Dire Straights

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.comWe talk couples therapy—the good, the bad, and the unequal. We look at sexism in the therapy room, consider how therapists try to save us from patriarchal socialization, and talk about the divorce stigma that shows up in the ever-popular belief that marriage is hard work. We ask: How does couples therapy challenge inequality in straight relationships—and how does it enable and excuse it?Along the way, we discover the maybe not-so-surprising origins of marital counseling in white supremacy and eugenics, the field’s mid-twentieth century makeover, and the 90s-era therapy boom, which collided head-on with the woefully overdue criminalization of marital rape, giving us the “love languages” and “appointment sex” trends we know today.After the paywall, we also share some very different, and very personal, couples therapy success stories—one that ended in divorce, and another in marital growth.Show highlights include…01:30 Couples therapy in pop culture—from Dying for Sex to Dr. Orna5:40 Tabloid headlines about celebrities, like Barack and Michelle Obama, in couples therapy10:30 The social and economic capital of being married13:10 Meet the father of marriage counseling, a eugenicist16:01 Marriage counseling evolved with the sexual revolution… or did it?18:02 The 90s therapy boom and the criminalization of marital rape20:20 John Gottman on wives’ “sour” faces and “divorce prediction”24:05 Love languages and appointment sex26:35 What is couples therapy for and how do we define it as a success?26:00 Tracy on the widespread belief that marriage is joyless and punishing27:18 Amanda on divorced women becoming an outlet for married people’s miseries32:20 Women in straight marriages complaining about their partners with naturalizing language vs. women taking on the work of healing men’s patriarchal trauma: a memoir34:40 Tracy asks: is couples therapy just a way of making the economic trap of marriage more survivable?36:00 Divorce stigma40:08 Reproduction of unequal power dynamics in the therapy room41:50 Why couples stay in unequal relationships even when they believe in equality43:45 Tracy and Amanda role play a couple in therapy lol46:40 Questions for therapists to ask straight men in couples therapy50:06 The moral quandary for therapists working with heterosexual married couples56:34 Couples therapy as a powder keg57:35 Amanda and Tracy go deep on their own experiences with couples therapyTell us ALL about your experiences with couples therapy in the comments.

In this inaugural episode, we wade into an internet subculture known as the “dark feminine,” a viral beauty trend turned hetero dating strategy.Dark feminine influencers promise liberation from fuckboys and toxic straight relationships, with TikTok videos and ebooks that teach women the art of seduction—and not texting men back. Behind the goth-meets-glam makeup tutorials and affirmations about “pretty privilege,” there lurks sexism, gender essentialism, and a truly dark view of both heterosexuality and feminism.Remember: You can listen to our episodes on Substack or via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other major podcasting platforms.Show highlights01:39 Amanda watches some TikToks that we don’t have the rights to play, but you can watch them here03:00 Selling a fantasy of turning the tables on men05:56 Dark femininity goes mainstream07:21 Amanda affirms her “pretty privilege”11:23 What do these women want?15:06 The racial dynamics of playing with “darkness”16:50 Tracy’s embarrassing Angelina Jolie anecdote18:03 Myths, folklore, “shadows,” and the Carl Jung of it all20:57 Witchcraft and feminine power23:39 Dark femininity as a response to patriarchy25:46 Shitty dating dynamics30:38 The overlaps of “dark” and “divine” femininity32:44 What’s this have to do with the femosphere?34:43 The dark feminine and… sociopathy?39:32 Feminine ideologies as an alt-right pipeline50:01 Reimagining femininity beyond stereotypes and heteronormativity Dire Straights is a 100% scrappy, aging-millennial feminist operation coming to you at exactly the right time in history. We’re not financially dependent on corporate media or advertisers. If we had normal day jobs, this podcast would probably get us fired from them. Paid subscriptions really do liberate us— and so do your little hearts and shares. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

Welcome to Dire Straights, a feminist podcast critiquing heterosexual love, sex, politics, and culture. Dire Straights is hosted by Amanda Montei and Tracy Clark-Flory, a couple of longtime journalists, essayists, critics, and authors.Our show is a skewering of straight existence—and an exercise in imagining new possibilities. Each episode, we’ll unpack the most dire elements of hetero culture, like:* Couples therapy* Dating apps* Sex strikes* Monogamy* Age-gap romances* Cries of “but what about men?”* The orgasm gap* Antifeminist “feminism”* Sex positivity™* The manosphere* Decentering men* Pro-natalism* “Dark feminine” influencersWe explore sex and dating alongside marriage, divorce, and the relentlessly unequal realm of hetero parenting and the nuclear family. We also consider celebrities and politicians as case studies. Tech bros, tradwives, and TERFs are also up for examination.Along the way, we turn to beloved feminist scholarship, call on radical contemporary thinkers, and share our own personal stories, as we try to sketch out more hopeful visions of love, sex, relationships, and romance.This is a 100% scrappy, aging-millennial feminist operation coming to you at exactly the right time in history. We spend countless hours researching, writing, recording, editing, and producing each episode. We’re not financially dependent on corporate media or advertisers, and if we had normal day jobs, this podcast would probably get us fired from them.Paid subscriptions are the best way to make our work possible, so head over to our show page at direstraightspod.com to subscribe and get full access to the show.Free subscribers get:* One full episode and one paywalled episode every month.Paid subscribers get:* Two full episodes a month. No paywalls, ever.* Access to the Dire Straights community via chats and episode comment threads.* A growing list of fun extras, including advice and bonus discussions.Founding subscribers get:* Annual paid subscriptions to both Tracy’s AND Amanda’s newsletters plus all paid Dire Straights perks. You save $50 for going all in on us and you'll be supporting the hell out of independent feminist media in a time of journalistic collapse and feminist backlash.If you’re interested in supporting us more deeply in the long term, please get in touch at direstraightspod@gmail.com. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe