The Allender Center Podcast

In this engaging discussion, Mary Ellen Owen, a Counselor and Instructor at the Allender Center, shares her heartfelt journey through grief. She emphasizes that grief cannot be planned and highlights the necessity of moving from intellect to emotion in the healing process. Mary Ellen explores the intricate link between love and grief, revealing how loss can deepen our appreciation for life. Listeners will find insights on the power of vulnerability, the significance of community support, and the beauty that can emerge from sorrow.

Note: This episode contains some explicit language; listener discretion is advised. After a relationship has ruptured, can there be repair? Dan and Rachael continue to talk through the cycle of friendship and the difficult process of reconciling a cherished friendship gone awry. Dan asks, "How do you go how you trust someone who's already harmed you to open the door to desire? Because to do that feels like you're now taking on way more than the original wound. You're taking on that shame on you first time for hurting me, shame on me the second time that I actually opened myself to further harm by wishing and opening the door to reconciliation." Rachael shares, "It really does take a radical kind of hope. It takes a radical kind of vulnerability, humility, patience." Listen as they talk through their personal experiences of rupture and repair, and the wisdom we can find in Romans 12 to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer," as we move toward reconciliation and restoration.

Why do friendships end? Perhaps there was a betrayal, the friendship was hard to maintain, or life happens. Whatever the reason, losing a friendship is hard. In this first conversation of a two-part series. Dan and Rachael talk about the very real feelings of loss, grief, anger that can accompany the loss of a friendship. Be sure to come back next week as we continue the conversation by talking through the hope of repentance, reconciliation, and restoration that's possible in the wake of lost friendships.

Our tendency to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn when we feel when we're triggered is often a response to something from our past. The work is not to eliminate all triggers, but to understand why you're feeling triggered, how to defuse them when they come, and when to take a moment to slow down to care for our body, mind, and soul in response to those triggers. Listen to Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen discuss some of their triggers and some of their strategies for defusing those triggers in this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast.

How do you know that someone in your life is setting you up for harm? While we don't want to promote paranoia, it's important to be aware of some of the common strategies of those who perpetrate harm against you, whether that is spiritual, sexual, relational, financial, or emotional harm. Dan begins this episode by saying, "We are meant to expose the schemes of evil, and we can't expose them if we're not aware of them. But to become aware, we're dabbling in some degree of darkness, of the violation of human dignity." So dear listeners, please be aware that this episode covers the sensitive topic of abuse, and we advise you to exercise self-awareness and self-care should you choose to listen. As Rachael says, "Our hope is to help loosen the binds, not create more burdens. We'll try to move tenderly and gently with wisdom, but also boldness."

We are not just a collection of stories - we are a story. So how do we begin to make sense of a collection of seemingly random and unrelated stories to find a theme of who we are and what our purpose is? Dan and Rachael talk about uncovering the lies in our stories, finding the connective threads in the themes of our lives, and discovering the ways in which our stories reveal something unique about the character of God. To learn more about telling your story in a deeper and more transformative way, we invite you to participate in one of our Story Workshops. You can find out more about upcoming workshops at theallendercenter.org/events

If you're familiar with the work of the Allender Center, you've probably heard us say: ""You cannot take anyone further than you have gone." Whether you're in a leadership position at work, at church, or within your family, if you hope to lead and help others along their journey, you have to also embark on your own healing journey. This is not something you can observe from the sidelines and coach someone through without doing the work yourself. So what's involved in that healing process for leaders? What stops us from healing? And are we ever "done" healing? Join Dan Allender, Rachael Clinton Chen, and Linda Royster as they continue their conversation around the need to heal to lead.

"Every person is a leader in some form. Every person is influencing others to some degree - whether you're a pastor or whether you're managing your children's soccer team, you are in the middle of something complex and difficult," says Dr. Dan Allender, as he kicks off the conversation with Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster. In this week's podcast episode, we consider the paradox of leadership that Moses experienced leading the Israelites. Being in a leadership position is an honor and a calling, but it often comes with significant challenges and complexities. How does a reluctant leader grapple with the lament they feel while being compelled by their calling and purpose? "We can't escape the call to lead because… there is hope for more. There's hope for goodness. There is a call and a burden for people to experience freedom. That's in part what makes it bearable for me… You move forward because hope abides and comfort does come," shares Linda. Next week, we'll return to talk about the the importance of leaders first experiencing their own healing in order to engage those they serve with kindness, goodness, and hope.

We are thrilled to welcome back podcast co-host Rachael Clinton Chen, who is returning to us from maternity leave! In this conversation with Dan, Rachael catches us up on life as a new mother, her experiences with labor and the first few months, and her observations on the incredible burdens that women bear. If you are a parent or caregiver, we think this episode will be especially relatable, but we hope that all who listen will walk away with a renewed sense of the awe, terror, and joy of the responsibility of caring for those who are most vulnerable in our lives. Congratulations Rachael, Michael, and family on your precious blessing, and welcome Evelyn Grace!

"Our memories are our stories and there's no story that we tell that isn't from our vantage point," says our guest this week, Cathy Loerzel, MA. As we engage our stories and try to recall past events, some of our memories may feel unclear, incomplete, or even untrustworthy. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel unpack how the brain fragments or scatters painful memories as a trauma response, and how we can work to shed light on those parts of our stories from the past in order to help us live into our present stories with greater freedom.