Hole in My Heart Podcast

This conversation feels like sitting down with a dear friend over tea. I can envision us starting out with a sigh, a sip of Earl Grey, and saying: "So, this pandemic has been hard. I haven't *only* been running to Jesus. I've made some mistakes. Can you help think through what is going on in my heart?" Bestselling author and speaker, Dee Brestin, hears our words, gently translates them into heart idols (power/control, comfort, or approval), and offers us some really practical next steps. This conversation is what our ragged souls need. //: Highlights: "God has given us these needs that he promises to meet...but if we do not trust him to comfort us, if we do not believe he really loves us, if we do not like the way He is doing things, then we will substitute something else." --Dee Brestin "Idols pretend to be our friends, and then they turn around and cut us to pieces... Play the whole tape out and see where this is going to end." --Dee Brestin "Sing to your soul. Sing the truth about Me to your soul...and I will come to you if you just wait. You will feel so good in a little while." --Dee Brestin //: Do the Next Thing: Find Dee's Idol Lies book here.   Dee has some great testimonies on idolatry here. The episode I referred to about lament/forgiveness? Here. Diagnose your heart idols via Tim Keller here. The expulsive power of a new affection sermon? Find it here. A bunch more resources can be found on our podcast episode page here. 

It's time. We finally brought in some Enneagram experts. Beth and Jeff McCord are definitely Enneagram experts, and are definitely not weird about it. Their approach is focused on the gospel, takes in mind Core Longings (!!), childhood woundings, and even though we  invited them to talk marriage and the Enneagram, the conversation (as always) was applicable to all humans--no matter their marital status. We also asked how each Enneagram type might be responding to the pandemic. (It. Was. Fascinating!) We can't stop thinking about this episode or their book. Get it, fam. //: Highlights: "The Enneagram is an X-ray. It clearly shows you what is broken and what is not broken, but it does not do the healing (like X-rays don't). The gospel is the healing power in our lives." --Beth McCord "What the Enneagram really prepared us for ... rather than for us to miss each other and spin out in anxiety, anxiety and conflict become an opportunity for us to connect with one another at deeper levels than we could have ever done without a pandemic like this." --Jeff McCord //: Do the Next Thing: Take an Enneagram assessment from Beth and Jeff here.  Find more resources here. 

So. Has God called you to singleness or marriage? How did you discern that? If you are called to singleness, is it temporary or for life? How did you discern that? If you are called to lifelong singleness ("vocational singleness," as our guest today calls it), is there a creative way to not be lonely in the midst of it? Why not start a modern-day monastery? That's what today's guest, Pieter Valk, did, and the conversation about the modern-day monastery's origins and daily life (including how it has changed in the pandemic) was fascinating.  We also explore how to hear the voice of God, and why we identify differently. (Pieter identifies as gay and I (Laurie) don't--but we also don't fight about it.) This was a fun one. //: Highlights: “About three years ago, I felt God was calling me to vocational singleness, but I had no idea how to do that well or, in particular, I didn’t know how I would find family in that.” —Pieter Valk "‘You still need family,' [my pastor said]. 'Could I challenge you to create it? … I think you should start a monastery.’ … The rest was history.” --Pieter Valk "Married people know...you can't keep smiling anymore. You can't do fifty years with this person who is annoying... You're just going to say it... If you're a single person but you're not in a living arrangement where you're stuck with people in a good way (in a healthy environment), you're never going to get to that point where you're really honest with people and iron starts sharpening iron." --Pieter Valk //: Do the Next Thing: Learn more about the Nashville Family of Brothers here.  Find more resources here. 

In the circles we run, there is one common answer to the question: What will be the next thing when it comes to sexuality? Their answer? Polyamorous relationships. What do you know about them? (Other than that they are a romantic, sexual relationship between three or more people?) Did you know that 24% of church-going people think that consensual non-monogamous relationships are morally acceptable? Or that as many as 1 in 5 Americans have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship, and 5% are currently in one? (That’s about as many people who identify as LGBTQ+.) How can we biblically respond to people exploring polyamorous relationships with outrageous love and winsome truth? Dr. Branson Parler is back to walk us through it. //: Highlights: “Start with listening. Start with understanding. Start by asking, ‘What does [polyamory] mean to them’?” —Branson Parler “If someone says to me, ‘This was allowed in the Old Testament, why can’t it be allowed today?’ I would say, ’It’s because of confusion about what time it is.’ Jesus has come. The new creation has been inaugurated … God regulates and allows a number of things that are a less-than-ideal reality [in the Old Testament]. But when Jesus comes and the Spirit is poured out, you see this new creation reality that connects up with God’s original intention in creation.” —Branson Parler “What our culture doesn’t believe is that anybody is ever faithful … They see that in relationships, their parents’ marriage … Why even go down that route?  The only solution to that is to stop looking at faithless people and start looking at the faithful Savior. Only that—only looking at our faithful Savior—will give us the ability to truly be faithful to another person.” —Branson Parler //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Branson's site here. Find Branson's pastoral paper on polyamory here.  Find more resources here. 

But what about the kids? **We recorded this episode pre-quarantine, and once again, God provided the content we needed for this unforeseen moment. I know our own kids (Matt and Laurie's) are wrestling with their emotional balance in this quarantine life. Are the kids or young adults in your life struggling at all? Let's help them, yeah? (Whether they are wrestling with anxiety, depression, have been walking a journey on the autism spectrum, or have experienced sexual trauma as kids.) The person who is going to help us to help them is Dr. Matthew Stanford, CEO of the Hope and Healing Center & Institute in Houston, and adjunct professor of psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the Houston Methodist Hospital Institute for Academic Medicine and author of Grace for the Children. He's legit qualified. Let's walk with the littles (and teens), friends. //: Do the Next Thing: Find Grace for the Children: Finding Hope in the Midst of Child and Adolescent Mental Illness. His book for adults? Grace for the Afflicted. Check out Matthew Stanford's organization, The Hope and Healing Center.  Listen to more episodes for parents here. Find us on the IG to answer the Question of the Week and more. 

This is the therapy sesh we all need right now.  Counselor, author, and teacher, Dr. Alison Cook, co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul has a word for us about what to do with our overwhelming thoughts and emotions. (Anyone got some of those these days?) But, what can we do with them? We can turn them into our allies. "Emotions are not your enemy, they are queues," she said. "Learn about them, pay attention to them, don’t let them rule you, but get to know them. Let them be an aid to you  on your journey to wholeness."  How do we do that? Alison does a beautiful job of helping us take not just the next right step, but a few down the road to peace. //: Highlights: “Awareness ... that’s the hardest step … That’s the very first step.” --Alison Cook “That’s what we mean about turning your emotions into allies: You can see them as queues to pay attention to as opposed to enemies to fight.” --Alison Cook “You are more capable than the anxious part of you understands.” --Alison Cook //: Do the Next Thing: Find that book Boundaries for Your Soul here.  Her site? Here.  Our coaching sessions I mention? Find them here.  Through the end of April, if you become a supporter of the ministry at $20 or more per month, we will send you a free Journey Well book. Thanks so much!!

Again. God, in His mercy, knew that we would need this episode today when we recorded it over one month ago. Today, Matt and I (Laurie) introduce you to our for-real small group. These are people who are a huge part of our lives and are truly the reason Matt and I are still married. In an age where large-group churches cannot meet and small groups are meeting online, this group has become even more of our lifeline. Now, we don't just meet every-other week for a couple of hours hours, we meet online every week, have started a daily online Bible reading together, and are texting and praying for each other frequently. Praise God. We are so honored to share these precious friends with you. But, we didn't just win the small group lottery. How did we not just become a group of people who go kinda deep every once in a while, but became each other's family? Listen in and we will share how you--Lord willing--may be able to replicate the gift God gave us with the people around you. Yes, even online. //: Do the Next Thing: Find that HIMH Podcast FB page here.  My Laurie Krieg author page to join some of our FB Live convos? Find it here.  More Impossible Marriage Workshop info? Save the date! October 23 and 24! Find out more and to sign up for updates here.  Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here.  Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here. See a pic of the small group here. 

In this home-centered, pandemic-laden world we are in, God, in his kindness, had Matt and I (Laurie) record a mini-series last month where we opened up our real world to you. Today, we are sharing it. In episode two of three of the "Our World" series, we invited our friend, Stephanie Thole, to help us learn how to have a conversation bridging the gap between sexuality and race conversations. Are these conversations so similar? Are they so different? Is it really true that if you are pro- "Black Lives Matter" you also must be pro- "Love is Love"? Hang out with us and our real-life friends today on the pod, and perhaps learn how to better engage both of these challenging topics with grace, truth, and love. //: Highlights: “ We were one of the few black families. I remember always being so attracted to all of these white boys. In my mind, I was like, ‘I gotta get rid of this…’ I understood at a very early age that that was not allowed.” —Stephanie Thole “I was very much aware at how different I was. That I was 'other.'” —Stephanie Thole “A lot of us have made mistakes, have had hard conversations, have offended the wrong person, and it’s been a painful, awkward experience. Don’t let that stop you. Keep walking.” —Stephanie Thole //: Do the Next Thing: Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here.  Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here.  Find more great stuff here.

As many of us hunker down into our homes, Matt and I (Laurie) open up our real lives to you. In this "Our World" mini series, will cover the following topics: 1. When I walked with someone for months and it seemed like a failure, 2. The sticky intersection between the race and LGBT+ conversations, 3. How God encouraged us to form a small group that has changed our lives. Today: When discipleship "fails." I walked away from a discipleship relationship with Kara Martin several years ago feeling hopeful but doubtful. I was hopeful she would follow Jesus, but I wasn't sure I did anything to help her move in that direction. What happened after we stopped meeting?  How can God still use us when we feel like we completely failed at walking well with others? What is a good way to walk alongside someone who is wavering on their path of Christlikeness? We cover these questions and more today on a challenging but critical conversation straight from "our world." //: Highlights: “Walking away enabled me to get my heart in the right place to actually want to figure this out on my own—and not to have Cornerstone or Laurie telling me ‘This is what it should look like.’” --Kara Martin "I wanted to pursue dating girls. More than that? I wanted to pursue God’s plan for my life… That [latter] motivation was not my own.” --Kara Martin "You can tell people what you believe all you want, but that’s not what’s going to change their hearts. What’s going to change their hearts is when God gets in there.” --Kara Martin //: Do the Next Thing: Connect with Kara, see her favorite resources, and discover more here. 

This is timely. In the midst of a global pandemic, one of the stock market's worst weeks, and fear invading many corners of our hearts, bestselling author, John Eldredge, brings a critical message to the podcast table this week. “Your soul is never meant to carry all of this," he said. "The human soul is not designed for these conditions.” It isn't. We are not meant to carry the insanity of a broken world. So how do we engage it with maturity? Learn with us as we talk through a message that literally changed (and is changing) our lives. //: Highlights: “The world that we live in gets everybody spun up … emotionally, physically and spiritually. We want relief. The quick relief is to reach for the bag of cookies or the bottle of scotch or binge watch your favorite show. But relief is very different from restoration. When you’re done [with relief] you don’t actually feel any better.” —John Eldredge “Maturity is not an option because of the gnarly hour that we live in. Union with God—cultivating it as a life goal—is the invitation.” —John Eldredge  “We have neglected our souls … The rescue for me has been to love Jesus in the midst of my suffering.” --John Eldredge //: Do the Next Thing: John's book Get Your Life Back is here. That Pause App that is wrecking us? Find it here.  For More? Here.