How do you get over the awful things that life throws at you?   This episode's guest, Dr. Neeta Bhushan explains the formula for that.  Her new book called, "That Sucked.  Now What?" is an explanation of HOW to get through the 'suck' and to rise again.    Bela and Neeta met over coffee at Whole Foods when Neeta was single almost a decade ago.   Neeta has experienced more loss by the age of 19 than most people do in a lifetime.  She lost her father, mother and younger brother starting at the age of 15, and by 19 years old, she was raising her younger brother.   She went on to get a DMD degree, and open up dental practices, with financial success but a hole inside of her.   She married someone she thought her parents would 'approve' of, and after his last 'punch' (literally to her face) on New Year's Eve, 2011, she left him and began to rebuild her life.  Neeta has found love, had kids, founded the "Global Grit Institute" and so much more.  In this episode, you will hear: -How Suffering is part of Being Human 101 -How to Avoid the Victim Mentality -How to Create "Bounce" in your life, and the 4 factors that lead to bounce (resilience) Your Upbringing Your Current Environment Your Emotional Capacity Your Self-Awareness -After you 'bounce', the 5 Steps to 'fly forward!'   Falling Igniting Rising Magnifying Thriving  Spreading Your Wings Neeta and I implore you to get 'coaching' in any area you need it.  I have coaches, she has coaches, and we have been there to coach each other.   If you need a 'kick in the pants' to get some help for Peak Dating Season, click this link to set up a consultation with us!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela To buy Neeta's Book click here:  https://www.amazon.com/That-Sucked-Now-What-Embrace-ebook/dp/B0B4ZF99PS Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

 In an ever-changing dating world, it can be hard to stay positive.   We often have two choices, we can be optimistic or pessimistic.  The NYT reports that optimists earn more money, have better relationships, and even live longer!   Today, I will explain to you not only how to rewire your brain for optimism, but PSYCHOTIC OPTIMISM!   Psychotic optimism is something Smart Dating Academy is renowned for, (believing in your CORE that love exists for you) and today, we pull back the curtain on our best techniques to become a psychotic optimist!   And yes, optimism can be learned - you don't have to be born with it!    You will learn how to: Identify the negative voice in your head, give it a name, and TALK BACK TO IT! Reframe Situations, Positively Reframing Them (so important)!    How to make 2 lists that can bring you JOY (and avoid pain) How to Evaluate the Company you Keep and decide if they're good for you or Debbie Downers!    Why volunteering is good for your mind and soul Why Gratitude is KEY and why you should religiously write down 3 things you're grateful for. Exercise -- Get the Dopamine GOING! Do something you're afraid of every day. Make a playlist of happy songs!!    Connect with a friend or family member you haven't talked to in a while And, most importantly, Peak Dating Season is coming up - so it's time to AMP UP the psychotic optimism!   It's time to get your profile in EXCELLENT shape - and there is nothing better you can do than schedule a one hour consultation with us to make sure you're at the top of your game.  Email datecoach@smartdatingacademy.com, or check our website for more details :) Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Nicky's love story is amazing. She met Bela at a holiday party sometime around 2010 when she was in her 20s (Nicky was a colleague of Bela's husband Andy at the time). She was a successful professional who didn't have a lot of relationship experience, and pursued dating as she would her work life. Trying different things like matchmaking, speed dating, How About We, dating apps -- but had an epiphany that was work related. She said, "if I was doing something at work for 10 years and didn't get the results I wanted, I would really reevaluate and change my approach." She enlisted some help from Smart Dating Academy at the age of 34, and found love just before the pandemic, and prevailed over the pandemic. She got engaged recently in Italy, and will share her awesome and relatable story in this episode. If you are looking for a husband and maybe kids in your 20s, 30s, or 40s - or just a partner at any age, listen to this episode for inspiration and delight! You'll hear: How Nicky was floored at how her approach to dating wasn't working, and what 'video' inspired her to change How she BECAME the fun that she wanted to have on dates How she dated before (just swiping 'quantitatively), and looking for instant chemistry What SDA rule she "expedited" under careful guidance How she didn't own any flour when Lucas asked her to cook pizza at her apartment Why Elevator people make ALL the difference How Lucas made her feel on the first date (which was different than ANYONE else she had dated).... Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Bela chats with celebrity stylist and author Andrew Gelwicks about how a kid from Ohio grew up, moved to Manhattan, and realized he was meant to be a stylist. How did he get his first break?   What is it like to style Catherine O'Hara, Uzo Aduba, Bette Midler and so many more?   What inspired him to write his book, interviewing some of the most iconic/influential gay influencers, and what did he learn from writing his book?   What is his best tip to look YOUR best no matter what age or size you are?   Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

In this amazing episode, you'll have your mind BLOWN by my chat with Dr. Roksana Badruddoja (Dr. Rokbad) about how fixing your picker is about MORE than just your attachment system and your relationship with your parents.  The way we show up in relationships can be 'wired' into us, and the trauma of generations before us can come into us without us even being aware of it!   My mind was blown, and I'm sure yours will be too!  You'll hear:  What is Family Constellation Therapy? How does something that happened to an ancestor impact our relationships, like our love life? What is trauma?  What is love? What is the relationship between (romantic) love and trauma? Why is it important for singles looking to enter the relationship/dating world and couples before committing to one another to do this work? Bio: Dr. Roksana Badruddoja is an an inherited family trauma liberation scholar; a family constellation therapist; a tenured full professor of sociology, women and gender studies, and critical race and ethnicity studies and the Chair of the Department of Sociology at Manhattan College; and a queer mother to four fierce energy beings. Dr. Badruddoja focuses on inherited family trauma as a platform to explore how people interact in their relationships. Here, Dr. Badruddoja thinks deeply, every day, about how vulnerability and woundedness are imagined and how trauma impacts the ways in which we show up in the world. Dr. Badruddoja is the author of National (un)Belonging: Bengali American Women on Imagining and Contesting Culture and Identity (Brill/Haymarket, 2022), the editor of “New Maternalisms”: Tales of Motherwork (Demeter, 2016), and a contributor of Good Girls Marry Doctors: South Asian Daughters in Obedience and Rebellion (Aunt Lute, 2016).   web: drrokbad.com Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Mindy is a successful entrepreneur, and a single mom of two teens.   Her parents were loving and supportive - and had a 'love hard' but 'fight hard' dynamic.   Listen to her story of how she was set up with her husband at 19, how she built a business with him.  Her gut started to tell her something was wrong, and she learned he was having an affair with Mindy's best friend (who was now their office manager).  Talk about gaslighting and lies - oy!   After the divorce, she did therapy, and jumped back into the dating pool, and yes, she dated someone WORSE than him afterward (you'll hear what happened at the two month mark).  At the end of 2021, she was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and decided to take the 'steering wheel' of her dating life.   You'll be inspired as to how she embarked on her "new and improved" love journey and how she was guided to slowly find love.  And she did.   Mindy is just like so many of us - going from bad to worse.  Learn what she did to turn her love life into magic during this episode helmed by both Bela and Lindsay. Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

In this episode, Bela interviews Tripp Kramer, a coach who teaches shy men how to talk to women!   This conversation is riveting because we hear what he teaches guys about approaching women (ladies and gents, you're gonna want to hear this)! -How Tripp went from a shy introverted guy (at the University of Illinois) to a confident man -- and now teaches self-conscious men about meeting women! What is his TED formula for approaching women? -How do you deal with the fear of approaching attractive strangers? -What is "man crack"? (Spoiler Alert - it's ANYTHING!  Listen to what he tells Bela about HOW a woman can approach a man) -What are the subjects that Tripp says ALL women will talk about, and are GREAT ways to make conversation?  "Chick Crack" (this is hilarious) -How do you deal with rejection? -Are there things women can do to increase their attractiveness to men? -Are there things women can do to have more men approach them? -Do men like it when women approach them? Tripp has GREAT advice for anyone looking to make better conversation with people!    BIO:  Tripp Kramer is an international dating coach for men. He created his "TED system" to help shy men confidently attract the women they desire. In his earlier years he was a shy guy who figured out through trial and error how to get better and meeting, dating and finding the right type of woman for you. He currently has a popular podcast on iTunes called "How To Talk To Girls" and has a book called Magnetic which teaches all his secrets on dating and attraction. www.trippadvice.com/chick-crack Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Dating as a widow is certainly different than dating at any other point in your life.   Many have lost amazing partners, and the 'love of their lives.'  This is the story of Jody LaVoie, entrepreneur, Mom, mentor, CEO, and now, a smart dater.  Jody tells the story of how she met her husband Steve, how wonderful their love was, and how his life was brutally ended by an employee.  Jody steered their company to sale, and her 3 daughters (and herself) through the grief tunnel.  She finally felt ready to date in 2018, and has re-entered the dating pool.  How do her kids feel?  How do her in-laws feel?  Listen to her amazing story, and you'll fall in love with her.  AND, learn what NOT to say or expect when you date a widow/widower.  Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Is it possible to find love over 50?  Hell yes!!  Is it possible to find love over 70?  Hell yes!!  Kathy, from a rural town/state found love at 71, and shares her entire story of how she did it (online)!     Kathy was divorced after 42 years of marriage She lives in a small rural town, in a Southwest state and was a stay at home Mom She was blindsided by her husband when she went to surprise him for Mother's Day (by his new girlfriend) She was left with $400, and had to borrow $ from her daughter to hire a divorce attorney She rose, battled through the dark tunnel, and became stronger / more resilient She dated for nine years, but something just wouldn't click.   She saw a dating coach on Steve Harvey that she liked :).  (enter Smart Dating Academy), and finally hired them. She transformed her dating life.  Her look, her mindset, her online profile, her parameters, all of it.   She met Ruben online and they are now living together (he asked her daughter for her blessing on that) They're planning a 'commitment' ceremony She's found the lid to her pot, who makes her SO happy. It's possible at ANY age! LInks: BE LIKE KATHY & JOIN OUR DATING OVER 50 LOVE LAB!!   The workshop that started it ALL for her is coming back for the FIRST and ONLY time in 2022!  It's 3 hours, over Zoom, on 10/29/22 from 1-4pm CT - and was the VERY first step Kathy took.  Get your spot by putting this link into your browser, now!   https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/dating-over-50-love-lab To read Kathy & Ruben's Story on our website:  https://bit.ly/3S3815f Arthur Aron's 36 Questions (the fun questions Kathy and Rubin asked each other):  https://www.rd.com/list/arthur-aron-36-questions/ Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela

Top 10 Things To Do When You’re Dating After Divorce 1.     Do the work – DO therapy / coaching.  Make sure you have processed the relationship, and most importantly, know what YOUR part in the relationship break up was 2.     Hire someone to help you 3.     Fix Your Picker – Have you noticed that your ‘picker’ is broken?  Get help around this – it’s due to social media, attachment, not knowing what you need vs. want, evolution, and more 4.     Get Psychotically Optimistic about your future – does the thought of dating excite you? 5.     Get online the right way – Take this seriously!!   a.     Have great photos b.     Write a great profile c.     We don’t pick great photos of ourselves! 6.     Have a dating strategy – 15 minutes in the morning/evening a.     Date multiple people at the same time b.     If you’re a single parent, use video to be efficient!  Crazy can’t hide for more than 10 minutes c.     Only go on a few dates per week! 7.     Keep things slow!!  You’ll probably want to rush out especially if your love cup is empty.  Wait 15 dates so you don't get any love bombers/narcissists, etc.  Time is the most important commodity in dating! 8.     Don’t go over to anyone’s house prematurely.  Listen to WHY in the episode!   9.     Get physical if and only if you want to.  There is no such thing as a 3 date rule!!   Only do what you’re comfortable with. There is NO pressure to do anything, and if someone is making you feel bad that you’re not ‘fast enough’ they’re not for you 10.  Only take advice from people who can guide you correctly.  Your friends mean well, but probably not well-versed in dating.  Goes back to rule #2 to hire someone to help you!   Join our free newsletter database by signing up here:  www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact Follow us on Instagram at @smartdatingacademy Schedule your consultation with us here!   We are on a waiting list, and would love to help you!  https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/11-coaching/coaching-call-with-bela