The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover changing ourselves and others with Peter Bregman. Peter blends his deep expertise in business, leadership, and people to deliver quantifiable results in business, professional, and personal development, and is the bestselling author and contributor of over 18 books, including his newest book, You CAN Change Other People: The Four Steps to Help Your Colleagues, Employees—Even Family—Up Their Game. Changing other people is not easy, but there are steps we can take to make positive changes in other peoples’ lives and do so in a high value cooperative way, so why do people resist change so much, what are the four things anyone needs before they will change, and how do approach people about making a change without coming across as the critic or the bad guy? What to Listen For Why do we struggle so much trying to change people – 1:53 Why do we readily accept changes we make for ourselves but strongly resist changes that other people try to make for us? What is the most important skill you can develop as a leader in your organization? What are the misconceptions we have about changing ourselves and people around us? The 4 things people need before they’ll change – 8:30 What gets in the way of people making changes in their lives and how can we help them make the changes they want? What emotion do we experience that makes it so much harder for us to change? Strategies to manage emotions in high pressure situations – 30:31 How do you approach helping people improve themselves so you are viewed as a friend or ally rather than the enemy? Indicators of a thorough plan for implementing change – 46:13 What can you do to implement change in your organization if you are not yet in an official leadership position? Changing other people is not easy, and that’s a good thing. If it were easy to change other people, that would make it easy for other people to change you. As individuals, we cherish our autonomy. We value our ability to be ourselves and resist the changes other people want us to make. With that said, none of us is perfect and we all have areas in our lives that could be improved and make our lives better. But in order for us to be open to allowing other people to help change us, there are four things we need. Once we have all four, we can come up with a plan and be held accountable by someone other than ourselves. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode You Can Change Other People by Peter Bregman Bregman Partners website Peter Bregman on LinkedIn Peter Bregman on Twitter Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover toxic relationships with AJ, Johnny, and Michael. Toxic relationships can suck the joy and satisfaction out of our lives, so what can you do to recognize the toxic relationships in your life, what can you do to remove them, and what traits should you look for when bringing new people into your life? What to Listen For What makes a toxic person toxic – 0:00 What one question can you ask yourself to determine if someone in your life is toxic? What situations draw out toxic people in our lives and how can we recognize them when they show themselves? Identifying toxic people in your life – 11:49 What simple methods can you use to identify toxic relationships in your life? How can your own self-awareness help you recognize why you are surrounding yourself with certain people? What can you do to support friends and family who have different values than you? The 7 signs of toxic people – 22:44 What are the 3 ways toxic people will try to control you and stop you from pursuing your goals? What are 4 ways your generosity can be taken advantage of by toxic individuals? The 3 high value traits of non-toxic people – 51:03 What traits should you look for in potential friends and professional connections? Removing toxic people from your life – 54:54 What are 5 ways to remove toxic people from your life? Loneliness and toxic relationships have been on the rise over the last couple of decades. But what does it mean for a relationship to be toxic? The easiest way is to ask yourself, “Is this person taking away happiness or purpose from my life?” Now, no one is perfect so there might be moments when you feel that way about a person, but if you feel that way consistently about someone, it’s time to see if their behavior is on our list of 7 traits of toxic people and then determine how you want to handle it. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode The 7 Signs of Toxic People (Cheat Sheet) Michael Herold’s TEDx Talk Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover anxiety with Dr Wendy Suzuki. Dr Suzuki is a professor of neural science and psychology at the New York University’s Center for Neural Science, and the author of “Healthy Brain, Happy Life: A Personal Program to to Activate Your Brain and Do Everything Better” and her newest book, “Good Anxiety: Harnessing the Power of the Most Misunderstood Emotion.” Anxiety is typically something we try to avoid, but why do we avoid it, what does science tell us about anxiety, and how can we use anxiety to our advantage? What to Listen For Introduction – 2:35 What is good anxiety and how do you recognize when anxiety is good or bad for you? How do you recognize when the anxiety you’re experiencing is bad enough that you should seek help? What behaviors might you be exhibiting that make your anxiety worse? Relationships and their impact on our anxiety – 11:32 How do your relationships impact your anxiety and what can you do to mitigate that impact? What simple exercise can you do anywhere to get a handle on your everyday anxiety? How can you use small rituals and habits to stop your anxiety from ruining your daily activities and responsibilities? Conquering anxiety – 27:12 What can you do if your anxiety is stopping you from falling asleep at night? What simple mental exercises can you use to diffuse your anxiety so it doesn’t have such a strong influence on your life? How can you prepare for social events so your anxiety doesn’t ruin the event for you? Managing anxiety in loved ones – 39:30 What can you do as parents if you are concerned about anxiety in your children? What do many of us do to make our anxiety worse when we believe it’s actually making our anxiety better? We tend to place anxiety into a category of emotions we try to avoid. While you can experience anxiety that is so bad it warrants professional help, the anxiety most of us deal with on a daily basis can be embraced for what it can teach us about ourselves and the people around us. If you want to better manage your anxiety, start by looking at it from a place of curiosity and creativity. Next time you’re experiencing anxiety, take a moment to ask yourself where the anxiety is coming from. The more you can look at your anxiety objectively, the faster it will subside and be manageable. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Dr Wendy Suzuki’s website Good Anxiety: Harnessing the Power of the Most Misunderstood Emotion Healthy Brain, Happy Life: A Personal Program to to Activate Your Brain and Do Everything Better Dr Wendy Suzuki on Twitter Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover influence with Professor Vanessa Bohns. Vanessa is a social psychologist, an award-winning researcher and teacher, and a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. We all have the ability to influence those around us to some degree, so what can you do to understand your influence, grow your influence, and use your influence to help you achieve your goals? What to Listen For Intro and Vanessa’s origin story – 0:00 What do many of us get wrong about our influence over others, the perception others have of us, and how much other people actually like us? Why do we always feel like everyone is watching when we feel embarrassed? What is the spotlight effect? How to start recognizing your influence – 13:34 What can you do to overcome the limiting beliefs you might have about how much influence you actually have? What can you do as an introvert to feel confident and comfortable in situations where you know it’s going to be uncomfortable? Being more genuine during the chaos of cancel culture – 24:30 What can we do to be more comfortable being genuine when people are scared to say the wrong thing? What can we do to counter those who want to use their power and influence against us if we are trying to be more open and trusting of others? What can you do to overcome your fear of rejection? Learning to say no – 36:16 How do you learn to say no to someone who is in a position of power or authority over you? Our common misconceptions about influence – 44:25 Why and how do we underestimate the compounding effect of our individual influence outside of the people we interact with directly? How do we view our influence compared to how our influence actually works on people around us? We often underestimate the impact we have on the people around us because of our misconceptions about how influence works. We get caught up in thinking influence is our ability to directly influence a person’s actions with our words, but in reality we influence the people around us in small amounts over extended periods of time. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode You Have More Influence Than You Think by Vanessa Bohns Vannesa Bohns’s website Vanessa Bohns on Twitter The invisibility cloak illusion: People (incorrectly) believe they observe others more than others observe them Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover anger management with Dr. Isabelle Leboeuf and Chris Fraser. Dr. Leboeuf integrates hypnotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, and compassion-focused therapy in her private practice in the North of France. Chris has been helping children, individuals, and families to be the best versions of themselves for over 25 years, and co-authored the book Freedom: How Teens Can Use Mindful Compassion to Thrive in a Chaotic World and Grow a Purpose-driven Life. Anger is an emotion we all experience throughout life, but how we respond to it makes all the difference in the world, so what even is anger, how should we look at it, and what are some healthy strategies for dealing with intense emotions like anger? What to Listen For Relationship between self-compassion and anger – 2:06 Is there a difference between the anger we feel toward others versus the anger we feel toward ourselves? Healthy strategies to process and work through anger – 11:00 What exercises should you use to work through anger and what should you avoid doing when you’re angry? What is the difference between compassion and self-compassion? What three words can you tell yourself to alleviate strong feelings of anger or frustration you’re experiencing? Is self-compassion just being easy on yourself? – 20:25 What are the three components of self-compassion? Defining and discovering core values – 29:00 How can you use negative and positive emotions to help you figure out what your core values are? Learning from compassion-focused therapy – 35:18 What can you learn from compassion-focused therapy to equip you with the tools to better handle intense emotional states so you don’t do something in the moment that you’ll regret? A full human life is arguably one in which you experience the entire spectrum of human emotions, positive and negative. Negative in this case can be interpreted as the opposite of what we think of as positive emotions, but it doesn’t mean a negative emotion is bad or should be avoided. As a society, we generally look down on or seek to avoid negative emotions such as anger and frustration, which can then lead us to not teach kids how to properly manage their anger. And a lack of anger management within an entire population will spell disaster for an entire generation that is not equipped to process and deal with their emotions in a healthy manner. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Freedom: How Teens Can Use Mindful Compassion to Thrive in a Chaotic World and Grow a Purpose-driven Life by Chris Fraser Dr. Isabelle’s website Compassionate Mind Collaborative website Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover focus and attention with Dr. Amishi Jha. Dr. Amishi Jha received her Ph.D. from the University of California–Davis, is a professor of psychology at the University of Miami, and is the Cofounder and Director of Contemplative Neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative. It seems like our attention spans are getting shorter every year, but are they really, what can we do to improve our ability to focus, and how do we deal with the countless entities always clawing for our attention everywhere we look? What to Listen For Introduction and Dr. Amishi’s origin story – 9:00 How does meditation better equip us to deal with everything that is fighting for our attention in daily life? What is attention and why should we care? – 19:24 What are the three components of attention and how do mindfulness practices influence our ability to pay attention? What mindfulness exercise can you start doing now to begin seeing the benefits of meditation? Are our attention spans actually getting shorter? How do we use our brain to combat our own lack of attention or focus? The Finder Flashlight Practice for developing focus – 31:20 What can you do to help your children learn to pay attention and focus? What advantages do people with ADD/ADHD have that people without it don’t have? Improving focus while living under a lot of stress – 48:50 What 12-minute exercise can you do on a daily basis to boost your ability to focus, even in high stress, high demand situations and environments? Our ability to focus on something for an extended period of time is one of the significant differences between humans and other animals. However, like other animals we can easily be distracted and lose that focus. So what can we do in today’s world where everything in our daily lives is fighting for our attention? We can start by meditating (or implementing a similarly effective mindfulness practice) that can help us cultivate a sense of awareness that isn’t so reactive and easily distracted. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Dr. Amishi’s website Peak Mind: Find Your Focus, Own Your Attention, Invest 12 Minutes a Day How to Tame Your Wandering Mind (TED Talk by Dr. Amishi) Dr. Amishi on Twitter Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover networking with AJ, Johnny, and Michael. Many of us don’t realize there is more to networking than simply showing up to events and introducing, so what kind of preparation should go into networking events, how do you know what value you have to offer those you meet, and how can you use digital platforms to be the super connector no one forgets? What to Listen For Intro to networking and Coach Michael’s recruitment – 0:00 What common misconceptions do people have about networking and interacting with people in your network? What 3 questions can you ask yourself to prevent you from wasting a life-changing networking opportunity? Networking hurdles and overcoming them – 9:50 What does science say about why so many of us feel uncomfortable about networking and what can we do about it? When and where should you avoid networking? Why is networking about more than just career development? Social capital and networking – 21:15 What are the 3 components of social capital and why do you need to know your social capital if you want to network effectively? What are the 2 strategies to networking and why do you need a mix of both in order to be successful at networking? Effective networking in the digital era – 34:50 What tips can you start using today to build an amazing network and connect with people you look up to? Why is it important to know your WHY when it comes to networking? What is the best way to introduce two people in your network? What are the best practices for following up with people you meet at a networking event (and what should you avoid doing)? Many of us view networking events as isolated opportunities to meet new people in which you only have the event itself to make new connections. The most effective networkers, however, know that is inefficient because that’s when everyone else is trying to do the same. Great networkers utilize the time before and after the events to start and strengthen new relationships. This can be as easy as messaging the attendees and speakers on LinkedIn before an event letting them know you are looking forward to meeting them and/or hearing their presentations. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Professional Networking Makes People Feel Dirty (HBS Article) Susan McPherson | Effortlessly Build a World-Class Network by Using These 5 Tips (AOC Podcast Episode) Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover peak performance and burnout with Carey Nieuwhof. Carey is the author of the best selling “Didn't See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences” and the host of one of our favorite podcasts, The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast. Introduction With all of the pressure to increase output and creativity these days, burn out is a real threat, so what are the warning signs you’re entering a dangerous burn out cycle, how can you avoid it, and how can you improve your skill set without risking burn out? What to Listen For Introduction and Carey’s history with burnout – 2:00 How do you manage the risks of burnout when building a business or focusing on your career? What does it mean to be at your best? – 14:10 What is one of the biggest myths about building a fulfilling career and life? What forms does burnout take and how can you recognize when you need help? The stress spiral and how to avoid it – 25:09 What are the warning signs you are stuck in the destructive stress spiral? What are the three types of energy zones we all have in a day and how do you identify them so you know when to do your best work and when to avoid doing work? Always be working on your gifts and skills – 43:45 How do world-class performers work to improve their talents and abilities? What do many of us allow our lives to be filled with that we should be saying no to? What exercise can you use to easily structure your week ahead of time so you don’t end up feeling overwhelmed or burned out? Why should you set goals for yourself if you want to learn how to start saying no effortlessly? If you are feeling burnt out at work, it might have less to do with how much you’re working and more to do with when you’re trying to work. It has been shown that humans have a specific window of peak energy during the day, and if you try to push yourself too far outside of that window, the effects can be detrimental to your productivity as well as your physical and mental health. By structuring your day around your individual peak window, you can revitalize your passion and productivity while easily saying no to work and appointments that don’t serve you. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode At Your Best: How to Get Time, Energy, and Priorities Working in Your Favor by Carey Nieuwhof Didn't See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences by Carey Nieuwhof The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover finding your life mission and turning it into a business with Brett Hagler. Brett is the CEO and Co-Founder of New Story, a Y Combinator graduate, and a cancer survivor recognized on Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list, named one of the Top 100 Most Intriguing Entrepreneurs by Goldman Sachs, and his company was named among Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Companies in the World” four different times. It’s no easy task to decide on a life mission, so what can you do figure out what yours is, why is it important to find work you’re passionate about or at least interested in, and how should you handle risk-taking and failure when pursuing a business idea that goes against the grain of mainstream thinking? What to Listen For What is New Story and why should you know about it? – 2:04 How did Brett Hagler realize solving homelessness is his life mission? What can you do to figure out what your life mission is? Why you should strive to do work you’re passionate about – 17:05 What hidden price do we pay for doing work we don’t find interesting or exciting? How can 3D printing be used to solve homelessness around the world? What’s it like going through Y-Combinator as a non-profit organization? How affordable will 3D-printed houses be and how soon will you be able to buy one? Building a base of loyal customers when starting a business – 33:50 What can you do to build a genuine connection with your customers when first starting a business that will set you apart from your competitors? How do you overcome self doubt when trying something new or experiencing success for the first time? What counterintuitive advice should you think about when starting and scaling a business if you don’t want to lose your best talent to your competition? Key strategies for handling failures in business – 47:50 What are the two ways to approach risk-taking when running a business and why should you avoid one? What are some of New Story’s greatest success stories? It’s true that the journey to finding your life mission is not easy. But if you want to be successful, it's worth taking the time and effort to find what you are passionate about—or at very least interested in doing. When starting a business for yourself, make sure you properly connect with your customers by providing them high-quality products they can't get anywhere else. And when failure strikes (and it will), use a few key strategies to handle tough times until better days come around again. Remember, "failure is just another word for opportunity." A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Brett Hagler’s website Brett Hagler on LinkedIn Brett Hagler on Twitter Brett Hagler on Instagram New Story website New Story on YouTube New Story on Instagram Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover stress and anxiety with Dr. Jonathan Horowitz. Jonathan Horowitz received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and is the CEO and founder of the San Francisco Stress and Anxiety Center where he helps people manage and overcome stress. Science is showing us that we are dealing with increased levels of stress and anxiety thanks to the pandemic, so what can you do to prevent your stress and anxiety from overwhelming you, how can you prevent burnout, and when do you know it’s time to seek professional help? What to Listen For Dr. Jonathan Horowitz’s origin story – 2:06 How easily can other people tell when you’re feeling nervous or anxious in a conversation? How does perfectionism get in the way of you achieving your goals and what can you do to move past it? Can you control whether or not people like you? Warning signs you’re not adequately managing stress – 22:40 What can you do to better manage your stress levels so it doesn’t damage your health and relationships? How does stress impact your ability to be creative and an effective problem solver? What can you do to help manage the stress of working from home and not having a clear distinction between home and work? Preventing burnout by practicing self-care – 37:56 What small but meaningful exercises can you do in your daily life to better take care of yourself so you don’t get overwhelmed by stress? What should you avoid doing if you don’t want to get overwhelmed by stress? How has our social anxiety been impacted by COVID and the lockdown and what can we do about it? How do you know when you should see a therapist? While short periods of stress (like exercise or solving a difficult problem) can provide countless benefits to our physical and mental wellbeing, long periods of chronic stress can have detrimental effects on our minds and bodies. But what can you do about it when it seems like being stressed out is normal? It comes down to small daily habits that any of us can implement in our lives because we all have a few minutes to spare to take better care of ourselves. A Word From Our Sponsors Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 13,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here! Resources from this Episode Jonathan Horowitz on LinkedIn San Francisco Stress and Anxiety Center Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices