Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Episode Highlights:    “Confusion about Toxic Shame and Guilt”   Codependency is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with. Even though we have been “taught” to rid ourselves of how God made us, it does not give us permission or the right to stay there. It is a sickness that we have, and we have the responsibility to find the healing.   Codependency is the loss of how God made us, with self-awareness, self-trust, self-care, being sensitive to our own true feelings, loss of learning how to respond to our feelings in a healthy way; it is the loss of self-worth—given over to the needs of significant others who are uncomfortable with themselves, or self-rejecting.    Codependency recovery is not selfishness; it is “Self-fullness.” Self-fullness is having enough of who God created us to be that we have the ability to give our gifts to a world in need.   The need to belong and matter is so powerful that we are going to find a way to get those needs met—through suppression or expression.   Expression has to be grown and matured, so codependency recovery does take time and investment.   Each of the symptoms that we have discussed in this podcast is from the work of Timmen Cermak, in his book Diagnosing and Treating Codependency. The descriptions and following work are from my own experiences.   Codependency is pervasive, a pandemic, and all the relief-seeking addictions we can name have their origin and influence in codependency.   Symptom #12  Confusion About Toxic Shame and Guilt Toxic shame is grounded in never being able to do anything “right enough,” or be right enough to be loved, or have the “right” to receive mercy.   In toxic shame the confusion between shame and guilt is birthed in the mistaken belief that I should be able to not mess up; not make mistakes; should not have to need mercy; should be able to be perfect. It is the belief that only perfect people can be loved. If I am not perfect, I am “worth-less” and cannot be loved.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.  

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Emotional recovery is about going back to “ground zero,” your childhood.   A disease is a morbid process that is destructive to the being: body, mind, soul, and heart. It reduces our capacity to be productive and prosperous. Disease has a characteristic chain of symptoms with known or unknown origins. A disease is chronic, with acute episodes, progressive and often fatal.   We are as sick as the feelings we will not let ourselves have.   Symptom # 9 Hypervigilance Hypervigilance is the fear of giving up anxiety that keeps me “on my toes” as a safety mechanism; bad things will happen if I’m not on my toes.   Hypervigilance is being controlled by anxiety. Anxiety is always seeking relief from the hypervigilance. Anxiety becomes the expectation of an external threat doing something to put me in a position of helplessness.   Anxiety is in us to tell us to be ready to take a defensive action, a reaction: fight…get ready flee…get ready freeze…get ready appease…get ready   Anxiety in its negative form is saying “watch outside right now because something is coming that is going to harm you.”  Anxiety is an external locus of anticipation and control.   The anxiety in hypervigilance is about avoiding the confession of being afraid and in need. The anxiety goes in search of the external threat; it looks for danger. This anxiety will not be quelled until it finds the thing that it needs to control in order to find relief.   We are made to live fully in relationship and connection. When we become disconnected from how we are made, because we are made for connection and to live fully in relationship, that has always been there. If I can’t find a way to be connected the way I am created to connect, I will have to find another way to be connected, one way or another.    Toxic shame tells you that if you’re not doing what others expect you to do (and your discomfort will confirm this), then you will be humiliated and rejected. Toxic Shame says: You better get your role together. You better watch the rules. You better read from your script.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Uncover the hidden struggles of codependency and the toll it takes on authentic relationships. Discover how enmeshed dynamics can blur personal identities and the imperative of finding autonomy. The discussion touches on familial pressures and the repercussions of differing beliefs within families. Explore the impact of suppressed emotions and the journey towards embracing imperfection, shedding toxic shame. It's a deep dive into the complexity of emotional awareness and fostering genuine connections for personal growth.

This discussion dives deep into the intricate world of codependency and emotional health. It highlights how fear of exposure, rooted in toxic shame, can distort personal identity and relationships. The speakers emphasize the essential role of vulnerability in fostering true connections and navigating emotional challenges. With anecdotes and thought-provoking insights, they explore the importance of self-care, healthy boundaries, and the power of inquiry in relationships. Ultimately, it's a journey toward reclaiming one's sense of self and belonging.

Discover the story of finding freedom from codependency and the power of personal gifts in connecting with others. Delve into the pain of loneliness in today’s world and the need for genuine relationships beyond social media distractions. Explore symptoms and effects of codependency, and gain insights on self-awareness and fulfillment through authentic connections. Learn how viewing coworkers as 'work family' can lead to dysfunction, stressing the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in professional settings.

Dive into the exploration of how our deep-rooted need for belonging and mattering shapes our lives. Discover the connection between these emotional needs and codependency, illustrated through a powerful story. The discussion also reveals God as a redeemer, encouraging listeners to present their pain for healing. Personal analogies and metaphors shed light on the challenges of receiving love while highlighting the significance of early emotional connections for personal growth. It's a heartfelt journey towards understanding self-worth and embracing vulnerability.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.   Episode Highlights: Codependency is the loss or the sacrifice of:  God-created true self.  self-trust.  self-awareness.  self-worth.  self… in terms of assertiveness.  Codependency is not being able to:  say what you feel.  say what you need.  say what you desire.  trust that your own feelings have validity or accuracy.    We are made for love; we are made to be connected.     In order to be accepted and loved by our significant caregivers, we often end up hiding our own needs. Examples: If I don’t like sports, my dad will not love me. If I don’t make good grades my mother will be so  disappointed. If I have opinions that are different from my teachers, they will reject me. If I’m not artistic like my older brother, I won’t be as loved.   We end up acting a certain way or pretend to be someone we are not in order to be loved. We  eventually begin to “believe” in the pretending rather than being our true selves. We slip into denial.    We perform for love instead of being ourselves.    God designed for us to:  be who we are made to be;  so, we can do what we are made to do;  then, we will have what we are made to have.    In a codependency environment we end up:   doing what we’ve got to do;   so, that we can have what we’re made to have;  and hopefully, if we do enough, we will become somebody.    Codependency becomes the belief that I can perform enough and do enough so that I can finally rest, trust, be believed, have my worth, and be valued.    Codependency is a disorder of distrust. You trust the anxiety. You don’t trust listening to your own fear and exposing it.     Sadly, if a codependent person stays stuck in their past and sOll believes feelings are the enemy, they will,  no matter how much they are loved, never trust the love.     Codependency is bringing your “bucket of desire” into life, and your caregivers poking holes in the  bottom of it so that in your future, no matter how much love gets poured into it, it goes right through it.    There’s not enough love; there’s not enough approval, there’s not enough trustworthiness because it all  slips right through the holes in the bucket.    Codependency recovery is about repairing, or healing, the holes in your bucket (revision).    Codependents are always trying to find their fulfillment externally by withholding what’s happening in  them internally.    The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd    Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.   Episode Highlights:   Click here if you would like more information about Champion's Path   Chip Dodd- The Boy & the Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency   Melody Beatty – Codependent No More  The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents   Sarah Young - Jesus Calling   Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Episode 31: The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 4)   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com. Episode Highlights   Needs are:  how we’re created.  what God works with.  what we have to have fulfilled, or we die.  Our need to belong and our need to matter are more important than food, shelter, and clothing. We will give up food, shelter and clothing in order to belong and matter. The unseen needs are more  powerful than the seen needs.  God gives us the desire of our hearts.    We are born with longings.    We long for justice. (We see a small child lying in a bed in a pediatric intensive care unit with bandages and  tubes, and we cry, “NO!” We don’t have to know the child to recognize the injustice of it.)    We recognize that we are not made to die of disease. We’re not made to kill each other. We’re not made  for war.    We are made for love and peace and eternity and raising each other up.    We are made to experience the grace of a hand that can reach into the farthest depths. There is no mistake  that is so far away that God can’t reach us.    We long for a place where we can put our heads against a safe shoulder, where there are arms to go  around us, and there is a voice that says, “It’s okay now, it’s okay. You can rest now.” We long for a place  called “home,” where God lives.    Longings are deep cravings within our hearts that will never be fulfilled as long as we live on this earth. It’s living in the wishing every day. It’s living in the wanting forever. It’s meeting God every day, and God says,  “One day it will all be complete.”    Surrender your heart every day, and it will change. Walk in the surrender every day. Live in the world of  miracles. Tell the truth and live in the truth. Open your eyes to see the joy of what happens when we walk  in the truth.    If we do not deal with our hearts, we end up living counterfeit lives.   We grow into shriveled, little trees, not oaks of righteousness.  We live lives of shame. (We are ashamed of how God made us)  We lower our expectations.  We don’t expect much from people. We don’t expect others to show up in our lives.  We have counterfeit fulfillment.  We pursue power.  We pursue mood-altering experiences.  We seek relief.  We plan events in hopes they will make things different/better.  We refuse to face where we live.    We pursue all forms of counterfeit fulfilments instead of believing that God can fill us.    Sadly, we end up practicing hopelessness. We practice hopelessness as a way of not taking a risk to believe  that our heart’s yearnings are real. We refuse to believe that our feelings really matter. We refuse to be  vulnerable. We refuse to surrender our lives to the God Who made us.    Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.   Episode Highlights   We are born as emotional and spiritual creatures. We are born with feelings.  Before we ever think or speak our first word, we are expressing ourselves as feeling creatures.    We experience life in the very beginning as God made us through our feelings and through the  longings to be in relationship with our mothers and fathers.     We came out of the womb experiencing life through what we feel.     We came out of the womb looking for who was looking for us. We were looking for emotional  and spiritual connection through relationship, before we were ever able to think or speak.    This emotional and spiritual language is the language of the heart.     We communicated from the very beginning of our lives with our feelings.     Hurt  is a feeling you feel when you experience a wound.  is possibly the most embarrassing feeling we carry and experience.  is acknowledging that someone or something “got to me.”   is a feeling that acknowledges that I am vulnerable.    Hurt that is not acknowledged becomes resentment. It is the impaired expression of hurt. It is a justification of your right to act badly towards another person because you carry a pain  that they’ve given you. Resentment takes us out of relationship.    People who won’t acknowledge their hurt, hurt others with their resentment.  (Hurt people, hurt people.)    Loneliness  God gave us loneliness so we would seek out relationship.  We can be lonely for ourselves. There are times when we just need to be alone and have solitude.  We can be lonely to be with others.   There is a loneliness for “home” (heaven, or to be with God) that will not go away while  we live on this earth. We will always walk this earth with some loneliness because we  are not complete. We are lonely for God.    Loneliness that is not acknowledged becomes apathy.     Apathy develops when you try to make your heart stop caring about relationship.   Sadness  is a feeling you get when you lose something that matters to you or is important to  you.  is the feeling that honors; it values what you value.  is a cleansing feeling.   is how you relieve ourselves from carrying the burden of the pain of daily life.    Sadness that is not acknowledged becomes self-pity. Self-pity is a way of trying to escape your  pain.    Click here to continue reading episode highlights.