Real Men Feel with Andy Grant

Real Men Feel #266 Moonshot Mission for Mankind & Humanity Research shows that men live sicker and die sooner than women. Dr. Jed Diamond is on a mission to change that. His moonshot mission focusing on men's mental health could save 375,000 lives each year in the United States alone. My Guest, Jed Diamond, is one of the world's leading experts in Gender Medicine and Men's Health. He has written sixteen books, including international best-sellers Surviving Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome. Most importantly, Jed is a teacher, mentor, and friend, and I am thrilled to connect with him again. When looking at risk factors for disease and early death, the number one risk factor is being male. Saving males is a worthy goal. Topics and Questions 1:50 Is challenge constant? 3:20: What is the purpose of your Moonshot Mission? 4:56 If we could help men live as healthy and long as women, we would save 375K men's lives per year in the United States. 9:20 You've said that healing men will do more good than curing cancer. Can you explain that? 11:30 Is this about only extending men's lives or also improving them? 13:24 What makes being male so deadly? 15:50 Men die sooner and live sicker due to our behaviors. 17:40 Many of these improved behaviors are well known. What keeps us from making these positive changes? 22:42 What does this African proverb mean to you? "The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth." 25:00 The rise of authoritarianism. 25:53 The ease of going into blame mode. 29:26 Tell me about the book you are working on. 31:35 Jed, what's the best way to learn more about you and this moonshot mission? 32:37: Is there one habit, practice, or program you want to share? Links Connect with Jed Diamond menalive.com Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel #265 8/6/22 Don't Always Push | 3 Life Lessons Over the past two weeks, I've done a lot of clutter clearing and overall cleanup. My home can get pretty nasty after ignoring it for over half a year, but I attacked the basement and garage today. I started with the basement, liberated the world's most ignored furnace filter, and then on to the garage - clearing trash, cobwebs, and random garage shit. I was sweeping the floor with a push broom — I pushed so hard that I snapped the handle. I could have gotten pissed, angry, stormed off to buy another one, or started throwing shit around… but I laughed. I said, nice one, Universe — maybe I've been pushing too hard. So operation garage cleanup is left at about 75% complete, and I'm fine with that. One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements. Get your copy at https://amzn.to/3BMeBbL The agreements are. Be Impeccable with Your Word Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best Now, if you just have them memorized or know them from a magnet, you could run into challenges. In the book, the nuances are explained more. Always Do Your Best, for example, sounds lovely, but the truth is your best will change from day to day, from moment to moment. Your best when you are tired, hungry, or sick is nothing close to your best when you are healthy, vibrant, and loving life. Your best is not some static setting; it varies. Some days my best is walking away from a broken broom handle. When I publicly came out of 8 months of withdrawal and darkness last month, one type of comment struck me at how often it was stated. "I've been feeling the same way" and "You are not alone." Why do we hide our pain from each other? Every human being has challenges, wounds, and struggles. Yet we often believe nobody is supposed to know that. WHATEVER you are going through, other people feel like you do, other people are dealing with that same thing -- but they keep it to themselves. Let it out. We are here to support each other. I don't believe life is a competition. Let's Talk - visit theandygrant.com/talk Links Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel #264 7/29/22 Love You, Bro I could not always tell people I loved them, especially male friends. Love you, dude. Love ya, mean it. I love you, man -- are just some of the ways I've said and heard men expressing affection for other men. Recently, I've been talking with and getting messages from many friends I haven't spoken to in many months or years. I've noticed many signing off with -- Love you, bro. I've never been a fan of that phrase. I get that it is short for brother. I adore it when my brothers from the ManKind Project or the Modern Mystery School say I love you, brother. Totally cool with that sentiment and phrase. But "bro" changes it for me somehow. Can't we just say, I love you? Period. Links Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel 263 7/22/22 Reaching Out -- Being Ignored One thing that struck me after my 8-month-long withdrawal from life was how many told me that they noticed I was quiet and wondered what was up. Some said I'd been on their mind, yet they didn't reach out. Some said they energetically reached out but were quickly shut down. When I did finally speak up and share, the number of people who said that I'd been on their mind or that they considered reaching out but didn't… made me wonder why that is. I think part of it is the way that polite society tells us not to feel - that negative emotions are bad, keep your shit to yourself, and suck it up. Never take being ignored personally. A response, or lack thereof, is entirely upon the mindset and energy level of the individual. You may want them to feel better, connected, and alive more than they do at that moment. Perhaps we are all responsible for keeping each other going. Let that be the point of social media. We are all in this together. So trust those little hunches and give the people that pop into your head a quick check-in. You might find yourself feeling good. Support this podcast → https://anchor.fm/realmenfeel/support Book a call with Andy → https://theandygrant.com/talk #RealMenFeel Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel #262 7/15/22 Thinking I Want to Die WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts. If you are in a crisis, do not listen to this. Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors that are part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country. You matter! Please choose life. In recent years, I've become more careful in referring to my suicidal thoughts and actions. Instead of saying I wanted to die, I say I believed I wanted to die, or I thought I wanted to die. Because what I really wanted was to feel good. To not feel broken, hopeless, and helpless. I wanted my misery to end, not my life, but at times I saw them both as the same thing. I have to choose the light, joy, and life multiple times a day. I used to think that was horrible, but maybe it's just life. There are many times that life isn't easy, but that never means it isn't worth living. Links Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel #261 7/6/22 WTF Happened? Where Is Andy? This is the first episode of Real Men Feel since October of 2021. Such a long break was not my plan. Today I attempt to explain what happened and open up about my dark night of the soul and all the underlying shame that had me withdraw from everything. I've spent months living in complete apathy. I've only recently gotten to a place of genuinely wanting that to change. You can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. I did not want to be helped. I ignored everyone who offered support or even just asked if I was okay. Only in the past month have I been willing to feel better. Part of my process is authentically sharing what I've been going through. I'm not sure that I make much sense, which is probably true for anyone in the midst of depression and an existential crisis. I apologize for vanishing on you, and I hope something resonates with you. Be well. Links Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related! YouTube | Real Men Feel

“So many of us grew up with male emotion just being an explosion rather than an expression,” says Charles Matheus, author and Mankind Project facilitator. In today's episode, Charles describes how men’s emotions are frequently neglected and explains how a different approach to emotions can give men powerful spaces to be fully authentic. Charles dives deep into a common masculinity trope: men who rarely express their emotions sober. Instead, men wait until they are inebriated and let their emotions out in unhealthy and unproductive ways. Charles is working to break down this cultural trope and teach men how to deal with emotions in everyday life. His goal is to make a full range of emotional expressions in men the norm, instead of occasional, unhealthy outbursts. Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Charles Matheus about creating powerful spaces and healthy emotional outlets for men. Learn how to look at emotions like a superpower, why vulnerability is a crucial mental GPS, and what the definition of Man Box culture is. Quotes • "I'm not actually interested in creating safe spaces anymore, but creating powerful spaces." (02:05-02:08 | Charles Matheus) • “Men have this opportunity now to get together with other men in particular, I think that's the place on this podcast, in their own men's groups, reading groups, whatever it is, to make some mistakes with one another, as we figure out a way to create those inclusive, powerful spaces at work, at home, at church, you know, wherever it is, but we got to talk about it.” (05:19-05:40 | Charles Matheus) • “So many of us grew up with the male expressions of emotion just being an explosion rather than an expression.” (09:54-10:03 | Charles Matheus) • “When we can be clean and clear with one another, it creates connection.” (16:23-16:27 | Charles Matheus) • “Testosterone is not a dominance chemical. That's the main problem with that biological explanation. It is a fierceness chemical. But we can be fierce together, and we can be fierce authentically, and we can be fierce in community.” (30:36-30:53 | Charles Matheus) • “There's no equality on a ladder.” (32:32-32:33 | Charles Matheus) • “Let's be authentic, full and powerful in ways that don't take power away from other people.” (33:03-33:05 | Charles Matheus) • "The universe is expanding, we must too." (42:25-42:28 | Andy Grant) Links Connect with Charles Matheus: www.charlesmatheus.com Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related! YouTube | Real Men Feel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“What is resiliency?” Andy Grant asks Resilient Culture Specialist, Jodi Woelkerling. Jodi is a coach and author who works with individuals and business leaders to help them build resilient cultures and individuals. In today’s episode, Jodi and Andy have a topical discussion about the importance of stress management and how it goes hand in hand with resilience training. Jodi explains her three-level process to helping her clients build resilience skills. She begins with level one, which highlights your body's natural reaction to stress, also known as fight or flight. Jodi explains the importance of recognition in this step, specifically through diverting your body away from physiological responses. She then explains level two: staying in a state of calm. Instead of being constantly on edge, Jodi encourages clients to practice staying in a state of calmness to prevent stressful outbursts. Lastly, Jodi dives into level three, which is recognizing that 95% of our behavior stems from the subconscious mind and we must dig into our traumas to reach full resilience. Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Jodi Woelkerling about welcoming resilience into our lives. Learn about the differences between how men and women deal with stress, how resilience has shown its face in the pandemic in both negative and positive ways, and what the actual definition of resilience really is! Quotes • “The starting point is always recognizing in yourself when you are being affected by stress.” (7:55-8:02) • “In terms of lifestyle, the three basics are sleep, diet and exercise….People really underestimate the effects of those on our ability to deal with the stressors in our life.”  (13:22-13:28) • “Find ways that you can process and move through [a negative emotion] rather than suppressing it, so that it doesn’t become blocked in you and it doesn’t become an underlying bubbling away under the surface.” (14:45-15:04) • “95% of our behavior is from the subconscious mind.” (17:15-17:20) • “There might have been a message that people picked up when they were a child that said ‘If I ask for help, it shows I'm weak.’ This is a common one that men experience.” (19:35-19:55) • “From a cultural perspective, resilience is norms and leadership.” (26:55-27:01) • “Some people are triggered more than others by stressors because of underlying beliefs and perceptions.” (28:58-29:05) • “When I am working with foundations and leaders, the first step is always developing their own resilience.” (30:30-30:35) Links Connect with Jodi Woelkerling: Website | www.jodiwoelkerling.com LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilient-culture-consultant/ Youtube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK33Zq1qaMAjqzVhgXiKORQ Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/JodiWoelkerlingEnterprises Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related! YouTube | Real Men Feel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Men are fixers. We think we need to know how to fix everything. I tell the men pretty much every week that we are not here to fix each other,” explains Alan Cantor, Spiritual Guide, Transformational Coach, and Founder of The Surround Men’s Group. Alan Cantor has dedicated his life to creating a vision for children to live in a better world, and that starts with men. He believes there are three core concepts to improving a man’s life – connection, trust and listening. Alan opens up about his father dying when he was young and the effect it had on his understanding of manliness. Alan’s father was in many fraternal groups and seeing his father so passionate about connecting with other men made Alan want to connect on that same level. Alan looks at the wisdom his father gave him before passing as a gift that allows him to communicate, listen and understand men effectively. Now, Alan runs a very successful men’s group, The Surround, where men come together to better each other and themselves by listening, connecting and trusting one another. Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Alan Cantor about embracing the positives of being a man. Learn what is appropriate to say to younger boys about manliness, how to accept that your emotions make you stronger, and how to take opportunities to become a better man. Plus, check out Alan’s recommended video The Nail in your Forehead linked below! Quotes • “We are all interconnected.” (12:56-12:59) • “It’s really one energy that we are representing and living out.” (13:15-13:18) • “Fear is the basic emotion of men, the basic feeling. It’s where men drive their lives from.” (16:47-16:54) • “The most terrible words you can say to a boy is, ‘Be a man.’” (18:07-18:12) • “We don’t just walk up to another man and go, ‘Hey! Let me tell you about my marriage.’” (23:05-23:12) • “Men are fixers. We think we need to know how to fix everything. I tell the men pretty much every week that we are not here to fix each other. There is no way we can fix each other. I am not qualified to fix anybody. You’re not qualified. We just cannot do it.” (23:30-23:50) • “Commitment before ego.” (27:00-27:04) • “We who lead men, it's on us to get what we need from other men.” (32:15-32:20) Links Connect with Alan Cantor: Website | thesurround.org Email | alancontr@gmail.com Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/TheSurround/ Check out Alan’s video recommendation: The Nail in Your Forehead | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Episode 258, October 12, 2021 Support this podcast → https://anchor.fm/realmenfeel/support Book a call with Andy → https://theandygrant.com/talk #RealMenFeel realmenfeel.org YouTube | Real Men Feel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm

“Change is a good thing,” says Rick Ornelas, Positive Change Expert, Author and Founder of I Spark Change. On this episode of Real Men Feel, guest Rick Ornelas explains the importance of maintaining a positive attitude, looking at life with a glass-half-full mentality, and acknowledging that change is not always a negative thing. Rick introduces the positive mindset of learning to adapt, grow and overcome obstacles, even if they are uncontrollables. He preaches about the insignificance of “being right” if it means sacrificing your happiness and the happiness of those around you. Rick also opens up about the inspiration behind his book 12 hours of Heaven, in which he tells the story of a terrifying car accident and the touching miracle that accompanied it. Tune into this week's episode of Real Men Feel for a conversation with Rick Ornelas about embracing positive change. Learn about the importance of allowing change into your life, accepting your emotional side and the balance between being right and being happy. Plus, check out Rick Ornelas’s book 12 Hours of Heaven linked below! Quotes • “We learn to adapt. We learn to become better in many situations. We learn to grow and overcome obstacles. Change is a good thing.” (03:56-04:09 | Rick Ornelas) • “We are designed to respond to negative stimulus far quicker than to positive stimulus.” (07:40-07:50 | Rick Ornelas) • “If [life] was flat, it’d be boring. Like, who wants to go on a flat rollercoaster? It’d be so slow and there wouldn’t be any excitement.” (17:06-17:15) | Rick Ornelas) • “All men were wearing the thickest, fakest mask long before the pandemic.” (28:45-29:55 | Andy Grant) • “There are people that are working to make the world better.” (39:08-39:11 | Rick Ornelas) • “Men can be vulnerable and they can be authentic”. (46:00-46:05 | Rick Ornelas) Connect with Rick Ornelas: Website: https://isparkchange.com/ Check out Rick's book, 12 Hours of Heaven: Lessons for a Better World https://amzn.to/3FkbVBN Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/isparkchange/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/i_spark_change/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/isparkchange/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVxszC0wtIG4XxUOiFrHUqQ Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast: Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related! YouTube | Real Men Feel Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm