The Art of Charm

Welcome to Fan Mail Friday #87! No jibber-jabber, just a short show where we answer Art of Charm listener mail and give out mini-lessons for the weekend! Let's cut to it! In this episode: How do you balance your need to find the best career fit with being transparent to the people who believed in you from the get-go? Should you stick with your company that won't promote you unless you get an advanced degree -- even though you've been there for years and believe your experience should count for something? After years of substance abuse and hitting rock bottom, you're now on track to getting your life back. But what do you do when your negative family keeps judging you for mistakes of the past in spite of having a good relationship and excellent grades? How can you successfully manage your relationships at work without getting too involved in the gossip that prevails there? What do you do when you're an actor and your significant other freaks out at the prospect of your inevitable romantic scenes? A quick shoutout to Sheila and Hari Nadiminti -- a husband and wife team of doctors on the East Coast who listen to AoC on the regular! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Working with other people? Struggling to keep everyone on the same page? We use Basecamp 3 at The Art of Charm, and it's the only platform you're going to need to organize all of your company's projects and communication in one place -- Art of Charm listeners can try Basecamp 3 for free here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-87-mind-over-alma-mater/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Art of Charm (@TheArtofCharm) has ways of making you talk! If you want to know how to keep a conversation going and avoid the awkward calm that sometimes besets even the most animated of chats, you'll want to dip into the toolbox for this one. [Image of awkward conversation captured by Kyle Taylor] The Cheat Sheet: The best conversationalists are the best listeners. What do you do when you run out of things to say in a conversation? Learn how to lessen the crushing pressure of being interesting by focusing on being interested. Understand how to stay tuned in to the conversation by picking up on often-ignored (but crucially important) nonverbal cues. Banish meaningless small talk and learn how to ask questions that build rapport and natural conversation. And so much more... Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/aoc-toolbox-how-to-keep-the-conversation-going-episode-562/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan Ariely (@danariely) is a behavioral economist and bestselling author of Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions and the upcoming Payoff: The Hidden Logic That Shapes Our Motivations. The Cheat Sheet: How does the What the Hell effect keep us making bad decisions even when we know they're bad? Are we ever truly rational, unbiased, or impartial? What's the best time to appear before a judge? Transparency in our lives can often backfire. How motivation works (and doesn't work) and how we can use our own psychology against ourselves. And so much more... Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code AOC! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/dan-ariely-payoff-episode-561/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Minisode Monday, recent guest Jenny Blake, author of Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One, helps us separate difficult decisions from difficult conversations and handle both of these to get unstuck and move forward. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: When you're at a pivot point, about to make a big career decision, what is your gut instinct telling you about what you really want? Most of us have a sense of what would help us get unstuck, but we're afraid to proceed when the time comes. Are we afraid of the decision itself, or the difficult conversations surrounding the decision once made? Here, Jenny gives us some level-headed advice about how to get unstuck and make sure we proceed with the decision we really want to make instead of the decision that will just help us avoid awkward conversations. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-25-get-unstuck-from-hard-decisions/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: At this point, if you aren't aware there's an election going on this November in the United States until a celebrity or your favorite podcast (ahem) tells you about it, maybe you should just sit this one out? Robert Cialdini's Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion was exactly that for Jordan growing up -- an influence. But was it also an inoculation? (Incidentally, you should check out our episode with Robert Cialdini here!) If you're always the one reaching out to friends and family, is it wrong to feel ticked off when they don't check up on you now that you've moved away? Related listening from the AoC toolbox: Moving to a New Town (Episode 400) A listener asks last week's Passion or Paycheck question: "Can't you do both?" When the dynamic in a casual relationship changes, it's easy to wonder what caused it. It's harder to identify yourself as the possible catalyst. If you're a no-nonsense type who never looks back, would a permanent social media purge be an effective B.S. cutter, or a shot in the foot? Related listening: Cal Newport | Deep Work (Episode 515) Is it fair to pursue new relationships when you're still pining for your ex? Quick shoutouts to Jacob Brady-Walker and Asha (perhaps our youngest fan so far!) and Grumpy Old Geeks -- producer Jason DeFillippo's other podcast with new episodes every Friday! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-86-doting-on-the-voting/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jon Levy (@JonLevyTLB) is a behavior scientist who studies influence and adventure. He returns to the show to talk about his latest book, The 2 AM Principle: Discover The Science of Adventure. The Cheat Sheet: What is adventure and why should we seek it out? Learn the four stages of any adventure. What it takes to filter the right people into your circle. How to politely cut ties with the wrong people. Breaking self-imposed limitations in our lives. And so much more... Don't like to shop for clothes? Let Five Four Club be your personal fashion stylist. Complete a short style quiz and receive a monthly curated package at your doorstep! Go to fivefourclub.com and use promo code CHARM at sign-up to get 50% off your first package! DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design -- even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/jon-levy-the-2-am-principle-episode-560/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kevin Kelly (@kevin2kelly) is the founding editor of Wired magazine and, most recently, author of The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future. The Cheat Sheet: Technology is an extension of the natural process of evolution. What's driving technology; what will the future look like? Why Artificial Intelligence (AI) is the biggest thing since electricity. Ways humanity will interact with future technology and AI -- and how it will change our lives in ways we can scarcely imagine. How technology will actually make us better humans. And so much more... Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Avoid trips to the post office with Stamps.com -- The Art of Charm listeners get a postal scale and $55 of postage for free here! Working with other people? Struggling to keep everyone on the same page? We use Basecamp 3 at The Art of Charm, and it's the only platform you're going to need to organize all of your company's projects and communication in one place -- Art of Charm listeners can try Basecamp 3 for free here! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/kevin-kelly-inevitable-future-episode-559/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. In this Minisode Monday, Clay Hebert joins us to talk about what makes a perfect day, month, or year and working backwards to make this happen. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Whatever motivates you toward action -- no matter how lame someone else might think your methods -- is fair game. Think of what a perfect day looks like to you. For Seth Godin, it's being home by a certain time every night to cook dinner for his family -- and he builds the rest of his day toward that goal. Design a day with structures that support what makes it perfect for you. Eliminate, automate, and outsource the hitches that disrupt perfection wherever possible. To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/minisode-monday-24-make-perfect-day/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Sometimes a workplace bully is best defeated by the kind of precision and persistence usually reserved for military endeavors. After all, this is war. Speaking of the military, should you put in another eight years to get half-salary pension for the rest of your life, or get out now and use your GI Bill benefits for film school? How can you tone down your hyper-competitive nature and just have fun playing games instead of trying to dominate everyone who dares to oppose you? How can a leader control their stress levels to keep a positive and strong face for the people who look to them for guidance? Quick shoutouts to Clint, Brandon Clift, and -- last but not least -- Ronsley Vaz in Australia at the We Are Podcast event in Gold Coast. Jordan had a blast with you guys and can't wait to do it again next year (if he's invited back, of course)! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/fan-mail-friday-85-war-bullies-stress/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nancy Duarte (@nancyduarte) and her agency have been transforming Silicon Valley companies into movements for 25 years. She is the author of several books -- most recently Illuminate: Ignite Change Through Speeches, Stories, Ceremonies, and Symbols. The Cheat Sheet: How to persuade by speaking in a way that tells a story of contrasts. What great communicators have in common and how to borrow from their playbook. How to frame yourself as a leader -- aka a torchbearer -- in your business (even if you don't consider yourself the figurehead type). How to learn and master the highest leverage communication skills for the quickest and most dynamic return on your time and effort. The five stages of a venture scape: dream, leap, fight, climb, and arrive. And so much more... Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! Want three free rides up to $10 each? Download the free Lyft app today and enter promo code AOCPODCAST in the payment section! If you want the most amazing shave possible, take it from us: use a fresh DSC Executive blade and Dr. Carver's Shave Butter -- two reasons to join Dollar Shave Club here today! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/nancy-duarte-ignite-and-illuminate-episode-558/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices