flood us with “negative” emotions, and if we’re not being conscious, our first reaction is usually to blame the person who triggered us. But triggers aren’t about others; they’re always about us! And after years of working with my own, I can honestly say that triggers are a GIFT! Triggers reveal unconscious beliefs to us – limiting, untrue beliefs that shape our reality and hold us back in life – and give us a chance to heal them. When we have the tools to work through them, we can harness the healing and awareness they hold for us instead of shoving them down, spiraling into negativity or lashing out at others. In this episode, I’m giving you the scoop on what triggers are, how they form and what they can tell us about ourselves, plus my go-to, hands-on steps for working with them. Listen to discover: What the heck a trigger is – and why triggers are a gift How triggers get formed Why your triggers and unconscious beliefs affect your life and your reality The role of projection in triggers Practical steps to work with triggers Triggers are never fun, but we don’t have to get swept away by triggers or let them hijack our emotions. When we develop the skills to work with them, we can live with more peace and balance in every part of our lives…and get to know ourselves a lot better along the way. “[Triggers] are really key to our growth.”  - Michelle Chalfant “Our triggers are our responsibility.” - Michelle Chalfant “Triggers belong to ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant “If someone outside of you is acting like that, it will not bother you unless you have the same quality inside of you.” - Michelle Chalfant “The more we work on our stuff, the less we get triggered.” - Michelle Chalfant “That’s why I love triggers: because when we’re triggered, it’s like this belief that’s been in the dark gets lifted out of the dark and into the light.” - Michelle Chalfant “They help us to know the unknown that’s deep inside of us.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we get in touch with these unconscious beliefs, our lives begin to change.” - Michelle Chalfant “You have to go into what scares you. That is how you transform it.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Happy Birthday, Michelle! Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Realizing your partner is a narcissist or emotionally abusive and making the decision to leave can be one of the most liberating experiences of your life. But what if you’re forever tied to this person because of a child you share together? What if you can take yourself out of the relationship but can't take the narcissist out of your life? Co-parenting with a highly toxic or abusive person adds a whole new dynamic to parenting and divorce. Your child needs more support than ever — and so do you as you heal. You not only have to figure out how to move forward, but you also have to learn how to handle high-conflict interactions with your ex without letting it drag you back into the old patterns that harmed you. Sarah Kamoto is a coach who specializes in helping people co-parent through high-conflict situations. After leaving the narcissistic father of her young child, she has walked this path and navigated everything from how to help your child process the unhealthy dynamics they’re witnessing at the toxic parent’s house to what to do when your ex tries to turn your child against you. In this episode, we dig deep into narcissistic relationships — the signs of a narcissistic relationship, why we experience grief when leaving, dating after leaving and so many questions I get asked about narcissism — plus how to thrive even when you have a high-conflict ex to contend with. Listen to discover: Common signs that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship The dynamics between narcissists and their adult children The process of grief when recognizing and leaving a narcissist Why it's counterproductive to confront a narcissist The difficulties of co-parenting with a toxic ex & how to navigate them Helping your children become emotionally healthy even with a toxic parent How to respond when your ex tries to turn your kids against you Scripts for talking to your children about divorce without pitting them against your ex Everyone deserves to have a beautiful life. You weren’t put here to experience abuse or have your sense of self eroded. You, your children and your entire family can thrive after a narcissistic relationship, but it all starts within. It starts with you doing your work so you can model something different for your children and take the higher path even when your ex tries to tear you down. I hope this episode gives you new tools for growing your self-worth and practical ideas for navigating complex co-parenting situations. "They basically try to destroy who you are as a person." - Sarah Kamoto "They don't ever take responsibility, and they blame you for everything." - Michelle Chalfant "It's a slow erosion." - Sarah Kamoto "I realized that I couldn't have had self-love if I allowed someone to treat me in this way without setting my own boundaries." - Sarah Kamoto "I don't think emotionally healthy people end up in these relationships. You only become emotionally healthy when you've been forced to do this work." - Sarah Kamoto "Isn't the fact that you want more and deserve more enough?" - Sarah Kamoto "It's a lot easier just to switch victims and move on to somebody else than to actually go and do the inner healing work." - Sarah Kamoto "I think anything is possible. And for me it boils down to, 'How aware are you?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Life is too short. I want to live a beautiful life. Everyone deserves to live a beautiful life. We were not put on this earth to be treated in this way and downtrodden and abused." - Sarah Kamoto "Not all people with narcissistic traits are abusive." - Sarah Kamoto "You're trying to parent and you're trying to heal and you're trying to co-parent with somebody who is high conflict." - Sarah Kamoto "You need to differentiate who you are from who the other parent is." - Sarah Kamoto LINKS & RESOURCES Sarah Kamoto Instagram https://www.instagram.com/narc_proof_and_thriving/ Sarah Kamoto Website https://narcproofandthriving.com/ 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You get an idea, you have something you want to do or you become aware of a change you want to make. The first thing you feel is excitement…and then suddenly, the fear hits. Your mind starts racing with all the bad things that could happen if you move forward with your idea. Some of these concerns might sound legitimate, which just adds to the confusion. How can you tell if you’re making a decision out of fear or out of wisdom? How can you connect to your soul to know if something is right for you or not? In this episode, I’m giving you a quick and easy five-step process to overcome fear in decision-making. Using this process, you will learn how to identify the specific fears you have, how to figure out which of them are true (and which are just stories) and how to get out of your head and intuitively make a decision from your heart. Listen to discover: Why fear comes up when we are trying to make a decision How fear keeps us from making good decisions A five-step process to and overcome fear in decision-making How to make decisions from a heart-centered place instead of a fear-centered one Here’s the thing: it’s normal to feel fear when making a big decision, and at the same time, fear isn’t always a sign that we shouldn’t move forward. When we learn to unwind our stories and get into our bodies, we can tell the difference between empty fear and intuitive guidance and learn to make the decisions that are truly best for us. “We think that it’s real, all of these fears, but what we find is most of them are not. They’re just stories we’re telling ourselves.” - Michelle Chalfant “Write down as many as you can until you have exhausted that part of your brain that’s kicking out all the fears.” - Michelle Chalfant “The idea is you want to be able to see what thoughts you’re having around the decision.” - Michelle Chalfant “If it’s not 100% fact and truth, you’re gonna cross it off the list.” - Michelle Chalfant “When you feel it in the body, it anchors in your new truth.” - Michelle Chalfant “Fear is a stimulating emotion.” - Michelle Chalfant “That takes us out of fight or flight. That puts us in the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and relax. Then we can think clearly again.” - Michelle Chalfant “Sometimes when we make decisions, there’s a little bit of fear there. If fear is there, it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t move forward.”  - Michelle Chalfant “We want to make soul-driven decisions.” - Michelle Chalfant “We don’t make the right decisions when we’re only in our heads.” - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES 2023 Adult Chair® Coaching Certification - Doors Open Now! https://theadultchair.com/certification Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant    

If you’ve spent any time in the therapy or self-help space, you’ve probably heard amazing stories from leaders and teachers who have had some sort of spiritual awakening. To the average person, these types of experiences might seem far off – something reserved for the gurus or super spiritual among us. But in my work, I want to know if all humans can awaken to their true self and how we do that.  Andrew DeGregorio was not a guru when he had his awakening. An average 30-something guy who wasn’t necessarily on a spiritual quest, his life totally changed when he had a near-death experience that led him to connect with something bigger than himself. As he went through a season of immense suffering following his injury and turned inward to ask deeper questions about himself, he began to recognize how much he was living from survival- and fear-based strategies and how much conditioning was covering up his true self. Then, one day, he had an indescribable experience of connecting with his true self and the pure Love we all come from, and he never looked back. Today, he helps others heal and return to their true selves through personal development, energy work, nervous system work and so much more…and he’s walking proof that, yes, any of us can awaken! In this episode, Andrew shares his experience of awakening and the deep wisdom from his own journey. We talk about the ego, soul, God, the universe and how we can get out of projection, our programming and fear and live from a love-centered and soul-centered place every day. Listen to discover: Andrew’s powerful story of awakening to his true self after a near-death experience What the ego is and the role it plays in our life Practical (and often counterintuitive) ways we can begin to awaken The energetic dynamics of projection and how it affects relationships What the soul is (the stuff we’re actually made up of as humans) How our souls and personality work together to create our purpose How to create a soul-driven and love-driven business Navigating pain and depression from a soul-centered place This is such a deep conversation where we talk about some of the biggest questions of life and the universe, but it felt so practical and grounded (that’s part of Andrew’s magic!). As you listen, I invite you to open your mind and stretch your beliefs. I believe that simply asking these types of questions is one of the most important things we can do. When we open our mind to the possibilities that exist and surrender to something bigger than ourselves, we might be surprised at what we discover about ourselves, others and even God. “Awakening is a good word. That was a process that began to happen to me.” - Andrew DeGregorio “I took radical responsibility for my reality and moving out of this victim mentality.” - Andrew DeGregorio “In that moment, I had an experience of the truth of what I am, of what we are.” - Andrew DeGregorio “When you see all the things that you’re not, eventually you’re going to realize the thing that you are.” - Andrew DeGregorio “We walk around thinking we’re this person, but we’re actually not that at all.” - Michelle Chalfant “When we come out of our conditioning, we start to realize there’s a lot more to reality.” - Andrew DeGregorio “Where we source our action…really matters. What’s the energy behind our action?” - Andrew DeGregorio “We can choose to begin to awaken by turning inward within ourselves.” - Andrew DeGregorio “The true self is in all of us, but it’s covered up.” - Michelle Chalfant “We actually need each other as mirrors.” - Andrew DeGregorio “A simple request when there’s projection involved becomes an attack.”- Andrew DeGregorio “Slowing things down is really key.” - Michelle Chalfant “The soul has a mission that it’s here to do.” - Andrew DeGregorio “If we are depressed, and we can just have that intention of surrendering to God while taking some action and really having compassion for ourselves and finding somebody that can support us, I think anybody can come back from it.” - Andrew DeGregorio “Surrender is not complacent.” - Andrew DeGregorio LINKS & RESOURCES Andrew DeGregorio Website https://www.andrewdegregorio.com/ “The Knock” (Andrew DeGregorio Book) https://www.amazon.com/Knock-Unexpected-Wake-Up-Call/dp/1949003051 The Adult Chair® Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When is a relationship worth fighting for and when is the only answer to walk away? Is it possible to work through dysfunctional patterns with a partner and get the outcomes you want?   You know that I always say if there is physical  abuse, GET OUT!   But dysfunction exists on a spectrum, and just because someone has a personality disorder or dysfunctional traits doesn’t mean they will always become abusive. In fact, many people in difficult relationships don’t want to leave…they want to figure out how to make it work.   Darlene Lancer, a licensed therapist and narcissism and codependency expert, joined me on the show today to help break down what abuse is, why abusive relationships are so hard to leave and the situations where someone with narcissistic traits can change and become a good partner…and when it’s time to walk.   She explains the five different types of abuse, the surprising and subtle ways it can show up and how our own childhood dynamics and emotional health play a role in how easily we can see and remove ourselves from abusive dynamics.   Darlene also explains why some non-abusive people with narcissistic personality traits can learn how to be supportive partners and communicate in better ways and why it's necessary for codependents to build self-worth and change the dance with their partners. Listen to discover: Whether or not a narcissist can change What trauma bonding is and how it originates Why abusive relationships are so hard to leave The 5 different kinds of abuse Examples of subtle and not-so-subtle abuse The dynamics of codependency and narcissism Why people fall for dysfunctional partners and how to create healthier patterns in relationships   This episode is not an invitation to try to change anyone. People – and especially narcissists – have to be self-aware and want to change for themselves before any transformation can happen.   This episode is designed to help you understand the relationship between narcissism and codependency and what abuse looks like so you can more easily identify when it’s time to get out vs. when there might be hope of working it out.   "All mental illness exists on a continuum." - Darlene Lancer   "If you suspect you're being abused, you probably are." - Darlene Lancer   "When you're in a dysfunctional relationship, the person that you're with will want to isolate you." - Michelle Chalfant   “[Narcissists] are all about impression management. Because of their inner low self-esteem and shame…they want to make you admire them.” - Darlene Lancer   "An abuser isn't abusive all the time." - Darlene Lancer   "If it feels off in some way, it probably is." - Michelle Chalfant   "Narcissists' demands are relentless, and you'll never satisfy them." - Darlene Lancer   "Projection is a confession." - Darlene Lancer   "Blaming and shaming is pretty universal with abusers. And the problem is that codependents have shame of their own." - Darlene Lancer   "Some idealization is normal, but when it clouds the negative behavior and it overtakes your reason, then that's a sign of some problem within us." - Darlene Lancer   "A narcissist...doesn't see people as separate from them where a codependent doesn't see themselves as separate from others." - Darlene Lancer   "Codependents, they want to get along, so they'll compromise. And you keep compromising away until you disappear." - Darlene Lancer   LINKS & RESOURCES   Darlene Lancer Website https://darlenelancer.com/   "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist" (Darlene Lancer Book) https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Loving-Leaving-Narcissist-Relationships/dp/0578373181/   Episode #257: Unlearning Codependency with Darlene Lancer https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/257/   National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/help/   The Adult Chair® Workshop Nashville: November 3-5, 2022 https://theadultchair.com/nashville   Tanasi https://tanasi.com/ Use code ADULT for 50% off your first order    MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com  The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification   STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant