A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, March 8th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.  Today’s guest is Christine MacDonald, Author of the memoir, Face Value, From Stripper Pole to Baring My Soul.  Lorilee Binstock  00:00:38  Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock and this is A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host glory been stock. Everyone has an opportunity to ask me or our guest questions by requesting to hop on stage or sending a message in the chat box. I will try to get to you, but I do ask that everyone be respectful. Today's guest is Christine Macdonald's author of the book Face Value: From Stripper Pole to Baring my Soul, which actually comes out two today, And you could actually, if you are interested that scrolling fortune cookie right there in the middle of your screen, that will take you to purchase her book. Christine, thank you so much for joining me today. Christine Macdonald  00:01:43  Oh, I'm so happy to be here. Can you hear me? Lorilee Binstock  00:01:45  I can hear you perfectly. Thank you so much. Christine Macdonald  00:01:48  Yeah. Thank you. Lorilee Binstock  00:01:49  So I I wanted to get to to it because I feel like there's so much to cover with your story. You have struggled a lot with trauma as a child, which eventually led you into the adulthood repayment industry. I just wanna to know if you could just share journey a little bit with us. Christine Macdonald  00:02:08  Oh, I'm happy too. And you're right. There's there's a whole bunch of... It's like wheel Fortune named named that trauma. But here's... But here's the thing. Don't we all have something in our lives? And, of course, it's not a contest. Right? So every single one of us, I'm of the belief that we're all in recovery from something. And, of course, more, Lorilee Binstock  00:02:20  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:02:29  you know, there are some people who have a a harder journey, But, yes, I've had some several traumas as a child. It really just compounded my choices that I made as a young adult, so I started out the the trauma really started when I was at age thirteen, and I just just you know, thirteen is such a tender age as it is. Right? I mean, you're a freshman in high school and Lorilee Binstock  00:02:56  Hormones. Christine Macdonald  00:02:58  exact. And so all of a sudden, and I started noticing these big blood filled cysts all over my face, my chest, my back, Lorilee Binstock  00:03:06  Well. Christine Macdonald  00:03:07  And I didn't know what was going on. And I I just kept telling my mom. This is... I don't think this is normal ask me. And, you know, God loved my mom. She just was, like, hoping it would just go away. And it didn't. So we ended up meeting to see a doctor. It turns out my diagnosis was is very, very rare. It's called Acne Michelangelo. And basically, you're it's a very severe severe form of cystic acne where normal topical solutions that this is not part of the remedy for this case. So I started seeing the doctor, and but it was too late at that point. The scars were left, and long stars short, Lorilee Binstock  00:03:47  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:03:49  you know, they called me Freddie Krueger in high school. They were mer, Lorilee Binstock  00:03:51  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:03:52  and it was just one of those things where my value was, you know, as all of ours, I think when they're at at that young and impression age, my value was just really predicated on how people thought of me. And so when people started calling me, you know, moon face, pizza face, Freddie Kruger, my self esteem just plummeted. Lorilee Binstock  00:04:13  Mhmm Christine Macdonald  00:04:13  And so on top of that, I I reached out to any substances like could fine. And it if it was the eighties. So, you know, cocaine was the glamour drug. And so that sort of just compounded the trauma with living with this disease all over my skin and my body. And then I was sexually abused at that same year at thirteen. But I was so warped with my thinking that I I really truly thought it meant I was pretty, Like, somebody Lorilee Binstock  00:04:43  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:04:44  somebody taking my virginity, somebody was giving me attention sexually, even though my face was you know, covered in these blood filled says purple golf ball size that would break open in my sleep. Lorilee Binstock  00:04:57  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:04:58  So it was just a whole little. I mean, it was definitely was definitely a lot, but it... It's interesting. I mean... And I think you can attest to this. When you suffer, it trauma and, you know, you can add to that verbal and physical abuse in the house. Lorilee Binstock  00:05:16  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:05:17  It's just it really it shapes your choices as a young adult, And that's where I fell into the stripping world because, you know, along the heels of being called Freddie Krueger, I was nineteen years old when I was asked to do a wet t contest. So I walked into this world in Waikiki key. Right, which is such a just position because it's like, Lorilee Binstock  00:05:37  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:05:38  supposed to be paradise, and I'm I'm going through all this darkness, but I found my beauty onstage stage because I took somebody giving me a dollar bill is a validation that I was pretty much like this sexual abuse was validation that I was pretty. So that's sort of the journey, and that's what I talk about in the book. And really, it's about how I got out of it. How I pulled myself out of that world after Lorilee Binstock  00:05:52  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:06:02  a near decade of trying to find myself worth. Very long winded did answer sure for the first question? Lorilee Binstock  00:06:07  No. No. It's great. You could keep going on. Christine Macdonald  00:06:10  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:06:10  But I do... You know, it kids are horrible. Teenagers are can be so horrible. I remember as a in middle school. I I had horrible teeth, my teeth actually I had teeth growing behind my teeth because my mouth was so small and so crowded. And I remember the throwing, and I tell the story a lot. I remember throwing, like, an m and m and catching it in my mouth. And I guess my mouth was open and tilted back where everyone could see, like, another like, more teeth behind my regular teeth and they were... They they started calling me sharks teeth for the longest time. Christine Macdonald  00:06:41  Mhmm. Oh, and that's yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:06:45  And that's really it's hard. It's hard because kids can be ruthless when it comes to to, you know, making fun of people because they're insecure too. Teenagers are very insecure people, Christine Macdonald  00:06:58  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:06:59  and they don't understand that, you know, the reason why they're making fun of other people can their own they have their own issues that they they're too scared to deal with. Christine Macdonald  00:07:09  So true. No true. Lorilee Binstock  00:07:09  But I... Yeah. I I find it interesting to but, you know, when you are sexually abused, did you... So you... Your you're thinking was work you mentioned. Christine Macdonald  00:07:20  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:07:20  But when did you realize that that was... That was wrong that that was that that was and that was Rape, I guess. Christine Macdonald  00:07:30  It was right. Yeah. Exactly. It's interesting that you say that because I'm talking years decades. I... First of all, I knew something wasn't right because After the incident, I thought he was my boyfriend. I honestly thought he was my boyfriend, which is very sad, but it's very telling of where my mind was at the time. So I became this little st in high school. And this dude was, you know, he was sixteen years old. I was thirteen, and it was just one of those things where I truly thought that Meant was pretty and that he was my boyfriend. So I got a clue pretty early on when the rumors started swirl. And quite honestly, it took me intensive therapy, and I was in my early forties. So that's a long time. Right? I was in my forties, and I finally was able to number one, forgive myself because I felt like, Lorilee Binstock  00:08:15  Yay. Christine Macdonald  00:08:23  I was very confused. I knew there was something not right about it, but I didn't wanna call it rape. And quite honestly, you know, Amy Schumer says this in her book, she talks about something very similar. She was passed out, she was taken advantage of without her consent. So when I share that with my therapist, I felt like, I wasn't... Like, I didn't qualify if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like, when people when people think rates, they think it's a brutal attack and and all of these things, I I was passed out and I was thirteen, and I woke up, and Lorilee Binstock  00:08:48  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:08:58  I didn't have anything on my bottoms, and it was a it was a beach penny pat camp. I mean, you can't get more hawaiian than that right? So let's could Pat camp. My bathing suit was rolled up in a ball. It had blood on it. So I knew something was up, but it took so long for me to really wrap my head around the fact that, yeah, It was great, and it's okay. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:14  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:09:21  I mean, the rake wasn't okay, but it's okay that it happened. It wasn't my fault. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:23  Right. Christine Macdonald  00:09:27  So a lot of insight with sarah truly understand, and then also forgive myself and then forgive to forgive this person. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:33  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:09:36  You know, it it wasn't a violent attack, but it just definitely was something that changed the course of my life. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:43  So... And then when you went to, you said at nineteen, you're asked to do this. What t shirt contest. Christine Macdonald  00:09:49  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:50  And this was what was that feeling when you were asked? And when you eventually... You you did it. I'm assuming. Christine Macdonald  00:09:57  Yes. I did it. And, you know, it's interesting because I was with one of my girlfriends, and she's in the book prominently, And it's a funny funny way how we met, and I won't spoil it for you, But she she she was the other woman. I found her information and who I thought was my boyfriend, You can see the theme here. Lorilee Binstock  00:10:15  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:10:15  Very toxic partner, he was ten years older than I was. He was a drug dealer. I mean, all sorts of bad news, which, of course, I was completely attracted to. Lorilee Binstock  00:10:25  yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:10:26  But I found this women's information in his things, and so I just picked up the phone and called her and said, look, I don't know if you know this. But I'm with this guy, and then she said, oh, oh my god. I had no idea anyway, Long story short her and I became girlfriends. She is be beautiful. And and, Lorilee Binstock  00:10:41  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:10:44  you know, one of those Barbie doll looking girls that are just so natural, not like fake plaster Barbie, but I'm talking, like, the quintessential Christie brink over time. You know? Lorilee Binstock  00:10:54  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:10:54  And so her and I work together on the beach And, you know, we were young. We had rock and bodies, but she was the... She was the beauty queen. Right? And I did not feel like, I was approached because of me. I was supposed to be... We were both approached because of her. And so she basically told the gentleman who was recruiting women for these what teacher contests. She'll... She says, I'll do it if my girlfriend can do it, and that that was me. She says she's a great answer. Which is true. So so the way that I felt when I was on that stage, and, of course, you know, substances were involved. So that's always something that I... Yeah. Exactly. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:32  Makes it easier. Christine Macdonald  00:11:35  The way I felt onstage stage with my big bond Jo Bush live nineteen eighty seven here in my gold eye shadow Lorilee Binstock  00:11:41  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:11:41  for the fur for the first time ever. I felt beautiful. I felt like I was hiding in plain sight, meaning my face was exposed, but it was it was just covered in in all of this eighties hair. But truly, that dollar that people were giving me on stage was so validating and just a big, like, look at who's Freddie Krueger now? You know what I mean? Like, just three years just three years earlier, Lorilee Binstock  00:12:05  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:12:07  I was cutting school because I was so tormented. So I felt nothing but validation and power and beautiful. Lorilee Binstock  00:12:15  So and this was your par into into the adult entertainment world or how how did how did you start your career in that in adult entertainment. Christine Macdonald  00:12:27  Well, ironically, you know if I won the contest, which was Lorilee Binstock  00:12:31  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:12:31  real, and I was offered a job at this chocolate bar now in Waikiki Key, back then I can't speak to the scene now, but that then the age where you could dis disprove. It was a top of bar was twenty one. So I bikini danced until I was twenty one. And by the time I you know, by the time I had my twenty first they. I was so with it. It was like, no big deal to take my top off. And then the next day, I had some customers say, well, now that you're twenty one, you could make make even more money if you go up the street to the nude bar. And so I was just full Throttle all the way through. You know? And I loved it. I loved every minute of it. Lorilee Binstock  00:13:15  Did you experience any trauma during your career as an an adult entertainer? Christine Macdonald  00:13:21  I did. I did and mostly drug related mostly with men And I would have to say, of course, I don't, you know, I don't subscribe to the the idea that I deserved it. But my choices were definitely a part of that. I chose very toxic partners, the drugs and all of that. So the trauma was sort of a revolving door, hamster wheel of you know, it's interesting the j where you feel so powerful and beautiful. But at the same time, you're you're... And for me personally, I can't speak to other dancers answers, but I felt beautiful and powerful, but it was stripping my beauty away little by little. If that makes sense. Lorilee Binstock  00:13:54  Mhmm. Did you think of that at the time though? Christine Macdonald  00:14:06  No. No. I I didn't. Only when I was writing my story, I was like, oh, man. I wanna give back a little girl hug. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:07  Right. Yeah. Oh, garrett. I mean, trauma really just builds on trauma. You're not healing it. Right? It's you know, it just... Like you said the substances is and Christine Macdonald  00:14:20  Exactly. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:23  the coping that you... And typically, it's mala until you realize it. When did you become aware? What when did you decide to get out of the adult entertainment industry? Christine Macdonald  00:14:36  Great question. I was in my late twenties, and you know, when you're in your you know, when you're facing the barrel of thirty, and you think you're getting so old. You're, like, oh my gosh. I'm gonna be thirty. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:48  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:14:50  So I I I can't you know, I don't understand the lifeline of when people go to college. You know, the norm the people that do it the right way. Right? So here I am and my, my college really was the stripping years, And I recall being sober burnt out, and this is in the book. There's a chapter called voluntary termination that I'm very proud of, and it really goes and explains step by step how I came to the realization, and it was very, very quiet. It was very simple, And I was in the dressing room. I was twenty, I would say late twenties and I And I it was very heavy on my mind thinking. Oh my gosh. I'm am I gonna be a senior citizen on the poll? Because, of course, when you're thirty, you think you're a senior head. So I'm right. It's so I'm looking in mirror, and... And I'm using my foundation and I'm covering my skin and I'm, you know, I've always had this relationship with my skin Lorilee Binstock  00:15:37  No goodness. Christine Macdonald  00:15:48  where I have for decades try to pretend my scars did not exist. But now as I'm older, I embrace my scars because they're part of who I am and I always say your flaws are your flavor. So anything that you feel embarrassed about or that you've been teased about, those things make up who you are, they're part of your flavor. So Lorilee Binstock  00:16:10  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:16:11  embrace them. But back then, I didn't... I wasn't there yet. So here I am in the dressing arm. Time of grows behind me the collected clerk of their heels, and the buzz you know, all the buzz of the girls. I don't know if you've been around a a bunch of high girls, but they're like, birds. A squat. You know, they're coffee. Lorilee Binstock  00:16:29  Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. Christine Macdonald  00:16:32  Yeah. And so they're like. So I'm I'm trying to focus on putting my makeup on. I'm kinda tuning out the girls behind me. I am really hung over as per usual. That was just another day ending and why. Right? So I'm putting my makeup on and something just hit me, and I thought, okay. And I'm looking in my eyes. I see no blue. It's all gray. And I saw myself, like, wow. You're almost thirty. What you gonna do with your life? You don't have a college education. Dropped out because you couldn't handle the hours because I was party girl. Right? And then at that very moment, when I connected with my eyes, I see a brand new girl who I've never seen before, come into the dressing room, and she was probably nineteen. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:19  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:17:19  And I looked at her, and I saw myself in her, and I thought god, I wanna just hug her and tell her save your money. I'm not gonna judge you. I'm not gonna tell you not to do this, but I wanna tell you to save your money, stay off the drugs, have a good head on your shoulders, but I didn't. I stayed in my own lane, but just seeing that girl had me flashback of the near decade career that I had. And so without even realizing it, I started putting my makeup back in my bag and lift it up, sp my bounce over my shoulders, stood up and looked in the mirror and said out loud to myself, I think you're done. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:57  Oh, wow. Christine Macdonald  00:17:58  And that I just walked out and looks for a pay phone. There was no Internet herself the back. What's for a pay phone called my mom, who I was estranged with at the time. And god lover, she... I basically said what are you doing? And I was almost crying because I was so scared, and I did know what my life gonna be... But I, of course, wanted my mommy. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:20  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:18:20  And so I called her up, and I said, what are you doing? And she I'm cooking dinner, Do you wanna come over? And I was so grateful for that because I did. I went over to her house, and my sister had just had a baby so she was holding her newborn. My mom was cooking spaghetti. So soon as a friend are open, I just... I was welcomed by that amazing smell of home. You know? Lorilee Binstock  00:18:42  Mhmm Christine Macdonald  00:18:42  And I remember looking at my sister, and I remember being at my mom's house and thinking, wow, Just an hour earlier, I was around naked. High girls talking. Like, you know what I mean? And I thought this is real life. This is what I want. And at that moment, I just asked my mom I need to move home. I need to save up money because I'm gonna get off this island and find a new life. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:04  Wow. Oh, so, you grew up in Hawaii until your moment not far from where you were were dancing. Christine Macdonald  00:19:07  Yes. Correct. Yeah. And then, unfortunately, she... I was such a nightmare addict that she... I mean, I I'm I'm not a parent. So I can't even imagine. She just... I I don't wanna say gave up, but she was just there was nothing she could do. There was no talking to me. She was just like, she's gonna need to find out on her own, Lorilee Binstock  00:19:27  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:19:31  and she prayed that I would come around and, you know, I did, which is great. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:36  And so you found you decided, okay. I'm... That road is not for me anymore. What did you end up doing? Christine Macdonald  00:19:43  Mhmm. I sold all of my belongings. I made the very naive choice to leave the island, which I don't think is really... It was not a bad decision it's probably the best decision I ever made because I found myself really having to grow up. And and I was in my late twenties. So I always say I lost in a way, a decade of my life because I was using. And so I really left the island in mentally, like, eighteen years old, nineteen years old because I'd lost so much in my life, but I was in my late twenties, and I just knew that leaving was the best decision and finding new friends and just starting over. But then, you know, couple years later, I realized, oh, you can't run away from your addictions. So that was addressed as well, which is also in the book. But the best decision, the thing that really catapult my change was leaving the island and just shake it off those those friends that you thought were friends, but they were just your party friends. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:49  So how did you... How did you work with your addiction? When did you realize? Well, it sounds like you're were like, okay. I can't I can't escape this. How did you heal from it? Or how did you break the addiction or break any of these, you know, behavioral cycles? Or actually even Christine Macdonald  00:21:06  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:08  be beware of the the patterns. Christine Macdonald  00:21:10  Well, interesting question because I thought just leaving the island was enough. And I thought, oh, I'm such a rock. I could walk away from the Coke. I could walk away from the ecstasy and all those other things I was doing, and I was really sn about it to be honest with you I thought and they rehab. I'm good. I honestly did not think I was an addict until in my thirties, I had a relapse with prescription drugs, and that's a whole nother animal because in in an addicts mind, do you think Oh, this is from a doctor. I'm fine. And, of course, that doesn't... That's never the case. But Lorilee Binstock  00:21:44  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:21:49  realizing that I was an attic, took be relaxing and being in a detox word for a week. And and really understanding after going to meetings and things like, oh, yeah. So my party self in my twenties never left. I just changed the scenery. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:05  Yep. Christine Macdonald  00:22:05  So getting real with yourself is not for the faint of heart. Right? You have to take responsibility for your choices, and Yeah. Once I... Once I realized that the two were not so different that my party self just manifested in other ways, and then I was able to do the do the work with therapy. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:28  Well so in that time, when you left this adult entertainment world, and you were finding yourself, what was happening with yourself worth? Did it make? Did it did you want to go back to the stripping? How did you manage dealing with that that feeling of finding yourself worth? And and and Christine Macdonald  00:22:53  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:54  needing longing for that helpful. Christine Macdonald  00:22:57  Realizing that the real world wasn't gonna saves me and that the real world was actually a lot harder than I thought. How did I how did I manage for a long time? I didn't... I I still suffered low self steam and that manifested in every single choice of partner I ever dated, and I had a therapist what tell me? I had a therapist one. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:20  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:23:24  If you cut off all the heads of everyone you've ever dated, and I said, let's take a moment to just visualize that because I gotta I kinda like that. But when when this therapist said that to me, she says, they're interchangeable. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:30  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:23:37  You you pick these stricter or upper and then complain that there's no good people out there today. It's because you don't feel like you're worthy of any one who's good for you. Like, I did not feel Like was worthy of a nice person. And also, when you grow up, and I think you can attest when you grow up with chaos, we subconsciously create chaos because that's home. Lorilee Binstock  00:24:00  Yep. Christine Macdonald  00:24:01  You know, chaos is home. We don't understand when our phone's not blowing up when we don't have any fires to put out when we're not fret Lorilee Binstock  00:24:01  Yep. Christine Macdonald  00:24:08  whether the person we're seeing is cheating on us and getting through their phone for answers, all of those things are based on low self esteem. Lorilee Binstock  00:24:16  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:24:16  And I did not realize that at the time. And so I spent the better part of my thirties and forties after I left the stage. Really having to work on myself esteem. And then I finally got a clue when I was just exhausted from being heartbroken and realizing through therapy that I had more control than I thought. Like, there... It's not that there are no good people there it's just that I'm choosing the ones that are bad for me because I just didn't feel like I was worse. Anyone better. So that's Lorilee Binstock  00:24:50  Yeah. There's like there's like comfort in the same people that you you date in a way. Christine Macdonald  00:24:54  Exactly. It's a familiarity that it's it's hard to shake. It's like a trauma bond. Right? Lorilee Binstock  00:25:01  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:25:02  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:25:04  Did you... So what was it? Was there something that happened because I feel I I'm dealing with this. Constantly now I'm continuously working on feeling like I'm enough. What was it? That did it for you. Was there something that made it click besides her saying you have more control? And I feel like I... I do have control, but I mean, there are days where I'm just like, am I enough, and then I question it. Christine Macdonald  00:25:33  Oh, totally. Hold, totally. It's really a hard net to crack, and it's so embedded into our our psyche because, you know, rewire those parts of our brain, I think, is a lifelong journey, I mean it's truly... It's not easy to do, but the fact that we're aware of it is a huge plus. Right? Like, we know our intellect I always say that my... You know, our brains have the intellect side and then the emotional side. So when my emotional side starts to kick in and say, oh, who's gonna read your book? You're not you're nobody. You're not famous, blah blah blah blah, and then I have the other side, the intellect that says, damn straight. Everyone's gonna read my book. This is a really great story, and it's gonna inspire people. So it's just balancing those two positive and negatives, Lorilee Binstock  00:26:15  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:26:21  but surrounding yourself with people who list you up and only wanna us to you succeed that unconditional love, your sister, your brotherhood, people that are in your corner. That's what helps lift me and realize that I'm worth it. In fact, my best best girlfriend I was... I received converter flowers from someone because of my book release, and I was falling Lorilee Binstock  00:26:48  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:26:49  because I'm not used in receiving love where there's no catch. Like, I used to always think if I get love, then what's it gonna cost me, like, it was a transactional Lorilee Binstock  00:26:54  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:26:59  thing when people truly love you, they don't want anything from you. They just love you who you are. And I text my best girlfriend, and I said, I'm really having a hard time believing I'm worth this. And she said, you remember that movie moons with share? Lorilee Binstock  00:27:13  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:27:16  She's she said, what that out of it. She goes you are worth it step out of it. So surrounding yourself with people that truly truly only want the best for you. They don't have any motives. There's nothing in it for them. I think that's huge. I think that really helps with your self esteem. Lorilee Binstock  00:27:37  It really sounds like your mom was kind of that person. Christine Macdonald  00:27:43  She was great. She had her own missteps, and I... And I do explain that in the book there are many things that, you know, she wishes she and, of course, I do too. She didn't do or could have done better but she's been my support system through this book. Even though there's a part of her, of course, she's a mom. She doesn't want the world to know that her baby made all these missteps and choices. But in the end, she's... She's been great. Yeah. She's very worried about this book, but I told her I said, look, anyone who reads the book is gonna know Lorilee Binstock  00:28:17  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:28:18  that you have your home messed missteps because you were raised by someone who was not healthy. So you know, the cycle. It's a cycle. Right? Lorilee Binstock  00:28:25  Right. It's the cycle. Exactly. Christine Macdonald  00:28:27  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:28:29  Well, looking back at the entertainment industry now, what are your... What are your personal thoughts? And it sounds like when... When that nineteen year old girl walked through, you're... You you had a lot that you wanted to say to this person. Christine Macdonald  00:28:45  Yeah. Yeah. For sure. It's interesting because I... Since I... Been promoting self promoting this book. I got on Tick talk, and I had no idea what to expect. You know, I'm a Gen x or I'm just like, I didn't even know how to do this whole business, but I'm gonna try Lorilee Binstock  00:29:01  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:29:02  because, you know, social media is basically the best advertised you can do. And if you can gain a healthy following, it's a great way to get your message out. Right? So I am on talk, and most of my followers Lorilee Binstock  00:29:11  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:29:15  are current spicy dancers, And they are Absolutely amazing. Each and every one of them has a story, and I don't know if you've ever seen Orange just black. Lorilee Binstock  00:29:26  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:29:27  But you know how the template of that story is, you really get to know the backstory of every inmates. And then you form an empathy that you didn't realize you could have for someone who is in prison Lorilee Binstock  00:29:41  Right. Christine Macdonald  00:29:42  because were against them and whatever whatever resources they had to do, which, of course, isn't to say they shouldn't be imprisoned, but you wanna have an idea of their why and every single girl onstage stage, whether you're on stage or in a pen country, there's a reason Lorilee Binstock  00:29:55  Right. Christine Macdonald  00:30:01  and they're not necessarily bad people. So I am finding myself I feel like they're aunts or their house mom. Lorilee Binstock  00:30:09  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:30:09  And a lot of them come to me and say you give me inspiration that there is life after the pull. Because it's a young woman's game. And like I said, I was almost thirty, and I was freaking out that I was gonna be a senior citizen on the pool. So I never judge them. I support them. And I just... If they asked my advice because I never wanna give it unsolicited. I just say try and save some of your money and hold on to your yourself love and your power because it is a very seductive part in the pun industry, or you can get really wrapped up in the drugs so you can get wrapped up in the money, and then, of course, the next thing, you know, you're thirty. Lorilee Binstock  00:30:43  Mhmm. And there you are. Christine Macdonald  00:30:53  And there you are. Lorilee Binstock  00:30:56  Is there would you say because I think a lot of that has to do with self love and self worth. And do you think people who go into... Do you think there are people who go into the adult entertainment world who are already strong, and their self love and their self worth. Christine Macdonald  00:31:15  I do. I do. And I've worked with women that had their... Can I swear? Lorilee Binstock  00:31:20  Of course, Go for it. Christine Macdonald  00:31:21  Okay. I've work... I've worked with women who had their shit together. Like, they were college students. They were moms during the day, and they were trying to supplement. You know, that trying to feed their child, not all of the women that are, you know, choose the sex industry the sex work industry, whether it's, spicy dancing or now is all virtual. Right? They have there's only fans. There's Lorilee Binstock  00:31:47  Oh, yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:31:48  there's sex work in the in the literal sense, which I I never crossed over to do, but I have many friends that did. All of those things you're not necessarily broken. Everybody has their own reason, Lorilee Binstock  00:32:02  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:32:02  but I do find in my experience that I have come across women that did not think highly of themselves. But it's death it's very important to me that I I want people to know that I do not put a blanket statement on anyone who chooses that industry that they're all broken. You know? But, yeah, it's it it it is a theme Lorilee Binstock  00:32:21  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:32:25  it is a theme as with maybe other. You know, if you're in the modeling industry or anything like that, I can only imagine how toxic that would be as well. Lorilee Binstock  00:32:33  Right. Christine Macdonald  00:32:33  Especially in the in the day of filters. Right? And all of these... You don't know what's real. And then these these young women go on to or or whatever. And they think, oh, my life, they they compare themselves to these unrealistic expectations. Right. Lorilee Binstock  00:32:51  Mhmm. Yeah. You know what I think about, you know, I was a young journalist at a young talent, really, you know, a television station with a bunch of young young people. And, you know, to want to be on Tv. I mean, I feel like it's it's definitely not a glamorous job may seem like it, but definitely is not. But you know, when I looked all around me, there... You know, there are people who are broken. I feel like... I mean, I'm that's like you said, I'm not saying everyone in. But they're they're they're trying to find their voice. And then I feel like that was kind of me. Like, people who had... Were we're not listened to. They'd got a job, so that people will listen to them Right? And I feel like I was... I was also that person as well. So I go, I tried to find my voice working in this business, but you know, obviously, that's that's not what's going to fix it. Right? You have to look within yourself Christine Macdonald  00:33:22  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:33:46  to be able to figure out why do I need this? What was I mis sing as a child Christine Macdonald  00:33:49  Yeah. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:33:52  in order for me to pursue this this career, this lifestyle, I think figuring out everyone's why, I think it's is important. You know, I feel like if we understood everyone's why there wouldn't be so much judgment. Christine Macdonald  00:34:04  You know, Hundred percent. Hundred percent. Wouldn't it be great if everyone was, like, you have mandatory therapy from age twenty. Lorilee Binstock  00:34:16  Maybe younger. Christine Macdonald  00:34:17  Right. Lorilee Binstock  00:34:18  Maybe it's thirteen Christine Macdonald  00:34:19  Right. Lorilee Binstock  00:34:19  when you're teenager and there's hormones going and, yes. Christine Macdonald  00:34:21  Yeah. Yeah. I know. And then and, unfortunately, there's a lot of therapists out there that they're not that great. So by finding a therapist Lorilee Binstock  00:34:29  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:34:31  that you can connect with that you have that magical chemist with is not easy. But once you find the right therapist, it really does help with that insight and Yeah. It's it's definitely an eye opener when you find out that everything's connected, Like, everything's connected. That's why I talk about in the book. I have I've had the race when I was thirteen, I had the skin disease. There's father abandonment. They're drinking in the house and all of these things the bullying, the stripping everything's linked, you know? Lorilee Binstock  00:35:03  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:35:04  And so now that I'm in my fifties, I look through, especially the process of writing the book. I look through a different lens when I'm looking at that little girl, and I think, oh, of course, you ended up a stripper. And I'm not saying that to be... Do you know, I'm saying it to be self def. Like, what chance did I have? Like, of course, I'm gonna end up a distributor. But the the thing that I want people to focus on is not the fact that I was a cliche because I'm the first to say I'm a walking cliche. You know? But it's how I got out of it Lorilee Binstock  00:35:19  Yeah Okay. Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:35:37  because I have to say the women that I have reconnected with because it's very difficult to try and find the girls that I used to work with because you can't do a Google search on candy. Right? You don't know their legal name. Show the women that I have reconnected with the the marvel of the Internet, which wasn't around back in our day, God I'm old. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:59  Yeah Christine Macdonald  00:36:00  They're... That they're lawyers. Attorneys, There there are doctors, and and this is just, you know, they own their own businesses. I have a friend that's a makeup artist in Hollywood, all of these wonderful women that have excel are it's just so nice to know that people have come out the other side and then, you know, there's other other people that are no longer with us and and all of those tragedies. But, yeah it it can be an uplifting story. It doesn't have to be a dark cloud. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:29  Right. And, yours is a very very inspiring story. Christine Macdonald  00:36:34  Thank you. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:36  Is there anything else that you would like to add? Christine Macdonald  00:36:41  Don't compare yourself. If there's any it... And if there's any advice that I would give. Now this goes for men too. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:42  Mhmm. Christine Macdonald  00:36:47  I will say, especially when you're young and impression passionately in this age of social media where the attention span of people is probably, like, two seconds. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:01  It's tech. Christine Macdonald  00:37:01  Right. Everybody's right, everybody, and I'm guilty of it as well all a sudden it's seven o'clock. And and it's midnight, I'm like, why have I been scrolling the whole time? But but the thing is it's... It's... We find ourselves Lorilee Binstock  00:37:06  Me too. Christine Macdonald  00:37:14  subconsciously comparing and I do this all the time, and I have to kinda check myself and say, no no no. Stay in your lane. And I don't remember who said this, but I'm gonna be boo and say, a quote, comparison is that beef of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy. So if you really stop Lorilee Binstock  00:37:30  Yes. Christine Macdonald  00:37:35  comparing yourself with others, focus on... On who you are, what you wanna accomplice, what your dreams are, who you are is person, and just let your dreams guide you, and you'll end up okay. I think you'll be alright. And no you're worth is not predicated on what anybody else thinks of you. That took a long time for me. To understand. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:59  Yeah. I think I think finding self worth without, you know, with it's it's a it's a difficult Christine Macdonald  00:37:59  You know? Lorilee Binstock  00:38:04  thing to do. It's... I mean, it's taken me years and I'm still... I I I struggle, but I'm light years away from who I was, you know, Christine Macdonald  00:38:13  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:38:14  up four years ago. Christine Macdonald  00:38:16  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:38:18  But, yeah, It's just finding it within yourself. And in that and Christine Macdonald  00:38:20  Yeah. And that's... Yeah. Yeah. It's all about the rewire. Right? You gotta rewire that brain because we were... We were taught as children that we, you know, we didn't matter. We were invincible Lorilee Binstock  00:38:26  yep. Christine Macdonald  00:38:33  I was called work. Lorilee Binstock  00:38:33  You're just a kid. Christine Macdonald  00:38:35  Exactly. Go in the other room, watch Tv. I was told I was worthless. Almost every day. And so it's very difficult to rewire those voices, but once you can get control of that, you know, you're you're good. You're golden. Just say sit in your kid truth, stand in your power, and don't compare yourself. Lorilee Binstock  00:38:54  Don't compare yourself that I think that that's key. That's key right there. Christine Macdonald  00:38:58  Mhmm. And being a good human being. Be a good person. You know? Lorilee Binstock  00:39:02  Yeah. Christine Macdonald  00:39:03  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:03  Yes. A hundred percent. Thank you so much. Christine, I really appreciate you joining me today. Christine Macdonald  00:39:10  Oh, thank you. This is fun. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:12  I'm glad. I'm glad. Well, that one's Christine Mcdonald's author of the Memoir face value from Stripper Pull to bearing my soul. For more information on Christine, click on that for scrolling fortune cookie right there in the middle of your screen, that will actually take you to her book. Also, Mark issue of authentic insider now Christine has contributed to that issue, and check out authentic take thrive dot com. That's trauma survivor thrive dot com. You can find authentic insider there and past issues as well as episodes of this podcast. If you haven't already, please subscribe to my email list to get authentic insider magazine in your inbox monthly. Thank you so much for joining me live today. Show like next week, March fifteenth, when I speak with founder of the psychedelic Medicine coalition, Melissa, we will be discussing how psychedelics helped her heel from postpartum part depression and how that led her to create the Psychedelic menacing coalition. You've been listening to a trauma survivor driver's podcast on Fireside, I'm Lorilee Binstock thanks again for being a part of the conversation. Take care.

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, March 1st, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.  Today’s guest is Laura Lynn Logan, Hypnotherapist, Energy Healer and Medical Intuitive. Transcript: Lorilee Binstock  00:00:37  Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock, and This is A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host, Loyalty been. Everyone has an opportunity to ask me or our guest questions by requesting to hop on stage or sending a message in the chat I will try to get to you, but I do ask everybody be respectful. Today's guest is Laura Lynn. She is a therapist, energy healer and medical intuitive Laura. Thank you so much for joining me. Are you joining me from Hawaii? Laura Lynn  00:01:33  Oh, hi, Lily. Thank you so much for having me. Yes. I am. Lorilee Binstock  00:01:37  Oh, aloha. Laura Lynn  00:01:39  I don't do you too. Lorilee Binstock  00:01:41  Thank you. Well, you know, there some like so many modalities to healing trauma. And most of them are holistic and effective. But him Therapy is one of those that I feel like it's gone under the radar, something that's also effective. Can you kind of explain why you think that is? Laura Lynn  00:02:00  You know, ever since I got into therapy, it had been under the radar, like, even when it's portrayed in movies, like, I don't know if you seen get out or hypnotic on get I think it's called black box of Amazon prime. Lorilee Binstock  00:02:20  Oh, and betty, have you have you seen betty? Laura Lynn  00:02:22  No. I haven't seen there. I not Have to go watch it. Lorilee Binstock  00:02:25  No. We'll we'll talk about that in a little bit. Laura Lynn  00:02:28  Okay. But, yeah, you know, all of these movies betrayed there hypnosis to be very bad, and it's because of how powerful it is. That you can heal yourself in this way that, you know, it's it's even stronger than regular therapy and Lorilee Binstock  00:02:46  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:02:46  it just allows you to get to that root cause of why you feel the way you feel. Get to them cause of the trauma that you've been carrying or your life. And if I just wish a lot of people would know more about how powerful therapy is. Lorilee Binstock  00:03:04  You know, I I have a a podcast friend. She has a podcast healing with Karen and, you know, it's a great podcast everyone should check it out. She talks about her own experience with Therapy. It is extremely powerful. And I think with the a a lot of modalities, to heal trauma because you really have to, like, kind of dive into the trauma. Laura Lynn  00:03:27  Thank you. Lorilee Binstock  00:03:28  And and I think that's a lot really scary. There is actually a a mean that I saw the other day. It was a person standing at the edge of a cliff. And it was someone flicking them off and it was like, Laura Lynn  00:03:36  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:03:40  and then at the bottom was someone catching them, and it was like, also I. So I feel like I could go the same way with him no therapy. Like, you... It it will really knock you into oblivion until but it will also heal you you're you're willing and I think, that can be the scary part of it. I wanted to ask how did you get to hit because you had you have your own experience with it as well. Laura Lynn  00:04:06  Yeah. It was quite a journey. So what really ignited all of this was a divorce. I was had my second son. He was six weeks old when my husband at the time, wanted of the divorce, actually had to go to my post part of appointment that morning. And oh, gosh. It was just... It was... I just felt help with hopeless with. Lorilee Binstock  00:04:25  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:04:30  Anxiety came up and like, oh my gosh. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, this is all I know. And I kinda gave it up to God, and I decided to, you know, give them what he wanted and do it in the most grateful way possible. And slowly, but surely, like, little little things started coming in front of me, and that's when I became with my spiritual journey in my human journey and it came across this woman who did a human on me, and I read her bio, and she's like, oh, I'm a hit therapist. And she went to the specific school. And so I looked it up, and they did like a free free course just see if you liked it and they did. And so that's how I actually started doing hit therapy and then like, six months in, I went to another school in Britain. So I I got to learn two different styles, and I graduated within a month apart from east school, and it's been such an amazing amazing journey of Because in learning him a therapy, you also have to practice with other students, And that's when a lot being started to unfold for me, and it was very, you know, this is amazing. Lorilee Binstock  00:05:46  What did the hit therapy show you? Laura Lynn  00:05:50  Okay. Well, like, the first the first time I ever spoke about my childhood sexual of abuse, I was about thirty four years old. This was was kind of like, Lorilee Binstock  00:06:01  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:06:02  of course, everything happened after, you know, the the divorce. And I don't know if you ever heard of jean keys. It's sort of like, you like, how people do astrology and they look at needle charts. Lorilee Binstock  00:06:16  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:06:17  Well, it's just another way for you to learn more about yourself on deeper levels? Like that with human design. So Jean Key is just another aspect of it, and this guy did my reading, and he looked at my childhood he was like, suddenly happen to you. And I just started ball because the first time like, someone brought it up, and I was like, yes. I was... I sexually abuse. And and Lorilee Binstock  00:06:41  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:06:42  from then, it was just such relief you because having hold in under I'd had never told us soul until that moment. And now I went when I went to School, it's funny because at first, you look at something things like confident. And when you kind of, like, go down the rabbit of why you're not confident, you don't you don't know what's gonna end up of what is connected to the root cause. Lorilee Binstock  00:07:08  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:07:09  And a lot of the... The service other things I was trying to shift or you root cause was my, you know, experience of sexual abuse and childhood. And so, you know, I also had to be vulnerable with these other students that I had I didn't know, like like... And they're were from all over the world, and and I kinda just surrendered because I was just tired of holding on to all this pain. And so that's what of voted for me in majority of the hit Therapy sessions that I did with other students to get to you know, wearing that today of being hit therapist myself. Lorilee Binstock  00:07:47  Wow. Wow. Yeah. I you know, it does take a lot to be vulnerable. And I think that is kind of the key when doing doing any trauma healing because if you're so reluctant to to kind of let yourself just be or or or be in the experience. It can... It can, you know, it it can be just hard and and you know... Laura Lynn  00:08:12  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:08:16  I I do want... So I I... I mentioned earlier betty. Like, you're saying that there's was a lot where have no therapy is kind of portrayed in a very negative way or negative light. Laura Lynn  00:08:28  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:08:30  And, Anybody, it's like it's actually a show about it's a doc. It's like a... I don't wanna say documentary. It's it's like a telling of the Texas acts murderer, Laura Lynn  00:08:44  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:08:44  the woman who killed her best friend and she actually goes into she she goes to a hint therapist. Where she kind of discovered, like, there was a trigger that happened with her friend, where it wasn't that she wanted to murder her friend, but there was a trigger it was, like, something a similar thing that are wondered that her mom did that was very triggering for her from her trial to trauma. Where she kind of blacked out and just Laura Lynn  00:09:11  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:17  she had max and, you know, what so and so happened. So they knew that she she actually was a murderer, but they didn't know they they... Their... The whole thing was, you know, was it prem or whatever. So they actually brought the hit no therapist and Laura Lynn  00:09:29  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:32  And, obviously, a lot of people are like, oh, this no therapist. It's... You know, it's woo stuff. Laura Lynn  00:09:36  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:09:39  But to me, I feel like it that legitimately is real. And actually, I think she's living somewhere, and she's actually, I I don't know practicing and therapist but she is some sort of therapist. I was looking her up. I like, this is very interesting. How therapy can, like, really do that to you. Could you actually talk about how does hit no therapy actually were? Laura Lynn  00:10:01  Yeah. So it's... So we have our conscious mind and you know, our subconscious is mine, people don't really know too much about it, but it's like the most powerful of that you have, like, as your mind Lorilee Binstock  00:10:12  Mm-mm. Laura Lynn  00:10:15  everything that you've ever experienced since you're born. And, you know, if you if you wanna get a little bit more deeper than this, but when hit the service you know, you can also do past life work in chemotherapy. Lorilee Binstock  00:10:27  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:10:30  So because the conscious my... There's your self subconscious line. This is where we do work. But you can also access your super subconscious line for the past life stuff. But any who everything you ever experienced lifetime even when you're in your your mother's moon, Lorilee Binstock  00:10:48  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:10:48  like, the feeling she felt things that you could hear as a baby, like that affected you coming into this world. The experiences you've had affected you Lorilee Binstock  00:10:58  The energy I right, the energy that your mom may have Laura Lynn  00:10:59  to Yeah. The energy Exactly. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:03  passed on Laura Lynn  00:11:04  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:05  Yeah. Go ahead. I I just... I... That was something that I had discovered as well. Laura Lynn  00:11:06  Oh yeah. Okay. Awesome. Right. Because when I started discovery all these things is like, my kind of being blown. I was like, Oh, my god. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:18  Right. Laura Lynn  00:11:18  But then but then, again, not everybody's ready for this information. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:22  Exactly. Laura Lynn  00:11:23  So all we can do is is just, you know, honor people have their journey and hopefully, one day that they'll start resonating with this and, you know, get on their human training well. But back to what I was saying, it's like, especially when we go through things that are very traumatic, there's parts within us that hold onto that for us so that we can somewhat live normal lives and society. Right? Like, a lot of my experiences is kinda of like skeletons in the closet in the sense that's similar to hiding things in our subconscious mind. But, you know like, how you said about Betty, like, she was triggered. And now when we get triggered by certain things that we've already experienced, Lorilee Binstock  00:12:06  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:12:10  if these parts with dinners that are trying to protect us, so she got triggered. This part came through was like, no. I don't wanna experience this again. So she protected her, even though it was very... Bad had act that she did, but Lorilee Binstock  00:12:23  Right. Laura Lynn  00:12:24  you know, a lot of these times, it's just these parts that are trying to protect this from, you know, experiencing that painful you know, emotion experience again. So the some subconscious might it's powerful and a lot of the times, our behaviors our living beliefs are in there. So if you're able to get into so subconscious as my reprogram, you know, the whatever beliefs you have then and there's a lot of the times, from each zero, the seven is where we're just engaging all this information. Lorilee Binstock  00:12:58  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:12:58  It's like, where our subconscious might really open to season because we we come to this world, we'll let know what's happening so we're just in taking everything. So some of your family, your... You know, your friends going to school just watch you and use those become your beliefs on how your... You how you think you're supposed to live. And As reason why, sometimes people like, what this is just the way I am, Lorilee Binstock  00:13:26  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:13:27  but that's not the case can always change. You are, if you wanna better yourself, if you wanna hear that pain, if you wanna shift your behaviors, Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:13:38  Yeah. I... It's it's it's when you... When you talk about you know, like you were saying about, you know, even in the womb, you will you can you feel like the energy you feel like, for me, it was very much... You know, I'm was kind of an accident accident. Laura Lynn  00:13:58  Mhmm Lorilee Binstock  00:13:58  I wasn't that. You know? And like my parents actually talk about they did when I was younger about being an accident constantly. Laura Lynn  00:14:00  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:07  And so I felt that energy as a bit as they infant, obviously, I can't take in that the language of what they're saying, but I can feel. You know, I was able to feel that energy and felt unwanted and felt unworthy. Laura Lynn  00:14:18  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:23  And, you know, that kind of how I grew up You know, it's it's literally taken me, you know, in thirty nine now, Laura Lynn  00:14:29  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:31  I didn't find healing until several years ago, Laura Lynn  00:14:35  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:35  and I didn't... And I so I've been feeling unworthy for just the majority of my life. Right? And so I'm, you know, it's just taking that that that healing. Laura Lynn  00:14:40  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:44  But it's there isn't very true that if, you know, the when during hit therapy, it can access. Like, you said your subconscious mind, things that you don't even realize what was there, Laura Lynn  00:14:59  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:14:59  like, like, I guess, things that you could've have blacked out because it was too traumatic at the time. Laura Lynn  00:15:05  Yes. That is so true. So what am I experiences? One of these guys he he offered... Is he's a coach. She offered me a free session because he was living on another island in Hawaii, so was kinda of like, oh, you're from way to. Oh, let's get it together and I give you a free sense. I'm like oh, thank you. And Lorilee Binstock  00:15:25  It's amazing. Laura Lynn  00:15:26  Yeah. He was leaving a service, but because I've been doing this for a while, like, I'm able to like, drop into my self subconscious mind and access things. Lorilee Binstock  00:15:36  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:15:37  And so as he was taking me through this exercise, we went to a place where where it was like, this skeleton closet it, like I ended up in front of a door, and I had a key and I was the only person that was able to open the store, and it was my choice open the door. And behind that was like, all the parts of me that had experienced being sexually abused. It's like, every time that happened, like a part, Lorilee Binstock  00:16:05  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:16:07  like, fractured off Lorilee Binstock  00:16:09  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:16:09  and, like, was put in the closet, like, no. I don't wanna see this you don't exist. Lorilee Binstock  00:16:16  Nice. Laura Lynn  00:16:17  And so I was like, you know what? We're going in closet because Lorilee Binstock  00:16:20  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:16:22  I'm not gonna, like, like, when I want my healing journey, like, I'm just going like, as fast as I can go, like, I'm healing whatever I can heal. Lorilee Binstock  00:16:30  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:16:31  Bring it on So I went in there and as I opened the door, it's like, I felt all of this like, immense energy of, like, all of the experiences that they were holding on to for me. Right? These are all, like, my inner children Lorilee Binstock  00:16:48  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:16:48  that had fractured off because they experience it and the guys put in the closet. And so with that, because I was also doing energy healing, like, I went to the center of the road. And then I called upon, you know, god my universe creator or whatever you believe? And my angels, and we just, like, like, a light came down, like, through me and through my heart, expanded out to all the hearts of all these little children that were in that room. So I could heal them. And it was sergeant Credit Luke's experience, and and then they went from that room to a playground, like, and just play with each other. So Lorilee Binstock  00:17:26  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:17:29  so that that was that experience. And he was like, wow. You know, I've done this with so many other people and like that happens so fast. Usually, people don't even go in the closet, and it would take them like, many sessions for them to even, like, walk through that door. Like, Yeah. I'm kinda dedicated to to myself right now. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:48  Mhmm Laura Lynn  00:17:49  And like my viewing journey, so if you can bring it up and we can face it and he it, And that's what I'm gonna do. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:56  Well, you know, what you talking about that kind of room... You know, these parts. You know, I I'm in internal family systems therapy. Laura Lynn  00:18:05  Okay. Nice. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:06  And we talk about a lot of parts and the parts that are fractured and the parts that are broken off the fart that I need to that Laura Lynn  00:18:08  Yes. Here Lorilee Binstock  00:18:13  individually need healing. Laura Lynn  00:18:14  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:15  I love that. Because I I feel like that... I I... You know, I feel like all trauma healing really. It it's really focused on different parts and accessing your your subconscious whether be through bitmap therapy. I've also, I don't know if if you're aware, but I've done a lot not a lot, but I have done several sessions of psychedelic healing. Laura Lynn  00:18:38  Oh, Lorilee Binstock  00:18:39  And it... And it's it's it's like that. I feel like when you're sick talking about, like, Laura Lynn  00:18:39  nice. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:44  imagining the store, imagining you know, I can open this. And if I open this, with it's gonna be back there, and it's it's all of these things all of the skeletons. Laura Lynn  00:18:50  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:55  That are there that you can just, you know, you're were like, that's what I need to heal. That's what I need to heal. I think I I think for no therapy, you you really have to want to to access that stuff. Laura Lynn  00:19:10  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:10  Like I said, with my friend and Karen, she... It's really interesting listening to her because it did get a little intense. There were times where we're was so attention hat. She was, like, I can't do this right? Now I need to take a break from it Laura Lynn  00:19:21  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:23  because you're really, really accessing to some real real trauma that you've experienced your kind have have to experience it again. And I think that that can be really, really tough. Laura Lynn  00:19:27  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:36  You are also an energy healer. Laura Lynn  00:19:39  Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:41  Can you talk a little bit about that? And how does that work together with hit therapy. Laura Lynn  00:19:47  Yeah. So it was funny because I going through that school and britain. They similarly like, said words that would like, move energy, but they weren't doing, like, to them. It was just we're seeing words to move to this emotions out, but they're actually doing hip... I mean, energy hearing so it was kind funny bet. I was like, these people don't even know they're doing, but because there's they're keeping it more on the practical side. Of chemotherapy. Right? A lot of people can believe that more than energy killing. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:23  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:20:25  But Yes. So I went through another school. Her name was Chris Hughes. And what's what's funny is that she went to the same hip therapy that I went to... Which was the first one that I told you that I came across of. Like, she went to the exact same school. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:40  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:20:42  And she's also energy. So she created this this little dolly called integrated full technology. Which kind of brings the best of both worlds of and energy healing and it's similar to the parts healing like, for for that modality, will, like, connect with the part that needs to be shift. And we'll pull that part out, and then from there, we'll do the the energy shooting part. So it's like part hit therapy, part energy healing, bringing it together visible mess both world, and really just you know, bringing those fracture parts of your soul to back to wholeness. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:29  Do... Is is the energy healing that you do is that similar to, like, Frankie? Laura Lynn  00:21:35  Similar. Yes. It it's in the same room with energy healing. There's so many different modalities out there. It's quite amazing. And yeah. So so, yes, It is similar to to Ricky. Or I know Ricky is really Lorilee Binstock  00:21:49  For you. Laura Lynn  00:21:51  popular with when it comes to energy human mean. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:54  What so what are some of things that you do, like, for example? Laura Lynn  00:22:01  Well, so I've also taken, like, a medical going intuitive, of course. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:06  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:22:06  So I'm able to connect with people higher self and sort of kind of bring my guys in there guides. I work with Raphael. He's, you know, the angel of the the healer, and you know, we kinda look at the body and see, like, okay. What is the most important thing that I needs to be worth on right now? Because there's so things going on with the body you can't you, everything it wander up because that's a lot of... That's a lot for a a person to handle right unless we've been in like, the realm of energy healing, and they've done a lot and just human work. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:42  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:22:44  It's like, kind of baby stepping people through healing processes, whether there's therapy or energy human. But but, you know, that's just one thing that I do. I kinda do a lot of different things so what I tapped into is spiritual realm and energy human, I just like, one everywhere. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:07  I mean, I feel like I did... I did a little rocky work Laura Lynn  00:23:11  Awesome. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:11  someone I would... When I... Typically, before... You know, I started my period around that time of the month, and my hormones, and my energy is just Laura Lynn  00:23:17  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:20  off the charts. Like, I I I I struggle with prem work disorder, which is like, a... It's it's not Pm, but it's like it Pm, and it could be a little bit more serious. You know, to be honest, Like, whenever I was dealing with my trauma, I've had since to a, you know, trigger warning. I had a lot of suicidal, and mean it was typically before my period. Laura Lynn  00:23:47  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:47  And I think there... There's also a connection there with my trauma. I'm also a childhood text abuse survivor. And so there there's trauma there that I'm working with my my internal family system's therapist. Laura Lynn  00:23:58  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:59  But before about the week or two before I would have an energy or a an practitioner come to my house and and work with my energy because I feel like I hold a lot of negative energy. Laura Lynn  00:24:14  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:24:14  Around around that time in the month. And so it it was really, really helpful. I I feel like you can feel immediately like a relief. Laura Lynn  00:24:26  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:24:27  And and so, yeah. And and you... You know, you mentioned medical intuitive. Could you could you elaborate on what is a medical intuitive? Laura Lynn  00:24:36  Yeah. It's really just happening into your tuition and helping people to energetically move the densities in their body. Wherever it is, what it could be you know, the mind, the heart, you know, the womb, and but it's more of like just being a conduit for, you know, a spirit who works through you as as you're doing this work. Like, like, I just move my hands like I can do this remotely. With, you know, so in across the world, and then, like, they just leave me to to do what needs to be done in, like, removing those energies, bringing you high vibration energy in to help you whatever you needs to be here at that moment in time. Lorilee Binstock  00:25:23  Well, So you can actually work with even though they're not with you, and you like, you can you feel their energy from across the world. Laura Lynn  00:25:33  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:25:33  Wow. Laura Lynn  00:25:35  Yeah. And it's it's really, like, connecting in with with their higher self for what and my higher self are like, okay. Tell me what this person means right now. You know, we all have... It's like, when we're feeling there's layers of healing, even when we do therapy, there's deeper layers to go through. But as you go through each layer, it just helps that much more like for me. I had. And so, like... And and I can distinctly remember when this came to my life and why Lorilee Binstock  00:26:10  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:26:11  because my husband that that I divorced them with my two kids. Before we had our kids, he cheated on me, I attracted a lot of teachers in my life. Lorilee Binstock  00:26:21  Mhmm Laura Lynn  00:26:22  My dad was a shooters. So if you kinda look at your childhood, you'll will see you the patterns of the partners that you attract. Lorilee Binstock  00:26:28  Right. Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:26:29  And a lot of it also was tutors and abandonment. So any who he cheated on me and I have this I had this habit because I also felt unworthy of taking them back. Know what I mean, instead of making those boundaries, and loving myself. Like, I deserved me treated like this. I would take them back. Lorilee Binstock  00:26:50  Right. Laura Lynn  00:26:52  And then my bible was like, you know what Laura? You're not learning your message. So we're gonna, like, the body of the warning system. So we're going to you know, manifest this element for you to help you to recognize, like, what's happening. And, of course, if you're not aware that, then you're not able to get to the Root con why that's happening? So I wasn't dealing with that for four years. Every time I have my period, it was as your painful experience, I would have blood and mucus come out of my school during my period. So the only times Lorilee Binstock  00:27:27  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:27:29  that that was done was when I was pregnant because I will have my period. But as soon as the bank came out right back to the same pattern, Lorilee Binstock  00:27:36  Join. Laura Lynn  00:27:37  once I got into this energy healing and this chemotherapy because on top of my childhood trauma, I had to heal all of the pain that I went through on my relationships. And slowly, but surely, like, it got better, and I'm pregnant know. Lorilee Binstock  00:27:54  Oh, wow. Congratulations. Laura Lynn  00:27:55  Thank you. Thank you. But before I... Like, before I, you know, was pregnant like, like, I stopped having those issues like, it stops being painful. And and and that's what it happens, like, when they're in deep trauma, like, there's gonna be so many ways to kind of like, remove. But as you're going through it, and you're removing it, you're getting better as time moves for it. I mean, it's not gonna happen overnight, especially if it's something deep like that. But just know it it is gaining better over time. You gotta just keep on moving forward and kinda choosing you choosing to heal these parts of you that been holding on others this pain for you. Lorilee Binstock  00:28:37  You know, that's really interesting. I've had... I've had other energy here he on the show, and they talk a lot about and for them too, you know, they have autoimmune diseases. Laura Lynn  00:28:50  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:28:51  That, you know, modern day medicine was just not working, and then they were able to heal this energy. Laura Lynn  00:28:56  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:28:59  And I don't know if necessarily what what they would they were dealing with, whenever autoimmune disease went away. Laura Lynn  00:29:08  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:29:09  But it was either manageable without medication, but it's it's it's just this this energy, I guess, they... That that they are trying to to heal. It's like you said the body that's telling you Okay. Something's things wrong with what's going on. And so we'll just... And we'll just tell you what to... Well we're just gonna have to give you a warning sign. Laura Lynn  00:29:28  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:29:33  Can hit no therapy actually break into that. Like, Laura Lynn  00:29:38  Yes. Definitely. You can, you know, get into subconscious mind and kinda talk to that part of your body. That's holding onto to that element, and kinda be like, okay. Why? Like, why is it here? And kinda really digging deep into the root cause of that. And then, you know, a lot of the times, it's just the acknowledgement me. Right? It's it's like, okay. Laura has taking the time to figure out why isn't happening, and and then, of course, helping those parts to release that pain to release why they're holding on to and also receiving the messages and the lessons and the blessings of why that's happening right? Because Lorilee Binstock  00:30:15  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:30:18  Again, all these parts are trying to protect us, and they you know, they wanna they want us to lead better lives and they're you know? So they're really there to to help you because, you know, for me with my having those painful periods every month like, it was just excruciating. Like, I felt like all was being and stabbed, Lorilee Binstock  00:30:43  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:30:43  very sharp pain. And it was, you know, me to me needing to honor my own self and to stop allowing men to you know, treat me that way. Like, I was nothing. And when I kinda took my power back, that's when you're started healing. Lorilee Binstock  00:31:01  Yeah. I'm I'm... I'm just wondering like if. You know, if someone who's dealing with, like, stress induced, you know, ailments, which I feel like a first, like, many autoimmune diseases. It's it it's they're really spurred on by stress, and being able the awareness of the stress, which I think is amazing that have no therapy can actually kind of crack that open. Laura Lynn  00:31:26  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:31:28  That you can actually really start healing not not just mentally, but physically, and I and I think there's there's this huge importance of this connection to your mental and physical state. Like, it's... Like, I feel like maybe now, I don't even know how maybe it's just in my circle because I, you know, my circle of people who I know and I hear you know, it's it's all about healing mentally, but it's like there's this... There's a absolutely... There's this connection and I think we need to learn how to be it to integrate it all in our healing and in in the medical world than the medical field. I feel like it's it's... There's very a lot of focus on physical, and we we're not getting to the root of it all. Laura Lynn  00:32:15  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:32:16  And and it's really a pain because it's like, oh, insurance will take take care of, you know, cynical ailments much more easily, than it would take care of any mental ailments when when they really really go together. Laura Lynn  00:32:31  Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I mean, there's definitely a connection you know with your mind physical body, and it's kind of like, for example, when I have my So both my children were c sessions, emergency Cc sections. And with my first one, like, I was walking around the house, like, Lorilee Binstock  00:32:45  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:32:50  homestead over for, like, two weeks just like I was in pain, and and so my second one, I was like, I refused to be like that again, so I kinda told myself I told them I know I was like, I was like, I'm healing. And and this was before, even like, got into therapy energy human, I was just telling myself that this is what it was gonna be. So when I'm in the hospital, Lorilee Binstock  00:33:15  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:33:18  like, After I have my section very next day, I was up and I was walking. So it really is, like, the words that you tell yourself, and that's why we have to also watch like Lorilee Binstock  00:33:23  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:33:29  self talk. Right? Is it more positive or isn't it negative? Lorilee Binstock  00:33:31  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:33:33  And a lot of the time with therapy, I've done so much work that like, my, like, native self talk like is not even there because all these parts I've shifted Lorilee Binstock  00:33:43  Wow. Laura Lynn  00:33:45  And so all these parts are there to support me and, you know, and whatever I I wanna do in life and giving me encouragement instead of kinda being, like who are you and, you know, whatever they yourself taught it, that anyone has, but that's why it's important to to do chemotherapy to learn about the some subconscious mind, the power of my, the part of you choosing to decide that Okay. I don't wanna have this yourself talk. I'm going to like, a native comment comes through or that comes through and you like, know I don't accept that. I'm shifting that. And the more you do that, you know, again, over time because you been programmed this way for so long. Whether it's people projecting of their own worries onto you and you believe in that stuff, And until you just taking control back of your own mind, your own life and really choosing what you wanna do for yourself. Lorilee Binstock  00:34:46  That is really interesting because now that I think about it, I I mean, I I used to be a bit, like big on negative self. Talk. I saw I don't know what why. And I now that I'm thinking about as you are actually saying those words done. I don't really know if I talk to myself that negatively anymore. Like, it was just like, in every single day, like, Laura Lynn  00:35:03  Nice. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:06  this is very self just... Laura Lynn  00:35:11  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:11  Like... And now that I'm thinking about I'm, like, I I don't feel like I talk to myself in a negative way. Anymore. And I wow. You know, I... That was just like a realization. I'm like, oh, ding ding think that actually Laura Lynn  00:35:23  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:24  it it actually works when you shift and Laura Lynn  00:35:27  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:28  because I do feel like my life is so much more different than it was, you know, four or, five years ago because I feel like or maybe four years ago, thirty years ago, It was in twenty twenty when I actually started Laura Lynn  00:35:38  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:41  like, healing. Prior to that, I was... Yeah. And so so recent. Laura Lynn  00:35:42  Oh nice. No. Mine was the same. Like, in twenty nineteen is what I on audience is when I had my son. So in September, he asked the divorce and Since then and I've been on the Hearing journey. So in twenty twenty, he actually divorced. Lorilee Binstock  00:35:55  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:35:59  In June. So that's when that was like, like, full speed ahead. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:03  Then you're like, I all I have... All I have to do is heal. Like, all I wanna do is heal, it's like you've been through the the hard stuff and and healing can be hard. You know? It... You know, it's like I said, like, that that means that I said it was it's like, kicking you off of Laura Lynn  00:36:13  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:19  a cliff, but then also catching you also the same time, but it's that that in between that you have to go through that fear of, like, falling Laura Lynn  00:36:26  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:28  before you get to that that place where you're safe. And so I think... And and, you know, I feel like that's that's... Oh how it it it is and a lot of people really are reluctant to heal Laura Lynn  00:36:43  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:44  because they there the there's the fear that they have to go through that fall, and that there's no one to catch them or there's nothing to catch them, but but the it can happen. It's it's there. Laura Lynn  00:36:56  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:57  Is there anything that you would like to add? Laura Lynn  00:37:02  You know, I would just like to say, you know, for people to really kind of look at themselves, do a lot of self and kind of see like, am I happy wearing in that am I happy with what I'm doing with my life, and what am I happy with myself in how I'm being in how I behave and kinda start and making those decisions to shift those things that you don't wanna be anymore into what you do wanna be and what you do wanna do and just really follow your heart your heart and like your compass. And because I know, you know, with a mind, you know, there's a lot of chatter sometimes. I remember when I first started, like, like so much. According on in my mind. I was like, I thought it was supposed to be required. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:51  Mhmm. Yep. Laura Lynn  00:37:55  And then, of course, you know, if you you learn a lot... Along the way, like, now, I know how to meditate very well, but it's like, really just choosing what you want for yourself and knowing that you can you can change anything you want about yourself. And, you know, and it'll it'll take time because shifting behaviors Lorilee Binstock  00:38:13  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:38:18  like, you can do it like, you can start to read reprogram yourself, like, on the service level, but hit therapy gets down on a deep level of changing behaviors and and healing. But, you know, kinda like, when you wake up in the morning right before you go to sleep, those of the most times that you're are more open to suggestions. So kinda right before you go sleep kinda just tell yourself, Lorilee Binstock  00:38:42  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:38:46  you know, the things I that you wanna do or be or even affirmations, like, I affirmations are super powerful. So show you right before you go sleep, and and then as soon need you wake up and kinda just also, like, really get to learn more about yourself. Like, it's so important to focus on you, like, Lorilee Binstock  00:39:09  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:39:12  when I was going through, you know, I noticed my pattern of men, like, there'll be someone leaning in the wings and I would just go right to the next one, Never spending in any time on myself, never healing anything. And and so after my divorce like, something's gotta it change. And so I just street. So you show myself, focus on my healing, Lorilee Binstock  00:39:26  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:39:34  and I was like the happiest I've ever been. My extra come over to pick the boys and them because I, thank you for divorce me because Lorilee Binstock  00:39:42  Yes. Laura Lynn  00:39:43  because I would not be wearing, like, emotionally spiritually like, if you didn't initiate that because I wasn't going to... I would never leave somebody. And that's the reason why like, I didn't. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:53  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:39:57  Throughout my relationships. I didn't honor myself. I... I didn't feel like I little the worthy of myself. And so learning to love yourself is a emotions important thing, like, when you fill a your cut first, Lorilee Binstock  00:40:10  Right. Laura Lynn  00:40:11  then everyone can get the overflow. But if you're trying to keep on forgetting, you're eventually gonna end up with nothing in your cup and you're still gonna try to give, but then you have nothing to give. Lorilee Binstock  00:40:17  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:40:21  So Lorilee Binstock  00:40:21  Right. Laura Lynn  00:40:22  you need to just give to yourself, learn more about yourself who you are. You know, a lot of a lot of people don't know a lot of people wanna know what their purpose in life. That's something that that happens through self discovery. Like people can't just, you know, people can give you hint like, as as I was going through my healing journey. I didn't know I was gonna be a healer and her ridiculous like, what is that? Lorilee Binstock  00:40:48  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:40:49  Or the therapist? What I didn't know that existed. And as I was dedicated to myself, all of these pieces of a puzzle kept coming right in front of me, and then and then when I was like, oh, this is what I do. This is what I love. This is my passion. I'm here to help people. Lorilee Binstock  00:41:07  Wow. Laura Lynn  00:41:08  So it's really just focusing on you if, you know, especially if you're trying to find out, like, what am I here to do or just loving yourself more. Allows you to raise your vibration, when you range your vibration, and you started attracting people situations experiences on different levels, and Lorilee Binstock  00:41:24  Yes. Laura Lynn  00:41:28  and sometimes as equal go through this journey, like, people are gonna fall off people that you have been associated with because they're gonna be able to level that barrett, unless they're gonna do their human too. But it's okay. Like, don't hold yourself back because you wanna stay with these people like, you came to this earth for your soul evolution. Lorilee Binstock  00:41:47  Right. Laura Lynn  00:41:51  Not for, like, like, yeah, you're here to help people too, but not to place small, keep yourself down just because you're scared to go by yourself. Sometimes you have to go through the door by yourself, just show people the way, and then they can go through their own own or by seeing like, what's happening with you? So I've noticed like, a lot of you around me, My family members, like, they got exposed to what I'm doing because, you know, I'm doing the healing the Therapy energy human and you're like, oh, wow. Laura is a whole different person. Lorilee Binstock  00:42:27  Yeah Laura Lynn  00:42:28  Like, seriously... And it is old crazy. I like, I can't believe a person that wants. Lorilee Binstock  00:42:34  Right. Laura Lynn  00:42:34  But But, you know, it's so because that was like, what I had to heal when I had to learn what I had to grow from. And he evolved from, but people can see the shifted to me, and then it... It's in... Like, it's a it's like a c that's put in their mind like, oh, And so when they're ready, then they can come and ask me like, okay. So how do I do this? How do I how do I be better? How do I make better choices? Because a lot of times, we get triggered and we go back into these old habits. I used to be a very jealous person, very insecure because I didn't know my old worth. Lorilee Binstock  00:43:10  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:43:10  And now it's like, it doesn't any exist because I love myself. Lorilee Binstock  00:43:14  No. Yes. Laura Lynn  00:43:15  So So it's like, really just working on yourself makes everything better. Lorilee Binstock  00:43:20  It does. Laura Lynn  00:43:21  So just learning to love yourself that's the the most important and, like, in life period. Lorilee Binstock  00:43:29  I'd love to end on that last note, but I have one more question. Do you believe that hit therapy is for everyone? Laura Lynn  00:43:38  Well I believe it's for everyone who's ready. Lorilee Binstock  00:43:43  Ready. Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:43:44  Yeah. Because like, you are going to dive deep into these experiences. Are you been holding on to granted? Like, I've been too many different types of hidden therapist. And was the one I told you was integrated so technology, you just pull up the part that's been holding onto to the pain, and you figure out what the emotions are, you know, where the roots stem from. And the belief that they're holding on to and kind of. Okay. So so instead of these things, what do you wanna believe now? What what energies do you wanna bring you know? And how do you want this part to support you know? Once it's fully killed? And then you bring something... You know, then that's another part on your team. But I've also, you know, had an experience with someone where I I did hit the Therapy on me and she was taking me through the actual experience I I was like, I was like, this is not good at all. I was like... How was like, no. But granted lucky, like, I've I've been through like, those two different types of Therapy, energy. Like, I was strong enough to experience that. But that in it for everyone like, that kinda just Lorilee Binstock  00:44:57  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:44:59  traumatized people Lorilee Binstock  00:45:00  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:45:01  so it's kind of like, Lorilee Binstock  00:45:01  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:45:03  but people don't need to go through that. But they just need to heal the part that's connecting the emotions to the event. And kinda releasing those emotions, so that event isn't triggering anymore. But, yeah, so it just depends on if a person is ready and kind of, you know, who they see because there's different types of chemotherapy that people can do, like, internal family systems Lorilee Binstock  00:45:29  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:45:29  or the the iced or Lorilee Binstock  00:45:33  Oh, still internal family system therapy considered a type of therapy. Laura Lynn  00:45:38  To me, I feel like it is because it's talking to the parts. Of of you, which these parts are all in your self subconscious line. Lorilee Binstock  00:45:46  Interesting. Well, I didn't even think about that. You're right because I do. I, like, you know, Like I... It's like I go in, Laura Lynn  00:45:55  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:45:55  you know, we turn inward Laura Lynn  00:45:57  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:45:57  And then I do witness these experiences from the root of the feeling that I'm concerned about. Laura Lynn  00:46:03  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:46:04  So that... You you know, I did... I've never really thought about that. I'm just like, oh, internal family systems. Oh, you know, hit therapy. But that that makes sense in saying that. But go ahead. I'm sorry. Laura Lynn  00:46:17  Oh, no. Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:46:19  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:46:20  But, yeah, I I I really think that for people to get deeper deeper human, especially if they have a lot of trauma because there... You know, there's different levels of trauma. Right? Like, a trauma could be, you know, a divorce or Term could be... Like, what we experience with sexual abuse and childhood. Lorilee Binstock  00:46:41  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:46:41  But you know, to get some really deep hearing then, yes. I believe that people should do therapy Lorilee Binstock  00:46:51  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:46:51  Yes. Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:46:52  Oh, well, is is there do you prepare for? Or you just dive right into it? Laura Lynn  00:47:02  Usually, I... Will, when I do it on myself, I dive right into it. But with other people it just depends on, like, like, what they're healing. Lorilee Binstock  00:47:12  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:47:12  So, for example, someone came to me for anger, like, I'm angry all the time. And like, okay. Like my let's let's work to find the root positive anger, and they told to find out there's anger, what he also experienced sexual sexual abuse as a child in the same situation that I was in because of being the like growing up in a drug. Lorilee Binstock  00:47:36  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:47:36  So so we can hold, you know, all these things expressions themselves in different ways. And, like, his expressed in anger, and that's what the root collins was for him. So... Yeah, it's it's just really depend on I don't what need to be healed. You know? Lorilee Binstock  00:47:59  Right. That makes sense. You know, there was a point where I like, everyone should try psychedelic dogs because I found my healing like, the root of, like, my healing through psychedelic psychedelics I was like everyone should try it and then it was, like, wait a minute. Maybe not Laura Lynn  00:48:13  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:48:14  may... Not not everyone may... Will be so open to really diving head first into... The, like the darkened places of your soul. Laura Lynn  00:48:20  Yeah. Yes. Like me I'm down, like, yes, and go there. You're like, that's where I wanna go. Lorilee Binstock  00:48:27  Yes. See that's where I am. Exactly. Like, I'm not And you know, they mean... They talk about, like, bad trips and and really, bad trips are literally just traveling to the darkest places of your soul. Laura Lynn  00:48:35  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:48:40  And but from from there, that's when you find you find the healings, the deep deep appealing, all the stuff that's just been Laura Lynn  00:48:46  Yes. Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:48:50  affecting you, not even knowing it. Right? Laura Lynn  00:48:53  Yes. Exactly. Like, you... Like, a lot of times, we're, you know, the way we act what we get triggered from, we don't know where these things stem from. Lorilee Binstock  00:49:00  Exactly. Laura Lynn  00:49:01  And a lot of people like, I don't know why I don't... Like, people were depressed, I no lying this way. I don't know I feel this with. That's because it's, like, trapped year so conscious mine and it's like, I don't know if this person's ready to, like, be aware of what actually happened to them. In there, you know, for whatever I experience it has. But... Lorilee Binstock  00:49:19  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:49:22  But, yeah. Like, I I went... I did like, a I don't know if you know Wim, he he he's about breathing. So I went to a wim, Lorilee Binstock  00:49:27  Yes. Laura Lynn  00:49:31  like workshop. Breathing and and ice bath. My first time, never done your breathing exercises and one guide, like, Lorilee Binstock  00:49:36  Yes. Laura Lynn  00:49:40  he like, went so deep that he was fighting like Demons within himself in the sense so he got up from the the breath meditation. It was swinging, like, he was just fighting something and he was, like, unconscious, Lorilee Binstock  00:49:51  Oh, my goodness. Laura Lynn  00:49:54  and you would like traveling over people, so we kinda had a spout the circle. But and he just left like he... You know, but that's what happens when people aren't ready to face their their demons. You know, I mean face that darkness? So it it's kinda Lorilee Binstock  00:50:10  Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:50:11  you kinda gotta take it in steps and kinda like, know your limits, but kinda like, I you it. Oh, take me there. I'm like, you take me their too. Lorilee Binstock  00:50:20  Yes. Yes. That's and I'm like, I can't go through anything worse than what I've been through. Laura Lynn  00:50:26  Right. Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:50:26  I now is... There's only one way to just kill and it's having to Laura Lynn  00:50:29  Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:50:31  dive deep. Laura Lynn  00:50:33  Yes. I love that. I have not trying sag Bell. So, like, which one specifically, Lorilee Binstock  00:50:33  So... Yeah. Laura Lynn  00:50:38  like, you know, helped you the most. Lorilee Binstock  00:50:41  Well, I started with Md. And the the reason why is because it it kind of shuts off the fear the fear part of your brain, the fear and anxiety of your brain. So you're actually able to see all of these really horrible experiences. Laura Lynn  00:50:57  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:02  In a very compassionate way. And so for me, it was, you know, I was sexually abused by my biological father, so I was... It was really hard for me to go through that. And Laura Lynn  00:51:09  Mhmm Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:13  I'm not saying I for... I don't wanna say forgive because there's so many ways to forgive or... But I... We had a better understanding because in my own experience, I was able to see his childhood. Laura Lynn  00:51:26  Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:26  So in so I saw his childhood and I saw Laura Lynn  00:51:27  Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:30  his abuse. Laura Lynn  00:51:31  Mhmm. Yep. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:31  And I wasn't in angry anymore. I felt... Like, I I felt compassion. I was like, oh my god. She didn't know better. This is all he knew. Laura Lynn  00:51:39  Exactly yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:39  Whereas before that, I was just like, oh, god. He she should have known better. He was an adult, but that's not the sense. That's not reality. And so Laura Lynn  00:51:43  Yes yes. Mhmm Lorilee Binstock  00:51:49  after that session, I let go of so much anger, Laura Lynn  00:51:53  Oh, that's good. Lorilee Binstock  00:51:54  like, the anger like I'm am not as angry. As I want what, like, little things would set me off. So... Laura Lynn  00:52:00  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:52:01  So then I took this step up to psilocybin which the magic mushrooms and there, I experienced a whole host of it emotions. Like, I I literally went through the cycle of all the trapped emotions that I had in my my system, and I cried and I laughed, and I I I mean, my it was probably like, whoa. I'm sure they see all kinds of stuff, but I was just, like, crying Laura Lynn  00:52:25  You. Lorilee Binstock  00:52:27  hysterical then laughing hysterical, and it was just in in in that release of all of the energy, really made. I felt so much lighter after it. Laura Lynn  00:52:38  Nice. Lorilee Binstock  00:52:38  And then eventually, I went to the Lsi route. And that was... I I... That I was able to understand patterns. Like I was understanding I'm whole host of patterns like, oh, I need to break that pattern and that pattern, that pattern. Laura Lynn  00:52:50  Okay. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:52:55  And so it's really, really helped to me But I would say I I would say, like, the and the the magic mushrooms under, like, under guide. Laura Lynn  00:53:03  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:53:06  Really really helped me because I never felt like, yes, I was able to get let go of that anger, but I still had some anger that was trapped in there. For, you know, because my trauma led to other trauma Laura Lynn  00:53:16  Mhmm. Yeah. That's true. Lorilee Binstock  00:53:17  and so I was able to during the the mushroom journey, I was able to get out of that that that real hold onto to whatever anger, residual anger that was still there. And then understand. It's... Like you said earlier, Like, awareness is really the key to everything. And I don't think there's anything that makes you more aware of, like, your reality versus Laura Lynn  00:53:37  Mhmm. Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:53:44  your past realities than, you know, psychedelics. Because I feel like it expands that. Like, our realities are our own realities are what we... You know, what someone told us were supposed to be growing up in our own experiences. And I think I could know, it's really just cracks it open. It's like, this is... This is this what's real. There's so many realities that are out there. Laura Lynn  00:53:51  Yeah Yeah. Mhmm. True. Lorilee Binstock  00:54:08  So, yes, I I am actually doing a documentary on Laura Lynn  00:54:11  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:54:13  Psychedelic Healing following me of Veteran Laura Lynn  00:54:14  Nice. Lorilee Binstock  00:54:16  and in an athlete who it who had healed from traumatic brain injuries from it. So yes, you can... I I mean, I think you... If you if you go to my account you can see if you go into the link, you'll find that there's is a link to the teaser or the proof of concept of the doctor That, you know, you or anyone kids can take a look at. And so that's what that's my current project. Because I... I'm so passionate about it. Like, Laura Lynn  00:54:46  Yeah. That's difficult. Lorilee Binstock  00:54:48  I don't think I could be... I don't think I could be a sinner for psychedelics, but, you know, I I can do something. I can educate and, like, you, you sound so much healing through therapy Laura Lynn  00:54:52  Mhmm Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:54:58  that you in turn became a hit therapist, And I think once people find that healing, Laura Lynn  00:55:03  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:55:04  they're, like, how do how do I help other people? And I think this is... This is where we are in our journey Right? Laura Lynn  00:55:10  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And, you know, I'm glad you brought that up about, you know, seeing your abuser, like, like, how what they went through because that's what I realized with mind too like... And it's and it's like a generational pattern. Right? Unless unless it stops, Lorilee Binstock  00:55:26  Mhmm. Laura Lynn  00:55:29  And I feel like, you know, we're the ones that are stopping it, and we're shifting the whole, like, energy of our own lineage Lorilee Binstock  00:55:33  Right. Laura Lynn  00:55:39  But, yeah, Like, it's a lot of people don't know like, like they try to do the best account what they know. And if they don't know that much, then that's that's all they know. So, like, Lorilee Binstock  00:55:50  Exactly. Laura Lynn  00:55:51  I know and it it's really sad because, you know, like, there's so much wisdom in all of this. And if people just knew about these things and they could make the connection and realizations, and, like, have compassion for those that are, you know, not doing things that people shouldn't be doing. Is because of their own experiences is like, hurt people hurt people, Lorilee Binstock  00:56:15  Right. Laura Lynn  00:56:15  but also you people help people. So hear you and me are, like, we better healing. And we're we're here to emails spread the word of, like, different ways to heal and how important it is. Lorilee Binstock  00:56:29  Absolutely. Yes. Well, Laura, thank you so much for joining me today. I feel like we we we covered a wide range of things, and I really Laura Lynn  00:56:38  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:56:39  love learning a lot more about therapy and realize I'm actually doing, like, I guess, a form of therapy because I do feel like internal family systems... Laura Lynn  00:56:46  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:56:49  You mentioning that, I felt... My guess, you know, it it it's it's it's legit. I really... I'm finding so much healing through that as well. Laura Lynn  00:56:54  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:56:58  So thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Laura Lynn  00:57:01  Oh, no. Thank you. So super fun. Lorilee Binstock  00:57:03  Oh, good. I'm so glad. Well, thanks again, That was Laura Lynn hypnotherapist, energy healer and medical intuitive, for more information on Laura, You can click on that scrolling fortune cookie in the middle of your screen that'll will take you to her Instagram page. Also, Mark issue of authentic insider is out. Laura has actually contributed to July twenty twenty two issues. So if you wanna go ahead and check all past issues out, you can go to authentic insider or check it out at trauma thrive dot com. That's trauma survivor thriver dot com, And you can find all the issues and, again, the latest issue If you haven't already, please subscribe to my email list that can be at trauma survivor thriver dot com. You can get authentic insider in your magazine monthly, Again, thank you so much for being a part of the conversation. Join me next week when on March eighth, when I speak with author, Christine, Mcdonald's would be... That's actually the day of her book release face value from working the poll to bury my soul. We will be discussing how some of her childhood traumas led to her becoming an adult entertainer, which eventually led her to find healing and life as an author. You've been listening to A Trauma Survivor Thriver's podcast on Fireside. I'm Lorilee Binstock, again, thank you for being a part of the conversation. Take care.

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, February 15th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.  Today’s guest is Colleen Ryan-Hensley. Colleen is a 10-year Navy Veteran, Performance Coach and advocate for mental health and expert in mental toughness.

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, February 8th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.  Today’s guest is Jenni Rochelle.Jenni is a coach, mentor, host of “Beauty After Betrayal” and the go-to expert on love and relationships for women who don’t want to give up on love. Inspired by her clients and informed by her own journey, Jenni teaches women how to move through trauma and break old patterns so they can stop the cycle of toxic relationships and create the happiest and healthiest intimate connections of their lives.  

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, February 1st, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat. Edits were made due to technical difficulties. Today on A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast, we’ll be talking with Kesha Chanel, an abundant life coach specializing in trauma recovery, co-author of the best-selling book, "Cry, Forgive, Learn, Let go" and Author of the upcoming book “I Feel Better Already.” Instagram: iamkeshachanel For more info on Kesha Chanel

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, January 25th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat. Today's Guest is Corinne Coppola, Mental Health Coach, IFS Practitioner, Trauma Recovery Specialist and Founder of R.E.S.T Retreats.   Lorilee Binstock  00:01:06  Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock and this is A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast Thank you so much for joining me live on a Fireside chat you can be a part of the conference station as my virtual audience. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock. Everyone has an opportunity to ask me or our guest questions by requesting to hop on stage or sending a message in the chat box I will try to get to you as soon as I can, but I do ask everybody be respectful. Today's guest is Current Cop, mental health coach, iss practitioner trauma recovery specialist, and founder of rest retreats current, thank you so much for joining me today. Corinne Coppola  00:02:05  You're welcome, Marlene. My pleasure, and it's just to let you know the pronunciation is Cor. Lorilee Binstock  00:02:11  Cup paula. Thank you so much for for correcting me because I probably would call you in the whole time. So thank you so much. Corinne Coppola  00:02:19  No problem. No problem. Lorilee Binstock  00:02:23  Well, first of all, I wanna talk about your journey to get you to where you are now. Really, what made you want to work as a mental health coach. Corinne Coppola  00:02:32  It's a really good question. I never thought I wind up here for sure. When I was a little girl, I told my parents that I wanted to be counselor, you know, back then, it was called count we're not therapist and they said, well, you're not gonna earn any money doing Lorilee Binstock  00:02:50  Mhmm Corinne Coppola  00:02:52  you better go into business. So that's what I did at the time. And then I found my way is in the business world for a number of years worth for profit for profit, have my masters and organization development, and then just radio and Mindfulness as a practice to help ground me, keep me steady. I had three young the children at the time And I thought, wow, This is really a way that I can help service people and help them because it helped those practice this really helped me so much. And then I started teaching, and then I worked for a long profit bringing wine centers to this and I started working on retreats and things just... And then I was brought to a cactus Lorilee Binstock  00:03:42  Yeah. Corinne Coppola  00:03:43  called Internal family systems. And I thought, wow, This is really phenomenal. And powerful for me and my own healing journey and I thought I really wanna be able to do this with people. So that they can also rewrite their past. And that's how I got to where I am. That being said, there's also, you know, some traumas around my childhood and my adult wife that came to play into being motivated to heal. You know? And that how now I am working with people and one on one of small groups and leading retreats and I could not the more alignment and more grateful and happy. Itself Lorilee Binstock  00:04:31  That's so wonderful. You know, it's it's interesting. You... You know, you were working in a traditional setting even though you were were you know, empowered by mindfulness But was it the trauma that actually had you move to towards, you know, being the founder of these retreats and and Corinne Coppola  00:04:58  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:04:58  all of this and even trauma recovery I know that you are specialist with was there was there something that clicked where you said. This is what... I wanna go this route. To help people recover from trauma. Corinne Coppola  00:05:11  Yeah. That is such a great question, Laura. We'll we piecing it together by your great questions. So, yes, the answer is yes. Well, when I first started, taking yoga. I belong to a gym, and one of my girlfriends just like, oh, you've gotta a you gotta come to this eight am Sunday class and like, No. That is my hurting to down. No. No. That won't be happening. And the The other side of that, actually, when I began my younger jury, my youngest... My oldest daughter was only about two years old, Eighteen months to two years and I was working part time finishing my masters part time And one of my friends had said you really gotta try yoga the class like, okay. What else? And with for those are you familiar with yoga, Is the final relaxation pose. And when I went into Last, I felt like I was home. Lorilee Binstock  00:06:11  Mm-mm Corinne Coppola  00:06:13  I was like, wow. This is pretty powerful. But then I had my second child, and I had difficult birth. So, like, I wasn't, you know, it it wasn't then what it is now because he's twenty two. My daughter is twenty four. And I have another son. Who's twenty, you know, twenty years ago, there wasn't the knowledge that prenatal yoga was okay for women who had complications. So then fast forward to my youngest being three And my girlfriend inviting me to this class at the gym and I... And she was a phenomenal instructor finally, I went she's a phenomenal director, and I thought Okay. I'm gonna get back to yoga in a serious way. So found studio that was close to my house and that I had originally gone to years before. And started to do additional classes there. And while there? I was volunteering at the front dash and there was a buck by a woman by the name of maya. And it was about how she healed herself. Lorilee Binstock  00:07:22  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:07:23  From like stage for cancer through our you practices that were in her background, that she had been a go go go, you know, fashion designer in New york and it was called a path of practice. And I was just fascinated by that, and Monday, I was in a group setting. I was in a trauma recovery group. Myself is a participant for sexual abuse. I had experienced from a close family member and I hadn't had these memories until I was forty. I am now fifty six. So I thought to myself when I was in that group, I it just came to me. Like. Oh, This is how yoga has been so healing for me. I have to bring these practices to women and children. You know? And from there, it was Gave Emerson and Best I think I was in their second cohost of a for trauma for I mean you excuse me yoga for trauma. And my journey sort of just started to unravel from there. Started to... I I went myself on a retreat for women survivors of sexual violence, and then they invited me back the next year to co. So I co that retreat for ten years, and it was so powerful for me to see the transformation that could happen in two and a half days. And Lorilee Binstock  00:09:05  Mm-mm Corinne Coppola  00:09:06  by being in nature by being in play. We weren't talking about our stories. Right? We were in our bodies. There was movement, light yoga, drama, some meditation, you know, just really back to being a kid. And so then in my in my jury, I unfortunately, when my daughter was fourteen, so this is about this was ten years ago, there is a suicide cluster at high school. And I thought to myself, I can't just sit on the sidelines lines with us and knowing how these practices. We select practices can really hold I was able to partner with a organization that was just blossom. This is twenty thirteen, and you know, I said to them, we have to bring these practices to this schools in Northern Virginia, which is where I was living at the time. And it's sort of came from that. I worked with them for four years. We got the school board involved. We had a lot of high schools, you know, hundreds and then into the thousands of young people and adults you know, the teachers in the parents and from there started to do started to co and manage retreats for teens, and that also adults and now here I am. So Yeah. It's just sort of, like, following the next best thing. Right? The next best that, like, I did not have like, the super plan vision. And at the same time, like, I didn't have a pass, but I had a vision. Lorilee Binstock  00:10:53  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:10:56  Okay. So, like, I knew nine, ten years ago when I was in close to read that, I wanna leave a retreat back here in Costa Rica, And this Marx, I'm leading her retreat my first retreat and close rica gut. So I would really you know, for me, it's just been following the bread. You know? And with the intention to serve, the intention to serve, like, how can I use my guess? To serve. And in the same time, you know, make a living. Sound That's it's a long answer to your shared question. Lorilee Binstock  00:11:35  No. I love it. Thank you so much. I love what you're talking about when when you talk about your your experience and this retreat would it was just play. It was your in your body, you want in your head, Is that what your rest retreats are, could you talk a little bit about that? I... It's a it's an acronym. Right? Right. Corinne Coppola  00:11:57  Right. Right. It's an acronym. So the r is for relaxed. Lorilee Binstock  00:12:04  Yeah Corinne Coppola  00:12:03  The x is for... The excuse me. They e is for examine. The s more surrender. And the t stands for transformation. So these retreats that I guide people on are different than the survival retreats that I did. There are elements. In this retreat. So and I also give one on one Vip retreats out in Shank critique Virginia where I live part time on the eastern shore. And so the rest will be in the first two days, you know, as people sort of enter we're doing a relaxation, integration, arriving, The second day, I have a healer who's gonna do a beautiful sound journey us. You know, then eighty three, we got it three and four we get in to examine. Right? What patterns because my the retreat is called killing the heart. So what patterns have origin in which I am not living to the potential of who I can be inner world. Right? It's sort of beginning to what called ex the heart. So practices, like, each each day, will be seen out. So, for example, covered in compassion. Right. Love and letting go. So we have to let go of some things in order and have compassion for us sounds and the honors so that we can... We can be on this continuum peeling. Then you know, they're surrender Have a surprise planned, but we also have a magnificent breath that will be reading us in a workshop you in terms of letting go, there'll be Journaling There'll be Arch masked team movie locks in nature. And then we get to key Right. That the acid surrender where we're letting and go and we have I'm just gonna say we have a musician coming in. To really help us let go on our levels. We'll be doing sunset. Fire circle. And then the t is for transformation in the last two days the last day is a cacao ceremony with a woman psychologist who I met last year who was down there, and she's from close to Rica and just this beautiful healing hard three hours ceremony yummy that we'll be having. And I'm keeping it small. Intentionally, you know, eleven spots. With some women who are really just phenomenal and are there to do some deep work. You know, this... It's not therapy. It's not... You know, that's not what I'm what what my intention is, it's really to create the safe community safe sacred community. That women can show up as their best sounds, like, all of their parts parts that have been forgotten. Like, who was I? When I was six seven eight years old and I was magic and Lorilee Binstock  00:15:43  mm-mm Corinne Coppola  00:15:44  who took away that magic, like, loving reconnect with that spirit, that sacred inside so that I can then bring these practices into my life. And live in a way that is in alignment with who I wanna be and who I am. Lorilee Binstock  00:16:04  Well, nick... You know, you talked about and make hear you talking about parts. I have a lot of respect for I. I'm actually an I Therapy every week. Is do you bring that to your respiratory retreats. Corinne Coppola  00:16:19  So it depends on Lorilee Binstock  00:16:26  Mm-mm. Corinne Coppola  00:16:26  what the client wants Right? So for the one on one, Yes. Absolutely. For this small group, retreats Lorilee Binstock  00:16:39  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:16:38  this is not is not the focus. However, I can't not do it. Meaning that... You know, that's who I am is you know, speaking in, like, some of the journaling quest will be internal family system based, but it's not as if we're going to be having therapeutic sharing circles. Right? Lorilee Binstock  00:17:00  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:17:01  That we're gonna be doing parts work. That's another type of retreat that I host. So you know, it is... There will be parts work And at the same time, it's not going be group therapy. People are there also to... Like, what's really important to me is the four or five hours of quiet time that we'll have every afternoon. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:22  Yay. Corinne Coppola  00:17:25  So if you wanna sit by the pool and be quiet, That's awesome we'll go to your room, take a nap. You wanna go into excursions to go kayak, horse horseback writing, lessons, you go do it, Zip lining, you know, so that people can really customize this experience to what they feel. They want and need to that you know, everything is optional. That's really, really a important to me is to give everyone choice. Lorilee Binstock  00:17:52  You lasts Corinne Coppola  00:17:55  You know? Because we're all adults. And oftentimes in life, we feel like we don't have choices. I mean, you know, that's free. I can only... I should only speak for myself. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:05  No. I feel that too. I feel that too. I feel last week, I actually gotten a ski accident And I feel like I could have a... I I there I have choices to say, I need to rest. This is before the accident. Because my life was just jam packed with so much stuff and trying to catch up from the end of last year. You know, from the holidays. And I was like, oh my gosh. I need a break, but I Corinne Coppola  00:18:33  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:33  just felt like I couldn't get a break until I literally gotten in a little skiing then all of a sudden, and I was in bed for a week, and I was like, I really feel like the universe is listening to me. Corinne Coppola  00:18:40  Okay. Lorilee Binstock  00:18:43  But, yes, it was it was really, you know, there are times where I'm like, I feel like I'm in adult, and I don't have a choice. Like, I have Corinne Coppola  00:18:48  Did We Lorilee Binstock  00:18:52  to cook dinner. I have to, you know, I you know, I to do all these things. So it's nice. You know, I've looked at your treats so I'm like, oh, is you know, this would be amazing for me. Unfortunately, my husband be leaving to go out of the country during that time. So I have be with my children, but I am looking forward to going to one of your retreats. Corinne Coppola  00:19:12  Oh, beautiful. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:15  Yes. I Corinne Coppola  00:19:16  Well, I'm sorry to hear about your your skiing accident. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:20  you know, it's really funny because I I literally was telling my my If practitioner nor the week before I'm like, I just feel like I I need a break. I need a break. I can't I feel like I keep going going going, and I feel guilty I would feel guilty if I was, like, I need I I'm gonna be in bed. The thing is the universe heard me and was like, okay. We'll do this. And... You know, my leg wasn't hurting when I was resting, but it was it was hurting when I was walking. Corinne Coppola  00:19:46  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:49  So or attempting to. So I I felt like know, it's one of things here you're you need to break. People need breaks and Corinne Coppola  00:19:56  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:19:59  sometimes it'll be a forced one. Corinne Coppola  00:19:59  Right. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:03  And sometimes it's gonna come at the most in opportune times And I think what I've learned through my healing journey is that you know, everything kind happens for a reason. Everything happens for reason. This is the their signs and signals that are telling us, you know, it's time to rest, and then we it it's our choice to listen and not listen. Corinne Coppola  00:20:21  Right. I love that. Like, oftentimes, They'll say to my clients and not only my clients, but you know, in general, it just comes out of my mat. Like, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:30  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:20:33  That really helps me when On in a phone, you know, when I am feeling, like, really, This is really what's happening. Right. I'm right where I'm supposed to be and then the gratitude practice. I mean, I am the huge huge believer of how and sciences proves it, you know, But of how gratitude has really changed my life. Lorilee Binstock  00:20:58  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:21:01  You know, the the thing that it most importantly has led me to is the characteristic of acceptance. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:08  Yeah. Corinne Coppola  00:21:09  Wait. How can I be really thankful for the turmoil of that's happening right now in my life? You know, or in a relationship And then maybe not at that moment. You know, I'm not able to see the the good in it, but still on being thanks for it because then I usually, it is revealed to me that you know, I am able to see what Oh, Lorilee Binstock  00:21:43  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:21:40  just like what you said, you know what the purpose? Oh, this is leading me to more forgiveness. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:45  Yeah Corinne Coppola  00:21:47  Okay. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:49  it's so funny how long it took me to figure that out. It took me Corinne Coppola  00:21:51  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:21:53  so long because people be like, in just grateful. You know, I would have those to do list, like those like, padded to do list papers that have says, like, you know, here's your here's a little checkbox box and here right, what you have to do And at the top of the page, it would say, I am grateful for blank, and I'm like, oh, that's interesting. And I would never write it it. I would just write my list. And I and I'm like... I never understood the the power of gratitude and it's also interesting because when I think about earlier in our conversation, you talked about Corinne Coppola  00:22:28  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:29  you know, the courts pose when when you found chance for and it's Corinne Coppola  00:22:32  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:33  transformation and epiphany in that moment. You know, before I went into treatment before I was you know, went to residential treatment, and I would do yoga. I did... I I did yoga for, you know, so lengthening and strengthening and flexibility And when we would get into And pose, I would literally sit there and think about. Okay. Corinne Coppola  00:22:58  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:22:56  So what are the things I need to do today? And I never understood the importance of Because when I went to treatment, was like, I learned this whole idea that Is where you're integrating your practice. And I'm like, really? And that changed my life. It it's funny the things that people tell you because you know, people like, oh, exhausted is important. I'm like, oh, yeah. Rest is an important shirt, whatever. And then I you know, you you move on and you do your thing, and then you you realize, like, it it just took me so long to really absorb Corinne Coppola  00:23:33  Okay. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:33  the the the practice of rest, the practice of gratitude, Corinne Coppola  00:23:37  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:23:38  I'm telling you that really changed everything. For me, at least Corinne Coppola  00:23:42  Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. You preaching to the prayer because know, what I did used to teach public and private the classes. You know, I would say Is the most important pose, and it's also something that you can take at any time you know? And it's something that Lorilee Binstock  00:24:05  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:24:04  we don't do, like, and and oftentimes, that's what happens is we're we're resting and then everything fits to the surface. So when people come in, meditation retreats. It's like you know, what they call flo straw because people start falling asleep the first, you know, day or two because they realize how tiring their body is. Lorilee Binstock  00:24:28  Yes. Corinne Coppola  00:24:29  You know, that it's like the had nod and people can't stay awake, and that's just like a normal and you know, part of what happens it's like, oh, this is what happens when I dial it down. And there's an officer and speaker name is Sandra Dawn Smith. I don't know if he's... She's gonna book called sacred rest. And she identifies seven different types of reps, which I can't rattle off the top of my head right now. But I just think that is so such an interesting perspective to look at oh, often ten pages feel rest as like the physical, but there's also emotional rash Lorilee Binstock  00:25:12  Yay, Corinne Coppola  00:25:12  social rest, you know, all these different types of rest. That we need, like, sometimes social recipes, interacting with others. Sometimes social recipes means, oh, I need to pull back. You know? And and it's not just as you know, it's not just what often type, like spa and you know? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It can be for me, what a My practices is between three and four o'clock every day. I don't schedule calls or meetings or anything between three and four so that maybe it is used to respond to emails, but there's usually at least a ten minute ten minute window that I have for myself that I have to go meditate pray or that I do put my head down on a pillow because that completely refresh us and something that I learned that you might already know is that at three o'clock, like middle afternoon, three Homework o'clock our cortisol level. Lore. And Lorilee Binstock  00:26:19  I did not know that. Corinne Coppola  00:26:21  this whole practice that I started started over the pandemic. I was noticing that... Oh, I'm pretty tired right now. And three or four o'clock with was the time when my second day began, right? And I would work until three or four, and then I go pick the kids up in school, take them to different activities go over below. And then when that didn't happen during the pan, I was able to listen to my body, and I was like, oh, isn't this interesting? Lorilee Binstock  00:26:48  Wow. Corinne Coppola  00:26:52  So that's how it sort of came up for me. It's not like, oh, let me do this. It was me listening to my body. Lorilee Binstock  00:26:56  Yes. Absolutely. I I... It's it's it's so... It's so hard to listen your body when there's so many things going on. So, yes, I think that quiet time that meditation time is is the time for, you know, to really be able to listen to what's happening there. I do wanna ask Corinne Coppola  00:27:17  Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:27:19  what does it take to truly achieve transformation. Corinne Coppola  00:27:26  Yeah. First to all. That is a great question. I when retract the word achieve. Lorilee Binstock  00:27:35  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:27:35  And so what does it take to a achieve transformation because that then makes it a goal. Right, which we all want, like we all want there's different life, like, right before this call, I happen to be at a in a yoga class, and the the teacher was just notice. And I said... You need to be teaching in Costa Rica, and I didn't know that she was and you know, how did the teacher trading program of this studio and then a little block? She's like, well, you know, I have my kids and Da. And I thought... Yeah. Yeah. But you can maybe go guest teach. You know to myself. And, like, what what could the possibilities be? So I think one of the first things we have to get out of our own way And when I say we have to get out of our own way, people talk all the time about, like, letting go of limiting beliefs. I don't know flip that on the head, maybe and maybe open yourself to a possibility. And open yourself to the possibility of what do I really enjoy doing? Maybe it's baking cookies. And you start baking cookies these a little bit more and giving them away. And then all of a sudden, you have a cookie business. Lorilee Binstock  00:28:59  Yeah. Corinne Coppola  00:29:02  Yeah. I'm saying. Wait, It's just really and asking yourself the question, if I didn't have to be perfect at I would like to blank Right? If I didn't need to be perfect, what what is one thing that really lights me up? What is the one thing? And it may be I... You know, and and and it's out at this moment. Like, I didn't know when I started on this path, like, when I started taking Yoga again, that I would someday be Lorilee Binstock  00:29:43  Mhmm Corinne Coppola  00:29:43  an internal family sister's practitioner, mental health coach and running retreats. Like, I didn't have that vision. I just knew that taking yoga that and then maybe teaching you love because what I did in the past, you know, part of my job with presentation when I worked in organization development, and I trained people in parents management, and They trained people on career consulting. You know? So and and leadership development. And I... So I knew that I loved getting up in front of groups. I had no problem doing that. And then the passion that I had for Yoga, because of how it was healing me and it was allowing me to be in my body. Well, I wanted to bring that to everybody. So then I, you know, got into a teacher training, and the teacher training about ben was like you know, two years long, every other weekend, I did three hundred hours. So went out to Montana. So that's what I would say is the first step is just share like, be open say quietly and say, what does really lighten me out? Do I really love playing pick? You know? I mean, what do I love doing. Do I love gathering people? And maybe you... Maybe you love cooking and you want to have a Vegan cooking quad like, I'm not making this up. You know, what What is it that light you on a fire. And then follow that. So that's the first thing that I would say. And then the second thing is acceptance. Lake, you know, so that you're you're open and accepting of whatever is happening in that moment, Like, I went through a water suffering, and I still go through suffering. You know, it's not... It's not like, oh, I'm happy go lucky and the... You know, it happens to be a great day today on blessed enough to be on this call with you. I went to yoga the class. I walk the die. I did some work before all that. You know? But it's it's having this theme a gratitude and when you're grateful soul throughout the day, and then your more accepting of... Okay. Well, my young you know, my child's stark at me or my my partner, you know, made a really in inappropriate comma lake what am I doing to accept what is happening? So that I don't have to be in suffering. And suffering happens when we want things to be different than than they are. And I'm gonna hear to tell you, like, there was a day when I was going through my divorce, but I had two hundred and sixty dollars in my checking account, and I'm speaking to myself. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? So I could sit there. And I could complain And I can think of all the ways that this wasn't fair. Or I can the grateful form go for walk. Shift my perspective. You know, I have a house, and my kids are healthy. You know, I have food and in my cover that I can make for dinner, and it's not always gonna be this way. Like, the two words that are helpful for transformation, I feel are for now. This is only happening for now. Good bad. Lorilee Binstock  00:33:19  Yes. Corinne Coppola  00:33:22  In between you know? So those are some of... That's how I think I would you know, answer your question is more around like, acceptance being with what else. Acceptance. And then, you know, for now. And and knowing what what lights you up, you know, what are you passionate about? And it's if I was doing what I'm doing now it's not like, I woke up at a bed and who's was like, oh, I'm gonna run retreats and Lorilee Binstock  00:33:53  Yeah Corinne Coppola  00:33:52  mister week. No. I didn't have something in that way. It's taken me ten years. Lorilee Binstock  00:33:56  mm-mm Corinne Coppola  00:33:57  Right. So Lorilee Binstock  00:33:59  Wow. Corinne Coppola  00:33:59  anyway, Lorilee Binstock  00:34:01  Did... Is this is this what you hope? For your clients, after they leave your retreats, Corinne Coppola  00:34:07  And then, absolutely, that and and that has happened. And even, you know, just in and when I work with clients one on one, it can be so powerful, like I a client this past week that she's had a lot grief in her life. You know, three of her brothers passed away while she was growing up. I mean, it's just really heartbreaking. And when she came into connection, with her grief And it felt like these cotton balls in her chest and that it was just all of her heart breaks and she was able to turn towards that and have compassion support. She's now much open and loving in her relationship with her partner. Because she had a fear being in an intimate relationship because of all the grief from now she's had in her life, and she's also were Lorilee Binstock  00:35:02  No. Corinne Coppola  00:35:03  a young widow. You know, she was a young widow. So you know, it's really about giving people hope that you're hopeful about the future that they're is a purpose to my life, and then I can start over and a couple of my clients that have been to one on one retreats to me out, and she could take they know are establishing really thriving businesses because of some you know, past things that they were able to let go of. So once you clear that out, right, it's the ex of the heart. Once we clear that out, then it's like we can be open to the next thing And at the same time, during those transitions being open to the grief, like, I'm an empty nest, and I thought I've been an empty semester since the fall of twenty twenty one and I thought, okay. Well, you know, a year, I'll be, you know, on this little bit of a roller close physically. But, you know, I gotta tell you the fall hit of twenty twenty two, and that grief was there a little differently, but it was still there. So you know, just being with what is happening and accepting it and not pushing it away. Right? It's really about turning towards the difficult stuff. When we turn towards it, and we can have compassion and we stop running from it. Then we can understand what the message is. What that part is needing, what we're eating So I can talk all day about this, Obviously, Lorilee Binstock  00:36:50  Well, It's... It's amazing. Corinne Coppola  00:36:53  mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:36:53  What you're doing. And I I do wanna ask how how often do your streets go Corinne Coppola  00:36:57  So Lorilee Binstock  00:36:59  Do you have them? Corinne Coppola  00:37:01  yeah. So I'm This is the first week long that I'm doing her eight nine eight days seven nights. This is the first what I'm doing. All the other ones have been weekend retreats, you know, three days two nights. I'm planning on expanding this coming fall to doing them four days three nights and, you know, partnering with different people. And after I do my one in Costa going and come back to these Lorilee Binstock  00:37:34  Mhmm. Corinne Coppola  00:37:32  post I'm actually going to be going on a road trip. So I'll be focusing mostly so my online clientele and not doing any physical and retreats until the fall of twenty twenty three. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:48  Awesome. Corinne Coppola  00:37:49  Mhmm. Mhmm. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:51  Well, that's great. I will be looking for. Please keep me posted on those. Because yeah, Corinne Coppola  00:37:53  I will. I will pressure. Lorilee Binstock  00:37:57  and wanna hear more. Is there anything else you'd like to add? Corinne Coppola  00:38:02  That is such a great question. I would like to add and might not do this justice, but the quote. Like, even doing the smallest things with the greatest amount of love. Lorilee Binstock  00:38:18  Oh Corinne Coppola  00:38:19  That no matter where you are in your life right now, How can I show up? With the most loved for myself or the others, Like, even if it's doing laundry. Like, can I do this? In a loving way in a grateful way. And just doing the smallest things with the greatest lives because it's really not that hard to be kind. And I just went to see a man named auto last night. And it was just such a lovely movie. In terms of how in terms of, like, a testament to how kindness small kindness. Can change your life and save a life. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:03  Mhmm. Yeah. I Corinne Coppola  00:39:05  Say that's really what I would say. Is just even in the smallest ways, like, It so might sound corny, but right, before you pick up the phone to make a call, that has to be potentially honor, like a service calls for an Internet problem. Right? Can you smile? And send the person live on the other side because they're doing the best they can too. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:32  Yeah. Corinne Coppola  00:39:33  So Lorilee Binstock  00:39:34  Yeah. Corinne Coppola  00:39:34  Yeah. Lorilee Binstock  00:39:36  Well, Current, thank you so much. I really appreciate you joining me today. Corinne Coppola  00:39:41  Thank you, Laura. It's been real real deep honor and for your for you to extend me your invitation and to have the opportunity to write an article for your magazine. I'm just so honored Lorilee Binstock  00:39:57  You... I honored for you to join us. And let me... Am I saying your name right? Career? Corinne Coppola  00:40:03  Yes. Lorilee Binstock  00:40:05  I got it. Alright. Corinne Coppola  00:40:07  You got it more.

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, January 18th, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat. Today’s guest is David Crow, Author of the multi-award winning Memoir, The Pale-Faced Lie: A True Story. Through grit, resilience, and a thirst for learning, he managed to escape his abusive childhood, graduate from college, and build a successful lobbying firm in Washington, DC. Throughout the years, he has mentored over 200 college interns, performed pro bono services for the charitable organization Save the Children, and participated in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. As an advocate for women, he will donate a percentage of his royalties from The Pale-Faced Lie to Barrett House, a homeless shelter for women in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Today’s guest is Deran Young, Internal Family Systems Therapist, Co-Author of the New York Time's Best Seller, "You are Your Best Thing." Psychedelic-Assisted Therapist at Field Trip Health, and Founder of Black Therapists Rock.    

This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, November 16th, 2022 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat. Today’s guest is Michelle Wagner.  A children’s book author and advocate for families with special needs children. The main character in her book series, Mickey, is Michelle’s real life 14-year-old son who was born with hearing loss in both ears and wears Cochlear Implants to aid him in his hearing journey. Michelle has dedicated her life to making sure Mickey has the best medical care and resources. She assists families as they work together through the different approaches to raising a special needs child.    Transcripts: Lorilee Binstock  00:01:57  Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock, and this is A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast. Thank you so much for joining me live on Fire side chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock. Everyone has an opportunity to ask me or our guest questions by requesting the hop on stage, but we do ask that everyone be respectful. I will try to get you as soon as possible. Today's guest is Michelle Wagner, children's book author and advocate for families with special needs children, the main character in her book series Mickey on the move, Mickey, is Michelle's real life fourteen year old son who was born with hearing loss in both ears and Where cochlear implants to aid him in his hearing journey. Michelle has dedicated her life to making sure Mickey has the best medical care and resources, and she insists families as they work together through the different approaches to facing a special needs child, Michelle, thank you so much for joining me today.   Michelle M Wagner  00:03:16  Thank you for having me, Laurie.   Lorilee Binstock  00:03:19  Well, you know, I think this is amazing. You know, you we we kind of compensated briefly... Through email, but you know, you talked about, I didn't realize it, but Mickey was adopted, and you didn't know at the time during the adoption that Mickey. There was any hearing loss. Could you talk a little bit about that process of adoption. And when you discovered, he actually had some hearing loss.   Michelle M Wagner  00:03:53  Sure. He so we decided my husband at time and I decided to adapt, and I had had cousin in Ohio had just adapted it to very sweet boys from Russia, actually, And we decided to do the same. We had enough resources, and I researched and met other parents that went through a bay area here where we live adoption agency, and then also connected you know, with resources to help guide us through the entire process. It was long about a year and a half. And when they finally found Mikey for us and an orphan in Tomorrow, who's was about sixteen months old, and we had to take three trips to Russia to visit him, and he was so sweet and smiley, and instantly, we made a connection with him. And they had just mentioned that he had ear infections, and it was twenty below zero in cold.   Lorilee Binstock  00:05:03  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:05:04  And that might have been, you know, a significant factor, and he was also born premature. And once we... Once the adoption process was finished, and we brought him back to California, we shortly there thereafter realized that he was not hearing, and we took him to an ear nose and throat specialist. And then to a special hospital Ucsf, where an cardiologist in a special team met with us, And they said he was profoundly deaf in both ears. So he had no hearing, and they asked if we wanted a hearing and speaking trials or assigning child, and then we would take the, you know, take it from there. And so we decided to give him every opportunity possible. And we he was able to get bilateral cochlear implants, so that was implant in both ears, and it was a very intense operation and time in our lives, and we had a way you know, to be approved, and then to get the operation and recovery was a couple months, and then he was implanted and his processors were activated, and he was three years old at that time. And now he is fourteen, and he has thriving,   Lorilee Binstock  00:06:31  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:06:32  playing sports, and, you know, we still do speech lessons every day, but the whole entire journey has been extremely rewarding.   Lorilee Binstock  00:06:42  Oh, that's so amazing to hear. You know, being being a parent just without having a child with special needs is is challenging. Does it like for you through the the whole process and and and raising a child now he's fourteen with in thriving, which is incredible. What would you how would you describe parenting a special needs child?   Michelle M Wagner  00:07:10  Aside... Aside from being, you know, rewarding, I think it was actually a gift and something that sort of required me really stepping up to the plate and doing the best that I could you know, they say god doesn't give you anything you can't handle   Lorilee Binstock  00:07:33  Exactly.   Michelle M Wagner  00:07:34  shortly after we adapted him. My his dad and I separated, and we went through a pretty lengthy divorce while we were going through the whole cochlear implant process, and, you know, it had its challenges I at that time, you know, I decided to do whatever I needed on my end. To be the best mom that I could and take this gift and challenge on you know, it's the best of my ability. And, you know, every everything now when I look back, all all everything that we have gone through and are still continuing to go through has, I think, me us both, you know, more empathetic and Mickey as actually a an extremely empathetic child. He really cares for others. He likes helping others, and it's it's been, very rewarding.   Lorilee Binstock  00:08:42  So you wrote a book series Mickey on the move. Based on your son. What brought that on?   Michelle M Wagner  00:08:54  Well, I am I'm a realtor now. And I've been in a business design business, although   Lorilee Binstock  00:08:57  Mhmm   Michelle M Wagner  00:09:00  you know, right at a high school, I went to college for teaching and that paid off. But, you know, it's actually the Covid, you know, Covid. What hope it gave to us sort of... Maybe right the book. I... Mickey and I were living with my then rick, and, you know, we were, you know, pretty much on lockdown like everybody else. And I had had people suggest, you know, I write, you know, other authors, and I always wanted to bring more awareness. To cochlear implants. I coached every sport, Mickey was on,   Lorilee Binstock  00:09:36  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:09:40  you know, baseball Soccer, and has been you know, an advocate without realizing it really what I was doing was just being his mom and, you know, being working from home, and, you know, doing more things at home with Mickey to sort of homeschool him and educate him here. Wow, you know, we weren't really interacting with the outside world. We got chickens and   Lorilee Binstock  00:10:06  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:10:06  plant bigger garden and I just really wanted to bring awareness, and it... You know, I just took a shot of it. And the first book really ended up kicking off, and that was mickey on the move, and it did... So. Wow, You know, let's just by many people that I do a series, and so, you know, it took some time, but I... This like a book came out and it's one a bunch of awards already. And really when and has done is educate everybody, and I donate to schools because, you know, we should celebrate all our unique differences and the things that make us all special. And the only way we can really do that is through education.   Lorilee Binstock  00:10:52  Agree. Absolutely. A hundred percent. I think that that is such a beautiful beautiful way, especially during Covid and you took during this difficult period, you you just took this opportunity to raise awareness about your son, and and I just absolutely love that. It's just it's it's so heartwarming for me when I think about it. And you know, what was it like for for Mickey? In school growing up with these cochlear and implants.   Michelle M Wagner  00:11:37  It was... I mean, he knows really nothing else. Like, you know, I like I said, he's just... He's received so much love and something that I always like to really emphasize on is that adults and children alike, you know, all we all really need is is love and,   Lorilee Binstock  00:11:57  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:11:58  you know, a little enthusiasm as and I never... I... You know, Making and I did as much as we could. I'm grateful for the all the time I was able to spend in the classrooms, You know, he did not attend a typical classroom, you know, as most children do until he was in the fourth grade, and it was here where we live in the next block. Which also that inspired my book because he was able to ride his bike to school when we when we first began, he was at special school. It was in San Francisco, and it was a special day class for children that were just implanted was a preschool, and, you know, they really emphasized on speech, and then that was an hour in a half from our house. It And then he eventually got into a school, which was forty five minutes away. It town called Santa Rosa And there, who's also in a special day class with other kids with cochlear implants. Some of them had some other disabilities And we just truly, you know, went jumped both heat into everything. I encourage him to try everything possible you know, play every sport. We had very long days with a, you know, forty... With basically two hours of driving, and then we would do you know, speech after school, We've had a wonderful speech therapist here in our term. Her name is also Michelle.   Lorilee Binstock  00:13:32  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:13:33  She's become part of our family. And, you know, even now that High school, he is still seeing her because, you know, we just... You know, I... Like I said, like, from the very beginning, both his dad and I wanted to make sure he was able to access every opportunity possible.   Lorilee Binstock  00:13:58  Wow. You any challenges that he face.   Michelle M Wagner  00:14:11  Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of frustration and there was when he was younger, not wanting to keep the cochlear and implants earn, for those people that don't really know much about cochlear implants, First of all, it's one of the great advances of modern medicine. That that's her true. For Know, they're they're truly   Lorilee Binstock  00:14:32  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:14:34  bio organ, you know, very resisting from hearing aids. And and they just... They directly electrically stimulate the acoustic nerve. So he has something on the inside of his head, and then on the outside, he wears ten of mini of emitting computer and stuff with a magnet that attaches to his head. And as anyone can imagine, you know, sometimes kids have a hard time wanting to wear sunscreen or a hat and making had these magnets on his head, you know, that sometimes they wanted to rip off. He rather, you know, he would throw off or you know, in the beginning, there were times I think he had headaches from then when he was first and planted.   Lorilee Binstock  00:15:19  Mhmm   Michelle M Wagner  00:15:20  And, you know, with the speech barrier and learning language at an older age. It was really hard for him to explain what he was wearing on his head. And to other children and to other parents. And that really that really inspired me to write the books because now. And even, you know, when we're traveling, when I first wrote the book, mickey kind of used the books of a business card.   Lorilee Binstock  00:15:47  Yeah.   Michelle M Wagner  00:15:48  There's a picture of the implant and what the cochlear looks like. And what's on the inside of his head along with what goes on the outside of his head. But there... You know, there were the challenges were just trying to explain why he is quote him unquote different.   Lorilee Binstock  00:16:05  What was his reaction when you published the book? Did you ask him for a permission to write it in the first place?   Michelle M Wagner  00:16:10  Oh, Yeah. I yeah You know, I mentioned it to him and he loves books. He especially looked like books. He's very visual.   Lorilee Binstock  00:16:14  Or   Michelle M Wagner  00:16:21  And And, you know, I just said, I'm gonna write a book i book about you and book about your cochlear implants so he knew And then the day, you know, we would, you know, once I work for the publisher and got the print you know, version just like, on my computer or Pdf, I would print it out. We colored it together. And and then once we receive the card copy of the book, he could not believe it. And I mean, he was just telling everybody. He was,   Lorilee Binstock  00:16:46  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:16:50  you know, the best little salesman.   Lorilee Binstock  00:16:53  I bet.   Michelle M Wagner  00:16:55  I he he was just wrote. And then when the second one came out, he was even more thrilled. And, you know, he is so proud of it, proud about it. He's proud of where he is today, how far he's come and, you know, all of our our joint achievements.   Lorilee Binstock  00:17:14  So you you did talk about him in sports. Has there... Has there been any challenges with with with sports or anything? Or... It's like anything. It's just a learning curve.   Michelle M Wagner  00:17:30  Yes. Well, no. There... It had its own set of challenges up until about three years ago, as cochlear implants there is no way to swim or do any type of water sports with them on.   Lorilee Binstock  00:17:43  Mhmm   Michelle M Wagner  00:17:45  And in the second vocal making began move, farming, I I touch on that because now they have developed, like, aqua calculator leaders, and it's... You know, you just... You have to put all these extra devices in waterproof onto cochlear implant. And making now has had definitely, you know, adapted to doing this on his own. But as you can imagine, a young child needs help getting dressed, And so Mickey always, you know, needed help with with everything. So in the beginning, he he loves to swim and he was just... He couldn't hear anything while he was swimming. So I would teach either other children swimming with him. Or when we did swimming lessons as much signing as I could just... To in order for him to be able to interact and understand with the other kids what was going on and things like that as far as wearing a magnet and a processor on your head, you can imagine when you're running around, it just falls off.   Lorilee Binstock  00:18:53  yeah.   Michelle M Wagner  00:18:54  And so wait... You know, just talking to other parents with that's why I'm always happy to talk to other parents who have children with cochlear player implants. Some... Another parent had told me about buying wig tape And because it's like double white tape and just using it on the back of the cochlear so that it sticks to his head.   Lorilee Binstock  00:19:09  Oh. Have you tried it? Has it worth?   Michelle M Wagner  00:19:17  Oh, we've been doing it since I found out about it. So since was probably four years old, we've been doing that because it works better than actually connecting like a string that it attaches to his clothes to do it. And and then as started playing like baseball soccer, all of that, I found special helmets when he was playing, like, little league, and they actually have an extra space inside the helmet. For for like, so the cochlear cochlear implant and the outside has room. But none of this happened overnight. None of this was easy. You know, I meant this is twelve years later. And when I look back now,   Lorilee Binstock  00:19:55  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:20:00  you know, it seems surreal that we were able to go through that and be here where we are today because there was a lot of you know, very hard challenging times. And, you know, I tried to have a positive outlook on everything and I think my positive attitude snug on Mickey,   Lorilee Binstock  00:20:24  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:20:24  and he that... And he doesn't you rarely will see him too frustrated. And, you know, my patience You know, I I mean, it was is what I wanted you. I always wanted to be a mom,   Lorilee Binstock  00:20:41  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:20:41  and, you know, I never imagined getting divorced. Shortly after finally becoming a arm, especially after, you know, going through a long adapt process. And it was a hard time for me as well. And and actually, ten and a half years sober now   Lorilee Binstock  00:21:00  Yeah.   Michelle M Wagner  00:21:00  because I chose to the the healthiest lifestyle said so that I could have, you know, really a lot of clarity with each day, and I could give mickey my all because, like, you know, that was what he deserved and, you know, thinking now what might have happened to if he stayed in that door... You know, orphan engine russia. I just really... I put him first And, you know, I... It's... You know, I had a lot of support through community and family and friends very supportive of everything. And I think the best way to, you know, gain support is to be open and to share and I shared you know, everything that I was feeling and going through and, you know, through that today you know, I don't think that there's anything that comes our way that we can't try and take on.   Lorilee Binstock  00:22:03  Was there... And you said You've been sober for ten years. Congratulations that's incredible.   Michelle M Wagner  00:22:11  Thank you.   Lorilee Binstock  00:22:13  Did you have a support system around you to help get you sober.   Michelle M Wagner  00:22:20  Definitely. The same support so done that making and I have had through, you know, is, you know, you know, not being typical in his implant. I, you know, I was... I say lucky now that I was able to go to a program rehabilitation program here in the Bay area so that I could totally take on learning, educating myself about addiction and, you know, what both processes were kind of similar. And I'm always, you know, I'm person that when I don't know something or when I don't understand something and when Mickey was implanted, we registered in the John Tracy clinic, which was Southern California, and it was kind of to teach a parent and child how to live together in a successful way with with, you know, hearing impairment. And all the challenges at my, and we did that right away when he was two and a half, and it was intense and it was for,   Lorilee Binstock  00:23:27  Man.   Michelle M Wagner  00:23:30  you know, three weeks. We lived in these dorm with other kids with that were nearly cochlear had cochlear implants, and it really gave me the ground basis for how to how for... For how, you know, me and make you were gonna function in our home. You know, he needed to be quiet. He couldn't go to restaurants. You know, loud situations were difficult in me than being able to go to rehab to really learn about addiction and how I could live a healthier lifestyle helped me, you know, and we embrace both of them and till this day, we still take what we learn from there. You know, I take what I learned from both John Tracy Clinic, and Alt, which is the has place I went to for addiction. And those are those are a part of our life every single day.   Lorilee Binstock  00:24:27  Wow. You know, as mothers, a lot of us mothers, were we're like, oh, we'll just... We'll have a drink and, you know, sometimes it it... It gets too much. But when did you realize that you needed to get help?   Michelle M Wagner  00:24:48  Well, the thing is I I like didn't even think I had a problem says mostly in Denial, and then I was realizing that I was sort of drowning my sorrows about divorce, and you know, probably, you know, the whole adoption process in itself was very intense and, you know, the trips to Russia and then seeing all those children, you know, it was a lot to handle at the the time. And, you know, I think...   Lorilee Binstock  00:25:17  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:25:20  You know, drowning my sorrows with a big part of it and, you know, family members, actually, you know, like suggesting that I, you know, stopped drinking and I said, no. That's that's fun. And you know, finally, I just... They got to be too much, and I, you know, was dependent on it and you know, I knew I couldn't do it on my own. I knew I needed to help, and then I wasn't gonna be able to stop on my own and you know and, like, just like with Nikki, you know, finding a place like the John Tracy Clinic for him to go to. My family members help find one of the best places I could go to because time was of the essence.   Lorilee Binstock  00:26:12  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:26:13  Mickey was nearly implanted. I went right when my divorce was finalize. And it's one of the best gifts I've ever given myself to this day. And the community that I've met through through that here in a local town in just everybody worldwide, you know, I've spoken you know, at all kinds of seminars and differently have clinics and huge participate in meetings and advocates for that as well. And I'm very open about it. And, you know, because of that, I think I've been able to help a lot of people with that as well.   Lorilee Binstock  00:26:52  I mean, just listening to you, I feel like there's so many people who are just going to just say, Yeah. Me too. Me too. And and maybe just from you just saying that they'll say maybe I should get some help. So I think what you're doing for yourself, what you're doing for Mickey is just incredible. I you know, going back to what you were talking about, you know, Mickey playing baseball, you know, my daughter, she plays baseball. And on her team, there's a boy who who is deaf. So he's he does fine language. He doesn't wear implants. Just the sweetest kid. And, you know, when I think about myself growing up, I feel like that wouldn't have been a thing. Like, everyone loves this kid, and everyone supports this. Kid everyone's rooting for this kid, and I feel like so many people do that because there's so much awareness about, you know, people's differences. And how we should celebrate everyone's differences, and I think that your book does exactly that. And I think, you know, I I I feel... I'm... I'm sure you give yourself enough credit for. But I really don't know if you do because I think it's such a beautiful thing for for other kids to be able to be like, oh, this is this is normal. Just... This is this is... We we wanna celebrate everyone and, you know, makes me cheer up because I think it's just so sweet. So I feel like what you're doing and in writing this book and creating awareness, not only around your own situation,   Michelle M Wagner  00:28:24  Mhmm   Lorilee Binstock  00:28:32  but Mickey as well. And I think that's for a trauma survivor driver's podcast And that's that's kind of the whole premise is to, you know, whether it's little t traumas or big traumas, you know, showing that people can be resilient and, you know, you said earlier about your your attitude, your positive attitude and how that rubbed off A hundred percent of believer that that positive energy gets transferred because even I notice it with my children when I'm in a bad mood and I'm being negative. My kids are not happy, and they're also negative.   Michelle M Wagner  00:29:13  share.   Lorilee Binstock  00:29:15  Right. It's it's... And and And so making... And also making that change that you did and and going to get sober. And being sober for ten years, I mean, he i I'm not sure if he knows exactly what has happened, but he can feel that he can feel that resilience that energy.   Michelle M Wagner  00:29:35  Right. And I I I agree and you know, he doesn't. It's hard for him to understand because he you know, with his premature birth and things has have a lot of cognitive delays also. So it's it's not like you know, the only challenge we have and his hearing loss, You know, And he's just learning now how to read and you know, it's... We have, you know, it's it's... You know, it's, you know, still long road ahead. And, you know, now, you know, a topic lately that's come up and you know, I've taken, like, fully on because I'm I'm grateful that like using so me as a best friend and this so the worthy of me and you know, it's me you choose us to talk to about puberty,   Lorilee Binstock  00:30:21  Mhmm. Oh, that's wonderful.   Michelle M Wagner  00:30:27  and all this, you know, And it's, of course, he's older than most children moved publicly be interested in it and stuff. But, you know, I I kinda of a... As a, you know, mom master dad or a step dead being the one he wants to top too, asked other parents in Sent because this is this is my first time, you know, talking to about going through puberty with a fourteen year old boy and all the questions that come with him, and I've had so many people. So openly share with you know, what they have used and techniques in books and, you know, I always open, you know, to suggestions, and it's really helped us was that at the moment?   Lorilee Binstock  00:31:11  What is your biggest tip or suggestion for parents with special needs children.   Michelle M Wagner  00:31:20  Just to just love it, you know, I always go back to loving them and, you know, a resilient parent you know, is a great model for every resilient child, and a parent that gives it there all and never gives up and, you know, is just present, you, and very, you know, a part of that child's life is the best thing that truly that you could do, but a positive attitude and just being able to be open and engaging and, you know, always they're always there for them.   Lorilee Binstock  00:32:07  Yeah.   Michelle M Wagner  00:32:07  Is is is all a child's needs, and it's the same for adults similar for for adults. I mean, everybody needs, you know, a friend, a hug some love, you know, we're we are all social animals, and You know, I think I I have done everything up until this point, and we'll continue to use that to allow Mickey to feel in every social situation.   Lorilee Binstock  00:32:35  Are there more books in the series to come?   Michelle M Wagner  00:32:38  Yes. There are... Right now, I am working and book number three, and there there will be an of sports. And as I mentioned about the special helmets and things like that and you know, there's been a football player.   Lorilee Binstock  00:32:45  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:32:54  He used to play for the that had cochlear implants, and that's how they made the special helmets where that whole thing came from and how I was able to source a helmet with a space or a cochlear implant when he was playing little league.   Lorilee Binstock  00:33:06  Wow.   Michelle M Wagner  00:33:08  And another author of children's books, and she does... She writes books about each football team, and she's the cheerleader of the book. You know, I met her. I'm from Chicago. She's in Pennsylvania, but we've connected, and she inspired me and kind of, you know, encouraged me to start writing. And, you know, she hasn't said a look at about the forty writers. And so we are gonna also call great a book together aside from the members three from Move.   Lorilee Binstock  00:33:42  Wow. So you're busy. Busy. That's amazing.   Michelle M Wagner  00:33:45  Yes.   Lorilee Binstock  00:33:47  Did you ever imagine the success of the series.   Michelle M Wagner  00:33:51  No. That is for her. I never thought I would have to run so many prints of it. I never imagined it would win so many awards   Lorilee Binstock  00:33:52  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:34:01  But really, the thing that warms my heart the most is how much Mickey loves it, how proud he is of it.   Lorilee Binstock  00:34:07  Mhmm.   Michelle M Wagner  00:34:07  And how schools actually now worldwide, not just in the United States are really taking it as part of their curriculum.   Lorilee Binstock  00:34:17  Oh, that is incredible. Wow. That is amazing. You must be so proud.   Michelle M Wagner  00:34:23  I I am. I... Yeah.   Lorilee Binstock  00:34:26  Mhmm   Michelle M Wagner  00:34:26  And we police. But, yes, ma'am.   Lorilee Binstock  00:34:29  Wow. Well is there anything else that you'd like to add?   Michelle M Wagner  00:34:35  I think that just... You know, we we can all do the unimaginable if we put our hearts into it and we could all, you know, get be very supportive to the friends and family and children around us. And, you know, know. But nobody or can do things on their own. It's not afraid to ask for how and that's something I really modeled for Mickey, you know, and in my sobriety, you know, asking for help, in learning more about cochlear influence asking for help. And I always keep my door literally open. And I'm willing to help anyone.   Lorilee Binstock  00:35:17  Suppose. Thank you, Michelle for joining me today. I really appreciate having you here and just learning more about what you've done in your story. I think it's beautiful. And and absolutely wonderful. So thank you so much.   Michelle M Wagner  00:35:33  Thank you, Lorilee. It's been a pleasure.   Lorilee Binstock  00:35:36  Well, that was Michelle Wagner, children's book author and advocate for families with special needs children for more info on Michelle. You can click on that scrolling fortune cookie right there on your screen, and that will send you to her website where you can purchase her book Michelle has contributed to July issue of authentic insider you can catch that issue by going to my website from survivor drivers. Thrive dot com. That's trauma thrive dot com. November issue is out now. And if you haven't already subscribe to my emails list to get authentic insight our magazine in your inbox monthly. Thank you so much for joining me today. We will be taking a break for the holidays, but we will be back in January With an awesome lineup up of guests. So please follow me on Instagram and all of my social media platforms to see what's happening in the meantime. You've been listening to A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast on Fireside. I'm Lorilee Binstock, have a safe and healthy holiday season.

Today’s guest is Michael JE Barry.  A successful musician and trauma survivor, Michael has been diagnosed with a rare disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder which is also known as Multiple Personality Disorder. Michael is also the Author of Rooftops, a fiction novel that is part fantasy, part magical reality.