Relationship Coaching School Podcast

In this episode, we tackle spirituality and relationships with soulshaping mentor Jeff Brown. Jeff has a great knack for calling BS on the spiritual movement and instead offering grounded, practical, embodied suggestions and pathways to continue to deepen into our wholeness. This one may get uncomfortable depending on where you fall in this conversation. It is my wish that you feel challenged and grow from it.   SHOWNOTES What is Soulshaping? [12:40] What are the most common human struggles that Jeff sees in his work? [14:00] Why most people meditate and so “solo spirituality” over relationships. [16:30] Jeff’s personal definition of spirituality [18:00] How are some teachings distorting the ideas of spirituality and emotions? [19:30] What can men do to grow spiritually? [24:00] The lesson Jeff learned from selling windows door-to-door. [27:00] How can women help men awaken? [29:30] How do Jeff and partner navigate conflict in their relationship? [32:45] Jeff gives his opinion on polyamory. [38:00] What are Jeff’s preferred practices for personal growth? [39:45] Jeff’s twist on the New Age movement. [43:00] Why are relationships so hard? [46:00]  

You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way. SHOWNOTES What is “captive audience”? [7:30] Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an interaction? [10:30] What is active listening? [12:15] The gift that you might be giving the “over-talker”. [14:00] Jayson gives some examples on how to interrupt. [15:30] Jayson shares a personal story of a dude that talked WAY too much and what Jayson did about it. [21:30] Jayson’s action steps for the listener [25:00]

Feeling disconnected is a common experience in long-term relationships. The question is how to get reconnected? Well, first you’ll want to start to identify the ways in which you disconnect and locate the source. After some self-inquiry there, you can learn how to reconnect to you, and your partner. Listen to this one to learn how. SHOWNOTES Should you expect that your marriage will last forever? [4:00] Do you need to love yourself first before you get into a relationship? [5:30] The 10 signs that you’re disconnected from yourself. [9:30] The 8 steps to reconnect. [15:00] Jayson’s action step for the listener [24:00]

Do men change? Can they overcome their blocks? Of course. But sometimes, they need a little permission or a nudge from another man. I’m always thrilled to meet men who help other men come out of their conditioning. This week, I interview Connor Beaton, who is doing just that through his ManTalks events. Check it out. SHOWNOTES What is ManTalks? [9:00] The rock bottom that Connor experienced that caused him to shift his life. [10:30] The two options that Connor chose between. [18:00] How traditional masculinity is a pitfall for many men.  [22:00] What does Connor see as the main challenge for men in relationships? [24:30] The unique role of women and personal growth. [26:00] Some the things that make men’s work not as accessible to most men. [28:00] Connor’s biggest lesson in relationships. [33:30] The reality about men and vulnerability. [35:00] Jayson’s action steps for the listener [41:00]

Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner. SHOWNOTES What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00] Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00] The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30] A better way to ask for space. [15:00] Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30] Jayson’s action step for the listener [23:00]  

One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner. SHOWNOTES What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30] What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30] What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30] The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30] How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30] The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30] Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00] How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00] Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]

Running away from relationship pain and problems often just creates more problems. Here I remind you why facing pain is useful. Check it out. Now. SHOWNOTES The simple point of relationship pain. [10:00] The smarter strategy when you’re triggered by your partner. [10:45] How Jayson’s back pain woke him up to something deeper. [13:15] Erectile dysfunction and Viagra as an example of what NOT to do with relationship pain. [16:00] The big signs that you’re hitting the snooze button on your relationship pain. [18:30] Jayson gives your action step. [23:00]

The grass is greener with that other person! I used to think this quietly in my mind all the time, no matter who I was with. In this episode, I share my personal drama with this mentality and what it’s really about. Not only that, I offer something to help you get through it. It might just make you more likely to commit to the one you’re with. SHOWNOTES Jayson shares his personal story about leaving relationships when the going got tough. [8:45] The kinds of partners who will more likely have a “grass is greener” mentality. [11:00] How closeness and space impact ambivalence. [13:00] Will a new partner solve the current problem or bad feelings I’m having? [16:15] Jayson’s recommendation if you’re wanting to jump from relationship to relationship. [18:00] When the grass really is greener over there and it might be time to exit. [21:15] Jayson’s action steps for the listener. [ 24:45]

It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from.   SHOWNOTES What’s really happening when someone says “you make me feel X”. [6:45] Is it a mistake to stay with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic? [9:30] How to deal with premature ejaculation after you’re married? [12:15] One factor that will guarantee your relationship is doomed. [15:30] How to get your boyfriend to talk more when all he wants is occasional texting? [16:30] Can a guy be emotionally mature if he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings five months into a relationship? [18:15] When a partner struggles with depression, how do deal with a big transition when moving to a new country? [21:45] A partner goes MIA after his mother dies, does this mean the relationship over? [25:45] Is there a limit to being too open and honest with your partner? [30:30] Jealousy when your boyfriend has a lot of interaction with other women on Facebook? [34:00] The best way to eliminate anger? [37:00] Best approach for a couple that is going to be long-distance for two years? [40:30] Personality disorders and loving yourself? [42:45] How to regain trust when a partner refuses to open up? [47:15] Jayson’s action step for the listener. [50:00]  

It is possible to rewire your brain in relationships and build inner strength. In fact, if you don’t work toward this, you’ll be in trouble down the road when the allostatic load catches up to you later in life. In this episode I interview Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s a passionate expert on mindfulness, the brain, neuroscience and relationships. We geek out on the intricacies of the brain but he also brings some very practical tools and insights on how we can improve our relationships by using the natural genius of our mind. Lots of notes to take on this one! Hang in there. It can get dense.    SHOWNOTES Why Jayson was anti-marriage until age 34 [2:00] How did Dr. Hanson get so passionate about brain science and relationships? [11:00] A Native American story about love and hate [13:00] Why is so difficult for couples to work their shit out? [17:30] What are two lessons from the wiring of our ancestors’ nervous systems? [19:30] Two practices to rewire your brain to build your inner psychological strength [22:00] How to stop the negativity train of our mind when we’re already triggered [25:00] Tips for developing ourselves before we get into a fight with our partners [32:30] What happens in our brains when we are triggered by our partner? [46:00] How being chronically frustrated, lonely, let down, disconnected impacts the brain and body. [51:30] The ratio between positive interactions and negative interactions [60:00] A 10-day challenge to the listener on how to radically shift the dynamic in your relationship. [65:00]