Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

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For our summer bonus episodes, Lynn is answering listener questions. "Help. I do not recognize my newly turned 13-year-old, she is exhibiting behavior I never would have anticipated. She has a thrill for adrenaline and constantly asking me about stupid things I did as a kid, and I feel like I'm mourning the sweetest little girl I've ever known. She recently confessed that she has attempted cutting which absolutely floored me."Lynn talks about how to help your teenagers develop skills to say no to their friends and how to show empathy without imitating their friends who have self destructive habits.Lynn mentions her webinar, Teens, Anxiety, and Depression, for teens and parents for families who feel that their children are struggling during this age.Robin references Lynn's Facebook Live video about the stresses of fall school and how parents are trying to manage the choices of going back to school this fall.If you have a listener question for Lynn, be sure to join the podcast Facebook group to submit one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

 The research shows this pandemic has been disruptive to our families in significant ways. It's putting our marriages and relationships to the test. Collegial coparenting is critical. So as we share the parenting load, there are traps we all fall into with our partners and spouses. Lynn talks about asking for help in the right way, dropping defensiveness, resentment, and learning not to take the wrong things personally.In this episode Robin references Deb Perelmen's article in the New York Times: "In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both."Robin also references an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap but could not remember who starred in the episode. It was actually the premiere episode featuring Carnie Wilson and Tracey Gold.When referencing the movie This is 40 by Judd Apatow, Robin speaks of her past as a travel writer and how she's trying to bring the feeling of a vacation into the home.And if you need some inspiration, we have that summer episode guide from last week with all sorts of ways to create some family fun.The end song is Susie Tallman's Kookaburra, from one of her many outstanding children's albums. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summer's here, and after our spring, we all would like to have some special summer moments outside with our families. In this episode, Lynn Lyons discusses how to handle common reactions from children.Maybe your child is anxious the virus and doesn't want to ease back into normal activities. Maybe your older kids are wanting to be too social or not social enough.We unpack boredom and its connection to creativity and unstructured play so that listeners can be ready with a constructive response to "I'm bored".And finally we discuss our ultimate summer guide to family fun. We asked podcast listeners to share their ideas on ways to make some magic for their kids this summer. The guide has 33 ideas: inside, outside, virtual, and local; you're bound to find ideas right for your family.We mention several things for summer activities and socializing that we compiled as an Amazon list. It includes the chocolate coins, picnic and hiking supplies, and the portable potty system Robin discusses.Music at the end of the episode includes "Summertime" with permission by Susie Tallman whose children's albums were some of our favorites when our kids were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This has been a crazy 2020. I mean, things were changing month by month, then week by week now, day by day, and kids are feeling more emotional. Maybe you're seeing an uptick in their anxiety, they're a little more withdrawn, more depressed, maybe there's an increasing feeling of anger or fear or frustration about what's going on in the world with the virus and with the protests.So today, we're going to take questions from you, the listeners, about the things you're seeing emotionally in your kids and what we can do to help as we try and navigate what continues to be such a tricky time. Lynn answers five questions from members of our Facebook group. And we discuss our next episode on ways to make your summer still memorable with several ideas for socially distanced family fun.Read a complete transcript on our website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As the world reacts to the Black Lives Matter movement, we discuss how emotional management can help white people handle white fragility and why families should stop the cycle of raising colorblind children.We provide additional resources for our listeners to read, watch, and listen to for themselves and their children.Articles for Therapists, Teachers, and Parents An Invitation to White Therapists Specific, Candid, and Helpful Responses to Expressions of Racism and Bias My White Friend Asked Me on Facebook to Explain White Privilege. I Decided to Be Honest As a Black Mother, My Parenting Is Always Political Dear White Parents, My Black Son and Husband Need You Right Now White Kids Need to Start Using Their Privilege for Good — Here’s How to Teach Them 9 Phrases Allies Can Say When Called Out Instead of Getting Defensive Beyond Blackout Tuesday: Starting Your Lifelong Anti-Racism Journey Suggested Reading So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo Waking Up White, by Debby Irving  How To Be Less Stupid About Race, by Crystal M. Donaldson  How To Be An Anti-Racist, by Ibram X. Kendi Antagonists, Advocates, and Allies by Catrice M Jackson Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad They Were Her Property by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers, PhD I’m Still Here by Austin Channing  Social Media To Follow Ally Henny's Facebook Page Rachel Cargle's Instagram Page Waste Free Marie's Instagram Page Podcasts By Black Mothers  Articles by Black Bloggers To Support 5 Movies To Watch On Netflix In June 2020 Starring Black Leads Black YouTube Family Vloggers DO Exist! 3 TV Moments That Perfectly Portray “The Talk” For Black Families Teach Your Child to Be An Advocate For Change Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What did you learn about handling anger, sadness, and worry as a child from your family? How does that affect your parenting? We unpack our family baggage in this episode to see how we can stop dysfunctional generational patterns and give our kids the space for healthy feelings.This is a very special episode about three of the most powerful patterns that shape not just our relationships with our families, partners, children, and friends but the world outside our homes.Lynn walks us through the very big sweet spot where we want to be modeling for our kids healthy emotional management and examples of the extremes to avoid.Links to what we talked aboutThe Jane Fonda documentaryOur prior episode on flattening our emotional curve"Ac Cent Tchu Ate The Positive" that great Bing Crosby and the Andrew Sisters coverEveryone should watch Lynn's video on her website of a lecture she gave called "Can Mr. Rogers Save Us All?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom guilt, burnout, and stress over remote learning has most parents exhausted these days. Hear psychotherapist Lynn Lyons share ways to manage these common pandemic parenting stresses.In this bonus episode, we asked listeners to share what they needed help with most, and Lynn delivers strategies to make days smoother.1:38 We address burnout and how to fill an empty tank is small breaks.6:56 A listener mentions that she feels guilty telling her children she is working when they want her attention.Lynn discusses the real purpose of guilt as an emotion and the toxicity of misapplied guilt.12:06 The conversation moves to schoolwork stress and how to give the right space for kids to perform and why getting involved isn't always best.19:06 We discuss how the lockdown has been a teacher of resilience for kids used to getting what they want. Lynn describes the difference between disruption and devastation and how the pandemic affects families differently.Lynn explains that our own self care must be independent of our children's emotions.29:29 Robin asks Lynn to relay a time as a mom that she couldn't easily show her vanilla ice cream face.Read the whole transcript on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our sleep is very illustrative of other things that are going on. When we opened it up on our Facebook group and asked people if they had questions, we got a lot of responses. So, for anybody who's listening and who's wondering whether or not the sleep issues that they're dealing with in their family are unique, the answer is no. They are not.3:42 Our first section of the show, Lynn offers guidance to parents of younger children. Starting at age four, Lynn offers ways for children to fall asleep and stay in their own beds.Lynn gives a glimpse of the recorded scripts she makes for her clients to help their children go to sleep, and we offer a free download of an example for you to use.13:15 Lynn talks about the "mommy fruit scale" and how to convey to your younger kids that you just feel out of gas.14:45 Lynn goes over realistic boundaries for tween and teen sleeping schedules and how to negotiate healthy sleep limits with them. We talk about the role of devices in sleep disruption and how to manage it.We discuss a WiFI device that can shut off at night to prevent kids from accessing the internet past bedtime. Use our affiliate link for a $20 off coupon.22:35 We discuss the need to limit our exposure to the news, particularly children, who cannot process it well, as one listener's 4th grader is now waking throughout the night and watching news throughout the day.26:20 Lynn gives parents her own favorite sleep trick that prevents the brain from ruminating. She goes over her ABC game and its magical amount of cognitive functioning to prevent rumination.Outro music is the wonderful Susie Tallman and her cover of "Slumber Song" from her album Lullaby Themes For Sleepy Dreams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Helicopter parenting isn’t just about being nervous at the playground. Helicopter parents is a loaded label, and we define it in this episode as a hovering parent trying to control an outcome.4:27 WHEN WE CAN’T GO TO THE ER AS EASILYWe discuss the pragmatic balance of reducing the risk of physical play during a pandemic when the same medical care isn’t as straightforward of an option.7:19 HELICOPTER PARENTS DURING PLAYLynn gives examples of parents intervening in play that isn’t helpful.She answers a listener’s question about her 6 year-old’s right to privacy and potty language habits while using Facetime.10:12 HELICOPTER PARENTING AND ACADEMICSLynn talks about the opportunities for parents who helicopter and intervene to step back in this new pass-fail scenario where the stakes aren’t so high and encourages ways to inject more independence with students.13:06 WHAT DOES HELICOPTER PARENTING MEAN?Lynn explains that academic helicopter parenting is a fear-based effort not let the chips fall where they may, to not let a child fail out of fear of failure, being judged, or other reasons.15:54 BRINGING UNSCHOOLING INTO THE HOMEWe talk about the opportunity to introduce the importance of learning life skills from parents around the home, and discuss the chance to introduce unschooling opportunities—the chance for child-led learning on topics they choose over the summer.Here’s the remote learning platform we are using.20:23 NEARLY EVERYONE HELICOPTERS IN AT LEAST ONE AREASome parents intervene more in their children’s school work, the safety of their play, their friendships or appearance. Lynn asks how parents might step away now from those areas and see what happens when the stakes aren’t so high.24:41 THE CRUX OF THE HELICOPTER PARENTINGWe want to protect our kids from hard feelings. Lynn gives examples of moms who won’t buy a pet so her daughter won’t have to grieve for it when it dies.Her "Mr. Rogers Talk" is referenced. Watch it here.Lynn outlines the key parenting habit that is a predictor of anxiety disorders developing in children.28:26 HOMEWORK FOR PARENTSLynn gives parents to some homework to think about and some language to use with their kids.We suggest you join the Facebook group so you can submit questions for future episodes.A full transcript is available on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices