Unapologetically Sensitive

Episode 21 TITLE Intuition and Knowing Your Worth GUEST Kelly Covert EPISODE OVERVIEW We address the following questions in this episode--What is intuition? Is one's Inner Voice ever mean or critical? How do you encourage people to get in touch with their intuition? How do we encourage or shut down intuition and communication in kids? We talk about creating meaningful relationships with your children instead of letting rules dictate the relationship. Kelly shares about creating a family mission statement. HIGHLIGHTS Intuition is that inner voice/wisdom We all have intuition It's a Divine part of who you are We just need to take time to listen to it Intuition is never mean or critical—that's our ego, which comes from our head How do you encourage people to explore their intuition: Listen to your inner voice Find practices that get us still enough to hear it Journaling (or verbally processing) to get our of your head How do you encourage intuition and communication in kids? Lead by example Ask the right questions Put the relationship before the punishment or judgment How can you tell the difference between intuition and fear? Intuition is never mean Inner mean girls and critical voices are egocentric What's your superpower as an HSP? If you listen deeply, you can hear other people's inner voices, and you can help people connect to their inner voice. I have amazing ideas for other people that come to me through Divine Inspiration "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good." What would you tell your younger self? You are enough. You don't have to try so hard "My inner voice is loving. It knows my worth, and that I am worthy. It guides me. It's powerful, encouraging and it can show us the error of our ways." BIO Kelly Covert is an inner voice coach with a passion for helping women believe and achieve their big vision by connecting deeply with the wisdom that is inside of them all while owning their worthiness each and every day. Through her intuitive, heart-centered coaching, she helps women awaken to their true power as creators and world-changers. She is the creator and host of In Her Voice, a podcast for women who feel called to more - to lead, to create, to dream and to change the world. Her work has been featured on The Huffington Post, The Elephant Journal, YourTango.com, and she has been a featured guest on many podcasts. Kelly is also a professional flutist with Symphoria, a wife and the mother of 2 boys, 15 and 12, and 1 beautiful beagle named Piper. PODCAST HOST Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Many clients who come to see her experience depression & anxiety, and they report struggling with perfectionism and not feeling good enough. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts they have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS Website-- https://www.kellycovert.com/ Instagram-- https://www.instagram.com/kellyjcovert/ Twitter-- https://twitter.com/Kellyjcovert Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/ Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/ Dr. Ted Zeff's website— http://www.drtedzeff.com/ Strong Sensitive Boy Dr. Ted Zeff Dr. Ross Greene--https://www.livesinthebalance.org/ The Explosive Child Dr. Ross Greene Lost at School Dr. Ross Greene To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode 38 TITLE We Never Know How Our Presence Impacts Others GUEST Solo episode—Patricia Young EPISODE OVERVIEW We can feel insignificant, unimportant, and that we are not making an impact on the world, but we never really know how much just being ourselves is impacting others. I talk about how a neighbor who walks by my house daily impacted me when he "went missing," and how I communicated with him when he turned up again. When we experience loss, stability in our day-to-day routine can bring great comfort. Letting others know you miss their presence can cause a huge shift for another since we often struggle with imposter syndrome and feeling like we're just not enough. I also talk about Chuy (the person), and Chewie (the dog—who has an Instagram account). BIO Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

Episode 20 TITLE Part 2 Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), & the HSP GUEST Dr. Erika Martinez EPISODE OVERVIEW What is Childhood Emotional Neglect and how does it affect non-HSPs and HSPs? A Highly Sensitive Person being raised by a non-HSP parent could cause CEN. Some symptoms of CEN-- feelings of emptiness (a void), feeling deeply and fatally flawed; don't feel good enough; feeling unlovable/unlikable; seeking external validation to know you're ok; being very self-sufficient; may have been parentified, may struggle with being assertive, being angry, experience self-blame; have a hard time asking for help; may have trust issues, may be anxious, depressed or stressed out. We talk about vantage sensitivity, attachment styles and exercises to work with CEN. HIGHLIGHTS What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)? A Lack of parental attunement to the child's emotional needs, and a lack of responsiveness to their emotional needs CEN is such an invisible thing—it's what failed to happen for you Symptoms of CEN—feelings of emptiness (a void), feeling deeply and fatally flawed; don't feel good enough; feeling unlovable/unlikable; seeking external validation to know you're ok; being very self-sufficient; may have been parentified, may struggle with being assertive, being angry, experience self-blame; have a hard time asking for help; may have trust issues, may be anxious, depressed or stressed out If you're an HSP, and your parents were non-HSPs, that in and of itself could cause CEN Counterdependence—difficulty asking for help Notes from Dr. Jonice Webb's article "Childhood Emotional Neglect Undermines the Highly Sensitive Person's Best Strengths "You feel things deeply and powerfully…When you grow up emotionally neglected, you learn that your emotions are useless and should be ignored and hidden. This takes your powerful force from within, disempowers it, and perhaps even shames you for having it." "You are a deep thinker who needs to have meaning and purpose in your life…you get the message that your feelings don't matter…since your emotions are the most deeply personal expression of who you are, it's natural for you as a child to internalize the message as 'I don't matter.'…going through your adult life, you tend to feel less important than other people, and this undermines your ability to experience yourself and your life as meaningful and important. "Your intense feelings and your need to have meaning and purpose in your life both make your relationships heartfelt and genuine…you miss out on the opportunity to learn how to understand and manage your emotions and the emotions of others. Truth or Myth—Because I have CEN and had to learn to read the environment to survive, the CEN CAUSED me to be an HSP Vantage Sensitivity—HSPs will thrive and benefit more in a positive environment than non-HSPs, and conversely, HSPs will be more negatively affected in adverse environments (CEN) than non-HSPs. So HSPs respond better and worse in positive and negative environments/settings than non-HSPs When HSPs find themselves in environments that don't validate and mirror their feelings, they develop coping mechanisms to push down and bury their emotional world. The HSP learns to "dim" or turn down their emotions to fit in the household, but it comes at the expense of their HSP gifts. 4 Types of Attachment Styles—the 1st is a secure style and the remaining 3 are insecure style Secure attachment Dismissive or avoidant—they don't connect or seek out relationships Anxious or preoccupied—they're very worried about being in a relationship; they're worried about their partner, or their partner's needs. There can be excessive rumination/worry and racing thoughts Fearful or avoidant—they seek out relationships, then they run away from them. It's a yo-yo relationship Shame Shields from Dr. Brene Brown's Research Move toward people—anxious, preoccupied. They tend to be perfectionistic or people-pleasing Move away/withdraw--dismissive Move against—aggressive (passive aggressive), act out, fearful, avoidant, condescending Specific exercises from the book Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb Understand the purpose and value of emotions Alexithymia—being emotionally illiterate and having a difficult time understanding the behavior of other people Identify your own emotions 3x/day Monitor your feelings and how they shift throughout the day Accept and trust your feelings Learn to express yourself effectively Self-care and self-compassion Self-discipline (there is usually an excess of or a lack of) BIO Erika Martinez, Psy.D., a Florida licensed psychologist and certified educator, specializes in the assessment and treatment of a variety of mental health conditions in young adults. Combing her expertise in neuropsychology, assessment, trauma, and shame resilience, she helps others explore life's challenging areas and brainstorm solutions using their personal strengths. With greater self-awareness and confidence, they are able to move forward and lead personally and professionally rewarding lives. Dr. Martinez provides therapy to high-achievers, professional millennials, and entrepreneurs facing quarter-life crises, relationship meltdowns, and existential dilemmas which can present as a myriad of symptoms including anxiety, destructive behaviors, self-sabotage, depression, loneliness, burn out, poor self-esteem, shame, and impaired social skills. She previously worked in graphic design, human resources, and community mental health. Prior to private practice, she worked in secondary and university public education settings for a decade helping parents, educators, and counselors better understand and serve students with AD/HD, Giftedness, and learning disabilities. Dr. Martinez is also a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator (CDWF), bringing the groundbreaking research and curriculum on vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness developed by Dr. Brené Brown to South Florida. PODCAST HOST Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts they have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS Website https://envisionwellness.co Youtube https://www.youtube.com/c/ErikaMartinezPsyDCoralGables Instagram https://www.instagram.com/envisionwellnessco/ https://drjonicewebb.com/ https://drjonicewebb.com/how-childhood-emotional-neglect-undermines-the-highly-sensitive-persons-3-greatest-strengths/ Running on Empty Dr. Jonice Webb Running on Empty No More Dr. Jonice Webb Daring Greatly Dr. Brene Brown Rising Strong Dr. Brene Brown Gifts of Imperfection Dr. Brene Brown Ted Talks Brene Brown The Power of Vulnerability https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en Listening to Shame https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/transcript?language=en Daring Way Weekend Intensive (Dr. Brene Brown's work) https://thedaringway.org/group/rising-strong-daring-way-weekend-intensive/ Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ Dr. Ted Zeff's website— http://www.drtedzeff.com/ Strong Sensitive Boy Dr. Ted Zeff HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/ Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/ To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode 37 TITLE Vulnerability, My Insecurities & Rants About Therapists GUEST Solo episode—Patricia Young EPISODE OVERVIEW I realized that I have been trying to justify why I choose to be vulnerable, transparent and allow others to see me when I'm in the midst of struggling. I've internalized perceived criticism from therapists that have a different orientation. I just continue to fight against the gremlins in my head that want to shame me for showing up in the world the way that I do. BIO Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Episode 20 TITLE Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), and the HSP GUEST Dr. Erika Martinez EPISODE OVERVIEW What is Childhood Emotional Neglect and how does it affect non-HSPs and HSPs? These are some symptoms of CEN-- feelings of emptiness (a void), feeling deeply and fatally flawed; don't feel good enough; feeling unlovable/unlikable; seeking external validation to know you're ok; being very self-sufficient; may have been parentified, may struggle with being assertive, being angry, experience self-blame; have a hard time asking for help; may have trust issues, may be anxious, depressed or stressed out. Dr. Martinez talks about how to identify CEN and ways to begin the healing process. HIGHLIGHTS What is Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)? A Lack of parental attunement to the child's emotional needs, and a lack of responsiveness to their emotional needs CEN is such an invisible thing—it's what failed to happen for you Symptoms of CEN—feelings of emptiness (a void), feeling deeply and fatally flawed; don't feel good enough; feeling unlovable/unlikable; seeking external validation to know you're ok; being very self-sufficient; may have been parentified, may struggle with being assertive, being angry, experience self-blame; have a hard time asking for help; may have trust issues, may be anxious, depressed or stressed out The HSP in a household with CEN is often the scapegoat and they are ridiculed for their deep processing of emotion. They can feel very wrong, and like they don't fit in. Sometimes they are referred to as the blacksheep of the family. They are the "disrupter." Often this person is the healthiest and most differentiated in the family and they are often the "truth teller." 3 types of groups parents fall into Self-involved, narcissistic, sociopath, addicted, authoritarian Struggling parents—depressed, bereaved, divorced, special needs children or caring for relatives or aging parents Well-meaning—neglected as children, workaholics, achievement oriented, perfectionistic, permissive, tiger parents Counterdependence—difficulty asking for help BIO Erika Martinez, Psy.D., a Florida licensed psychologist and certified educator, specializes in the assessment and treatment of a variety of mental health conditions in young adults. Combing her expertise in neuropsychology, assessment, trauma, and shame resilience, she helps others explore life's challenging areas and brainstorm solutions using their personal strengths. With greater self-awareness and confidence, they are able to move forward and lead personally and professionally rewarding lives. Dr. Martinez provides therapy to high-achievers, professional millennials, and entrepreneurs facing quarter-life crises, relationship meltdowns, and existential dilemmas which can present as a myriad of symptoms including anxiety, destructive behaviors, self-sabotage, depression, loneliness, burn out, poor self-esteem, shame, and impaired social skills. She previously worked in graphic design, human resources, and community mental health. Prior to private practice, she worked in secondary and university public education settings for a decade helping parents, educators, and counselors better understand and serve students with AD/HD, Giftedness, and learning disabilities. Dr. Martinez is also a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator (CDWF), bringing the groundbreaking research and curriculum on vulnerability, courage, shame, and worthiness developed by Dr. Brené Brown to South Florida. PODCAST HOST Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts they have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS Website https://envisionwellness.co Youtube https://www.youtube.com/c/ErikaMartinezPsyDCoralGables Instagram https://www.instagram.com/envisionwellnessco/ https://drjonicewebb.com/ https://drjonicewebb.com/how-childhood-emotional-neglect-undermines-the-highly-sensitive-persons-3-greatest-strengths/ Running on Empty Dr. Jonice Webb Running on Empty No More Dr. Jonice Webb Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ Dr. Ted Zeff's website— http://www.drtedzeff.com/ Strong Sensitive Boy Dr. Ted Zeff HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/ Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/ To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode 36 TITLE Being Vulnerable and Having Deep Feelings Takes Courage and Strength GUEST Solo episode—Patricia Young EPISODE OVERVIEW This is a pretty vulnerable episode. My husband was out of town, and toward the end of the week I sent my husband and message that I was struggling, and he didn't respond. This really hurt my feelings, and I realized that I have a hard time being direct and asking for what I need. I wasn't taking care of my need for play and doing creative projects, and I was feeling resentful because my husband is really good about taking care of his needs. I also realized that I function better when he is gone. I talk about how we both used this information to create something that works better for both of us. I also talk about some things that I did to shift my energy to create a lighter more playful environment for myself. BIO Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Episode 19 TITLE The Key To Helping Someone with Rejection Sensitivity is Helping Them Develop a Sense of Security GUEST Jared DeFife Ph.D. EPISODE OVERVIEW Dr. DeFife works with people who are emotionally intense, tend to be perfectionistic and sensitive to criticism. He talks about Rejection Sensitivity, which has 3 primary components. Dr. DeFife talks about the 3 Cs to help if you experience Rejection Sensitivity. We talk about 2 types of perfectionism, muscle dysmorphia and the benefits of self-disclosure and authenticity by therapists in the therapeutic relationship. HIGHLIGHTS Rejection Sensitivity Anxious anticipation of [rejection] Ready perception of [seeing rejection in neutral situations when it may not be there] Intense reaction to [criticism, failure, set backs, exclusion, lack of belonging] Rejection Sensitivity is highly correlated with aggression and hostililty—this can look like behavior that is snide or snippy. The person engages in hostile and rejecting behavior, then creates the rejection due to their behavior. The person ends up creating what they are most afraid of. They get into this vicious cycle. Rejection Sensitivity can also include reactions where the person engages in social avoidance or shutting down. Rejection Sensitivity is a process that people engage in to avoid feeling shame. In Anxious Anticipation Of—the person imagines that they probably won't be accepted or liked before the interaction. They may imagine that the other person will think they're stupid. Perfectionism isn't really about wanting things to be perfect At the root, it's that other people will see that we're defective and inadequate Perfectionism can be a survival skill for some, and if you take it away, you're taking away the way they believe they can fit in. There are different types of perfectionism Self-oriented perfectionism—competing against yourself (like an athlete would). This can be a healthy form of perfectionism. Socially prescribed perfectionism—If I don't get this right, people will think I'm an idiot, or I'll be rejected. Rejection Sensitivity is transdiagnostic—you will see it across many different diagnoses like depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, eating disorders and substance use disorders. Muscle dysmorphia—"is a subtype ofbody dysmorphic disorder (BDD), in which people, mostly males, are obsessed with the size of their muscles. They worry that they are not muscular or lean enough or that their bodies are too underdeveloped and weak. Their symptoms cause significant distress and hinder their ability to socialize, go to work, and/or participate in daily activities. In many cases, people with muscle dysmorphia have average or above average muscularity." Quoted from https://mghocd.org/what-is-muscle-dysmorphia/ The Key to helping someone with Rejection Sensitivity is to help them develop a sense of security. The way to do this is with the 2 Cs Calmness—to calm down that fueled intense reactivity Clarity—learning what your wants and needs are, and knowing your life story so you are clear about your own desires, motivations and interests Connections—having safe relationships with others where you can be vulnerable, and open with others and you don't have to keep your feelings to yourself Being a psychologically health person isn't about being a perfect person. Of course it's about being vulnerable RESOURCES— Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing With Rejection Elayne Savage PhD Books by Brene Brown--https://www.google.com/search?q=brene+brown+books&oq=brene+brown+books&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.2786j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 Mentalization Based Therapy Schema Therapy DBT—Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Metacognitive Interpersonal Therapy Radically Open DBT BIO Jared DeFife, PhD (www.jareddefife.com) is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Atlanta, GA and an Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Emory University School of Medicine. Dr. DeFife specializes in helping people who identify as "emotionally intense", perfectionistic, self-critical, and interpersonally sensitive to criticism or rejection. His practice integrates from interpersonal and personality-focused therapies drawing from Schema-Focused, Mentalization-Based, and RO-DBT approaches for chronic depression/anxiety, interpersonal problems, and personality disorder concerns. Dr. DeFife has published widely in professional journals and been a frequent media commentator on mental health and interpersonal relationships for numerous television, podcast, and print outlets including the BBC World News, Psychotherapy Networker, Yahoo! Health, Self, Bustle, Women's Health and Men's Health magazines, and The Huffington Post. He is a regular blog contributor to Psychology Today. PODCAST HOST Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS Website—https://www.jareddefife.com/ http://grantome.com/grant/NIH/R01-MH081948-04 https://www.ffri.hr/~ibrdar/komunikacija/seminari/Downey,%201996%20-%20Rejection%20Sensitivity%20for%20intimate%20relationsh.pdf https://www.researchgate.net/publication/200008742_Self-esteem_and_rejection_sensitivity_in_close_relationships Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/ To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Bonus Episode 35 TITLE How To Honor Our Needs When Things Feel Unjust GUEST Solo episode—Patricia Young EPISODE OVERVIEW Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) feel things deeply, and we have an incredibly strong sense of wanting things to be just, fair and equitable, and when they aren't, it can be very upsetting to us. Many of us have been told to mind our own business. We perceive things that others don't, so we catch things that others miss, and we just want things to be fair. I talk about not staying in my own lane, and consequently having a shame attack. I learned that I need to honor that part of me that wants fairness and doesn't want anyone taking advantage of another or not pulling their own weight. How do we know when it's the right time to step in and advocate and when we need to allow others to sort things out. BIO Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can't face sitting in traffic or going out. LINKS To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail--info@unapologeticallysensitive.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Episode 18 TITLE Women's Experiences Matter and Women's Emotional Lives Matter GUEST Sara Wachter-Boettcher EPISODE OVERVIEW Sara talks about the importance of centering on women's voices in media, and the importance of showing women in deep, rich, emotional conversations with each other in order to show how powerful it can be when we are vulnerable, and open and honest with each other. Sara talks about the common beliefs that prevent people from taking it to the next level, and steps they can take to get there. We talk about the value of learning from what didn't work out, and often success is more about the process than the end result. We talk a quote someone said, "You can be a hot mess, and be successful." HIGHLIGHTS In many environments, women are taught that in order to get ahead, they need to stuff all their feelings down, and that's what professionalism means Women are taught that to be good at their jobs, they should be more unfeeling; more unstoic, and then they are perceived as unlikable when they are those things We're extremely good at what we do. We're competent; we're ambitious, and we are successful, and we are also people that are unashamed to say, "Hey, I cried twice today." I'm still good at what I do; I'm still competent and I'm still successful The contradicting messages women receive—you're too aggressive, and you need to speak up. There are double standards for women, and a narrow tightrope for women to walk in order to be perceived as "just right." You can spend your entire life just trying to do it "just right," and still get the message that it's not good enough We're creating a space where we can say that none of those rules apply, and we can talk with women about things that matter to them on their own terms, so that people don't feel less alone, and less alone in processing those toxic messages they get You can be a hot mess and successful at the same time In a male dominated culture, there is an emphasis on glossing over anything that makes you feel vulnerable. The problem with this is that people don't learn anything from your story about being awesome. That is not helpful for someone else trying to learn from you Success is not any pure thing that doesn't have down sides to it BIO Sara Wachter-Boettcher runs Rare Union, a strategy consultancy, and cohosts Strong Feelings, a weekly podcast about living your best feminist life at work. She's also a keynote speaker and the author of three tech/design books: Technically Wrong: Sexist Apps, Biased Algorithms, and Other Threats of Toxic Tech from W.W. Norton in 2017, Design for Real Life (with Eric Meyer) from A Book Apart in 2016, and Content Everywhere from Rosenfeld Media in 2012. Her work has been featured in The Washington Post, Slate, The Guardian, and more, and she's spoken at dozens of events across four continents related to tech and design. LINKS Website--rareunion.com Website--strongfeelings.co Website--www.sarawb.com Twitter--twitter.com/sara_ann_marie Podcast—Strong Feelings Elizabeth Gilbert Big Magic To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com

EPISODE Episode 017 Part 2 TITLE Conversations with a Non-Binary HSP Therapist GUEST Dara Hoffman-Fox EPISODE OVERVIEW Dara talks about being non-binary, and the challenges with the use of language and pronouns Dara uses. Dara defines CIS gender, and we explore microagressions (how they show up in the LGBTQ+ population, and how Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPS) may experience them on a daily basis. Dara also discusses the challenges in trying to get the gender markers changed with the DMV to reflect Dara's non-binary status. BIO DARA HOFFMAN-FOX, LPC, is a queer-identified gender therapist in private practice in Colorado Springs, CO. As a subject-matter expert on transgender and nonbinary issues, Dara is the creator of the "Conversations with a Gender Therapist" YouTube channel as well as the author of the Amazon #1 bestseller YOU AND YOUR GENDER IDENTITY: A GUIDE TO DISCOVERY. Dara's goal is to get as much education, resources, and support out there as possible to the trans and gender-questioning persons of the world. Through the magic of the internet Dara is am able to do this through their Conversations with a Gender Therapist YouTube channel and Facebook pWage, media and podcast interviews, and the content you'll find on their website, found at darahoffmanfox.com. LINKS Websites: http://darahoffmanfox.com/ http://discoveryourgenderidentity.com/ http://www.thebohemiansanctuary.com Facebook (friend request): https://www.facebook.com/dara.hoffman.3 Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/darahoffmanfoxlpc/ Trans-Affirming Therapists Academy: https://trans-affirming-therapists-academy.teachable.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/darahoffmanfox An in-depth article about the "do's and don'ts" of trans-sensitive language. https://radicalcopyeditor.com/2017/08/31/transgender-style-guide/ http://www.howtobeagirlpodcast.com/ Dr. Elaine Aron's website— https://hsperson.com/ HSP Self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ HSP Child self-test-- https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/ Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC-- https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/ To write a review in itunes: click on this link https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/unapologetically-sensitive/id1440433481?mt=2 select "view in itunes" chose "open in itunes" choose "ratings and reviews" click to rate the number of starts click "write a review" Website--www.patriciayounglcsw.com Podcast--www.unapologeticallysensitive.com Facebook--https://www.facebook.com/Patricia-Young-LCSW-162005091044090/ Facebook group Unapologetically Sensitive-- https://www.facebook.com/groups/2099705880047619/ Instagram--https://www.instagram.com/unapologeticallysensitive/ Youtube--https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOE6fodj7RBdO3Iw0NrAllg/videos?view_as=subscriber e-mail—unapologeticallysensitive@gmail.com Show hashtag--#unapologeticallysensitive MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com