Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    A man keeps no secrets: He does not hide behind a cloak of pretending or darkness.  He does not isolate his heart from those who matter to him.  He does not dwell in places that he would not let others know about who matter to him. Secrets are things a man hides for fear that he will be rejected, censured, judged, or stopped.  Secrets are ways a man hides his heart’s pain from others by finding ways to numb his heart, through addiction, affairs, depression, isolation, “false loyalties,” and pretense.  A man needs to know that he is needy. He needs to be able to communicate his feelings and needs, while also being able to trust “waiting” for them to be met.   A man who lives without secrets will still sin, make mistakes, and have regrets.    However, he practices a lifestyle of rigorous honesty because he admits his sins, mistakes, and regrets.    This man remains transparent by telling the truths of his heart to the right people who will respect his struggles and vulnerabilities.   A man who keeps no secrets is usually a competent human being who is: Curious, wanting to know about others, and allowing others to know about him. Courageous, fully participating in living with his whole heart. Compassionate, being able to identify with others’ pain because he knows his own pain.   The skills of a competent human being are separate from the skills one develops as a surgeon or plumber.   A competent human being values intimacy and integrity more than he values his skills. His worth is connected to “who he is” more than “what he does.”   We are as sick as the secrets we keep. Secrets are powerful because they are “counterfeit” experiences of feeling connected without the vulnerability that comes with being connected in genuine relationship. For example, alcohol gives a person a sense of connection without being in genuine relationship, as do all forms of addiction substances and processes.   Keeping secrets make us sick because it requires great energy to be emotionally defensive and guarded.    A man with secrets has to be emotionally guarded by being vigilant and controlling in order to prevent his secrets from being discovered or “exposed.”    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    What is an “RE-“ God?  “RE-“ is a prefix that means to do again or make anew. Our God is an “RE-“ God because He offers Himself to us again and again through refreshment, renewal, restoration, repair, recreation, redemption, etc.    A man trusts an “RE-” God: A man who fully participates in life with his whole heart will pour himself out into life daily. Because all of us are limited in our strength and resources, we need to be re-stored, re-plenished, re-deemed, re-created, re-enlivened, re-freshed, and more.  We have a God who attends to us is in daily life; therefore, we must face and participate in the rhythms of daily life for our daily sustenance.  A man needs to know how to attend to his limits and needs so that he is ready to step into the next day with renewed strength and resources. A man needs to develop a rhythm of renewal so that he can give his heart, head, and hands to whatever he is “called” or assigned to do.   To live consistently in Movement #8, a man must begin by remembering his proper place.    In Episode #51, “The Order of Love,” explains the importance of a man submitting to God as the greatest resource of strength, courage, and wisdom that he can possibly have. “The Order of Love,” defines the foundation for all the other Movements of a man’s life.   A Mistaken Belief: Many men are taught to believe that they are permitted to “rest” or “replenish” only when they are finished with their mission. They drive themselves very hard and live on “when/then” thinking:  “When I get all this done, then I will be able to finally stop, and relax, eat, drink and be merry.”   This thinking is based on the idea that I can finally get away from stress, worry, and pain if I just work hard enough.  However, a man cannot escape the realities of life because there is no such place as “away.” We have to contend with feelings and needs our whole lives. WE need to experience “RE-” from God daily.    In Luke 12:16-21, Jesus shares a parable about a man trying to “get enough” so that I will no longer have to live with concerns, cares, stresses, or worries. Sadly, there is no such place that we can “get to” where we will no longer have to struggle.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

The discussion dives deep into what it means for a man to understand worth in both life and death. It emphasizes the importance of pursuing passions that align with genuine purpose, encouraging meaningful commitments beyond societal norms. Lists of responsibilities as protectors and providers highlight the significance of emotional honesty in relationships. The concept of loyalty and commitment is explored, suggesting that a strong culture can inspire dedication over financial incentives. Ultimately, true fulfillment comes from nurturing relationships and embracing impactful missions.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Reminder: “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life” are not simply steps or a list. They are movements that we live in for the rest of our lives, continuing to grow and learn as we do so. We never finish; hopefully, we grow and learn until we die.   In order for all 12 of the movements to work, it is essential that a man orders his life, as we talked about in episode #50. Man must place God first in his life and himself second. Without connection to God, he will eventually wear out and/or burn-out.   Movement #6 - A man identifies himself with mercy: He knows that but for the grace and mercy of God, he would not be “where he is.” He would not be able to identify himself with The Twelve Movements, and he would not be able to implement them.  Because he identifies his own need for mercy, having received it himself, he tends to be merciful and gentle without being weak. The need for mercy assumes that the man has known/knows feelings and needs, and that he has the humility to admit having feelings and needs. This man knows pain, and he doesn’t run from it.   Pain comes from the Greek word pathos, which means feelings.  From our willingness to feel, we develop three other important characteristics that come from pathos:  We develop passion, which is a willingness to be in pain (have feelings) for something that matters more than the pain.  We also develop patience, which means the capacity to wait on our hopes to be realized.  With patience, we can delay gratification.  With passion, we can remain in pursuit of the results we seek.   People who run from pathos become pathological, which means sick. Feelings don’t harm us, but running from them does.   The great achievements of life in art, literature, science, medicine, in society in general, have their origin in passion and patience.   Love itself relates to our willingness to have pathos.   Luke 10:25-37 tells the story of The Good Samaritan, a man who identifies with mercy.  The Good Samaritan had empathy, which means he had experienced pain; therefore, he could identify with the another’s pain. Since he could relate to pain, he could have compassion for another who was in pain.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Movement #5 is a matter of the heart, like every movement of The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life.    When a man walks in the dirt daily: He faces that he does not have control of life, and he cannot see the future; even so, he bravely walks into doing his duty/calling one day at a time.  If he has a vision of love and care for the people he offers himself to, he will go face the daily struggles of not having control; he knows that he is in charge of dealing with life on life’s terms.  He maintains and sustains an attitude of courage that requires humility, or healthy shame. He must need others and God.   Philosophy meets real life in tangible ways: Care and Courage: For a man to “walk daily in the dirt,” he must bring care and courage to daily life and expresses what matters to him.  Tangible Action: His philosophy, character, ideas and ideals must have tangible action to be real and true.  Consistently Does: He consistently does what he claims matters to him.   Basically and practically, he takes care of business one step at a time: He gets sweaty and tired, through action of output. He grasps that passion means a willingness to be in pain for what matters. He knows that if he pours out, he must re-fill and replenish, to keep going. He takes responsibility for his self-care, to be able to continue to care.   Without passion, a person cannot truly be successful. It is essential. It means that you are able to feel, care, and ask for help.   Healthy Shame means that you show up daily to do your duty/calling. This requires the help of others. Every man needs the support, wisdom, care, and encouragement of other men. And, of course, a man needs God. We have Healthy Shame when we become aware that we don’t have all the answers and need the help of others. Humility is an outcome of Healthy Shame. (Episodes #19 and Episode #20). Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    A man grows in faith:  He matures over a lifetime to live with a “heart” of certainty about God. He knows in his heart that God is always faithful to His promises and is always present in the man’s life  He grows in his faith starting with fear, which God gave us to: recognize our need for help hope for an outcome that “saves” me speak our needs face our powerlessness over life express our hopes   By using fear as God intended it to be used (Episodes # 19 and Episode #20), we actually grow our faith, from an infancy to a maturity.    By using our fear to reach out to God with our feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope, we begin to develop a trust in God’s presence and action in our lives.   Fear can initiate this equation:  Fear Expresses Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith   A man needs to grow in:  dependence upon God how God created us how one is uniquely created   As a man (or woman) practices the equation, he finds that “infant” faith grows. In other words, infant faith begins to become “memories” of God’s presence in his life.    Through practice over time, a man (or woman) develops a more mature faith that we can call “certainty.”   Infant faith is Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith.   Maturing faith is having memory of God’s presence in the past.   Mature faith is certainty of God’s presence even in the most difficult times.   When we feed the roots of the heart (feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope), we grow the fruits of: living fully loving deeply leading well.    The roots of how God created us are expressed at birth. The APGAR (Episode #2 and Episode #3) speaks to how we come into life with rudimentary faith. We naturally reach for connection, safety, and fulfillment with a desire to grow.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click Here to Read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Endurance and Perseverance are different: Endurance is the ability to “take the blows” that life delivers. Perseverance is that and more; it is the ability to fight back.   We are created to persevere, but we need to learn how, and we need help to know how. We have to practice asking for help.   A Man Remembers How He is Made:   A man needs to admit every day, with deep awareness, that he is not God, and is created by God. He did not create himself. He was created.   An inspired man, versus just one who is ambitious, knows that he is in service of something greater than himself, a mission that his heart is “called” to.   A man humbly faces his need of God, and he does not attempt to take credit for what he did not create.   Therefore, a man serves a higher authority and a higher purpose than himself, and he orders his life accordingly as was discussed in Episode #52.   In serving a higher authority and purpose, a man contends with three areas of struggle, as part of the purpose of living with passion, intimacy, and integrity. He brings full hearted presence into a society and “world” that often lacks the heart leadership. He brings advocacy; he speaks up for issues and people who suffer in silence or suppression. He brings order into chaos or destructive influences.   No man succeeds alone. He needs the help of others; he needs their encouragement, wisdom, and strength. He also needs God’s encouragement, wisdom, and strength to keep him inspired to persevere in his purpose.   Surrender is vital for a man to succeed and persevere. Surrender does not mean defeat. The word means to “render over,” or “give back.”    Much of our society teaches self-reliance and self-sufficiency, when actually a man needs to hand himself over to God, as in surrender himself to God, to be the strength and courage that he needs to live his purpose.   A man who attempts to live self-sufficiently or with self-reliance only needs to surrender to God who can do so much more with His strength in a man than the man can ever do on his own.   The “Living with Heart” podcast series on Codependency is vital to grasping the difference between self-reliance and God-reliance. Episodes #32 - # 44. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    A man faces and struggles with being a work in progress by admitting and struggling to accept that “clumsy is as good as we are ever going to become.”    Though we carry eternity in our hearts and the picture of perfection in our hearts, we cannot achieve it.    A man faces four realities and perseveres in the midst of them and in spite of them:  Mistakes are inevitable and yet a man continues to pursue living fully, loving deeply, and leading well so that he leaves a positive legacy. We all have to live life on life’s terms. Life is tragic and God is faithful. We have to struggle with that conflict, without becoming resigned or giving up. Everything in life is practice. We never get to stop needing to ask questions and learning how to live. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Remember that the movements are not a “twelve steps list.” They don’t work as an ordinal ranking, checking one off and then going to the next, and then assuming that you are done.   The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life: offer a “path” not a “pill.”  offer a process of how to live so that a man offers his best to who he loves and what he loves.  require that a man submits to the reality of how life works. No one “beats” life or changes how it works.  Samuel Beckett said, “We are on earth, and there is no cure for that.” However, the courageous struggle to succeed in the midst of life’s realities; therefore, the twelve movements are not about perfection, but about living with passion, intimacy, and integrity.   A man will leave a positive legacy when he is:  living fully loving deeply leading well This man will exhibit: passion intimacy integrity  A man must bring these three characteristics to each movement.   Remember that God controls the process of life. Listen to Episodes 23 and 24, “Trust the Process” Parts 1 & 2 for a better understanding.   A man or woman, who lives with passion, intimacy, and integrity is a competent person; therefore, a successful person.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to see the episode highlight.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life are about a way of living with daily routines over a lifetime. They are about bringing your heart, head, hands, and habits to your relationships and life. We build a lasting legacy one day at a time and one step at a time.    The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life focuses on the invitations, “response abilities,” and opportunities for men to see who they are created to be, so they can do what they are created to do.    A Reminder: We are all created to live fully love deeply lead well.    Both men and women are created with the desire to live with: passion intimacy integrity   Questions to ask yourself about living fully: Am I courageous? Do I bring my “full-hearted” participation to what I am doing? Am I curious? Do I ask questions so that I may learn more? Am I teachable? Am I compassionate? Do I have enough awareness of my own feelings and needs to identify and relate to others? The desire to answer, “Yes” to all three questions means you desire to be a competent human being.    Courage + Curiosity + Compassion = Competence   Men are called to:  “stand-up” to bring order into chaos “speak up” when no one is speaking up for what is just or merciful. “show up” to fill the void or absence of what is good or right. The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life: Movement #1  A Man orders his life following love’s code God has directed us, allows us, and moves us to live life with these priorities. The Man’s Life God The Man (Self) Spouse Children Friends Mission   The Woman’s Life God The Woman (Self) Children Spouse Friends Mission If a person is going to love anyone or any place, then they must be willing to suffer and feel all the feelings that come with love.    They also have to ultimately recognize that they are powerless over life. We have choice-making powers, but we don’t have power over all the outcomes.   Love is worth it, and it is a contract of a willingness to be in pain.    Love hurts. Think of raising a child—all the concerns, fears, heartaches, joys, struggles, worries, sadness, celebrations, daily difficulties, hopes, and dreams.    A man is given opportunity and a calling to  live fully love deeply lead well   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The preface to Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life is vital because the movements are not just a list of twelve things to accomplish. They are twelve movements that are about a man’s whole life. They are processes that interlock and “circles” that join and move a man into wholeness and love and legacy.    The 12 Movements are about a man’s character of heart and having actions that match his character in order that he leaves behind a positive legacy.   Men are created to become someone who practices a lifestyle of: Living fully Loving deeply Leading well a life that is worth treasuring by others   These three territories integrated create a positive legacy.   It is vital for a man to practice healthy anger as part of the lifestyle that we will be discussing in the following episodes.    For greater clarity about healthy anger, listen to “Living With Heart” Podcast  episode #19 and episode #20.    Also, read The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd   Healthy anger is a feeling that moves a person to live with passion. Passion is the gift we receive when we live our lives expressing healthy anger.    Passion is a willingness to be in pain for something that is greater than comfort or pain. It communicates that a person values the heart and cares about something greater than his own self-protection, and vulnerability.   Healthy anger moves us to care, hunger, thirst, hope, want, and desire. It moves us to deal with and express the truths of the heart. It expresses our willingness to be vulnerable enough to care about something.    “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)   A man is created to live with passion, even in a world that belittles it and mocks it.   A man who has passion is going to be on mission to accomplish that which he is moved from within to do.    A man is created to be capable of intimacy, or “into-me-see.” In other words, he is capable of sharing the truths of his heart.  He will accept his needs for the sake of mission.  He will accept that he will need help to accomplish his desires.  He will need other men in his life to help stay strong to care for his family.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.