Living with Heart: From Birth to Death 60 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #10: A Man Keeps No Secrets
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.
A man keeps no secrets:
- He does not hide behind a cloak of pretending or darkness.
- He does not isolate his heart from those who matter to him.
- He does not dwell in places that he would not let others know about who matter to him.
- Secrets are things a man hides for fear that he will be rejected, censured, judged, or stopped.
- Secrets are ways a man hides his heart’s pain from others by finding ways to numb his heart, through addiction, affairs, depression, isolation, “false loyalties,” and pretense.
- A man needs to know that he is needy. He needs to be able to communicate his feelings and needs, while also being able to trust “waiting” for them to be met.
A man who lives without secrets will still sin, make mistakes, and have regrets.
However, he practices a lifestyle of rigorous honesty because he admits his sins, mistakes, and regrets.
This man remains transparent by telling the truths of his heart to the right people who will respect his struggles and vulnerabilities.
A man who keeps no secrets is usually a competent human being who is:
- Curious, wanting to know about others, and allowing others to know about him.
- Courageous, fully participating in living with his whole heart.
- Compassionate, being able to identify with others’ pain because he knows his own pain.
The skills of a competent human being are separate from the skills one develops as a surgeon or plumber.
A competent human being values intimacy and integrity more than he values his skills. His worth is connected to “who he is” more than “what he does.”
We are as sick as the secrets we keep.
- Secrets are powerful because they are “counterfeit” experiences of feeling connected without the vulnerability that comes with being connected in genuine relationship. For example, alcohol gives a person a sense of connection without being in genuine relationship, as do all forms of addiction substances and processes.
- Keeping secrets make us sick because it requires great energy to be emotionally defensive and guarded.
- A man with secrets has to be emotionally guarded by being vigilant and controlling in order to prevent his secrets from being discovered or “exposed.”