Low Demand Parenting

Toileting struggles, periods, and body care—these are some of the trickiest internal demands our kids face. When a child refuses to wear a seatbelt, smears poop, or struggles with managing their period, how do we support them in a way that respects their nervous system while still meeting real needs?   In this episode, I break down:  • What internal demands are and why they can be so distressing for neurodivergent kids  • How burnout impacts basic needs like sleep, eating, and toileting  • Why forcing solutions backfires—and how to approach these struggles through support, not control  • Creative, low-demand ways to navigate seatbelt struggles, poop smearing, and period care  • How parents can reduce their own stress while supporting kids who struggle with bodily functions   This episode is for every parent who’s felt like, “I can’t drop this demand, but I also can’t keep fighting this battle.”   Additional Resources: Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you! 

How do you create a low-demand partnership while raising neurodivergent kids? This week, I sit down with Lindsay and Daryl Flanagan—fellow low-demand parents—who share their journey of shifting from traditional parenting to a more intuitive, needs-centered approach. We explore how dropping demands for each other and for our children has transformed their relationship and family life. In this episode, we discuss: ✔️ Letting go of traditional expectations in relationships and parenting. ✔️ Navigating marriage when one or both partners are neurodivergent. ✔️ The power of humor, shorthand phrases, and texting in low-demand communication. ✔️ How to balance needs and avoid resentment in a partnership. ✔️ Understanding PDA in both kids and adults—and how it impacts relationships. ✔️ Why acknowledging capacity (not intent) is key to mutual respect. If you’re wondering how to create a partnership that thrives alongside parenting neurodivergent kids, this episode is for you! 🎧 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts! More Resources: Follow Lindsay (with cameos from Daryl) on Instagram Discover Lindsay’s courses, coaching, and community through Hive Parents Brooke from No Pressure PDA – insight on humor as a signal of safety. Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!    

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, I dive into the essential work of teaching our kids to trust themselves, even when the world tells them otherwise. Using real-life examples, I share how traditional parenting approaches—like pushing through discomfort or faking calm—can break trust and escalate stress. Instead, I advocate for dropping the demands, honoring a child’s “no,” and embracing co-regulation as a path to healing and connection. You’ll learn: Why your child’s meltdowns are not your fault and how to reframe them as panic responses. The power of honoring your child’s body cues and trusting their “no.” How traditional ideas like “pushing through” can harm sensitive kids. Why co-regulation is about authenticity, not forced calm. Practical ways to stay connected to your child, even when their distress is distressing you. This episode is a permission slip to drop the weight of perfectionism and embrace honest, boundaried, and compassionate parenting.

Episode Resources:  Aligning with Yourself Course: Designed to help you shed perfectionism and show up in your truth, this course supports you through tough seasons like burnout. [Learn more here]  Episode 11: Burnout Doesn't Last Forever.   In this listener mailbag episode, I tackle the tough questions about phase two of burnout recovery—what I call Curious but No Capacity. This is the messy middle where your child starts to re-engage with the world but lacks the skills or energy to follow through fully. I explore:   Differentiating “hard” vs. “too hard” and why it matters   How to honor your child’s desires while protecting their capacity   Finding creative, flexible solutions to navigate burnout recovery   Advocating for your child in spaces that weren’t built for them   The importance of trust, collaboration, and dropping demands   Key Takeaways:   Burnout Recovery Isn’t Linear: Expect one step forward and two steps back—it’s all part of the process.   Hard vs. Too Hard: Learn how to assess your child’s capacity and build safety before tackling challenges.   Advocacy Matters: Find ways to prepare others to support your child’s unique needs in shared spaces.   The Middle Path: Move beyond “yes or no” decisions to a collaborative approach with your child.   Find More About Low Demand: Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you! 

In this honest and heartfelt conversation with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Emma Svanberg, known online as the "Mumologist," we explore the intersection of grief and parenting. Emma shares her journey from studying attachment theory to supporting parents in navigating the overwhelming pressures of modern parenting. Together, we unpack the grief that arises when reality doesn’t match our idealized parenting fantasies, the importance of slowing down, and the power of self-compassion.   Emma and Amanda discuss: How parenting grief reshapes our identities. Signs of unprocessed grief in parents, including resentment, disconnection, and autopilot living. The myth of calm parenting and the pressure it places on parents. Why self-compassion and community are essential for breaking cycles and creating change. This episode is an invitation to honor the messy, beautiful, and deeply human work of parenting—and to give yourself grace along the way.   Links Mentioned: Emma’s book: Parenting for Humans Find Emma Svanberg, also known as the "Mumologist," on Instagram.   Additional Resources: Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!

In a lovely and inspiring conversation on The Low Demand Parenting Podcast, Amanda Diekman sits down with Iris Chen, founder of Untigering, to discuss her journey from authoritarian parenting to a radically respectful and connected approach. Together, they explore: Detoxing from authoritarian and fear-based parenting Breaking free from the "good girl" and "good mom" identities Letting go of obedience as a measure of success Building meaningful relationships across generational and cultural divides Embracing radical acceptance in parenting and beyond Iris shares her personal story, the challenges of parenting in countercultural ways, and the importance of living your values to inspire change. Whether you're navigating parenting, breaking cycles, or creating your own family culture, this episode will leave you inspired to step into radical acceptance and connection. Aligning With Yourself: Break free from 'shoulds.' Step into your power. This innovative course about letting go of the guilt, shame, and “shoulds” that keep us stuck in an identity that no longer serves us. With insightful journaling pages, fresh mindfulness exercises, and engaging rituals, this course is for parents who are tired of performing, tired of people-pleasing, and ready to reclaim their energy, their identity, and their truth.   Main Topics Discussed: Detoxing from fear-based, authoritarian parenting paradigms Shifting from controlling outcomes to embracing connection and safety The journey of healing childhood wounds to parent differently Addressing cultural and generational challenges in parenting transitions Practical ways to hold boundaries with respect and nuance How to embody radical acceptance in relationships Resources Mentioned: Iris Chen’s book: Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent Iris Chen’s website: Untigering Follow Iris on social media: Instagram Facebook       Additional Resources: Low Demand Reset (Free Gift): www.amandadiekman.com/reset Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!

Explore the deep impact of burnout on children and parents alike. Discover four key steps to help your child recover, including creating a safe, loving environment. Unpack common misconceptions while learning practical tools tailored for each stage of healing. Dive into the challenges of neurodivergent burnout and gain insights on its unique symptoms. Finally, embrace the transformative journey of recovery with compassion and hope—because burnout is tough, but not permanent.

In this episode of The Low Demand Parenting Podcast, Amanda Diekman welcomes Debbie Reber, founder of Tilt Parenting and author of Differently Wired. Together, they delve into the unique challenges and strengths of raising twice-exceptional (2E) kids—children who are both gifted and neurodivergent. From understanding asynchrony to fostering self-advocacy and embracing parenting as activism, this episode offers invaluable insights for parents navigating the complexity of 2E parenting.   Episode Highlights: What it means to be twice-exceptional (2E) and how to recognize it. Understanding the asynchrony between giftedness and lagging skills. How parents can reframe perplexing behavior as a sign of lagging skills rather than willful disobedience. Encouraging self-discovery and self-advocacy in 2E kids. Advocating for systemic change to better support differently wired children. The importance of self-compassion and conscious maintenance for parents.   Resources Mentioned: Tilt Parenting Website Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World by Debbie Reber Tilt Parenting Podcast Articles and resources on twice-exceptionality available at Tilt Parenting.   Follow Debbie Reber: Instagram: @TiltParenting Facebook: Tilt Parenting Community Additional Resources: Low Demand Reset (Free Gift): www.amandadiekman.com/reset Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!

In this special Holiday Mailbag episode, Amanda Diekman answers listener questions about navigating the holidays as a low-demand parent. From food struggles to Santa dilemmas, and handling judgment in public, Amanda offers compassionate insights and practical strategies for making this season work for your unique family. Key topics include: Supporting kids with PDA who struggle with eating. Navigating the Santa conversation when siblings are at different stages. Handling partner disagreements about parenting approaches during high-stress times. Advocating for your parenting style and setting boundaries in public. If you’re looking for ways to drop the pressure and embrace connection this holiday season, this episode is for you.   Additional Resources: Low Demand Reset (Free Gift): www.amandadiekman.com/reset Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!

In this episode of The Low Demand Parenting Podcast, Amanda Diekman breaks down why the dominant parenting paradigm of rewards and punishments isn’t serving our kids—or us. Grounded in brain science and personal insight, Amanda shares how focusing on connection and attunement unlocks long-term trust, regulation, and growth in our children. Through real-life examples and a compassionate lens, Amanda encourages parents to step away from control-based strategies and embrace the transformative power of safety and belonging.   Low Demand Reset: Reflect, Release, Realign  A gentle guide to closing the year with intention and compassion. Get yours here: www.amandadiekman.com/reset   Key takeaways include: Why rewards and punishments miss the mark. The science of behavior as communication. Shifting from “earning love” to modeling unconditional connection. Practical strategies for supporting dysregulated children.   Additional Resources: Low Demand Reset (Free Gift): www.amandadiekman.com/reset Low Demand Parenting book: a love letter to exhausted, overwhelmed parents everywhere. Get the first chapter free!  Why is everything with my kid so hard?: Take the quiz to find your first step forward! Low Demand Parenting Blog: a treasure trove of low demand wisdom   Follow us on social for updates on the podcast, blog, and more!  Instagram Facebook Pinterest   The Low Demand Parenting Podcast is your space to let go of the pressure and embrace a more joyful, authentic approach to parenting. We hope you enjoyed this episode and would be honored if you left us a review which helps us reach more parents just like you!    Transcript:  Welcome to the Low Demand Parenting Podcast, where we drop the pressure, find the joy, and thrive, even when life feels stuck on level 12 hard. I'm Amanda Diekman, author, autistic adult, and mom of three. I'm not here as an expert, but a fellow traveler. Together, we're learning how to live more gently, authentically, and vibrantly in this wild parenting life. Before we dive in, I want to share a free gift I’ve created for you as we move from one year to the next. It’s called the Low Demand Reset — a gentle, reflective mini-course designed to help you release expectations, let go of what’s no longer serving you, and realign with what matters most. It’s free and available in the show notes or at amandadiekman.com/reset. I hope it brings you clarity, compassion, and a fresh start. The Dominant Paradigm: Punishments and Rewards The dominant parenting paradigm many of us inherited is rooted in punishment and reward. Even if we’ve decided not to follow this path, it’s still the framework shaping much of modern parenting. At its core, punishment-and-reward parenting is built on the belief that kids need external incentives to behave well. This system assumes that the primary things children lack are motivation and self-control. Rewards and punishments are used to manipulate their behavior toward desired results. Children are often labeled as manipulative, but really, this system is designed to manipulate children into compliance. These rewards and punishments can be straightforward, like sticker charts, prize boxes, time-outs, or spanking. They can also be more subtle, like approval or disapproval, giving or withholding attention, or ignoring behaviors. For instance, if you’ve ever worried that comforting your child during a tantrum might ‘reinforce’ the behavior, or been told that ‘giving in’ will teach them bad habits, you’ve encountered this paradigm. The belief underpinning this system is that kids only do well when they want to, and that it’s a parent’s job to teach control by making it more pleasant to do the “right” thing and unpleasant to do the “wrong” thing. But brain science tells us otherwise. What Brain Science Teaches Us Brain science shows us that behaviors, especially those we consider “negative”—hitting, screaming, whining, shutting down, hyperactivity—are stress behaviors. They indicate a brain system under stress. Punishments and rewards don’t address the root cause of these stress behaviors. Instead, they often exacerbate the problem. The number one factor that helps children regulate and thrive is attunement and connection with a trusted adult. This connection activates their brain’s reward centers and fosters safety, which is the foundation for behavioral change. Longitudinal studies confirm that having a connected, attuned adult is the most critical factor in a child’s long-term positive development. When children feel safe and connected, their brains can access creativity, courage, executive functioning, and the ability to try again. Disconnection—through punishment, disapproval, or ignoring—leads to negative outcomes in both brain development and long-term well-being. When the Reward and Punishment Mentality Shows Up This mentality can show up in surprising ways. Let’s say your child struggles with school avoidance, or as we often call it, “school can’t.” You might think, “If I make staying home comfortable, they’ll never want to go back. I need to make it unpleasant for them here at home.” Or during a meltdown, you might feel torn: “I can’t comfort my child right now because they’ll learn that throwing tantrums gets my attention.” This fear—that by connecting with your child in hard moments you’ll reinforce unwanted behavior—is rooted in the punishment-and-reward paradigm. These thoughts are deeply ingrained in us. We’ve been taught that humans are motivated by pleasure and avoidance of pain, and that it’s our job as parents to manipulate these motivators. But this lens is not only unhelpful; it’s often harmful. Shifting the Lens: Connection Over Control The most transformative aspect of low demand parenting is not just dropping demands. It’s creating space for safety, trust, connection, and acceptance. These elements are the real drivers of change in our relationships and our children’s behavior. Consider the mantra, Kids do well when they can. This simple truth shifts our focus from trying to control behavior to understanding the unmet needs and lagging skills driving it. Behavior makes sense when viewed through the lens of a child’s circumstances, neurobiology, and nervous system. This understanding fosters empathy and helps us meet our children where they are. For instance, if a child’s behavior stems from hunger, tiredness, or sensory overwhelm, punishment won’t solve the issue. Addressing the core need will. Similarly, a meltdown is a sign of dysregulation, not manipulation. The best response is attunement—helping the child feel safe and connected so they can return to regulation. Unlearning the Punishment and Reward Paradigm Unlearning this paradigm takes time. It’s seductive because it offers a neat explanation of behavior and a sense of control. But as we shift our mindset, we begin to see that the goal isn’t to manipulate behavior but to support core needs. One common example is food. If your child has a hard day and only wants McDonald’s for dinner, you might feel conflicted. Reward-and-punishment thinking tells you that getting McDonald’s rewards bad behavior and reinforces negative patterns. But what if instead, you view it as meeting a core need—nourishment, comfort, and connection? What if showing up with McDonald’s is an act of attunement, not capitulation? Another example: After a tough morning, one of my kids wanted donuts. Part of me resisted, thinking, “I can’t reward this behavior.” But I got the donuts. Later, my child looked at me with love and said, “I had a hard morning, and you got me donuts anyway.” That moment wasn’t about rewarding or ignoring behavior. It was about connection and unconditional love. Letting Go of “Good” and “Bad” Much of this paradigm is rooted in the idea that “good” behavior is rewarded and “bad” behavior is punished. For many of us, this belief is tied to perfectionism, religious teachings, or relationships where love and belonging felt conditional. Unlearning it is hard work, but it’s essential for healing. Instead of tying rewards to behavior, we can celebrate intention, effort, and connection. For example, if we promise a post-dentist treat, we still follow through even if the child is too dysregulated to complete the appointment. We’re celebrating their courage to try, not their compliance with an expectation. Moving Forward: Healing and Reconnection As we unlearn the reward-and-punishment mentality, we open the door to deeper healing and connection. This journey invites us to examine our own beliefs and wounds. It’s an opportunity to free ourselves from the pressure to earn love and belonging and to model this freedom for our children. When we focus on connection over control, we create a foundation where both parents and children can thrive. Let’s keep peeling back the layers of this paradigm and choose a path of attunement, trust, and unconditional love. If this podcast speaks to you, please subscribe and leave a review. Your support helps more parents discover the transformative power of low demand parenting. And don’t forget to grab your free Low Demand Reset at amandadiekman.com/reset. Thank you for being here, and remember: It takes great strength to let things go. I’ll see you next week.