Hole in My Heart Podcast

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us," the writer of Hebrews tells us (Heb. 12:1). But what does that mean, exactly? Where are we going? To death? To the New Heavens and New Earth? To more suffering? And how do we run this race without being legalistic about it: Just keep swimming. Just keep going. Just do it. That's what Christians do. Author and teacher, Trillia Newbell, helps us understand more of this race running in a compelling conversation that we hope will inspire you to take the next right step.   //: Highlights:  “What legalism is is you’re trying to walk the walk--but not because you love Jesus … it’s because you feel that the only way to approach God is to do these [certain] things … This is sometimes why people give up on the Christian faith: Because they are working real hard and life still sinks.” --Trillia Newbell “Part of the reason we are not gritty is we are trying to do it ourselves, so, we give up.” —Trillia Newbell “We cannot endure as Christians if we don’t know the One who sustains us.” —Trillia Newbell  //: Do the Next Thing: Trillia's book? Here. Trillia's site? Here. For More? Here. 

Yes, yes, yes, we know: We live in a sex-saturated world. Move on, right?  Maybe. But is there something we can do about it? Do we simply have to endure the brokenness around us and within us, or can we take some Christ-following steps in the right direction? Our dear friend and newly minted author, Rachel Gilson, thinks we can. Her critical new book, Born Again This Way, not only tells the story of how she came to Christ at Yale through a stolen copy of Mere Christianity, but she unpacks how someone who experiences same-sex attraction can do the stumbly discipleship walk of daily surrender. One of our favorite pieces of her discipleship walk is how she learned to view our sex-saturated world through the lens of family. This is an important one, friends--I mean, siblings.    //: Highlights: “We kind of intuitively sense that a sibling relationship is a special kind of relationship: It has both really deep intimacy but is absolutely not erotic.” --Rachel Gilson “A lot of time what temptation does is it wants to pull away our focus from, 'God has given me gifts and opportunity to—with His Body—build His kingdom.' Temptation ends up being this big gospel waste.” --Rachel Gilson “Occasionally, you get this best friend situation where you turn inward like an ingrown toenail ... you end up pairing up in a way that shuts out the broader body. There is something about sibling-hood that reminds us we are a part of a family.” --Rachel Gilson //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your favorite sport to watch or to play?  (Are they the same or different?) //: Do the Next Thing: Get her book!! Here. Find Rachel's site here. Find her on Twitter here. Find more links and such here. 

Identity. Labels. Names. Who are you? God knows. No, not like, "Oh, only God knows," but like, He knows you. Knows us. Knows our true identity. Esther Fleece Allen, author of the new book, Your New Name: Saying Goodbye to Labels that Limit, is determined to help us know it, too. Her story is gripping, and her love for Jesus and people is palpable. Join us?   //: Highlights: “If I don’t know who I am and who God names me, I will inevitably be redefined and renamed by the culture.” --Esther Fleece Allen “I was thirteen ... I probably should have gone into the foster care system. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t know what lament was. These families just recognized that I had a need. They recognized something was off, and they pursued me in that. God showed himself to me in that. One family bought me a car. One family paid for my gas money. One family paid for my prom dress so I could go to prom. On family paid for me to apply for colleges. This is what the Body of Christ looks like.” --Esther Fleece Allen “[Our labels] can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy: ‘I was orphaned, so I’ll never be loved. My own parents didn’t want me, so I’m not lovable.’ We start putting these walls around our heart, and we start decorating the walls. Suddenly, our lack becomes our identity instead of asking God for something new.” --Esther Fleece Allen //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What snack do you love that you get super judged for liking? //: Do the Next Thing: Esther's gorgeous book that made me sob? Find it here. Find Esther's site here. Find us on the ol' IG here. 

Is anyone tired? Is anyone a tired leader? Author, teacher, and today's guest, Ruth Haley Barton, cares about you and the wellness of your soul (and so do we). But who is a leader? "If anybody is following you," Barton said, "then you are a leader and you need to pay attention to your leadership and the influence you are having on the world." This means stay-at-home parents, ministry leaders, people in the marketplace, and all of you with followers on the socials are leaders. We are tired as leaders, Ruth! She gets that, which is why we dove into how we can uplift our souls today on the podcast. Together, we explore signs to look for to see if we are edging on burnout, the effects of isolation, technology, and a lack of kindness in the world, and how women in 2020 may be feeling the pain more poignantly. (Are we?) Let's go, leaders.   //: Highlights: “To have a place to go with God that is safe, that is restful, that enables us to experience the love of God especially for us ... we must cultivate that place with God or we will not survive." --Ruth Haley Barton "Leadership is a crucible. It changes you. You cannot be the same after you have been in leadership for 20 years." --Ruth Haley Barton "Our job [as healers] ... is to find ways to open up the channels for God to do what only God can do in those deepest places." --Ruth Haley Barton //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What reality TV show do you watch that you like to observe, but think, "Nope. Never could do that." //: Do the Next Thing: Find Ruth's leadership book here. Find her site here. Check out that Transforming Center here. Find us on the ol' IG here.

Oh, guys. We went to town on this one. David Bennett, a former atheist gay activist turned Christian apologist, came back to the HIMH podcast for the second time and turned. It. Up.  We talked about why in the world gay/straight/everyone needs to engage this sexuality conversation, the “slippery slope” of universalism, debating people on the internet, and how to practically love our friends who disagree with us with genuine love and gentleness. Listen to all the grit and the glory, and then … how about we start a revival after, yeah? This, in our humble opinion, is not one to miss.   //: Highlights: “I’ve never really recovered from the power of that [conversion] experience. It’s defined my life. It’s taught me how much I am loved. It’s taught me how much I fail and how much that is okay—not because failure is okay—but because God’s grace and strength is manifest in it and it can be redeemed. That frees your heart.” —David Bennett “This isn’t just an abstract question. This isn’t just a theological question. This is about people’s stories— people’s real heart difficulties. [Hearing them] healed me. There is this deep identification I could have with [an affirming friend’s] humanity even if I disagreed with her conclusion.” —David Bennett “I have been so transformed [by God’s love] that to compromise on any level is just not an option for me.” —David Bennett //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What country has your heart—besides the one you live in? Why? //: Do the Next Thing: Find David's book A War of Loves here. Find David on the ol' FB here. Read that First Things article we mentioned here. Hit us up to talk about how we can serve your team here.

Because of this interview, I [Laurie] called the trafficking hotline for a suspicious building I drive past. I didn't know if that was a weird or helpful thing to do before before talking with our guest today, Rebecca Bender. Rebecca is the author of the new book, In Pursuit of Love, is a survivor of human trafficking, and has trained law enforcement officers, Homeland Security and the FBI on how to approach anti-human trafficking efforts. She also trained us a bit through this interview. “What’s really important is trafficked victims like myself grow up in the same culture as all of you," Rebecca said. "When you talk about thinking [of trafficking] as being in shanty towns in foreign countries, so did I.” Trafficking is local, and can happen for many reasons. Rebecca fell victim because of that hole in her heart. “In high school I was as a varsity athlete, I got great grades, I graduated a year early," she said. "I still, deep down, wanted to love and be loved, and [my trafficker] made me feel that.” How did Rebecca get free after six years of living as a victim of human trafficking in the United States? Why didn't she run earlier? How did God arrest her heart? How can we take practical steps to promote anti-human trafficking efforts? And how can we all relate to that God-shaped longing in her heart? Check it out on today's episode.   //: Highlights: “It’s so important to know the red flags, the warning signs. It all began from that one neighbor tipping off a law enforcement officer and an investigation began.” —Rebecca Bender “I heard the voice of God again immediately—like a dad running to meet his prodigal kid. I remember Him saying, ‘If you give me the same amount of time you gave the enemy, I will never be outdone.’” —Rebecca Bender //: Question of the Week for Next Week: Where is the weirdest place you have fallen asleep? //: Do the Next Thing: That number for you to call if you suspect something suspicious? 1-888-373-7888 Find Rebecca's book here. Find Rebecca's site here. Find us and more stuff we chat about on the ol' IG here.  For More? Here. 

Anyone relate to thinking that life will be x, but then it’s not even y … it ends up being q? Or t? Or 27? How do we deal with these unmet expectations besides throwing clichés and sprinkling a lil’ Jesus on it? Author, teacher, and broadcaster Sheridan Voysey offers zero clichés and all real-life learning how to suffer well with his own version of facing “When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned.” Get it, fam.   //: Highlights: “You think about trying for a child? Every month there is an expectation followed by disappointment. An expectation followed by disappointment … That’s the first three or four months for many couples. Often, after that, expectation is met with excitement. For us, it just kept going month after month after month, then year after year after year. That picks away at your very being.” –Sheridan Voysey “I will not give you clichés [and say] Jesus is the wonderful self-help guru we always want him to be–He smiles at us with pearly white teeth and all our problems go away. No. [But], this very darkness you are going through, that you are waiting and you are hungering and you are hoping for with that new birth, God can be doing things in you right now under the surface without you even realizing it that are all part of making you who are called to be.” –Sheridan Voysey “When you built your life on a few key identities and they are taken away? That’s when you discover how deep this idea that may be that— like me—you’ve preached about, written about, shared with your friends, this idea that *we are a child of God.* When you have the other identities taken away, that’s when you discover whether or not that truth actually penetrated into the deepest depths of your being.” —Sheridan Voysey //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What fact about the world makes your jaw drop and perhaps worship God? //: Do The Next Thing: Find Sheridan's site here. Find the Making of Us book here. Find us and more stuff we chat about on the ol' IG here.

Bestselling author and pastor David Platt rocks. He navigated our interview with humility and courage. Not only did he open up his heart and journals with us about his new book 'Something Needs to Change' (and how he went from writing "coldhearted" sermons about poverty and sex trafficking to weeping about them both), but he also encouraged us and leaders everywhere not to sit down when it comes to engaging culture's urgent challenging questions about sexuality. Hear his humble exhortation with us today on the podcast.   //: Highlights: "If I preach the whole counsel of God but ignore the areas in which the Devil is at that moment attacking in the culture around me, then I am not faithfully confessing Christ--no matter how much other stuff I may say." --David Platt "You go up to people on these trails and you say, 'What do you know about Jesus?' And they say, 'Who is that?' --like you're talking about someone in their village that they've never met." --David Platt "I wrote a sermon on the plane on the way over there talking about poverty and trafficking. I wrote it from this frighteningly coldhearted perspective. Apparently, it's possible to know a bunch of facts and even know the Bible ... and totally be unaffected by these things." --David Platt //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your spiritual gift? //: Do the Next Thing: David's book Something Needs to Change ? Find it here. That sermon he gave on God's design for sexuality? Find it here. That Christianity Today article highlighting one of David's favorite moments in the book? Find it here. That Journey Well Study? Find it here (Use offer code PODCAST to get both the videos and book for $19.99 only until Jan 31!) For More? Here. 

Maybe it's just us, maybe it's just our generation . . . maybe it's just this year? But it seems to us as if the vulnerable pursuit that comes with friendship can be extra challenging for some men. Can we get an a-men? (Ha...) Today, we invited some of our new friends, Sam and Blaine Eldredge (yes, the sons of John and Stasi), to help us better understand why friendships for men can be extra challenging. We talk about some intense (and fun) things, of course, including: What do are you nerdy about? Why don't many men pursue each other's hearts? (How can they?) How can men neither detach from the calling to be God's man nor stomp on others while falsely declaring themselves to be manly? //: Highlights: "Friendship is a characteristic activity of a whole heart." --Blaine Eldredge "When you interact with a man, whether they seem timid or brash--whether they seem they are going to stomp on you and carve their name in marble and build a mausoleum (or if they just want to hide and be alone in their garage with their hobby)--you are meeting different forms of brokenness and different forms of posing." --Sam Eldredge "The story is not just: 'Men, be friends.' The story is: 'The restoration of all things is underway. You have a role to play. You will need people around you if you are going to walk out your role.'" --Blaine Eldredge "Find a few other men that you really want lasting friendship with and make their battles your battles. Truly take on that posture of  'When you go to war, I am going to war as well.' Whether that's for your kids, for your marriage, for your job, and even for your heart." --Sam Eldredge  //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was the most memorable youth group game you ever witnessed (or endured)? //: Do the Next Thing: Find Sam and Blaine's site--including their podcast here. That Pause App their team developed? It's here. That gender podcast with Tim Keller? Find it here. Find us on IG. For More? Here. 

New year, new Hole in My Heart Podcast theme music, new website ... what else is new? Well, with all of this new, how about something old? Like throwback time? Matt and Laurie realized that there are many NEW listeners out there, and you might not know their stories. So, we deep-dive a bit into them. Matt talks about the heart of his journey with pornography addiction (and how he finally got set free from it), and Laurie talks about her discipleship journey with her version of broken sexuality. We also take your premarital questions. (Ya'll send us quite a few! We love them--any variety. Keep them coming!) We cover things like: "I'm not straight but dating someone who is. When should I share with them my story?" "How can you know if you're supposed to marry someone?" "How important is attraction in marriage?" Let's dive in, friends. (Thank you, Dr. Forest Wakeman at Calvin University for the sick beats!)   //: Highlights: “I had been though seminary; I had my undergraduate in youth ministry. I knew all the head knowledge about God, but I had never really felt this soul-deep, heart-level, permeating knowledge that He loves me and that He desires me.” —Matt Krieg “Had I not gotten rid of everything—limited all access? A. I wouldn’t have had a detox from porn because it would have always been in my pocket. And, B. I would not have realized my issue wasn’t just porn. I was screen addicted … I was always looking to distract myself from myself.” —Matt Krieg “I found myself joyful. And filled—not every minute of every day, but even one out of twenty times seeking God—it was enough of a foretaste of what we will experience in eternity forever that I was like, ‘I’m in.’” —Laurie Krieg “It’s the heart stuff that often leads to physical [connection]. But even if it doesn’t. Can we give ourselves grace today? There’s not a scorecard for you guys or us. It’s just: Are you working on your metaphor?” —Laurie Krieg //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What are you nerdy about? (We are pushing that one forward to next week.)  //: Do the Next Thing: If you want to see a picture of the Heart Map we mention and those Core Needs? Here. That Pause App Steve mentioned? Here. Find the Journey Well Study and corresponding videos here! (Use that PODCAST code!) If you just want to Amazon it, find it here!