You Have Permission

Last week I hosted a live Q&A session for our Patrons—one of the perks that comes with a YHP Patreon membership (now on sale for 42% off an annual subscription with code BIRTHDAY).  We spent a good portion of the time talking about the concept of “audience capture” and this podcast in particular, and whether I've been shaped by what my listeners want to hear rather than staying true to my own interests and convictions. I admit I might be constitutionally allergic to giving people what they want and may be too resistant to audience preferences rather than captured by them—while another member suggests that my contrarian nature might itself be a form of audience capture! Other questions come up about the experience of hosting a podcast— how I handle criticism, my defensive tendency to avoid listening to podcasters who do what I want to do better than me, and the raw envy I feel when I see smaller podcasts outperforming mine. We also get into the Internal Family Systems modality of therapy, which sparked a rich discussion about this approach to understanding different "parts" of ourselves. In the Patreon-only portion, we continue the IFS discussion with input from trained therapists, discuss the challenges and benefits of having podcast listeners as therapy clients (including awkward moments when they look me up!), and field questions about work-life balance, religious traditions, and personal experiences with various therapy modalities. Thanks to all of you who came… and hope to see the rest of you soon! ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s the last week of my 42nd birthday sale! Become an Annual Member of my Patreon now for just around $4 a month.  Also, I'm now taking therapy clients in Washington State and coaching clients nationwide, specializing in religious transitions and life changes that intersect with faith journeys. More info here. In this week’s “Top of Mind” segment, I reflect on the legacy of Dr. James Dobson, a prominent figure in evangelical psychology and parenting advice; highlighting some things Dobson got right, as well as areas where his teachings have caused great harm. I discuss Dobson's influence on conservative Christian views, critique some of his psychological perspectives, and evaluate the accuracy of his claims and evaluate the accuracy of his claims regarding queer sexuality, “secular humanism” in modern psychology, and his most influential area: parenting and discipline. In today’s main interview (beginning around min 33), comedian Jeremy Alder is here to discuss his journey from fundamentalist homeschooling in Texas to stand-up comedy. Jeremy brings sharp wit and genuine theological insight as we trace his path from a prosperity gospel upbringing through youth group dropout years, then back to faith via Augustine's Confessions and Reformed University Fellowship at UT Austin.  Now, Jeremy blends Eastern Orthodox spirituality with liberation theology while creating his "Christians That Don't Suck" video series that highlights radical Christian figures fighting against what he calls "Confederate fascist Christianity."  We explore how his philosophy and religion background shaped both his comedy and his current pursuit of a degree to work with religious trauma survivors, the practical realities of changing careers in your forties with five kids, and making the leap into creative work that challenges both conservative Christians and secular audiences. Jeremy's Website | Jeremyalder.com ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My 42nd birthday sale is LIVE! Join as an Annual Member of my Patreon to get 42% off through September 1 and enjoy ad-free access to Patron-exclusive content like this! In today’s bonus episode, team member Joy Vetterlein and I tackle what might be the most commonly given piece of marriage advice at wedding receptions: "don't go to bed angry."  After seeing comedian Leanne Morgan flip this conventional wisdom on its head during a Colbert appearance, we dive into why this advice became so popular in mid-20th century America through the "infection model" of marital conflict, explore what modern neuroscience tells us about arguing while dysregulated (hint: your prefrontal cortex isn't working very well at a 7+ on the anger scale), and discover that the original biblical verse this advice comes from had absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I share my practical "rule of sevens" for knowing when to table an argument, and confess to being the type of person who will hijack wedding videographers to give counter-programming relationship advice. In the Patreon portion, Joy and I get personal about our own marriages, including her revelation about needing to give herself permission to consider divorce in order to truly choose her marriage, and we explore a 7th-century monk's surprisingly modern insights about anger as spiritual energy. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get 42% off a YHP annual Patreon membership, while we celebrate Dan’s 42nd birthday! (Ends Sept 1st) ~Use code “BIRTHDAY”~ It’s time for another Generation Gap Culture Hour (Full Episode Special), where Dan Koch sits down with Tony Jones and Josh Gilbert to peel back some layers about self-reflection, media habits, and big financial decisions, all through their differing generational perspectives. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My friend James Wightman joins me to tell me about What Would Jesus Sell? a documentary he's been working on for eight years about the Christian music industry.  We get into how Christian music evolved from the genuine DIY spirit of the 1970s Jesus Movement into today's sanitized, focus-grouped machine that prioritizes “Becky” (the industry's target demographic of exhausted soccer moms) over artistic integrity. James reveals the open secrets everyone in green rooms and tour buses has whispered about for years, explains why the incentive structures actually punish authenticity while rewarding conformity, and shares how his own journey led him to realize that both artists and consumers are trapped in an exploitative system that uses spiritual language to sell us baby food when we're starving for a real meal. He also shares some insider perspective on the recent allegations against Michael Tait. It's a conversation about art, faith, commerce, and what happens when you try to package the sacred for mass consumption. James on Instagram | @James.final.mp4 Walk Me Through Jesus Movement Music '67-'79 (Part 1) ⁠Walk Me Through Jesus Movement Music '67-'79 (Part 2) ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sarah Lane Ritchie, an academic specializing in spiritual abuse research, returns for an engaging discussion. She kicks off with her surprising personal experience of numerous attempted exorcisms. The conversation critiques the political fearmongering in 'Shiny Happy People,' especially concerning Ron Luce. Sarah makes a compelling case arguing that the Honor Academy fits the cult criteria, while exploring the duality of intense religious experiences that create both meaning and trauma. Their witty banter also offers insights into narrative psychology and its implications.

Top of Mind:  I start this episode by addressing the recent report from Baptist News Global regarding former guest Dr. Laura E. Anderson, a well-known therapist and coach in the religious trauma world, detailing ethical board sanctioning and other complaints by her associates. Main Interview (Adam joins at 6:45): Licensed therapist and Place We Find Ourselves podcast host Adam Young joins me to explore how our childhood stories quite literally shape our brains—and why telling those stories accurately matters more than we might think. We dig into Adam's narrative and body-focused therapeutic approach, which complements my own cognitive work by emphasizing how our neural networks wire together through early relational experiences with primary caregivers. We discuss why truth-telling orients us with reality in ways that reduce shame and self-contempt, explore the neuroscience behind why we can't simply suppress difficult emotions (spoiler: your amygdala has other plans), and examine how attachment patterns from ages 2-3 continue influencing our adult relationships through fight-flight-freeze responses.  Adam introduces the concept of "blessing our younger selves" as distinct from the popular notion of "reparenting," drawing on Internal Family Systems theory to help us understand the different parts within us that need attention.  Take it Offline:  Take this conversation beyond the solo podcast experience into real community with friends and ask each other: "Where do you find yourself most laboring under accusation?" He explains that all of us live with self-contempt and feel accusation about various aspects of our lives throughout our days — our parenting, our relationships, our habits, our compulsions, who we are and how we show up in the world. This vulnerable but powerful question can help bring kindness into areas that are exhausting and are often suffered in silence and alone.  Adam's Website | ⁠Adamyoungcounseling.com⁠ Adam's Book | ⁠Make Sense of Your Story: Why Engaging Your Past with Kindness Changes Everything⁠ Related Episodes: Episode #197 - "Un-Shaming Each Part of Ourselves" with Molly LaCroixEpisode #333 - "The Science of Social Connection" with Julia Hotz Episode #337 - "The 'Middle Path' in Politics & Purity Culture" with Dr. Camden Morgante ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today's episode, I'm diving back into the deep end with theologian and philosopher of science Sarah Lane Ritchie for part two of our response to the Shiny Happy People docuseries, focusing on episode two's unflinching look at Teen Mania's Honor Academy. We start by exploring one of the most psychologically complex aspects of growing up in end-times evangelical culture: the expectation that your life might be cut short—whether through martyrdom, the rapture, or other apocalyptic events. Sarah and I unpack how this shaped our teenage years differently, with her wrestling with anxiety about "making the cut" for the rapture while I was more concerned about missing out on earthly experiences before Jesus returned. We examine how this worldview creates two distinct buckets of spiritual trauma, and I introduce what I call "the jihad test"—a thought experiment about how we'd want someone to escape coercive religious indoctrination if they were born into a jihadist group, and why those same critical thinking tools should be available to all young people in high-demand religious environments. In the Patreon portion, we dig deeper into the militaristic aspects of Honor Academy, the psychology of high-demand religious groups, listener feedback about Bible smuggling and mission trip costs, and the complex relationship between traditional masculinity and evangelical theology. ⁠Watch Shiny Happy People Season 2⁠ Sarah's Website | ⁠⁠Sarahlaneritchie.net⁠⁠ Patreon Only Episode : ⁠Martyrdom Expectations YHP Episodes on Season 1: ⁠Shiny Happy People: Did Bill Gothard Create Pedophiles? (#198)⁠ ⁠Shiny Happy People: Are Children Born Evil? (#200)⁠ ⁠Shiny Happy People: Was Bill Gothard A Cult Leader? (#202)⁠ ⁠Is "Shiny Happy People" Anti-Religion? (#204)⁠ ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm joined again by my dear friend Sarah Lane Ritchie, theologian and scholar of science and religion, for the first of three episodes responding to the new season of Amazon's Shiny Happy People docuseries. This season shifts focus from the Duggar family to Teen Mania—arguably the biggest religious youth phenomenon of the late 20th century with a three-tier pipeline: Acquire the Fire stadium events that functioned like teenage Billy Graham crusades, Global Expeditions mission trips where kids raised thousands to evangelize abroad, and the Honor Academy internship program that took on cult-like characteristics.  Sarah shares her profound personal journey beginning at age 13 at the pivotal "Day One" event with 70,000 attendees at the Pontiac Silverdome just days after Columbine, leading to transformative month-long mission trips to Ghana and Bolivia that shaped her entire academic career.  We examine the sophisticated psychological mechanisms at play—from Durkheimian collective effervescence to high-stakes eternal damnation theology that made extreme actions feel necessary, the integration of Josh Harris's purity culture teachings that redirected teenage sexuality toward spiritual eroticism, and how the apocalyptic urgency created a manufactured crisis that made everything else seem trivial.  This episode sets the stage for deeper dives into Global Expeditions and the troubling Honor Academy cult dynamics in our upcoming conversations, illuminating how spiritual technology shapes young lives in ways that are simultaneously transformative and potentially harmful. Watch Shiny Happy People Season 2 Sarah's Website | ⁠Sarahlaneritchie.net⁠ YHP Episodes on Season 1: Shiny Happy People: Did Bill Gothard Create Pedophiles? (#198) Shiny Happy People: Are Children Born Evil? (#200) Shiny Happy People: Was Bill Gothard A Cult Leader? (#202) Is "Shiny Happy People" Anti-Religion? (#204) ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan kicks off the episode with a new segment, Top of Mind, focused this week on former President Obama’s entry into the discourse around struggles currently faced by men and boys in the US and elsewhere: education, mental health, employment, suicide, overdoses, and identity concerns. He highlights the overlap between main points made by Obama and YHP topics, as well as gender discrepancies in therapy utilization. Richard Reeves Substack Post⁠ ⁠Obama Podcast Appearance⁠ For the main episode, I sit down with Dr. Camden Morgante, licensed psychologist and author of Recovering from Purity Culture, to explore the revolutionary concept of dialectical thinking—finding the "both/and" instead of "either/or"—as an alternative to the black-and-white thinking that dominates evangelical culture, politics, and even purity culture recovery movements. We dive into practical applications like developing a "values-congruent sexual ethic" that transcends both shame-based purity culture and consent-only frameworks, discuss the real costs of walking the middle path in our polarized world (canceled interviews, lost relationships, professional challenges), and explore how to parent for critical thinking rather than ideological conformity. This conversation offers essential insights for anyone wrestling with post-evangelical identity, seeking alternatives to political polarization, or curious about how therapeutic wisdom can inform spiritual and ethical development in an age that punishes nuance. Dr. Camden's Website Dr. Camden's Book Dr. Camden on Instagram ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices