Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

This episode is for Vegan's only!! Carnists are not allowed to listen. SORRY! Now that it's only us, picture Tommy kissing your thighs. Feel better? GOOOOOOD.Why do people over 50 refuse to drink water? Water is in us and everywhere around us. Maybe they are just wiser and know that nothing satisfies your bodies cravings for hydration and nutrients like Diet Coke. It tastes good and it's good for you. Especially post-workout. Do you remember your father's funeral? How many orgasms did you have staring at his corpse? We found someone that may have been more aroused than you and it's ALL TIME CLASSIC MOM mode already. Get ready to cry from joy and from your relentless orgasms on this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

POP! Pimp Squad for life, baby! If you can't see, then that should be your story and you should always say that no matter who asks you what. You know what we're sayin, you feel us, know what we're talking about? Kentucky Jeans and Momlando Jeans were worn this weekend - get the breakdown, Gawd.Plus Tina explains what that drop about God and blessing is all about. Do you watch comedy? Does it ever upset you. Please blog and share in detail how you feel and your disappointment about it. Even if you laughed, somewhere inside you there is surely something to complain about. And we have a song that we can only WISH came from a listener - Maybe it did??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ohhhh Jeans! We're Back! Tommy pulled up his sick, barking jeans and coughs and blows his nose throughout the show just to remind you that he sacrifices so much for her. Tina is VERY surprised to hear a series of NEW drops in her honor! Can you guess what they are? They are blessed indeed. Be sure to relax on this one as the smooth sounds of Crapzo and Manwelle and White Tigress penetrate your soul - choose whichever one best suits your needs. Plus we give you the 411 on the Segura Family Cruise. What's that? Were family genitals shared? Mmmm-hmmm.Plus some WOULD YOU RATHERS and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, we were about to do a new episode but then Tommy went off and got sick like a big, ol dumb bear. Now he's on bed rest and we have to delay our return for another day. Please enjoy this Classic episode which has the origins of F****n Camp! among other Tourettes Classics!This is high quality denim we have here.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh meowmy, does she miss us? Our vacation is almost over, but we didn't forget about you. Here's one more classic pair of jeans for you and you guessed it, it's amazing. Once again, this episode features Top Dog and BROWN and it's epic. We hope you took care of your teeth while we were gone. We're going to check each of your toothbrushes to make sure of it, Theo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh yeah, Jeans. It's time for more of those Classic Jeans. This is that bespoke denim you can't find in the stores. This very special episode captures one of the greatest moments in podcasting history - Top Dog and brown come together in REAL TIME. Buckle Up, you ain't ready.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Reach into the closet, up onto that top shelf. Further, no further. Yeah, those nice worn in jeans are there. Put them on and pull them up.While the moms are on vacation we give you an oldie but goodie. Some of the origins of Mommycode are deep within this episode. Listen and enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shots Fired!!!If you're down in the 954 or the 305 and you see a half naked white dude singing and dancing shakin' that thang - don't worry, that's Rihanna.The elephant in the room must be addressed - Peter Caine has called the MAIN MOMS out! Lord only knows what will happen next, but Peter Caine is on the watch list. Should he worry about Tina and Tommy? No. The little Mommy's? Probably. Theo? You Bet. You can't just talk s**t like that and not expect bad things to happen. As Theo has always said, "Don't start nuttin, won't be nuttin." Plus Tommy has returned from City Connection and he can't wait to go back. He's got that international jeans fever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Please don't talk, please don't touch my service dog! Don't talk to my dog, the dog is being good. You're getting the dog in trouble, you di@k! Maybe Peter Caine is right???Tom's in Hong Kong aka "City Connection" right now. He had a real nice hair cut before he left and we talk about it. Christina admits to seeing the same hairdresser since 1998, but he's awesome so don't sweat it. Cops are still all fu$%in bald and s$it. We discuss nightmare jobs for us personally. Being nocturnal is horrible.COPS is our new favorite show. It's fun to watch people who cook meth getting arrested. And you should always look at the positive aspects of your meth cooking spouse. Christina gets punished for using her BIG WORDS in the last episode...Aunty Fee takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Tom picks the opening clips, it's usually porn. But this porn clip is "revolutionary" according to Tom. We deconstruct Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda". Both versions, fart and original. We also explore "the cowboy hip hop" and real "hip hop" dancing. The cargo pant debate rages on! We look forward to Tom's upcoming Asian dumps. Theo hears his latest song and comes on the show to discuss his royalty agreement. Wendy's has a neat corporate training song.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices