‘Why am I in this relationship?’

This summer’s pop music has a lot to say about heterosexuality.

It’s seen as a burden and an addiction—men are compared to children and cocaine. Haim is literally asking, over and over: “Why am I in this relationship?” It’s textbook heterofatalism when Sabrina Carpenter sings, “I swear they choose me, I'm not choosing them.”

But some pop stars are actually escaping sad straight relationships—or else abandoning the romantic fairy tale. Cardi B is living a divorce revenge plot, Lorde is discovering a more expansive sense of her own gender post-breakup, and Summer Walker is trading love for “the last four of your credit card.”

Since we can’t play all these songs for you, we’ve created playlists on Apple Music and Spotify to go with this episode.

Make sure to join us on Substack, where we have bonus content, subscriber chats, and more. Dire Straights is a scrappy feminist operation. We don’t take any money from corporate music execs. Paid subscriptions keep us singing, and we love being in this relationship with you.

In this episode…

01:25 Is it Single Girl Summer? Heterofatalist Summer? Neoliberal Feminist Summer?

04:08 Lorde's album cover is an X-ray of a pelvis with an IUD in it. A symbol of strength, refusal, and bodily defense? Or maybe it’s giving MAHA vibes!

11:32 Lorde sings about being “in the middle gender-­wise” and seems to be asking, “Who will love the ‘me’ that is stepping outside of heteronormativity?”

15:24 Cardi B teases her divorce album with a diss track about her ex (“Next time you see your mama, tell her how she raised a b***h”).

19:25 Amanda is (not) ready for her epic divorce era—and a football player boyfriend.

21:36 Subverting the single-girl breakup song.

22:49 Tracy makes Amanda watch Kesha’s “Boy Crazy” video because she loves it very, very much.

23:25 Amanda has thoughts about the MAGA-looking men in the video.

23:58 Kesha breastfeeds a grown man!

25:42 This is her Dr. Luke revenge era.

26:57 Tracy has regrets about being the privileged straight girl in gay clubs in her twenties.

29:02 Fletcher got her start as a lesbian icon.

30:52 But then she kissed a boy and she’s sorry about that!

35:10 Then she made some really bad merch about it. Also: is there some sort of bi-pessimism going on here?

41:00 Amanda is really annoying her kids by listening to Haim all the time.

44:21 To promote their album, I Quit, they recreated famous hetero paparazzi shots, like that Nicole Kidman post-divorce meme.

47:37 Why does “the Millennial divorce album” have no divorce in it?

50:27 Summer Walker is over the exploitation of love. “Buy back my love, you can keep your heart,” she sings. Also: “I’m trading a broken heart for a good life.”

51:55 Do yourself a favor and go watch Ciara’s “Like a Boy” music video from 2007.

01:01:00 We’re still not tired of talking about Sabrina’s “Man’s Best Friend” album art. Bonus reading: Tracy’s essay on the topic.

01:08:00 Amanda asks: Why do we treat pop music as “PR for some kind of moral womanhood”?

01:10:00 Sabrina is camp, yes. But what is she doing with “cuteness”? And does it actually help to highlight gender hierarchy and domination?

01:12:00 So what does this summer’s pop tell us about heterosexuality? We pull it all together.

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