Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Are you attracted to bad boys? Do you try to fall for the nice guys but end up feeling . . . meh? If so, this episode is for you! Love & Life fan favorite, Dr. Duana Welch, is back to share the science based reasons you can’t get enough of emotionally unavailable men, yet you struggle to be attracted to men you know would be good for you. Dr. Welch shares: Why women are so often drawn to bad boys. The personality trait a partner CANNOT have if you want a healthy relationship. How your attachment style impacts your ability to attract—and be attracted to—stable, secure partners. How to avoid The Dark Triad i.e. traits of abusive partners which are incredibly resistant to change. The biggest predictor as to whether or not a man will cheat on you. Why the notion of “Mating Centrism” is crucial to comprehend and why your search for love will be incredibly difficult until you understand this! Join us for a lively conversation grounded in Dr. Welch’s command of the psych research and Elliott’s extensive experience working with couples! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http://lovesciencemedia.com  Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Money and relationships intersect on myriad levels. Our behavior around finances reflects our beliefs, values, and priorities—and, the same could be said about our behavior around relationships! Certified Financial Consultant Veronica Grant joins Elliott and me to discuss dating, relationships, and money. As Veronica puts it, “We don’t want to bring bank statements to a first date, but it’s important to gather information about financial choices and habits early on to be sure your values align in this all important domain.  Moreover, according to research in the journal, Family Relations, couples’ arguments regarding finances are most predictive of divorce, so it’s critical we learn about each other’s spending patterns before we walk down the aisle! Specifically, Veronica, Elliott, and I delve into: Non-invasive questions to ask—even on a first date!—that will give you a sense of your date’s financial choices and habits.  What to do if you realize you’re not aligned on money matters. Money and power dynamics in relationships. All too often, we fail to acknowledge the profound impact of money on love and love on money. Join us to learn more! https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258879033_Examining_the_Relationship_Between_Financial_Issues_and_Divorce Veronica Grant Website: https://www.veronicagrant.com/ Instagram: @veronicaegrant Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Power dynamics are an inherent element of all relationships. According to the “Law of Least Interest,” the person who is least interested in maintaining the relationship holds the majority of the power. Naturally, this principle impacts dating and marriage. How can we ensure our power balance remains equitable?  What do we do when we realize we lack power in our partnership?  This week we answer these questions and more!  Elliott provides tangible steps for ensuring power equity in your relationship—techniques which have helped hundreds of couples move through power plays to reestablish balance and harmony. Join us for a deep dive into this critical concern—especially if you’ve recognized your partner has all the power! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_least_interest#:~:text=The%20Principle%20of%20Least%20Interest,the%20balance%20of%20power%20tilts. Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

In today’s world of screens and scrolling, many of us find ourselves struggling to concentrate and focus. In recent years, more and more Americans have received diagnoses of ADHD. Such diagnoses may often present unique challenges to dating and relating. Help is here! Elliott has been energetic since birth—our mom even claims he was more active in the womb!😊 Over the years, teachers suggested he might need medication, but because our dad was adamantly anti pharma, Elliott learned other ways to cope with—and even embrace!—his hyperactivity. We begin with some thoughts on the DSM’s (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) changing definitions of Attention Deficit Disorder and how the exponential increase of ADHD diagnoses impacts individuals and our society.  Specifically, we consider: Has the condition truly changed or has our conception and expectations of childhood behavior evolved? When people internalize an identity of ADHD, what does this do to their sense of self i.e. their self-concept and beliefs around their capabilities? We then answer a listener’s question about how to best support her new boyfriend who has ADHD. Join us to hear both personal and professional commentary on ADHD! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

According to the Institute of Family Studies, 20% of married men and 13% of married women have admitted to cheating on their spouse. For many couples, infidelity destroys their marriage—40% of adults who have committed adultery are now divorced compared to 17% of spouses who have never cheated. But affairs don’t always end marriages and in today’s episode, Jill and Mark Savage share how they navigated the valley of infidelity and emerged with a deeper intimacy and connection. As Mark puts it, “We now have the marriage we’d always dreamed of.” Jill and Mark speak specifically to these themes and questions: How we often misuse our strengths in marriage. The trap of “parenting” your spouse. The delicate balance of control—when one spouse dominates and the other allows it. Can strong, independent women enjoy traditional marriage roles? Owning our part in marital dysfunction. How those with Avoidant Attachment and Anxious Attachment can forge strong relationships. How to “recover” from your attachment style. How we often unwittingly behave in ways that cause our worst relationship fears to come true! Jill and Mark share their story hoping to encourage and inspire other couples. Healing from infidelity IS possible! https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Jill & Mark Savage Website: https://jillsavage.org/ Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

What is a woman? In the last several years, this question—which once would have seemed perfectly obvious to anyone—has become both perplexing and divisive. Feminist Kara Dansky joins Love & Life for our first “Love & Life: Let’s Talk About It!” episode. We’re committed to open conversations—even about subjects that are currently considered taboo. Kara and I consider the following questions: What is gender vs. sex? Does “gender identity” exist? How should we compassionately respond to gender dysphoria? Are children truly more likely to commit suicide if they aren’t permitted to transition or are suicide rates higher post transitioning? In some cases, do men claim a trans identity in order to access women’s spaces? What about men in women’s sports? Is the trans movement homophobic?  Does the trans movement dehumanize women? Is the trans movement related to transhumanism? What is a woman? We invite you to join us as we tackle this momentous subject. We share our thoughts with open minds and open hearts. Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Kara Dansky Website: https://www.karadansky.com/ Women's Declaration: ⁠https://www.womensdeclaration.com/ Twitter: @kdansky Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

We pick up our Anderson Family Roundtable by sharing more on birth order—how we’ve seen it impact our personalities and also, how it’s influenced our choice of friends and significant others. We also revisit sibling woundedness—the intensity of the wounds but also, the hope and healing possible! Specifically, we explore: The birth order of virtually all Elliott’s best friends. The birth order of my best friends. The birth order of my boyfriends—but how this pattern was broken with Dan and why that’s a good thing!  Warren’s thoughts on friendships as an oldest child. The sibling wounds we inflicted on each other and how we healed. Redemption in sibling connections. You’ll hear how Elliott morphed from problem child to pastor! And, I recount two profound memories where I felt affirmed by each of my brothers. Spoiler alert, I get emotional describing a time that Elliott started being nice to me (finally!) in middle school. Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Welcome to a “behind the scenes” episode of Love & Life! Elliott and I loop in our older brother, Warren, to discuss the influence of our sibling relationships on our development. We begin by delving into how birth order impacts our personality traits. With 3 kids in our family we’ve had fun analyzing each other over the years and we do, in fact, possess many of the stereotypical traits of oldests, middles, and youngests. Elliott brings up a recent time where I was in charge of a gig we played together—spoiler alert:  babies aren’t typically the best leaders! We discuss Dr. Kevin Leman’s seminal work, The Birth Order Book:  Why You Are the Way You Are. Warren explains that it’s “lonely at the top” and Elliott reminds him how bossy he is! We examine our marriages in light of our spouses’ birth orders—which dynamics work well and which dynamics prove challenging. Join us for a behind the scenes look at Anderson sibling dynamics! We hope our conversation provides a touchstone for you as you analyze how your sibling connections have influenced your current relationships.   https://birthorderguy.com/ https://www.ted.com/talks/jeffrey_kluger_the_sibling_bond Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

When we consider our childhood, we typically think about our parents’ influence on our development. But what about our brothers and sisters? Recent research in developmental psychology suggests we’ve been overlooking the profound impact our siblings have on us—not only on our childhood experiences, but also our adult relationships. As siblings ourselves, Elliott and I have lots to say about this topic! We discuss the unique bond brothers and sisters share and the woundedness that can occur due to sibling rivalry and competition. And, we consider several research studies along with Jeff Kluger’s book, The Sibling Effect. Finally, Elliott offers recommendations for how to heal from sibling wounds and how to approach your brother or sister to discuss the pain in efforts to move toward reconciliation. https://www.ted.com/talks/jeffrey_kluger_the_sibling_bond?language=en Younger and older siblings contribute positively to each other's developing empathyThe effect of siblings on children's social skills and perspective taking Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

In part 2 of our conversation about sexual wounds, Elliott and I discuss how you can identify a sexual wound—whether you’re wondering if you’ve been wounded or perhaps your partner has.  Elliott shares the two main ways sexual wounds manifest—in hyper-sexual behavior or hypo-sexuality. We wrap up our conversation with tangible steps to take to help you or your partner heal from sexual wounds. Join us for Part 2 of our Sexual Wound series to discern if past sexual woundedness is impacting your current sexual expression—and if so, how to find healing and hope. Sponsor: Magic Mind: www.magicmind.co/lovelife Use code LOVELIFE20 for 20% off your order Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson