Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Summary Every family inherits a legacy, both the blessings and the struggles, yet God calls us to build something new with Him. In this episode, Mike and Alicia reflect on the importance of having a dream for your family that goes beyond survival mode and day-to-day busyness. Drawing inspiration from the film Field of Dreams, they explore how couples can discern God’s vision for their home, create a legacy of love, and take bold, countercultural steps together. Whether you’re just starting out or sending kids off to college, this conversation will encourage you to pray, dream, and act with faith that “if you build it, HE will come.”  Key Takeaways Legacy Matters: We inherit patterns from our families of origin, but we can choose what to keep, redeem, or leave behind. Dream Beyond Today: God calls us to think not just about survival, but about a vision that shapes generations.  Unity in Marriage: A shared dream unites spouses, strengthens families, and becomes a witness to others. God Provides the Tools: He uses the gifts, circumstances, and desires already present in your life to shape His vision for your family. Practical Step: Pray together, journal your inspirations, and start with simple habits that align with your family’s God-given dream.  Couple Discussion Questions What legacies from your families of origin do you want to keep—and which ones do you want to leave behind? If you looked five or ten years into the future, what would you want your children (or future children) to say about your family? Where do you see God already giving you the “building blocks” for His dream for your family? What small, concrete step can we take this week to begin living into that dream together? For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

The family is where children discover how to be human. - Archbishop Charles Chaput   Summary   In this episode, Mike and Alicia tackle some of the toughest family challenges with honesty, humor, and hope. These questions were submitted to us at the Midwest Family Conference, but we never got to them! We talk about things like how to respond to a loved one with a temper or a dysfunctional family that seems to fight constantly. What practical steps can parents take to guard their family culture when outside influences pull in the opposite direction? Mike emphasizes the irreplaceable role of fathers—especially in having honest conversations with teenage sons about life’s toughest issues. Alicia offers encouragement for wives supporting their husbands as spiritual leaders, even in the messiness of daily life. Together, they share practical strategies for cultivating virtue—reminding parents that even when kids bring out our weaknesses, God uses family life to make us holy.   Key Takeaways We always need to start with ourselves when we come up against difficult relationships in the family.  All of us are to work on helping other family members - spouse and children - to grow in holiness.  Your family culture needs to be strong to inoculate your children against the culture of the world. Parents’ love for each other and joy in their relationship is essential in bringing peace and positivity to the home.  The father’s role in the life of his teen son and in the spiritual leadership of the home is irreplaceable.  It is not your job to make your kids into saints - its their job to make you into a saint!  Couple Discussion Questions What do we need to work on in our marriage to bring more love and joy into our home?  How can we be a better example for our kids?  Are there issues with our kids that we need to discuss?  What do we need to improve in our family culture?    Resources Anger in Parenting https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-076-anger-in-parenting/ Preparing for Adolescence: https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-005-preparing-your-tween-and-yourself-for-adolescence/ Women Wonderfully Made Webinar Catholiccouplesgetaway.com

"Discipleship isn’t about perfection—it’s about intimacy with Jesus. He is drawn to our weakness, not our strength." - Jake Khym   Summary In this deeply insightful episode, Jake and Heather Khym explore one of the greatest challenges facing Catholics today: true discipleship. They share how the heart of a disciple embraces God as a good Father who desires intimacy over perfection. You'll hear powerful wisdom on parenting—letting go of the lie that we must “save” our children—and embracing our need for God. The Khyms also unpack how to navigate emotional overwhelm by slowing down and seeing ourselves through God’s eyes. Learn practical tools to build empathy and connection in marriage, like listening without judgment, advice, or blame. Finally, discover why we all need spiritual community throughout every stage of life. This episode is packed with grace, truth, and encouragement—don’t miss it!   Key Takeaways The most significant challenge among Catholics today is discipleship. The heart of a disciple believes that God is a good Father. Jesus is not looking for us to be perfect or do everything right; instead, He desires intimacy with us.  He is drawn to our weakness.  Parents need to be aware of the heresy that we are our children’s saviors.  We are not. They need God more than they need us.  When we are overwhelmed by our emotions, we need first to slow down.  Then see ourselves as God sees us.  In building connection and empathy with our spouses, ask them to share with us their story, and then we need to hear that story without JAB - no judgment, advice, or blame.  We all tend to be self-reliant, and that is why we need community at every stage, every season in our lives.    Couple Discussion Questions On your next date night, take some time to hear the story of your spouse. This may be something that you think about ahead of time and prepare for.  Sharing hearts and vulnerability in this way is key to a deeper relationship.  How can we work at seeing ourselves and each other with the eyes of the Father?  How can we see as God sees?    

“If we want our children to be happy and successful, if we want them to reach their highest potential in self-transcendence, then the most important thing we can do is replace screens with activities that turn their focus outward.” —Clare Morell Summary It’s no secret that addictive digital technologies like smartphones and social media apps are harming a generation of kids socially, mentally, and even physically. But a workable solution seems elusive. After all, don’t kids need phones, and won’t they be vulnerable or socially isolated without them? In this interview with Clare Morell, author of The Tech Exit, we discuss the lies parents have been sold about parental controls, screen-time limits, and even the effectiveness of screens in the classroom. There is another way!  If you need a shot in the arm to make the break from tech, listen in and see how digital technology is anything but necessary for children to live happy, healthy, and socially full lives.     Key Takeaways Putting limits on something immediately implies harm. Why are we choosing to expose our children to something that is harmful?  Dopamine that is released when a child uses screens affects the brain like a drug and produces cravings, not satisfaction.   Since screens have been in our schools, math and reading scores have hit an all time low.   Replace screen time with responsibilities and tasks, as well as hobbies and play.  Screens make us all feel like we don’t need other people.  It decreases community inherently,  Life is not about being constantly amused and entertained.  We all need time for reflection, activity, and boredom.     Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the screen time use in our home right now?  Are we happy with our own screen time?  How can we be better?  How have screens affected our family life?  What do we want to change about this?    Resources thetechexit.com  clare.morell.substack.com Messy Family Guide to Tech:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/  

Summary Parenting teens can feel like navigating a storm. Emotions run high and mistakes are inevitable. In this updated reflection on our original 2017 episode, we dive into the art of disciplining teenagers not just to manage behavior, but to raise mature disciples of Christ. We share what we've learned from parenting our ten kids, what it means to move from control to connection, and how to maintain strong relationships during the most challenging years. Whether you're in the thick of adolescence or preparing for it, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and practical tools. Topics include: • Building trust and fostering independence • Avoiding the trap of control or punishment • Communicating values in a way teens can hear • Creating rules that actually work Couple Discussion Questions In what ways do we tend to default to control instead of connection when our teens challenge us? How can we help each other start with our own hearts before reacting to difficult teen behavior? What opportunities can we create this week to invest in one-on-one connection with our teen(s)? Are there any household rules we need to revisit or simplify to better serve our teens’ growth? What does it mean to us to parent for Christian maturity rather than just obedience?  

“The two great commandments name the three loves – loving God, loving neighbor, and loving yourself. All three loves are necessary and central to our Faith.  All three.” - Dr. Peter Malinowski   Summary How can I learn to truly love my family?  The reality is that the degree to which you love yourself will be the maximum that you can love your family.  Ordered self-love is not an optional thing – it’s essential.  This is especially true for spouses and parents because their love is tied intimately to the full flourishing of others, namely, their children!  We are made in God’s image and likeness, which means that, like the Trinity, we are constantly in relationship with others and even with ourselves.  Learning to love ourselves directly affects how well we can love others.  Listen in for advice from Dr. Peter Malinowski, Catholic psychologist and teacher in the field of therapy using Internal Family Systems.  This podcast is essential to learn how to love your spouse and children well, by first learning to love yourself.     Key Takeaways We are made in the image and likeness of God, which means that like the Trinity, we have the capacity for relationship within ourselves. The primary human relationship that we have is with ourselves, then others.  90% of conflicts with your spouse are a reaction to unresolved issues from the past, not what is happening in the present.   The “innermost self” is the core of the person, who we really are.  Our “parts” are small personalities inside of us who battle within us.    Couple Discussion Questions How can you begin to see each other the way that God sees you?  Think about a conflict you had recently.  Ask your spouse, “Tell be about why you felt the way you did.” and be open to learning more.    Resources To find a therapist:  www.soulsandhearts.com/therapists Interior Integration for Catholics podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/interior-integration-for-catholics/id1503898046 Epidode 157 to 159 for an overview of IFS To learn more: https://www.soulsandhearts.com/

Summary:  Listen in as we respond to Catholic parents seeking guidance on navigating sensitive family issues through faith. One parent is concerned about supporting her 11-year-old daughter who expressed same-sex attraction after speaking with her bisexual sister. Another couple is figuring out how to explain same-sex relationships to their young children with both compassion and clarity about Church teaching. A mother balancing part-time parish work and parenting feels overwhelmed by her toddler’s distress and behavior changes. Others seek advice on newborn sleep training and resisting parenting product marketing. They all value faithful, practical support in raising children with love, discipline, and Catholic values amid modern challenges and we did our best to respond to them from our own experience - always giving principles but encouraging them to make their own choices.     References:  Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First 3 Years Matters   https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143109294?linkCode=ssc&tag=onamzmessypar-20&creativeASIN=0143109294&asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.26NWEBLKG2VH&ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ons_d_asin Age Appropriate:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-048-age-appropriateness/ The Art of Raising Humans:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/mpf-326-the-art-of-raising-humans/ Key Takeaways When a child is coming to sexual maturity around 11-13 it is a very sensitive time of development and parents need to be very careful about the messages those kids are receiving at that time.  How we respond emotionally to alternative lifestyles is a powerful example to our children of how to love people who don’t share our values Kids, especially toddlers, have no idea how to express their emotions so we have to recognize what they are going through, even if it's not the ideal situation, and respond to it.  The key to babies sleeping is routines!  And getting them to a point when they are almost asleep, but not quite asleep.  Give them support to fall asleep independently and little by little they will be able to do it!  Every parent needs to take in the different philosophies of parenting and do what works for them!  As children grow, you will respond to them differently - sometimes with more directives, and sometimes with more conversations.  It all depends on their stage of development!  

Dr. Sean and Nicole Tobin, a dynamic couple dedicated to nurturing families in the Holy Spirit's power, share invaluable insights. They emphasize the need for divine guidance in parenting, revealing how the Holy Spirit can transform family dynamics. Discussing the importance of prayer, they offer practical ways to integrate spirituality into everyday life. Personal stories highlight children’s ability to develop a genuine faith. The Tobins inspire parents to embrace their role as spiritual leaders, fostering a vibrant family environment filled with love and compassion.

“We need to give God room to show up. Often we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act” - Jonathan and Amanda Texiera   Summary The number one conflict in marriages, statistically, is money.  How we spend our money reflects our values, but also our belief in the providence of God.  Do we truly believe that God cares about all of our life, including our financial needs?  How much are we truly trusting in Him and His provision and not just giving in to panic and fear?  In this podcast, we invited our friends Jonathan and Amanda Texiera of Wallet Win to give us some encouragement to give our entire lives over to God and believe that He cares for us completely.  They give spiritual principles, but also practical advice for families to reject fear and embrace trust.     Key Takeaways Remind yourselves of what God has done in your lives and invite God into your money, he wants to be part of your life Give God room to show up - we try to fix and solve everything without waiting for God to act Create financial oneness in our marriage Live as financial disciples - play the long game   Couple Discussion Questions Look at the fruits of panic and trusting providence.  How have you experienced these?  List the ways that God has provided for you.  Where can you trust him more?    Resources https://walletwin.com/  

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - G.K. Chesterton   Summary Movies shape more than behavior — they form the imagination, the moral compass, and the heart. Catholic parents are not merely protecting innocence; they are cultivating virtue and wonder. In this episode, we explore how stories shape our children, how to choose wisely, and how to use movies as part of a rich Catholic family culture. Jesus used stories to teach. So do we.   Key Takeaways   Here are four filters that parents can use to decide what movies to watch with their children:   Content – Surface-level: language, nudity, violence, disrespect. Different for every family.  Talk about this with spouse May change as the kids get older Context / Theme–  Does it glorify sin, or does it show redemption? Does this movie affirm the dignity of the human person? What’s the movie saying about truth, identity, family, and faith? Does it honor the sacrificial nature of love? Does it support the family or undermine it? Is faith treated with reverence, or ridicule? Beauty Is it ugly?is does it nourish the soul and imagination? Is this edifying? Does it educate, challenge, or cause me to grow and bear good fruit? Character Arc – Are the heroes virtuous? Are sinners redeemed? Remember: It's not enough to avoid what is harmful. We must actively seek what is holy, good, and true. 🧰 Trusted Tools for Parents: IMDB parents guide - use this to search by adding your movie title https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26743210/parentalguide/ Common Sense Media — secular, but useful for content breakdowns. MovieGuide — faith-based reviews of current films. Catholic News Service Movie Reviews — Catholic perspective with theological commentary. Your Own Conscience — Don’t ignore the check in your spirit as a parent.