The Art of Charm

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: What is Jordan's background in law enforcement? Some listener feedback for Troubled in Tennessee from Fan Mail Friday #94 by someone who's been there before. Why don't we cover business and fitness topics more often? How do we offer grief support to others in a way that serves them best? (Thanks to the LifeProTips subreddit for help with this one.) A listener of shorter stature worries that he's taken on a small personality. A couple of questions about cultural identity in the United States. Quick shoutouts to PJ and Jameel Kassouri! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter "ART OF CHARM" in the how you heard about us section. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/fmf97/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mind Pump (@MindPump) hosts Adam Schafer, Justin Andrews, and Sal Di Stefano talk podcast shop, communication, business, the changing face of courtship, and more with Jordan in this longer format conversational episode. The Cheat Sheet: How does Jordan bottle his own special brand of podcast magic when a good interview at The Art of Charm runs longer than anticipated? What do your good friends really mean when they tell you to "just be yourself?" What does a day at AoC residential Bootcamp look like (and why are women coached separately)? What are the most common pitfalls that ruin new relationships, and how has courtship changed since the '70s? Do you keep forgetting about all those nonverbal communication skills whenever you're actually mingling in the real world? Learn the Doorway Drill to convey confidence as an automatic habit. And so much more... Learn over 500 subjects (no tests or homework!) at The Great Courses Plus -- The Art of Charm listeners get one month free here! If you're only going to take one supplement to boost energy, balance nutrition, and aid digestion, then Athletic Greens, with its 76 natural ingredients, is what we recommend. Art of Charm listeners get 50% off here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/mind-pump-raw-truth-episode-582/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gavin de Becker (@gavindebecker) is the the author of The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence and the security pioneer who designed the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems used at the top levels of government. This is the second part of a two-part series (check out part one here). The Cheat Sheet: Why is "no" the end of the discussion for a man, but the beginning of a negotiation for a woman in our culture? Understand why you should be wary of the unsolicited promise. Should we try to join our intuition to our intellect, or do the two work better on their own? Learn the difference between worry and fear -- why worrying is ultimately useless while fear can save your life. Try the Rule of Opposites exercise to calibrate your intuition in the moment. And so much more... Casper makes hybrid mattresses that combine premium latex foam with memory foam -- and won't charge you an arm and a leg for them. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase here by using promo code AOC! Wearing a stylish timepiece shouldn't break the bank. Art of Charm listeners can find out why MVMT is the fastest-growing watch company in the world for 15% off with free shipping and free returns here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! You know James Altucher -- he's been on The Art of Charm, and Jordan's been on his show. We share a lot of similar guests, but we ask different questions. Check out The James Altucher Show here! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/gavin-de-becker-gift-fear-pt-2-episode-581 HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. As much as we might wish otherwise, personal growth isn't a comfortable process. AppSumo and OkDork's Noah Kagan rejoins us for this Minisode Monday to talk about how we can at least make sure it's a good discomfort rather than a bad discomfort. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: In order to grow, you have to step outside of your comfort zone. Not all discomfort is guaranteed to help you grow. Learn to tell the difference between the "good" discomfort that teaches you valuable lessons and "bad" discomfort that puts you through some kind of an ordeal without benefiting you in any way. Noah compares eating so much food that you can barely waddle away from the dinner table (bad discomfort) to going for a seven-mile walk with a good friend that results in sore legs -- but stronger muscles and better endurance -- and excellent conversation (good discomfort). Sometimes your brain will try to convince you the discomfort on the intended path ahead is bad when it's really good -- we're excellent at making excuses to avoid discomfort entirely. This week, try to step outside of your comfort zone in a way that promotes good discomfort. Noah recommends something simple: "Get out your phone right now and text someone something you wouldn't normally text them." It's an easy way to work out your discomfort muscle with minimal danger (though Jordan offers a few caveats you'd be wise to consider first). To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! If you're only going to take one supplement to boost energy, balance nutrition, and aid digestion, then Athletic Greens, with its 76 natural ingredients, is what we recommend. Art of Charm listeners get 50% off here! Listen to The Art of Charm, Beyond the Darkness, and hundreds of your favorite podcasts with the free PodcastOne app (on iOS and Android) here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/mm35/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: If you listened to our recent episode with Darya Rose, you understand the importance of creating good habits without having to fall back on willpower. But where do you begin? More feedback on jealousy in response to the actress whose boyfriend has trouble with her romantic scenes, and advice given by another listener. While listening to our most recent episode with Susan Winter about breakups, a listener who recently went through a breakup was prompted to write in for advice about getting back into the dating game. The catch: she has HSV and dreads the responsibility of telling potential new partners. A casual relationship had to hit the brakes because your partner's mother passed away. It's a few months later and you want to pick up where you left off. How do you know if the other person's ready -- and what should you do if they're not? [For reference, Kimberly Seltzer talks about covert contracts a bit here.] If the married person you're having an affair with stops having sex with you because they've discovered you watch porn, there may be other issues at play here. You probably already know what our advice is going to be here, but come along for the ride anyway, won't you? Shoutouts to Jeremy Ashton from the HATponics crew and the CHS Lions Powers of Hope team who build aquaponics systems in Jamaica to help deaf kids grow food, and Meredith from her crazy dad in Wuxi! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/fmf96/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Linda Carroll (@Lovecycleslinda) rejoins the show to discuss how we often label the other person in a relationship as "the crazy one" and why we need to examine where we land on the narcissistic continuum. Linda is a therapist and author of Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love. The Cheat Sheet: After a painful breakup, have you ever casually referred to the estranged party as your "crazy ex?" It's common to chalk up the strains of complex human dynamics as the results of someone else's mental disorder when we want to avoid taking personal responsibility for them -- and this is dangerous. While a real narcissist is hard to find, we all land somewhere on the narcissistic continuum. Learn what we can do if we think we or someone we know and love might be in a relationship with a narcissist -- or even be one. Understand the difference between being a true narcissist and exhibiting narcissistic qualities. And so much more... Are you trying to hire the right person for your business, but the best candidates keep slipping away? Let ZipRecruiter -- the fastest way to hire great people -- help you screen only the best here! Hate grocery shopping but you love to cook? Blue Apron delivers recipes and farm fresh ingredients to you. As an Art of Charm listener, you get your first two meals free here! With pain-free invoicing, FreshBooks helps entrepreneurs and freelancers save time and avoid a lot of the stress that comes with running a small business. Try a month of unrestricted use for free here (no credit card required)! Enter "ART OF CHARM" in the how you heard about us section. Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/580/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gavin de Becker (@gavindebecker) is the the author of The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence and the security pioneer who designed the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems used at the top levels of government. The Cheat Sheet: Violence is a reality -- if you're not prepared for its possibility, you'll be caught off guard by its eventuality. Learn how to hone your sixth sense for danger. Discover how to spot the red flags that signify someone as a likely abuser, con artist, or predator. How can technology paired with human intuition protect us from people who mean us harm? How literal is the term "gut feeling?" And so much more... If you're only going to take one supplement to boost energy, balance nutrition, and aid digestion, then Athletic Greens, with its 76 natural ingredients, is what we recommend. Art of Charm listeners get 50% off here! Whether you're a lady or a gent, you don't need to know what MicroModal fabric is to enjoy the comfort of MeUndies; you just need to wear them -- support this show (and yourself) with MeUndies here for 20% off! You know James Altucher -- he's been on The Art of Charm, and Jordan's been on his show. We share a lot of similar guests, but we ask different questions. Check out The James Altucher Show here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/gavin-de-becker-gift-fear-episode-579/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Minisode Monday, where we kick off the week with something quick and actionable -- to make you more magnetic and effective -- that you can implement right away. Last time he was on the podcast, Jon Acuff shared something he called the notecard exercise for people who wonder how to find good mentors. Let's get to it! The Cheat Sheet: Gather a big stack of 3×5 cards. You're going to write down one person per notecard. [00:43] Ask yourself these questions. [00:52] You'll probably end up with a huge stack of cards -- or, at the very least, a good starting point. [01:31] The purpose of this exercise is to illustrate that you have so many options that don't often come to mind, and now you've got some contacts to get the ball rolling. [02:00] You can also arrange the cards on a board and reach out to your contacts one by one to see what unfolds. [02:18] To learn more about social dynamics and productivity hacks, take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text CHARMED to 33444. Also be sure to check out our Social Capital Intensive here! Let us know about how you put today's Minisode Monday into practice! Leave a comment below, tweet with @TheArtofCharm in your response, or write to Jordan directly: jordan@theartofcharm.com (he reads everything)! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/mm34/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Time for Fan Mail Friday, where we'll be answering your questions and dropping some knowledge and feedback to help you kick the weekend off right. Let's cut to it! In this episode: Why do we steer away from more spiritual topics on this podcast? Is Jordan on the level? Mr. Mumbles from Fan Mail Friday 91 gets some advice from -- of all people -- Jordan's mom! You don't have to rely on the bar scene to be social -- you can banter with others in plenty of other situations. Adopting idiosyncrasies of high performers won't necessarily make you a high performer. Quick shoutouts to Rachel Whitney on the acting grind in Hollywood and Phil, who lost 140 pounds and shook off depression -- and credits his AoC experience for galvanizing these positive changes! Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@theartofcharm.com! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/fmf95/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Paul Bloom (@paulbloomatyale) is a developmental psychologist and author who returns to discuss his newly published book Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. The Cheat Sheet: How do you define empathy -- and do you believe it's a crucial component to "good" behavior? Learn why empathy actually does more harm than good by making us focus on smaller problems that affect one person over solving the bigger, intangible ones that can affect an entire population. How does empathy direct us to help in fundamentally biased ways? Why did we evolve empathy in the first place? Understand the differences between empathy, sympathy, and compassion (and why it matters in our decisions). And so much more... Gentleman's Box is a men's subscription service that provides men around the world with four to six men's style and grooming essentials in a monthly box. Use promo code "CHARM" at checkout to save $5 off any subscription option at Gentleman's Box here! Does your business have an Internet presence? Now save a whopping 50% on new webhosting packages here with HostGator by using coupon code CHARM! Find out more about the team who makes The Art of Charm podcast here! Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/paul-bloom-against-empathy-episode-578/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices