Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Christina and Tom discuss how the world is full of self-important assholes and Tom's recent run-in with two significant terrible people. A "Real Talk" segment features a woman with footlong toe nails and a man who insists on kissing a woman after she has vomited. Christina shares her own stories of hearing the neighbor have sex and Top Dog is back for more "Brown Talk"!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is gooder than a bitch! Get those jeans ready. Tina and Tommy had opposite weeks. Tommy was in Austin while Tina was in Cleveland - coincidence? Maybe, but no. Which race do you trust the most? We share our thoughts and they're mostly DARK. When you sh*t on Los Angeles, you really disrespecting yourself, man. Don't hate on L.A. just cause you live somewhere awful. HUGE dental update from Tommy. Keep gully, ya'll. High and tight for life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mommy, mommy, oh mommy, mommy! Get ready for a good time. Fellow comedian and Southern Belle, Rory Scovel enters the mommy dome for the first time. Rory witnesses the unveiling of our producer, Blueban, to our Ustream audience, we then talk about a fun thing to try to your lover, more Beastie Boys love, couples that don't fart in front of each other, Cosby, shitty people that go to shows, Fill Her Up/Seal her shut, when eating pot goes wrong and more! Go to YourMomsHousePodcast.com for all the mommy magic! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OMG, you guys. We got such a huge response to the Maria call that we revisit it and all its hilarity. According to Christina, Tommy doesn't show much excitement about anything. Well, that is, until you propose that he might be able to get away with murder! That's a fun scenario that we break down because everyone wants to do it, don't you agree? Tina and Tommy also talk about going back in time and what they would do if they could take each other on a first date knowing what they know now. As you can imagine, it's quite romantic. We read a listener email that asks the HARD questions. Do we answer them? Oh yeah. What would you do if you had 6 months to live? We do it real big. Tina has opened a savings account to go to space. Please donate.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

KaBOOM! It's Friday which means more jeans. We recap the latest episode of Gigolo's because Brace puts on a performance of a lifetime. So many amazing Bracisms, hope you can handle it. Which Gigolo would Christina hire??? Secrets revealed! THEN, it's the return of Top Dog! This is a call unlike many others - less brown, more bush! You will feel so much closer to Top Dog after this one. Also, did you know 7-11 has great coffee too!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We speak English and you understand us, but YOU speak English and we don't understand a single word you're saying, Scottish jeans. Did you ever go hoggin' back in your day? Gaping butthole photos? We cover that for you. Sometimes violence in movies and television is hysterical and we kind of disagree on that. Weigh in with your opinion, won't you? Did you know that Webster was a huge pop star in Japan? We have the never award winning audio! His voice is annoying and adorable at the same time! Coca-Cola calls its customers RETARDS and we have the proof (or was it retardED). We give you the FULL Willie Rack Em audio and Tommy hits on a sushi waitress. Remember, there's only 1 Mommy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joe Bartnick is a man. The kind of man the you can easily imagine having his way with you. He is large and powerful and most likely stronger than you and capable of forcing you to do what he wants you to. Sorry if now you think Joe Bartnick is going to make you blow him. Joe is also a hilarious comic and a kind soul. Joe is a comics comic that loves to shoot the shit and talk shop which is exactly what we do with him. Bartnick has written for the roasts and tours with Lisa Lampanelli. We talk about fighting, teeth, touring and jail. Bartnick also has a new album out, Salute! -Available on iTunes and CDbaby. Joe confesses that he won't wear mommy jeans but he does own a nice pair of "Dad shoes." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well it's Tommy's Smurfday! What did you get him? Sometimes you eat some stuff and then a lot of brown comes out. That happened to us this week. Also, we recap spending time with OMG Maria and even THAT feels like a work out. Our local Starbucks knows her by name and memorized her order: No DC's there! Tommy has a major dental update - will you press play to experience it?!? Who on God's earth likes milk? You're gross. Denim on denim on denim.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes when you say BIG WORDS people won't hire you any more, ya'll! We visit the Paula Deen debacle and encourage all of you to deny, deny, deny when asked if you say offensive words. Poor Paula even got dropped by Diabetes, ya'll - oh DYA BEETUS! Plus we investigate other celebs who have accidentally said the N-word but they were being recorded. Their careers may surprise you! The mommies also recap their week in the Dominican Republic that was a delight with the beach, the food, and the porno, porno, porno! There's brown talk and more! Get thinner jeans for these hot summer months.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

International Jeans can be worn comfortably in this episode as we welcome world-traveling funny man and all around charming lad, Tom Rhodes into the Mommy Dome. Rhodes puts us at ease immediately and an easy-going conversation about anything and everything develops. We cover his amazing success in Holland including his television show, why the Dutch are not impressed with celebrity, Tom's family and their black voices, butt flutes, Fill Her Up, plane sharts and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices