Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

It’s National Unmarried and Single Americans Week!  To kick it off, I’ve invited Shani Silver, host of A Single Serving podcast, to share how she moved from complaining about dating to championing the single life!  According to Shani, “I came out of a hole and I know the way out of the hole. I want to tell other people that it’s possible.”  Here are a few more gems of wisdom from my conversation with Shani: ·        “Enjoying a single life—not as a consolation, but as ‘on par’ with life in partnership—is entirely possible. I know this because I’m living it.” ·        “It is 100% possible to love your single life and want a relationship at the same  time. Both of those things can coexist.” ·        “I decided that what was meant for me was going to connect with me. And it was not going to be because I was fighting to find it. Because I had fought to find it for a decade and I didn’t. So that method didn’t serve me.  Maybe just relaxing and letting go and living life will connect me with who I’m meant to be with anyway.” Join us for a celebration of empowered single living! Shani Silver Website: shanisilver.com Dr. Karin Website: loveandlifemedia.com

When life doesn’t play out as planned, we experience loss—of expectations, hopes, and dreams.  And, as with every loss, we grieve.  But how do we grieve something we never had in the first place? Christina and Genet of The Radical Stepmoms podcast join me to discuss just that—grieving the life they thought they’d have, while still embracing and cherishing the life they do have.  At some point (or many points!) in life, we all find ourselves stepping into roles and realities we didn’t anticipate.  Join us to learn strategies for navigating these uncharted waters. Radical Stepmoms Website: radicalstepmomspodcast.com Dr. Karin Website: loveandlifemedia.com

I often get asked, “What we should be looking for when dating?  Which qualities indicate a person will be a committed, solid, loving partner?”  Recently, I came across a framework by psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Marmer describing emotional maturity.  As I examined the model, I was struck by how the characteristics of maturity mirror those qualities we need in a romantic partner—if we’re hoping for a lasting, loving, secure connection.  Dan joins me to discuss these 5 traits and how we’ve experienced them—and in past relationships, not experienced them!  We wrap up the episode answering a listener’s question about how to differentiate between her intuition and inner critic. Citation: https://www.prageru.com/video/its-time-to-grow-up/ Website: loveandlifemedia.com

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A!  In this episode, I answer two questions I recently received.  One listener asks how she can possibly maintain hope for finding love; she’s over 40 and feeling demoralized and worries she’ll never meet her person.  Another listener wonders if she can salvage a relationship that’s gone off course.  After seeing a guy for a couple months, she asked the proverbial, “What are we?” question.  They argued and now he’s stonewalling her.  She asks me, “What can I do to get him back?  I really like him!”  I wrap up the episode by sharing details on how to join the Love & Life book club and Love & Life support groups I’m rolling out this fall! Website: loveandlifemedia.com

We are kicking season 5 off with Dr. Duana Welch to discuss attachment styles and dating!  Have you ever experienced the following? ·        You felt an initial spark, but got turned off when he/she came on too strong. ·        Someone ghosted you after what you thought was the beginning of a very happy relationship. ·        You found yourself bored by someone who is stable and kind. If so, your attachment style may have played a part! According to developmental psychologists, the bond you form with your primary caregiver in childhood sets the tone for the way you connect to others in adulthood.  Dr. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually: Attachment Style Dating Made Easier, explains the difference between Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant attachment and the pros and cons of each—spoiler alert, there are positives to anxious attachment!—along with how an understanding of our attachment style can help us get the love we desire! Dr. Duana Welch Website: lovefactually.co Dr. Karin Website: loveandlifemedia.com

We’ve all heard that journaling can be therapeutic.  But how does writing down our thoughts and feelings heal our emotional wounds?  In this episode, we explore all this and more with Stacy Brookman of “Life Story Laboratory.” Stacy shares how writing helps us process our experiences, recover from trauma, and take back our power!  Stacy explains how we can discover our life’s “theme” and reframe it if it’s not working for us.  She encourages us to identify any lies we’re telling ourselves and replace them with the truth—that we’re strong, capable, and tenacious!  According to psych research, writing fosters resilience and cultivates confidence.  Join us to learn how to implement this powerful practice in your life! Website: loveandlifemedia.com Citations: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/figure/10.1080/10503300701691664?scroll=top&needAccess=true https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/Putting-Feelings-Into-Words-Produces-8047 https://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2017/for-worriers-expressive-writing-cools-brain-on-stressful-tasks/

We’re celebrating Love & Life’s 100th episode! And, as a thank you to our Love & Life family, we’ve made this episode all about what you love most! We start by discussing the inspiration behind your three favorite Instagram posts—the mindset shifts that helped me remain hopeful and positive despite multiple heartbreaks over my MANY years of dating. We then break down a powerful approach from cognitive therapy to sustainably level up our emotional well being—even during the most painful and challenging times. I then answer 3 listeners’ questions and announce the Love & Life 100th Episode Celebration Giveaway! And the best part? Everyone’s a winner! Website: loveandlifemedia.com 

Sunday, July 26, 2020 is the 12th annual National Auntie’s Day—a day for celebrating the special bond between women and their nieces and nephews.  It’s an opportunity to highlight the unique and important contribution aunts make to the development of the children in their lives.  I’m an aunt and so are many of you, so I’m pleased to welcome the founder of Auntie’s Day and author of Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness, Melanie Notkin, to the program!  In our conversation, Melanie and I discuss: ·        How women of The Otherhood manage their ongoing and currently unmet desire for marriage and family. ·        The question almost every woman of The Otherhood has asked herself, “Should I settle for a ‘good enough’ guy in order to have children?” ·        How to handle invasive and insensitive questions/comments about your life e.g. “You must have focused too much on your career!” or “Didn’t you want kids???” ·        The prevailing, yet inaccurate, assumption that women of The Otherhood delayed marriage and child bearing. ·        Grieving the loss of the life we’d expected, while embracing the joys of the life we have! Aunties matter!  And, despite the fact our lives haven’t played out as planned, we women of The Otherhood, can be assured our nurturing and influence make a profound, positive impact on the children we didn’t create, yet choose to love.

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! The first listener asks, “When the guy I’m seeing seems to ‘get quieter’ than he was before, should I pull back?” Another listener wonders, “Why would a man lie about his feelings?” And finally, we delve into the reality that there’s no such thing as a “conflict free” marriage. In fact, according to research by the Gottman Institute, 69% of problems in a relationship will not be solved. A listener asks me specifically, “How do you and your husband agree to disagree? How do you maintain a healthy relationship yet still disagree with each other?” Dan joins me to share how we’ve navigated conflict and challenges in our marriage.

If you’ve been brokenhearted—and, most of us have—you know how excruciatingly painful it is. In fact, brain imaging shows us that the same neural systems involved in physical pain are involved in emotional pain i.e. the angst of a broken heart isn’t so dissimilar from the pain of a broken bone. And frankly, many of us would acknowledge that it feels way worse! So here’s some help for the broken-hearted!  In this episode, I share the science of heartbreak—spoiler alert:  neurologically speaking, you’re essentially addicted to your ex—along with three tangible strategies to help you move past the one who wasn’t right for you, so as to find the one who is!Sources:https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Rates_of_Divorce_for_Adultery_and_Infidelity#:~:text=While%20adultery%20is%20no%20longer,20%2D40%20percent%20of%20divorces.https://signalscv.com/2019/11/research-how-many-marriages-end-in-divorce-because-of-infidelity/#:~:text=40%25%20of%20adults%20who%20have,are%20currently%20separated%20or%20divorced.&text=In%20contrast%2C%20only%2017%25%20of,to%20no%20longer%20be%20together.&text=Roughly%2050%25%20of%20unfaithful%20partners%20are%20still%20married.https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/cfp-0000012.pdf