Connectfulness Practice

Juliane Taylor Shore, LPC, LMFT, SEP (AKA Jules) joins Rebecca to discuss the impact of being quarantined at home, experiencing isolation, fear and grief. How these experiences work in tandem with our implicit memory systems, and the effect it all has on our relationships. It's such a quick process, we can’t preempt it. Instead the focus shifts towards slowing down and coming into enough relationship with ourselves that our brains hook back on. In order hold this level of fear and grief, we need to practice a lot of grace around how often we all will be flipping into protective systems — into neuroceptive danger — it’s constant right now. Jules breaks down Polyvagal Theory for us, a theory of the evolution of the autonomic nervous system and she’s shared a PDF so you can follow along (click here to download). Jules is a therapist and trainer of therapists in Austin, Texas. She specializes in applying Interpersonal Neurobiology to the healing of trauma and the creation of relational health with the people who comes and see her from all over to do depth work in a brief format. To date, all of Jules’ trainings have been offered in person, but she’s planning to offer online trainings within the year.  If you want to join her mailing list email Jules@IPNBaustin.com with the subject line “mailing list” and she'll be happy to make sure you know about offerings once a quarter or so. Find Jules online at IPNBaustin.com Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice, intensives, and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.  This episode is brought to you in partnership with Coronavirus Online Therapy, a collective of thousands of experienced, licensed, private practice therapists who provide free/reduced cost short term online therapy to those serving on the front lines in all 50 US states. If you’re on the front lines, or a therapist who’d like to join the initiative, go to CoronavirusOnlineTherapy.com to learn more. The podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Dr. Shideh Lennon, a clinical psychologist and Somatic Experiencing practitioner, joins us to discuss how to embody resilience during the current COVID-19 pandemic. We're talking about simple practices that we can use to bring ourselves back into our bodies. We’re still going to feel it all, but these tools may help increase our capacity by being our biggest, best selves so that we may bear and be with all that's arising.Resources:Dr. Lennon’s website: slennonphd.comLearn more about Rebecca’s practice at connectfulness.com and explore her upcoming online offerings: If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive in deeper, consider joining the next cohort of my Supporting Your Relational Self 6-week-online-course. This course is based on the teachings of Pia Mellody. We’ll cultivate lifelong practices to sustain you, untangle core issues that affect us all in relationships, and weave in relational skills to expand your Self care practices. Learn more at connectfulness.com/offeringsAlso, my colleagues Jules Shore and Vickey Easa and I are currently working behind the scenes to produce and launch a new podcast. And we are also offering another authorized online presentation of Terry Real's RLT Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more about the podcast and the bootcamp at WhyDoesMyPartner.comThis episode is brought to you by:Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com  Coronavirus Online Therapy is a collective made up of thousands of experienced, licensed private practice therapists who provide free/reduced cost short term online therapy to those serving on the front lines in all 50 US states. If you’re on the front lines, or a therapist who’d like to join the initiative, go to CoronavirusOnlineTherapy.com to learn more.While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen, or Becca, joins me to discuss how to avoid common pitfalls and achieve more secure relationships. Becca shares from the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) perspective that, being human, we all need to feel secure. Our initial insecurities often develop into defensive, protective strategies born from the pain of trying to be seen and heard. The thing is, these strategies makes it difficult for people to come close to us, or for us to maintain connection. When we feel sensitive and insecure, we automatically put up our guard up, go behind a wall, or get critical of others and push them behind a wall, and when we do, we block ourselves from having what we need the most, secure connection. We block ourselves because our insecurities have hardwired into us ways of coping with that inadvertently increase our pain and loneliness. This is where the work of secure relationships comes back to developing self awareness. I hope this conversation helps to cultivate a safe sacred space for you to develop awareness and deepen your security in relationship.    resources:  Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen is certified by the International Center for Excellence in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) as a Therapist, Supervisor of Therapists, and Trainer. She trains therapists and psychologists (nationally and internationally) to do effective couple therapy and work with especially difficult cases. Dr. Jorgensen works and co-presents with Dr. Sue Johnson, the Emotionally Focused Therapy originator and developer of the Hold Me Tight© Relationship Enhancement Program. She’s also the cocreator of the Building A Lasting Connection Premarital and Newlywed education program and Connection System. And regularly works with couples who want to heal affairs, sexual addiction, couple distress and childhood trauma. Learn more about her work at: drrebeccajorgensen.com and buildingalastingconnection.com. And find her on social media at: instagram.com/eftdoc and facebook.com/eftdoc.   While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice, intensives, and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.  This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com   After listening, we invite you to deepen into the discussion with us on instagram and please support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode. Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

The family system is the first filter children experience the world through, it informs the senses and creates the meaning from which each of us understand the “me”, our unique “who I am.” It’s up to parents to reach in and help the growing child navigate their reality —but that‘s not what usually happens— usually parents try to make the child become what the parent needs the child to be so that the parent is comfortable.  In this episode, my teacher, Jan Bergstrom, LMHC will help us understand how the Self exists in relation to our own perceptions, our own thoughts, our own experiences, and our own souls. Jan is an expert in field of codependency, developmental and relational trauma in the lineage of Pia Mellody, a pioneer in treating the affects of childhood trauma in adults. We'll go into depth about the 5 Core Practices for Becoming Your Healthiest Self. After all, that’s the journey each of us is on —to discover the Self— it’s the crux of our lives. How do we know the Self? How do we know who we are? What creates a sense of Self, protects a sense of Self, gets in the way of developing a sense of Self, and what practices help to bring us back to our sense of Self. Resources: Jan’s book “Gifts from a Challenging Childhood: Creating a Practice for Becoming Your Healthiest Self” is available on amazon. Jan’s clinical practice Healing Trauma Network is a directory that can help you to locate a trauma healing professional that utilize Pia Mellody’s Post Induction Therapy (PIT) model. Healing Our Core Issues Institute (HOCII) trains therapists to work effectively with developmental and relational trauma using Pia Mellody’s integrative Post Induction Therapy model. Pia Mellody   February 27-29th, 2020 I’m hosting a 3-day intensive trauma healing workshop, “Reclaiming Our Power,” based on the treatment model developed by Pia Mellody. It will be facilitated by another of my teachers, Kim Ploussard, LMHC, I’ll be assisting. To register or for more information send us a message at hello@connectfulness.com space is limited.    While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice, intensives, and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.    This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com     After listening, we invite you to deepen into the discussion with us on instagram and please support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

This is a powerful discussion about the ways each of us dances with power and privilege. How the very ways we are oppressed have possibly become how we oppress others, and also ourselves. And the liberation that begins when we remove the blinders and really see ourselves in each other. I’m talking with Dr. Sonya Lott, a licensed psychologist in private practice with a specialization in complicated grief, the host of the Reflections on Multicultural Competence podcast, and the founder of CEMPSYCH, LLC, (Continuing Education in Multicultural Psychology). She's on a mission to transform the narratives created about ourselves and others through the socialization process and our experiences with power, privilege, and marginalization based on our many intersecting cultural identities. As Dr. Lott says, “It's messy, trying to connect, to be in relationship — it's about being a relationship with oneself first and then with other people. Being able to show up in this vulnerable way. It's not you have a problem. We have a problem. How can we transform ourselves? And the work we do is with other people, by holding each other. Holding safe, sacred, brave spaces. We can't transform what comes up if we don't sit with it.” Resources:  Visit Dr. Sonya Lott's website for more information about her clinical practice at: drsonyalott.com Learn more about CEMPSYCH, LLC, Continuing Education in Multicultural Psychology at: cempsych.com Listen to Dr. Sonya Lott’s podcast: Reflections on Multicultural Competence podcast While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.  This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com   After listening, we invite you to deepen into the discussion with us on instagram and please support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

This is part 2 of Unraveling The Survival Knot with Hedy Schleifer. If you haven’t already tuned into part 1 of this series, we recommend you begin there. We’re diving even deeper into the process of being a host/visitor and opening ourselves to each others deepest truths, to our own deepest truths, on a level where we may not have exposed ourselves to that in the past. Hedy Schleifer is an internationally renowned relationship builder and motivational speaker who guides, counsels and teaches couples, partners, business associates, therapists and families about relational maturity. Hedy is the founder of the Encounter-centered Couples Transformation approach (EcCT). An integrative and interdisciplinary model that lies at the intersection of philosophy, clinical theory, organizational methodology, and relational neurobiology and memory reconsolidation. Hedy guides partners through what she calls the “Art of Connection,” teaching them how to turn their relationship into a living laboratory for the development of relational intelligence: how to fill their partnership with creativity, wisdom and generosity of spirit. Relational intelligence puts partners on the path to relational maturity and is at the core of having successful relationships both personally and professionally.  Resources:  Hedy’s training for therapists (and their partners) in Durham NC Jan 10-12, 2019 Hedy’s website: hedyschleifer.com While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.  This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com   After listening, we invite you to deepen into the discussion with us on instagram and please support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

I’m joined by Hedy Schleifer, an internationally renowned relationship builder and motivational speaker who guides, counsels and teaches couples, partners, business associates, therapists and families about relational maturity.  Hedy is the founder of the Encounter-centered Couples Transformation approach (EcCT). An integrative and interdisciplinary model that lies at the intersection of philosophy, clinical theory, organizational methodology, and relational neurobiology and memory reconsolidation. Hedy guides partners through what she calls the “Art of Connection,” teaching them how to turn their relationship into a living laboratory for the development of relational intelligence: how to fill their partnership with creativity, wisdom and generosity of spirit. Relational intelligence puts partners on the path to relational maturity and is at the core of having successful relationships both personally and professionally. Hedy believes that world peace begins with the human family, and she teaches how to honor the sacred relational space between us. The philosophy behind her approach is based on a saying by Martin Buber, “your relationship lives in the space between you.” When we don’t know how to hold the relational space as sacred, we pollute it. And so, this is what we dive into throughout this two part interview: how to make conscious, intentional steps towards creating sacred relational space, and how to remember (to become a member again) of the human family. As we begin, Hedy mentions that in his book “The Tipping Point,” Malcolm Gladwell says when 3% of the population does something it can become an epidemic. Hedy proposes that if 3% of the population around the world knows how to hold the space between us as sacred in a conscious intentional way it will become a positive epidemic, and our planet becomes covered with sacred space.  The guiding principle to Hedy’s teachings is this, every couple has a survival dance and the survival dance will always disconnect you. It doesn’t matter who’s right, you know the saying, “you can either be right or married.” The survival dance will always disconnect you. What will connect you are three invisible connectors:  The 1st invisible connector is the consciousness that we are responsible, each one of us, for the sanctity of the space between us. Hedy says “the space between the couple is the playground for the child”. Knowing how to honor and sanctify the space between.  The 2nd invisible connector is the bridge between the couple. “Only incompatible people fall in love with each other.” We see those parts of ourselves that we’ve disconnected from and we fall in love with those parts in our partners to fall back in love with our own wholeness. Getting to know one another’s worlds. One partner hosts, the other visits. As we learn each other’s language we can come back to our potential and our wholeness. The bridge helps couples become bilingual and learn each other’s languages.  The 3rd invisible connector is a deep presence, a being with, the zone of the encounter between the host and the visitor. It’s through these three invisible connectors that Hedy teaches when you honor the space and you cross the bridge you create the conditions for the encounter in an intentional manner so you’re not an accidental tourist. Hedy has an exceptionally playful way of teaching couples the distinction between process and content so they can step out of the content and observe their survival dance. And in this way, they develop the relational muscle that says STOP to the survival dance. Through humor and adventure, Hedy guides couples into curiosity while simultaneously setting boundaries in their work. As Hedy says, “partnership is not a problem to be solved, it’s an adventure to be lived!” And this is what she shows us how to do using 3 metaphors: The Art of Hosting: It’s taking someone into your world and being transparent and truthful. Often we don’t know our own truth, in hosting we explore our truth in the most vulnerable way, it’s a contradiction to how we’ve learned to be in the world: I can be myself with you and I can learn who my Self is with you. I can explore and find myself with you. As a host, you explore your truth as needed and eventually express your truth in 5 words or less. It’s challenging and you’ll get better at this with practice. The Art of Visiting: Visiting requires leaving the world you know, crossing the bridge as a new person in the NOW. Learning to be truly present in the present and allow your own world to be the past once you cross the bridge. Visiting requires one to learn to be truly present in the present and allowing your own world to disappear.  Neighborhoods: Each person is like a big, big world that’s expanding — our world is filled with neighborhoods that we can host and visit with our partners. This episode is infused with Hedy’s story of how she’s both taught and used these techniques in her work and personal life. Unraveling the survival knot occurs when couples already know how to visit each other’s various neighborhoods, only then can they go to each other’s toughest neighborhoods. In the toughest neighborhood you are most triggered by each other. The unraveling is a 6 hour process of memory reconsolidation. Hedy’s purpose is for the couple to show up with a completely new brain at the end of that journey. A reconsolidated brain in which the old beliefs have actually been erased and a new understanding of “who I am,” “who you are,” and “what relationship is” is actually wired into the brain. But Hedy doesn’t do the unraveling with every couple, because it takes a certain foundation. As Hedy says “every couple is capable but not ever couple is ready — the readiness is what we’re working on.” Hedy begins guiding her couples into their precious neighborhoods, and then into a neighborhood of challenge. It’s harder to visit a neighborhood of challenge than a precious neighborhood. So Hedy is watching how ready couples are to go into the unraveling while they explore their first 2 neighborhoods. “If being witness is still challenging, if I don’t yet explore the depth of my truth, if I don’t let yet let in completely, if you can’t… then we need to continue and visit other neighborhoods.” Hedy also shares with us how she guides couples to visit neighborhoods of childhood —using a 21st century time machine— and it’s profoundly moving. A consciously created sacred relational encounter full of archetypal story medicine in where partners become the heros the champions “and say the very things that have lived inside their partner, the partner that’s a child, for such a long time and has never been able to be pronounced.” It changes the narrative from one of isolation and walls towards one of intimacy, in-to-me-you-see… In part 2 we’ll talk about how to create the encounter zone in the toughest neighborhood, stay tuned! After listening, we invite you to deepen into the discussion with us on instagram. Support the show by sharing and reviewing the episode.   Resources:  Find Hedy online at: hedyschleifer.com While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me. This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com  Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

In this month's episode I'm joined by Maya Luna, a Feminine Mystic and a Poet exploring the Tantric Path and Feminine Embodiment. We muse about our collective hunger for deep acceptance of who we really are. Our fear of letting go, of surrendering, and of softening into the moment. The masculine conditioning that’s taught us we have to keep doing, and controlling, and making life happen, and if we don't we're going to die.The deep feminine is the soulful nourishment of being we are craving. All our doing is an attempt to experience fulfillment. And the truth is that the feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction is available unconditionally in every moment no matter what. We experience it through the technology of slowing down, opening the body and surrendering. By meeting what’s actually here — even when it’s pain and discomfort — by actually letting the moment in, to experience it and be penetrated by it’s nectar. There are so many gifts and delicious nuggets tucked into this episode, be sure to listen to catch them all!Resources: Find Maya’s online course Holy Fire: Resurrecting the Deep Feminine at: deepfemininemysteryschool.comFind Maya’s poetry: depravedanddivine.comFind Maya’s spoken word album: mayaluna.bandcamp.comWhile these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice at connectfulness.com.This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com  Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

“Healing from white-body supremacy begins with the body — your body. But it does not end there. In order to heal the collective body that is America, we also need social activism that is body centered. We cannot individualize our way out of white-body supremacy. Nor can we merely strategize our way out. We need collective action — action that heals.”— Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s HandsRebecca is joined by healer, author, and trauma specialist, Resmaa Menakem. Resmaa helps people, communities, and organizations find strength and healing that’s both holistic and resilient. He’s authored 3 books and today’s discussion is centered around his most recent: My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies.Resmaa shares that in order to mend racialized trauma we need to move the conversation from race to culture and cultivate a somatic abolitionist mindset and community. And a big part of that work lies in doing our own reps to learn what to pay attention to and then doing the reps with each other’s nervous systems so we can create a culture that knows what to pay attention to. Otherwise it’s just strategy.As you’ll discover, the wisdom within the book is ancestral, it has always existed and was both nurtured and drawn out of Resmaa by his elders over a long period of time, through repetition, through admonishment, through being held, and loved, and corrected. This interview was recorded in July 2019.Resources:Learn more about Resmaa’s work at: resmaa.com and educationforracialequity.comTake Resmaa’s FREE ecourse at: https://culturalsomaticsuniversity.thinkific.com/courses/cultural-somatics-free-5-session-ecoursePurchase Resmaa’s book “My Grandmother’s Hands” at: https://bookshop.org/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-9781942094470While these discussions will guide you into the Connectfulness Practice, the podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider. Reach out. Initiate the ripple. Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice at connectfulness.com.This episode is brought to you by Therapy Notes. Therapy Notes is a simple, secure, EHR platform that keeps you organized and creates a container for all details that run a private practice -- so you can tend to what really matters. Use the promo code connectfulness and get two months free when you sign up at therapynotes.com  Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

Rebecca is joined by John Eric Baugher, a scholar, writer and teacher exploring the transformative possibilities of contemplative end of life care. His book, Contemplative Caregiving offers encouragement to show up in the fullness of life. This is an in-person (one microphone) interview and it’s a long one.   Resources:Find out more about John’s work at https://johnericbaugher.com/John’s Book: Contemplative Caregiving: Finding Healing, Compassion, and Spiritual Growth through End-of-Life CareLearn more about Rebecca’s relationship therapy practice and intensive couples retreat experiences in NY at connectfulness.comThank you to our sponsor, TherapyNotes. Therapists, you can get two free months of TherapyNotes and a free data import after signing up for a free trial by going to www.therapynotes.com and using promo code: connectfulness Follow us @connectfulness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.Mentioned in this episode:WDMP Integrating Heart+MindWDMP Integrating Heart+Mind