Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

In fact, we’re taught to avoid talking about finances because it’s considered a bit gauche—especially when you don’t know someone very well. Furthermore, what if you’re not all that proud of your relationship with money? Maybe your bank account refuses to grow and “retail therapy” is your go-to coping mechanism! Or, it seems you just can’t get ahead no matter how much you save! Emily Burnett can relate. She’s a self-proclaimed “money mess” and “budget loather” who was thousands of dollars in debt. But then, she dramatically changed her relationship with money and found freedom in fiscal responsibility!  She shares her journey in her new book, Dear Fellow Spender:  Enjoy Using Your Money to Get Out of Debt, Build Savings, and Create a Life You Love.  And no, we don’t need to have our finances completely sorted out in order to have healthy partnerships, but we do need to have an understanding of our relationship with money—because, research shows it’s a factor that greatly influences marriages. Elliott and I have often discussed the reality that conflict about finances always ranks very high as a factor in why couples get divorced. Our spending habits reflect our values—and you know we’re all about values on Love & Life! So whether you stick to a firm budget or you’re a “money mess” as Emily used to be, we welcome you to this conversation about money, love, and values with Emily Burnett of Moso Money. Sponsor The Wellness Company Website: https://www.twc.health/lovelife Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Emily Burnett Website: https://www.mosomoney.com/  Dear Fellow Spender: https://www.mosomoney.com/book  Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson Citations: https://www.gottman.com/blog/arguments-money-arent-money/ Papp L., Cummings, E., Goeke-Morey, M. (2009). For richer, for poorer: Money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58(1), 91-103.

I asked Elliott the other day, “We’ve been talking about cheating and recovery, but what can we do to try to prevent affairs from happening in the first place?” And yes, healing is possible and, as Elliott continues to stress, we may even find deeper intimacy after infidelity. But of course, wouldn’t we prefer to grow closer to our spouse without going through a marital breakdown? In this conversation, we present 3 strategies for keeping your marriage solid and connected! We can’t control our partner, but we CAN take steps ourselves to strengthen our bond and increase the likelihood of remaining faithful to each other. Elliott and I share examples of what we do personally to keep the fire burning (REO reference for our fellow GenXers 🙂) in our marriages–along with research and Elliott’s clinical expertise gleaned from over 30 years of working with couples. We leave you with 3 practical, actionable steps to take today to help you NOT to stray! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

After posting episodes 265 and 266, Karin and I continue to see a need to continue the discussion about cheating. So today we continue our cheating series by responding additional concerns and discuss how to start the healing process. Specifically, we address: What's the first step in the healing process? How to navigate forgiveness and grief What to do if children are involved What rebuilding trust looks like after betrayal Join us for this third segment in our series on cheating. And please, let us know if you have any questions! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

After posting episode 265, Elliott and I received additional questions about infidelity, so we wanted to continue our cheating series by responding to these concerns. Specifically, we address: What exactly is cheating? Is flirting too much a violation? What about porn? Connecting with an old flame on Facebook? Close friendships with coworkers? What are the first steps to take if one of us has broken our vows? Can we ever rebuild trust? What if the betrayer won’t acknowledge the indiscretion? How can we ever forgive? When is separation necessary? What can we do when we’re single to prepare ourselves for a strong marriage—one in which neither partner is likely to stray? Spoiler alert: there’s actually a LOT we can do when we’re single to set ourselves up for an affair-proof future marriage! Join us for this second segment in our series on cheating. And please, let us know if you have any questions! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Just Wear the Mask.  It’s Not a Big Deal! Or, is It? A Developmental Psychologist’s Concerns Regarding Masks on Children—and All of Us! We’re bringing you another segment of our “Love & Life:  Let’s Talk About It” series.  These are topics that can be hard to broach and in some cases, conversations around these issues have been censored—either by social media platforms, or by social agreement—because,”Let’s not talk about it. We’ll just get into a fight.”  But avoiding subjects to preserve harmony doesn’t foster true intimacy—and because Elliott and I are all about deep, meaningful, intimate relationships, we’re going to speak honestly about those issues which are most important to us.  Today’s “Love and Life:  Let’s Talk About It!” topic? Masks. Over the past several years of the pandemic, masks have become an insanely contentious topic. The debate has waged for 3, almost 4 years now, so I’m sure you have your opinion and I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind.  I just want to bring up some relevant factors that I’ve rarely heard expressed in the debate. I’m approaching this from my vantage point as a developmental psychologist because there are several theories I learned about in my grad work which have implications for masks on children—and on all of us! Join us to learn the research suggesting masking IS a big deal. Children have suffered and research shows there may be lasting effects to this experiment we all entered in by covering our faces over the last several years. Citations COVID rules are blamed for 23% dive in young children's development: Disturbing study shows scores in three key cognitive tests slumped between 2018 and 2021, with face mask rules among possible culprits https://www.dailymail.co. uk/news/article-10247315/Face-masks-harm-childrens-development-Study-blames-significantly-reduced-development.html Early maternal mirroring predicts infant motor system activation during facial expression observation https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-12097-w Early origins of mental disorder - risk factors in the perinatal and infant period https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-016-0982-7 EQ vs. IQ Which is Most Important in the Success or Failure of a Student? https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877042812021477?ref=pdf_download&fr=RR-2&rr=813ff5c13d7c140a  Imitation in Infancy: A Critical Review https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0065240708604176 The Mask of Ignorance https://www.city-journal.org/article/the-mask-of-ignorance Mothers with a mask or… the still-face experiment? https://eipmh.com/mothers-with-mask-or-the-still-face-experiment/ Possible toxicity of chronic carbon dioxide exposure associated with face mask use, particularly in pregnant women, children and adolescents – A scoping review https://www.cell.com/heliyon/pdf/S2405-8440(23)01324-5.pdf Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

No one walks down the aisle on their wedding day expecting to cheat on their spouse. But sadly, it happens all too often.  What happens? Why do couples stray? Elliott and I discuss 4 types of affairs (Pittman) and 3 reasons why they happen (Balswick & Balswick).  Join us for part 1 in our series on infidelity. Learn how to protect your marriage from an affair and/or recover from the pain if infidelity has already occurred.  Citation: https://hackspirit.com/infidelity-statistics/ Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

We’ve all heard it a million times—you are what you eat. And, of course it’s true—every cell in our body relies on and is sustained by the nutrients we ingest. So on a physical level, this reality is obvious.  But, the more research I do, the more I realize how much this adage—you are what you eat—pertains to our mental health as well.  In some ways, I think about all the work I’ve done as a psychologist—as many of you know, I’ve found so much power in cognitive techniques. When we take charge of our thoughts, we take charge of our lives—and, I absolutely stand by cognitive strategies. More importantly though, research substantiates the effectiveness of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), as we’ve discussed in many episodes of Love & Life.  That being said, how much easier is it for us to take charge of our thoughts if we’re fueling our bodies in a way that supports our thinking and emotions? That’s why Elliott and I focus on MIND and BODY and SPIRIT. Today’s episode is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Cate Shanahan. If you haven’t had the chance to listen to the beginning of our interview, be sure to check out episode 263. Dr. Cate describes why industrial seed oils are one of the worst—if not the absolute worst—substances we can put in our bodies. And of course, because our physical wellbeing and mental wellbeing are inextricably connected, when we eliminate the hateful 8, we’ll feel much better emotionally, too! Learn how to eliminate the Hateful 8 to level up your psychological health! Dr. Cate Shanahan Website: ⁠http://drcate.com/⁠ Books: ⁠https://drcate.com/books/⁠  Instagram: ⁠@drcateshanahan⁠ Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: ⁠@dr.karin⁠ | ⁠@pastorelliottanderson

About a year ago, I started hearing a term that was new to me—seed oils. Apparently, they’re everywhere—in virtually all processed foods. And, recent research links them to horrible health outcomes. So, I did a lot of reading and found that much of what I’d understood about dietary fats was completely off base. For years, I’d been making food choices I thought were healthy but in fact, they were the exact opposite of nutritious! One book that deeply impacted me—and Dan, too, because I immediately started cooking with different ingredients—was The FatBurn Fix by Dr. Cate Shanahan. I reached out to her to see if she’d be willing to appear on the program. Today, Dr. Shanahan joins us to unpack the deleterious effects of industrial seed oils—along with the remarkable benefits of eliminating them from our diets! Stay tuned for Part 2, which releases next week! Dr. Cate Shanahan Website: http://drcate.com/ Books: https://drcate.com/books/  Instagram: @drcateshanahan Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

We’re in the midst of a mental health war. Over the last 50 years, we’ve raised awareness and developed abundant treatment options, yet Americans’ rates of depression and anxiety continue to skyrocket (Whitaker, 2015). Today, Elliott and I discuss my reflections on his recent messages about the epidemics of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and addiction. We conceptualize the current mental health landscape as a war for two reasons:  (1) because so many Americans battle psychological concerns and (2) professionals are in the midst of deeply contentious disputes regarding how to best treat clients’ emotional distress. Pharmaceutical corporations and many psychiatrists view this issue through a medical model i.e. patients are diagnosed with psychiatric illnesses and are prescribed pills to manage symptoms. But despite an exponential increase in the use of psychotropic medications, the number of Americans filing disability claims due to mental conditions has tripled over the last two decades (Whitaker, 2015). Elliott and I argue that a “medicalized” framework pathologizes reasonable responses to trauma and pain; this frameworks also disempowers clients—which is both an unintended and unfortunate consequence. Furthermore, and very importantly, most pharmaceutical interventions for psychological conditions simply don’t work as promised—if at all (Brogan, 2016, 2019; Whitaker, 2015).  Join our conversation to learn the necessary tactics for engaging in this mental health war!   Works Cited Brogan, K. (2016). A mind of your own:  The truth about depression and how women can heal their bodies to reclaim their lives. Harper Wave. Brogan, K. (2019). Own yourself:  The surprising path beyond depression, anxiety, and fatigue to reclaiming your authenticity, vitality, and freedom. Hay House. Spielmans, G., Spence-Sing, T., & Parry, P. (2020). Duty to warn:  Antidepressant black box suicidality warning is empirically justified. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 20. ttps://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.00018/full Whitaker, R. (2015). Anatomy of an epidemic. Broadway Books. Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Elliott’s mental health series continues with a message about addiction. Sadly, addictions have touched us all—whether we’ve struggled ourselves or we’ve endured the pain of watching a loved one wrestle with the grip of addiction. Elliott shares an understanding of addiction through a Biblical lens. He tackles questions surrounding the grip of addiction and the hope and healing we can find in Christ. Download Elliott’s PowerPoint here: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/6pku0usfyr8cz8enz2dyi/Altering-Addictions.pptx?rlkey=t1p3y55dyo1gjhdvzzs4q82l1&dl=0 Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson