Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

If you're a big dog how about you play with dogs your size, you stupid, selfish inconsiderate C**T. But if you're a dog you might not know where you are playing because DO DOGS EVEN HAVE BRAINS?!? We investigate. Loud, gay sex sounds and terrifying and hilarious. Since we didn't get you the SF Bonus ep, we give it to you here! Groan more! A big, BURNING Dental Update will have you smiling wide and this time we get TOP DOG and CHARO on ONE call. Can you believe your wiping luck? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wussup playa! Wut you gonna get dat gurl for Chrissmas? We hope you got all the denim that you asked Sandy Claws for and we hope you got nothing but denim from all your loved ones. We have many special gifts for you this episode. Fan favorite, but rare guest, ARPAD is back! Yup, Tina's dad and everything that annoys him is on the phone doing what he does best - calling out all Bull S**T. Advertisers, BEWARE. CP's pops is not falling for your gimmicks. Actually he is fully rebelling against them. He is also NOT A FAN of political correctness. At all. It's not Happy Holidays to him. It's Merry Christmas or GFYS. If his tirade doesn't convince you, we also have Top Dog speaking in eerily similar fashion. Plus, Aunty FeeFee, the 69 Boyz, Dominic the Donkey and a whole lot MORE! (Santa's Evles??? Maybe). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When a mommy is missing it isn't truly Your Mom's House, so this episode is unofficially Your Aunt's House, but boy does Auntie get down! Fan-favorite and dear friend, Bert "The Machine" Kreischer joins Tom for the first LIVE video podcast from the MommyDome. We talk about sharing death news with people, Bert's new show, getting to know Vanilla Ice, a follow up on The Dick Detectives, dealing with our anxiety, and more! We laugh our Mommy dicks off! RIP MCA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are good shows as a comedian and there are great shows. Sometimes there are bad shows and then there's this. In Tommy's near 12 year career as a stand up he has had the full spectrum of shows, but nothing quite compares to the Massacre in Manitoba. In this episode we fully examine everything that went into a show going so far off the rails that Tommy had to leave before it was over. We play highlights - if you can call them that - and talk about some of our worst shows ever. In keeping with the Canadian theme we revisit Rob Ford and update you on what he's been eating.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some have had the never to criticise this show for being less than sophisticated. To those that have unflattering remarks about us we present to you Episode 141. The Mona Lisa, the Sistine Chapel, and now this very episode of Your Mom's House with all mentioned in the same breath. We examine the meaning of life, the purpose for which one exists and we might just have an answer to the question, "Is there a God?" Give this podcast a listen and you'll be pleased by what you hear. We also take more calls from our listeners about Love! Can you feel that? That's your jeans getting TIGHTER!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

KABOOM! Guess who stepped in the room? TICAL! or YOSHI! Back with more of that ISH you just can't get enough. Our conversation with Yoshi was so loaded we HAD to split it up into TWO episodes. Here is more of what you came for, part 2 of Yoshi's return with a real "talking to" about prostitution. Get your jeans ready for a brand new belt! SUSHI! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baby Jesus was born and so we celebrated and now we give you this: More laughs and good times with Canada's finest, Ian Bagg! We play amazing audio of two of the dumbest women alive - YEAH! Ian also shares what it's like to live where the sun never goes down - CRAZY. We talk about the state of comedy and we read the craziest email ever sent to us by one of Christina's family members! FYI - it's pretty offensive! Merry Christmas, bright light jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You can survive on just air and sunlight and nothing else, but you'll die pretty quickly also. Tina makes a compelling argument for why she feels so strongly about being the MAIN Mommy - she HAS been farting on the show and put TURDS on the ground. Chuck Woolery listens to our show. We think. And he feels badly about being so GREEZY. Do you return the shopping cart to the store or do you leave it by your car like a jerkface? We revisit yelling when you're angry - it doesn't define who you are. It's human emotion, you f***ing f**k. Tina talks about her past City Connection love and Tom shares his brief experience with all that PWESSHAH!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can someone fit their D**K AND Balls into a woman at once? It's something we explore at length in this very special Friday release episode. If you haven't yet figured it out this episode is very much NSFW or for those of you that listen on speakers in public places - this audio will definitely lead to you getting fired or losing friends/family. If every one knows that you're bald then when you wear a wig we all know that's not your hair, Jason Alexander. Pretty girls will always be annoying if you allow them to be. When you ignore the stupidity that oozes out of their mouths you're helping them become more interesting. This is the secret to life.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The episode will teach you the two greatest things in life, "Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut." If that sounds like some real mafioso stuff, well, it is. This has to be one of the most fascinating episodes we've ever done. Our guest is comedian, writer and son of mobster, Tony Hinchcliffe AKA Tony Marsco AKA Tony Nickels AKA Tony Tip Toes. You'd never guess it but Hinchcliffe grew up the son of a mob boss father and bookie mother. HOW DO YOU NEED MORE INFO AFTER THAT?? We also revisit Angel and more of her secrets, but mostly this episode is everything Organized Crime. Put on your pressed jeans for this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices