Dear Dr. Tracy

Are we wired to fix our loved ones? It might feel that way when you notice discomfort showing up when your kids or your partner are experiencing something unpleasant. It’s easy to get caught up in finding the solution, but could we be missing their feelings and leaving them feeling invalidated? In this episode, I sit down with Michelle Kenney from Peace and Parenting, to talk about repair, the urge to fix our loved ones, and what we can do instead when these feelings show up in our partnerships and parenting. Michelle is a mother of two girls, as well as a former teacher and counsellor turned Certified Parenting Instructor. After years of consequences, bribes and star charts, she finally reshaped the relationship she shares with her daughters and credits peaceful parenting for changing her life. Michelle considers herself a recovering yeller, perfectionist and control freak who has found a more calm and connected way to parent. Using the ideas of Brain Science as her guide and working on childhood hurts as her deeper work, she helps other parents do what she has been able to do for herself over the last decade.In this episode, we discuss:  Fixing in our relationships [03:00] The desire for our partners to parent as we do [05:45] Our inability to separate other people’s suffering from our own [06:15] The contrast between how we consciously parent our children and how we treat our partners [07:00] Helping our partners parent vs telling them what to do [11:45]  Seeing our younger self is our child’s reaction [19:30] Apologies without saying “I’m sorry” [22:30]  Why we push pain away [27:30] EPISODE LINKS:Peace and Parenting InstagramPeace and Parenting WebsitePeace and Parenting YouTube Channel Peace and Parenting PodcastLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againGet intentional with your partner and reconnect with small actions every day with 28 Days of LoveReady to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For today's bonus episode, I sit down with fellow Psychologist Dr. Shefali to discuss what it means to build a healthy parent-child relationship. Dr. Shefali is an acclaimed author, international speaker, and clinical psychologist. If you haven't already, be sure to check out season 3 episode 4 where Dr. Shefali and I discuss the parent-child relationship.EPISODE LINKSOrder Dr. Shefali's newest book The Parenting MapFree Online Summit the Parenting Mastery Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all pee ourselves a little after having kids and it’s totally normal, right? Sure, it’s common… but it actually isn’t normal.Chances are your OB didn’t sit you down at your first prenatal appointment to discuss the importance of keeping your pelvic floor healthy and there’s an even higher chance they never talked to you about how urinary incontinence, at any level, isn’t normal after baby.So what is normal and how do we take care of our pelvic floor?In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sara Reardon from The Vagaina Whisperer, to talk about your pelvic floor. Dr. Sara Reardon PT, DPT, WCS is a Doctor of Physical Therapy, Board-Certified Women’s Health and Pelvic Floor Therapist, and mom of 2. She is the founder of The Vagina Whisperer, an online platform for pelvic floor health and the owner of NOLA Pelvic Health. In this episode, we discuss: The importance of normalizing correct terminology and the care/treatment of our pelvic floors (5:30) What the pelvic floor is (6:30) Common pelvic floor issues during pregnancy (8:30) and postpartum (13:00) The myth that “leaking is normal” (17:15) Common mistakes surrounding bladder health (19:15) Pain with sex (21:30) What a visit with a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist might look like (22:45) Sarah’s tips for you (32:30) EPISODE LINKSThe Vagina Whisperer WebsiteThe Vagina Whisperer on InstagramThe Vagina Whisperer on TikTokFREE GUIDE: How to Take Great Care of Your Pelvic FloorNOLA Pelvic Health websiteLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againStruggling with intimacy? Download my FREE GUIDE with 5 ways to improve your intimacyReady to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself suddenly the default parent, with your partner nowhere in sight and you’re left to tend to the baby?Or maybe you find yourself asking your partner to watch the baby and if now is a good time to shower.I’ll never forget the time I couldn’t find my husband one sunny Saturday. Left to do our baby’s bottle and nap time, I was enraged. When did I become the default parent and why?When I saw Renee’s TikTok about her husband making pancakes, I knew this was a conversation we needed to have on the pod! Renee Reina is the mom friend you always wanted. She is a writer, content creator, Doctor of Psychology, busy body, mom, self-proclaimed over-sharer, and is the host of the top-ranking parenting podcast The Mom Room. In this episode, we discuss: Why Renee doesn’t want her husband to make pancakes on Saturday Mornings How expectations, desires, and wishes differ Renee’s strategy for smoother weekends Tracy’s “pancake” story Expressing our needs to our partners  The “me” parts and coming to the “we solution” Why you want an equal partner (rather than delegating tasks) EPISODE LINKSRenee’s InstagramRenee’s TikTokThe Mom Room InstagramThe Mom Room WebsiteLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againGet intentional with your partner and reconnect with small actions every day with 28 Days of LoveReady to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time for another Q&A episode where I answer your questions! In today's episode, I answer a community member's question about sex after baby.Life changes so much after baby is born and the pressure to have intercourse can feel overwhelming. Breastfeeding, hormone fluctuation, sleep deprivation, birth trauma, feeling touched out, recovering from birth.Is sex off the table? Absolutely not, but the pressure to have it should be. There is no right amount of sex to have and during this postpartum period we are reassessing our entire lives... so intimacy might be a bit different than it was before.In this episode, I discuss: Why the pressure to have sex should be off the table for one year postpartum  How communication with your partner and negative patterns can impact intimacy, especially postpartum My 3 tips for what you can start doing in your relationship today to address intimacy and shift toward connection  Looking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againStart nurturing your intimacy today. Grab my FREE Nurturing Intimacy GuideLooking for more support? Check out my Nurturing Intimacy WebinarLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve prepared everything for baby’s arrival:✅Birth plan✅Hospital bag✅Freezer meals✅Set up nursery✅Install car seatYou’ve done the research and checked your list twice.But did you prepare your relationship?Many of us have thought that a baby will bring us closer as a couple. Perhaps you haven’t had any noteworthy struggles in your relationship so far and think nothing will change. Or perhaps things have changed a lot since then.As a mother and a clinician, the thing that strikes me the most is just how much we don’t share our relationship difficulties. The resentment. The moments of anger towards our partner. The feelings of disconnection and like we are ships passing in the night. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Cassidy Freitas to talk about the things no one told you would happen in your relationship after having a baby. Dr. Cassidy Freitas is a San Diego based mom to three and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in supporting millennial parents through pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting. She hosts the top-rated parenting podcast HoldingSpace. Every Friday on Instagram Dr. Cassidy shares relatable reels and doses of joy with the funniest TikToks. In this episode, we discuss: Dr. Cassidy’s experience of becoming a mother [6:30] The one thing Dr. Cassidy and Dr. Tracy didn’t prepare before baby [8:30] Feelings of fear entering motherhood [11:30] Postpartum mental health [12:45] The challenge of being a couples therapist who struggles with their relationship [18:15] The myth that we will feel closer after baby [19:15] What we can do to work through this phase [26:30] Values [30:10] Generous interpretation [31:15] Kids learn by what they observe [37:30] EPISODE LINKSDr Cassidy’s private practice websiteFollow Dr. Cassidy on InstagramListen to her podcast: Holding SpaceLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againLooking to deepen your connection? Download my free guide of 100 QuestionsReady to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we first fall in love, there’s an attraction and excitement that sets the person apart from anyone else in the world - yet over time, we shift away from this.When I polled the community 67% of you said you felt like your partner’s roommate rather than their lover. Conversations feel transactional. There’s a loss of physical connection. The spark feels lost.But why does this happen? What can we do about it? In this episode, I discuss: What the honeymoon phase is [0:30] Reasons why you might feel like roommates [1:30] 7 ideas to try to shift from roommates back into lovers [3:48] Looking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againGet intentional every day with your partner. Grab my Daily Rituals Guide.Ready to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you find yourself frequently feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated by your environment?Perhaps you’ve heard those close to you say “You’re too sensitive.”You’re not alone and in fact, you might be part of the 20-30% of the population that are highly sensitive people. Today I am sitting with Natalie Brunswick to talk about highly sensitive people and the impact that being a highly sensitive person can have on our lives.Natalie Brunswick is a registered occupational therapist who focuses on supporting parents during the perinatal period, navigating the parenting journey, and beyond. She believes in a holistic, relational, and trauma-informed approach to mental health, wellness, and parenting. She has also been trained with Postpartum Support International and is a proud mom to two amazing boys. In this episode, we discuss: What a highly sensitive person (HSP) is [4:55]  What makes the trauma experience unique for HSP [8:00] Traits of HSP we can identify in our children [14:35] Family dynamics that show up when there are HSP [22:30] How our childhood as an HSP might impact our adult relationships [30:30] HPS and attachment styles [34:30]  EPISODE LINKSNatalie’s WebsiteConnect with Natalie on Instagram Looking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team againGet intentional with your partner. Grab my 100 Questions to Deepen Your Connection GuideReady to learn how to repair? Take my FREE masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, I talk about 7 things your parents didn’t teach you about relationships, and the things we should tell our children. I polled the community several months ago about this topic and your responses were so cool to see. It’s fascinating to see how so many of us didn’t learn how to show up in relationships - things like how to build healthy communication and what a healthy relationship looks like. So let’s deep dive into today’s episode where I’ll share what I think we should help the next generation learn.EPISODE LINKSDownload my free Year in Review guideUnicorn Space by Eve RodskyLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team again. Grab my 28 Days of Love email series built with evidence-based tools to help you and your partner start to reconnect.Ready to learn how to repair? Take my free masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let me set the scene.The tree is up.The lights are on.The decorations are hanging.And I am envisioning a picture perfect moment… the kids smiling in their Christmas outfits while we all smile for that Instagram-worthy photo.Cue. Reality.My kids are now 5 and 7. Hot chocolate ends up on their clothes more than in their bellies. I haven’t sat down all day. And this is nothing like what I envisioned. And I pause. I take a breath. I welcome my perfectionistic voice and say, “Oh, hey there, I was wondering when you would show up this holiday season.”The challenge with social media is that we see these beautifully crafted images without seeing what truly happened before. Family photos? Don’t even get me started – you know it didn’t look like “and everyone say cheese!” in one frame. Holiday get-togethers? Nope, not everyone is happy 100% of the time. The work project? Also probably didn’t go down as it is shown on social media.The nursery and beautifully captured image of baby laying in the crib? This is the highlight reel.So many women and mothers show up in my office struggling with high expectations and perfectionism. The challenge? Life is not perfect. You are not meant to be perfect. There will be mistakes. It is not possible to be the perfect caregiver, partner and individual.  And even more so? It’s a trait that society places on us.And this pressure from society is not helpful.Join me as I speak with DR. JEN DOUGLAS, a clinical assistant professor at Stanford University, licensed psychologist, and mental wellness speaker. She focuses on helping individuals overcome anxiety, perfectionism and trauma which may be holding them back from living their lives in the most full and authentic way.In this episode, we discuss: 13:47 – What is perfectionism and how does it show up for people? 22:23 – Why do I strive for it? 34:37 – What is the connection between burnout and perfectionism? 48:09 – Overcoming the all-or-nothing thinking 53:13 – What you can start doing now to help perfectionism EPISODE LINKSDr. Jen Douglas on InstagramCheck out her Freedom From Perfectionism CourseLooking for more? Join me in my online teachings so you can feel like a team again. Grab my 28 Days of Love email series built with evidence-based tools to help you and your partner start to reconnect.Ready to learn how to repair? Take my free masterclassLooking to improve your relationship? Join me in my online program, Be Connected Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices