Do performance reviews fill you with anxiety? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. They talk through how to handle performance reviews that have mixed messages, extreme criticism, or not enough helpful feedback. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: What to Do When You Think Your Performance Review Is Wrong by Dick Grote — “Challenging a boss’s appraisal, even in a clear-cut case of bad data, is always a ticklish matter. Be cautious. It’s not easy to say to your boss, in whatever words you choose to use, ‘You’re wrong.’ Don’t lose sight of the fact that your boss probably has a significant investment in the appraisal you’ve decided to challenge.” HBR: How to Ask for Feedback That Will Actually Help You by Peter Bregman — “Being good at receiving feedback is especially important at work, because your colleagues are less likely to push past your defensiveness and more willing to write you off if they have a hard time working with you. If that happens, you’ll never know why — since you won’t have heard the feedback — so you’ll keep repeating the same mistakes.” HBR: What to Do After a Bad Performance Review by Carolyn O’Hara — “But research suggests that letting something simmer can make things worse, for several reasons. When we’re stressed, our brain tends to mount a defensive ‘fight-flight-or-freeze’ response—during which there’s reduced activity in brain areas responsible for reasoning, self-control, and forward thinking. And trying to suppress our irritation has been found to make our brain’s defensive response more pronounced rather than less.” HBR: Let’s Not Kill Performance Evaluations Yet by Lori Goler, Janelle Gale, and Adam Grant — “The long march to the boss’s office to get evaluated—it’s a moment we all dread. Performance reviews are awkward. They’re biased. They stick us in boxes and leave us waiting far too long for feedback. It’s no surprise that by the end of 2015, at least 30 of the Fortune 500 companies had ditched performance evaluations altogether.”

Does your direct report get on your nerves? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Art Markman, a psychology professor at the University of Texas. They talk through how to manage someone who is unlikable, overly polite, or passive-aggressive. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: How to Help an Employee Who Rubs People the Wrong Way by Rebecca Knight — “If you’ve ever cringed in a meeting when your direct report was talking, you know how tough it can be to watch a team member undermine themselves. Maybe the person is interrupting colleagues too often. Or being condescending, or even combative. No matter the specific behavior, your employee is clearly rubbing people the wrong way. As the manager, you know it’s your job to address the issue, but you’re not sure how to start the conversation.” Psychology Today: Understanding Passive Aggressive Behavior by Signe Whitson — “The passive-aggressive person believes life will only get worse if other people know of his anger, so he expresses his feelings indirectly, using a variety of behaviors to subtly ‘get back’ at another person.  While anger itself is generally experienced as an uncomfortable emotion, the passive-aggressive person derives genuine pleasure out of frustrating others, hence our label of the behavior as ‘the angry smile.’” HBR: How to Give Feedback to People Who Cry, Yell, or Get Defensive by Amy Jen Su — “Emotional reactions can put us on opposite sides of the table with the other person. By focusing on good intentions, preparing with integrity, and calmly and effectively responding in the moment, we can move to the same side of the table and help the other person grow.” HBR: How to Tell a Coworker They’re Annoying You by Caroline Webb — “But research suggests that letting something simmer can make things worse, for several reasons. When we’re stressed, our brain tends to mount a defensive ‘fight-flight-or-freeze’ response—during which there’s reduced activity in brain areas responsible for reasoning, self-control, and forward thinking. And trying to suppress our irritation has been found to make our brain’s defensive response more pronounced rather than less.”

Is your office killing your productivity? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Pete Bacevice, a workplace researcher at the global design firm HLW and the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. They talk through how to survive in an open office, deploy teams across multiple buildings, and ask for a better workspace. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: How to Make Sure People Won’t Hate Your New Open Office Plan by Brandi Pearce and Pamela Hinds — “Despite optimistic assertions about the benefits of open office space, outcomes are mixed. In some cases, open-plan office designs are reported to increase collaboration, employee satisfaction, and communication, but in others these new spaces are criticized for creating distractions, reducing privacy and autonomy, and undermining employee motivation and satisfaction.” The New Yorker: The Open-Office Trap by Maria Konnikova — “An open environment may even have a negative impact on our health. In a recent study of more than twenty-four hundred employees in Denmark, Jan Pejtersen and his colleagues found that as the number of people working in a single room went up, the number of employees who took sick leave increased apace. Workers in two-person offices took an average of fifty per cent more sick leave than those in single offices, while those who worked in fully open offices were out an average of sixty-two per cent more.” HBR: 7 Factors of Great Office Design by Peter Bacevice, Liz Burow, and Mat Triebner — “The design and outfitting of workspace is a major capital investment for any organization that can affect a number of business outcomes, including productivity, employee satisfaction, engagement, talent recruitment, and brand impact. Given the myriad ways to design and plan a space, leaders should approach workplace design in a strategic way. Imitating the latest fads start-ups are adopting won’t necessarily get you the results your company desires; asking the right questions — and, above all, listening to employees’ answers — will.” HBR: Why You Should Rotate Office Seating Assignments — “Interestingly, the change to employees’ physical space seemed to boost performance even more than did another switch the company made (which Lee also studied), from individual incentives to fixed wages. In addition, the effect generated by the relocation was quick—the rise in cross-category deals occurred within a month—and it increased throughout the 80 days postmove.”

Could a lateral move help your career? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Priscilla Claman, a career coach and former HR executive. They talk through when making a lateral move will push you forward and when it will hold you back. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Managing Yourself: Job-Hopping to the Top and Other Career Fallacies by Monika Hamori — “While step-downs generally detract from a CV, a lateral move is by no means a career killer. It may in fact prove beneficial in the long run if done wisely. For instance, a lateral move may be justified by the prospect of a promotion in the near future.” HBR: 15 Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer by Deepak Malhotra — “Don’t get fixated on money. Focus on the value of the entire deal: responsibilities, location, travel, flexibility in work hours, opportunities for growth and promotion, perks, support for continued education, and so forth. Think not just about how you’re willing to be rewarded but also when. You may decide to chart a course that pays less handsomely now but will put you in a stronger position later.” HBR: Surviving M&A by Mitchell Lee Marks, Philip Mirvis, and Ron Ashkenas — “In such situations, most people tend to fixate on what they can’t control: decisions about who is let go, promoted, reassigned, or relocated. But in our studies and consulting practices, we’ve found that individuals faced with organizational upheaval have much more power over what happens to them than they realize.” HBR: Managing Yourself: Turn the Job You Have into the Job You Want by Amy Wrzesniewski, Justin M. Berg, and Jane E. Dutton — “A growing body of research suggests that an exercise we call ‘job crafting’ can be a powerful tool for reenergizing and reimagining your work life. It involves redefining your job to incorporate your motives, strengths, and passions. The exercise prompts you to visualize the job, map its elements, and reorganize them to better suit you.”

If your workplace is toxic, can you change it? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Nicholas Pearce, an associate professor at Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University. They talk through how to transform a toxic culture, whether you’re a junior employee, a manager, or in charge. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Recognizing Employees Is the Simplest Way to Improve Morale by David Novak — “One question I loved to ask is, ‘What would you do if you had my job?’ Maybe the response will be a useful suggestion, in which case you should acknowledge it and implement it if possible, to prove that these conversations aren’t just for show. Even if you don’t get any great ideas, such discussions can still have a huge impact, as long as your staff sees that you really thought about their suggestions.” HBR: Changing Company Culture Requires a Movement, Not a Mandate by Bryan Walker and Sarah A. Soule — “The dominant culture and structure of today’s organizations are perfectly designed to produce their current behaviors and outcomes, regardless of whether those outcomes are the ones you want. If your hope is for individuals to act differently, it helps to change their surrounding conditions to be more supportive of the new behaviors, particularly when they are antithetical to the dominant culture.” HBR: Manage Your Emotional Culture by Sigal Barsade and Olivia A. O’Neill — “In our interviews with executives and employees, some people have told us that their organizations lack emotion altogether. But every organization has an emotional culture, even if it’s one of suppression. By not only allowing emotions into the workplace, but also understanding and consciously shaping them, leaders can better motivate their employees.” HBR: The Leader’s Guide to Corporate Culture by Boris Groysberg, Jeremiah Lee, Jesse Price, and J. Yo-Jud Cheng — “Much like defining a new strategy, creating a new culture should begin with an analysis of the current one, using a framework that can be openly discussed throughout the organization. Leaders must understand what outcomes the culture produces and how it does or doesn’t align with current and anticipated market and business conditions.”

Is your boss making your life miserable? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Moshe Cohen, a senior lecturer at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business. They talk through what to do when your boss is a jerk, a workaholic, or simply incompetent. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: Do You Hate Your Boss? by Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries — “Frequently cited grievances include micromanaging, bullying, avoiding conflict, ducking decisions, stealing credit, shifting blame, hoarding information, failing to listen, setting a poor example, slacking, and not developing staff. Such dysfunctional behavior would make anyone unhappy and unproductive. However, whatever sins your boss commits, managing your relationship with him or her is a critical part of your job.” HBR: Managing Your Boss by John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter — “You are not going to change either your basic personality structure or that of your boss. But you can become aware of what it is about you that impedes or facilitates working with your boss and, with that awareness, take actions that make the relationship more effective.” HBR: Research: Shifting the Power Balance with an Abusive Boss by Hui Liao, Elijah Wee, and Dong Liu — “Targets of abuse can flip the script, shifting the balance of power in their favor when bosses make life miserable. As subordinates gain leverage over time, they can strategically influence supervisors to stop abuse and even motivate them to mend strained relationships.” HBR: How to Work for a Workaholic by Rebecca Knight — “Some people just can’t seem to get enough of work. They stay late at the office, check their email at all hours, and even put in time on the weekends. If your manager keeps this sort of schedule, do you have to also? How do you set the right expectations and boundaries? What can you do to make sure you don’t look like a slacker in comparison?”

Do you want to shake up your career? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Whitney Johnson, the author of Disrupt Yourself. They talk through what to do when you’ve trained for one career and long for another, when you reenter the workforce after a long gap, and when you want to move into management. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBS Working Knowledge: Nine Unconventional Strategies For Reinventing Your Career by Herminia Ibarra — “Major career transitions take three to five years. The big ‘turning point,’ if there is one, tends to come late in the story. In the interim, make use of anything as a trigger. Don’t wait for a catalyst. What you make of events is more important than the events themselves. Take advantage of whatever life sends your way to revise, or at least reconsider, your story.” HBR: How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Transition Back to Work by Dorie Clark — “If you want to return to the workforce, you have to manage and overcome the unspoken assumptions about who you are and what you’re capable of. By making it clear that your skills are current, networking assiduously, showing that you’re motivated, and demonstrating that your caregiving experience is actually a strength, you can go a long way in combatting pernicious stereotypes and re-entering professional life on your own terms.” HBR: Convincing Your Boss to Make You a Manager by Anna Ranieri — “Lay out very clearly what you have learned about managing, inside or outside of a professional setting. State the additional management skills that you look forward to learning, and your plan to learn them. Make the pitch, and demonstrate that you are the upcoming management talent that the organization needs.” HBR: Disrupt Yourself by Whitney Johnson — “Current stakeholders in your life and career will probably encourage you to avoid disruption. For many of us, though, holding steady really means slipping—as we ignore the threat of competition from younger, more agile innovators, bypass opportunities for greater reward, and sacrifice personal growth.”

Are you getting paid unfairly? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Shirli Kopelman, a professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. They talk through what to do when a poor performer gets paid more than you, when the company salary structure is making people quit, and how to ask for more money when your boss leaves and you do their job. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: When You Find Out a Coworker Makes More Money than You Do by Rebecca Knight — “Your impulse might be to storm into your boss’s office and demand that he fork over more cash. Or maybe you just feel like scowling across the cubicle at your higher-earning colleague with a sneer: ‘Seriously? You?’ These actions, of course, are not advisable.” HBR: Most People Have No Idea Whether They’re Paid Fairly by Dave Smith — “Perceptions about pay don’t always reflect reality, even if employers are paying the same — or more — than similar companies. In fact, a whopping two-thirds of people who are being paid the market rate believe they’re actually underpaid, representing a huge discrepancy.” HBR: Envy at Work by Tanya Menon and Leigh Thompson — “When you’re obsessed with someone else’s success, your self-respect suffers, and you may neglect or even sabotage your own performance and possibly your career. Envy is difficult to manage, in part because it’s hard to admit that we harbor such a socially unacceptable emotion. Our discomfort causes us to conceal and deny our feelings, and that makes things worse.” HBR: Make Your Emotions Work for You in Negotiations by Shirli Kopelman — “Your emotions matter in negotiations. They fuel your behaviors, energize you, and allow you to strengthen — or distance and damage — relationships with the people you’re negotiating with. But too often, people refuse to acknowledge their full range of feelings because they’re afraid of losing the ability to think rationally and act strategically.”

Do you have a hard time with older or younger co-workers? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Jennifer Deal, the co-author of What Millennials Want from Work. They talk through what to do when you’re struggling with an older colleague, when you’re managing a much older worker, and how to motivate younger employees who seem lax on the job. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: What Facebook Knows About Engaging Millennial Employees by Lori Goler — “Millennials want to do meaningful work and be a part of something that will have a positive impact on the world. Some might characterize this attitude as demanding and self-centered — asking for too much from a job. But our data indicates that at Facebook — and probably many other organizations — people of all generations have begun to redefine fulfillment in this way.” HBR: What Younger Workers Can Learn from Older Workers, and Vice Versa by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott — “As life and working life expands, everyone will go through more changes and transitions. Having the skills and transformational assets to support this change tends to be something that is strongest in the young. However, as people live longer, they need to display this skill throughout their lives. Juvenescence, the art of aging young, is important, and this naturally opens up an avenue for inverse mentoring of the young by the old.” HBR: The Four Biggest Reasons for Generational Conflict in Teams by Tammy Erickson — “The crux of most technology-based team misunderstandings is not the technology per se – it is how team members interpret each others’ intentions based on communication approaches. Younger members are accustomed to rapid responses from peers; they are likely to feel frustrated and, at times, rejected if they don’t hear from older colleagues for a day or so. Team members from older generations may not only be uncomfortable with digital communication, they may even feel offended by a lack of face-to-face or at least voice-to-voice interaction, or left out of the loop.” Book: What Millennials Want from Work by Jennifer Deal and Alec Levenson — “Our research revealed that, fundamentally, Millennials want what older generations have always wanted: an interesting job that pays well, where they work with people they like and trust, have access to development and the opportunity to advance, are shown appreciation on a regular basis, and don’t have to leave.” Editor’s note: This episode was updated April 11, 2018.

Do you work with a jerk? Dan and Alison answer your questions with the help of Stanford management professor Bob Sutton, an expert in dealing with difficult co-workers. They talk through what to do when your colleague is a bully, when your boss never takes the blame, and when your direct report gets on everyone’s bad side — but still brings in the money. Send in your questions about workplace dilemmas by emailing Dan and Alison at dearhbr@hbr.org. From Alison and Dan’s reading list: HBR: An Antidote to Incivility by Christine Porath — “If you’ve dealt with a rude colleague, you probably know how hard it can be to get over it. Perhaps no feeling is more difficult to overcome than a sense of injustice. Neuroscientists have shown that memories attached to strong emotions are easier to access and more likely to be replayed, and ruminating on an incident prevents you from putting it behind you. This can cause greater insecurity, lower self-esteem, and a heightened sense of helplessness.” HBR: How to Help Someone Develop Emotional Intelligence by Annie McKee — “If one of these socially awkward or downright nasty people works directly for you, it is indeed your job to do something. They ruin work teams and destroy productivity, not to mention morale. They’re little time bombs that go off when you least expect it — sucking up your time and draining everyone’s energy. They need to change, or they need to leave.” HBR: Make Your Enemies Your Allies by Brian Uzzi and Shannon Dunlap — “Because rivalries can be so destructive, it’s not enough to simply ignore, sidestep, or attempt to contain them. Instead, effective leaders turn rivals into collaborators—strengthening their positions, their networks, and their careers in the process. Think of these relationships not as chronic illnesses you have to endure but as wounds that must be treated in order for you to lead a healthy work life.” Book: The Asshole Survival Guide by Bob Sutton — “A study by Professor Pamela Lutgen-Sandvik found that when bullied employees banded together to fight back, authorities punished 58% of the abusers and none of the bullied employees were fired. But when employees battled alone, only 27% of the bullies were punished and 20% of the bullied employees were fired.”