Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into: The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive. The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.” How casual sex “flattens” our humanity. The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there. Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men. Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, and always honest look at dating, desire, and sex. Sponsor:  Millionaire Match  Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943  Kat Harris Website: https://therefinedwoman.com/  Instagram: @therefinedwoman Dr. Karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes -------------------------------------------------------- Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help! Sponsor: Millionaire Match Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943 Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission! Tausha Pearson Website: http://www.haitimama.org/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single.  So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.) I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too picky and my standards were too high. But then I thought, why don’t I ask YOU which chapter you’d like to hear? So, I posted a poll in my stories and I’m glad I did because the chapter that received the most votes was chapter 11—Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever:  Fear is a Powerful thing. Everyone who’s been single longer than they’d hoped to be has encountered this fear. And many of us have made some soul crushing decisions because of it. I hope the chapter encourages you and provides you with some strategies for tackling loneliness and the fear that so often accompanies it. You asked for it, you got it!  Chapter 11: Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing. Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it! Elliott and I discuss: Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men. The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence. Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him. What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert:  NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality. Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men. How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and taking a leadership role. Why we need to reexamine our assumptions about anxious attachment style. The reality that a woman can’t make a man assertive. There’s hope for passive men and the women who love them. Join us for a deep dive into this intense and complex concern. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Lisa Cleary went through a bad breakup at age 31. In addition to grieving the demise of her relationship, she lost her job and ended up homeless. She slept on friends’ sofas for months. She felt defeated and demoralized—this was not where she expected to be at 31. And while her life unraveled, her friends’ lives seemed to play out perfectly. Lisa got knocked down hard, but through her pain and struggle, she developed grit and perspective. She shares her experience in her book, How to Survive a Breakup:  When All of Your Friends Are Birthing Their Second Child, and she joins us to discuss the question, “Can anything good come from a bad breakup?” Specifically she delves into: Toxic Milestones:  the tendency for women to berate themselves if they’re “missing the mark” How she felt the need to “prove her worth” with the perfect relationship and high-powered job The problem with being a Type A personality when dating Trying to make a relationship something it isn’t meant to be The beauty in honoring the “process”—as opposed to the relentless focus on the “outcome” Join us to consider the “good” we can glean from “bad” in various realms of love and life! Lisa Cleary Website: http://https://lisacleary.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

In this Love & Life Q&A episode, I answer 3 questions: 1. How can I tell if the attraction I feel for someone is healthy?  What if the “sparks” are a result of a trauma bond or anxious attachment style? 2. How can I address the topic of a pre-nup with my fiancé? He has a son and I’m currently taking care of us financially because he’s in school. I just want to be sure I’m taking care of my finances as we move forward. 3. Do women need to “signal” to other women that they’re in a relationship? I see many women “flexing” to let others know their man is “off limits.” I’m personally not into this. But, if I’m with a guy, will he want to see me posture in this manner to let to other women know he belongs to me? Join us to hear my thoughts on these questions! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts! Take charge of your life!” And what better way to do so than by taking a deep dive into female brain chemistry! Thanks to Dr. Tracy Alloway’s new book, Think Like a Girl: 10 Unique Strengths of a Woman’s Brain and How to Make Them Work for You, we now have a comprehensive resource for harnessing our female brain and appreciating its superpowers! Join us to discuss: What you need to know about your female brain if you’re in leadership—or hope to be someday! How a bucket of ice can help with rational decision making! The ONE main quality to look for in potential romantic partners (it predicts successful, happy, lasting relationships!) How to be attracted to people who are GOOD for us! Attachment styles in dating—you’ll be surprised what you’ll learn about attachment and men! Oxytocin and bonding—what you need to know to cultivate and nurture your partnership/marriage! The research on how to remain madly in love! The differences between men and women when it comes to lying—spoiler alert:  we both lie, but we lie about different things! Dr. Alloway provides research based takeaways for how to level up in love and life by leveraging our innate cognitive processes and leaning into our “Think Like a Girl” power! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

In last week’s episode Dan and I answered your questions—many of which surrounded the beginning of our relationship. We noted we started dating in late August and Dan asked me to be exclusive in early January—about 4 ½ months. Much to my surprise, I received a lot of feedback from you with comments like, “How did you wait so long?” “Wasn’t it hard knowing he was dating other people? I’d be so jealous!” “I have Anxious Attachment—I couldn’t handle a relationship being undefined for so long!” Obviously, I felt comfortable with the pace of our relationship but many of you (65% according to my Insta poll) felt differently. Your responses got me thinking—about my history of taking things slowly, the science substantiating this approach, and also, about how slowing our roll can serve as our best defense against love bombing! Dr. Karin Website: http://www.loveandlifemedia.com/ Instagram: @dr.karin

Recently, I posted a poll on Instagram asking if you had any questions or topics you wanted Dan and me to discuss on the program. You had a LOT to say and today we respond to you questions and concerns in an episode devoted to how to have a GREAT relationship. Specifically, we cover: What do men worry about when dating? What were Dan’s concerns? Do men really change for a woman if she’s The One? How dating in your late 30s/early 40s differs from dating earlier in life. How Dan and I met (for more on this, check out episode 46). How our relationship progressed—did we date other people while dating each other?  Did we know we were dating other people? Were we jealous about these other relationships? Why we decided to choose to be exclusive with each other (for more on this, check out episode 89). We received so many questions, we decided to make this a two-part series. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com Instagram: @dr.karin