The Art of Charm

In today’s episode, we cover passive communication with Dr Robert Glover. Robert is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome, has helped thousands of nice guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males, and is the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life.Trying to be the nice guy is a fatal step many men take to get what they want out of life, but what makes being a nice guy so bad, how can you identify your nice guy tendencies, and what can you do to get what you want without being a jerk?What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is Nice Guy Syndrome and why is being a nice guy (or nice girl) counterproductive to getting what you want out of life? Does Nice Guy Syndrome also apply to women? Being a Nice Guy makes people like you less – 13:30  Why does being a nice guy lead people to trust you less and like you less, and what should you do instead? Why do Nice Guys seem inauthentic and untrustworthy? The Covert Contracts of Nice Guys – 19:38  What are the three secret contracts Nice Guys have with other people and why are these contracts harmful to them and their relationships? Identify Relationships that are not serving you – 32:34  What are Cooperative Reciprocal Relationships and what exercise can you do now to understand what relationships are not helping you and what relationships you should add to your life? Setting Boundaries and Expressing Your Desires – 44:25 What can you do if you know you should set boundaries but aren’t sure how to set them or defend them when people around you push back? If you feel shame related to your sexual desires, what can you do to work through it and develop a healthy relationship with your needs and wants, as well as expressing them confidently instead of hiding them? Being a nice guy sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? Why would it be a bad thing? Turns out, when a man is trying to be a nice guy, it almost always means he’s not being authentic. Many times, a nice guy is nice because he thinks that’s what other people want him to be. He thinks being nice will result in people liking him and treating him better and sleeping with him. Instead, people see the niceness as a facade masking his true intentions and feelings. This makes him untrustworthy and unlikable. People respect and are drawn to others who are comfortable being themselves and being honest with the people around them.A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Resources from this Episode Dr. Robert Glover’s website No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover the art of insubordination with Todd Kashdan. Todd is among the world’s top experts on the psychology of well-being, psychological strengths, mental agility, and social relationships. Being a dissenter in today’s society is hard, but it is more important now than ever, so what can you do to raise questions about problems you see without being silenced, and how can you get your message across so people rally behind you instead of condemn you?What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is the art of insubordination and why should you care? Why is it important to have a public square where people can meet and exchange ideas? The crucial importance of a clear consistent message – 12:07  If political polarization isn’t our biggest issue in society, what is and how do we overcome it? How does technology speed up how quickly we self-segregate and isolate ourselves from different ideas and why is this dangerous to society? Why does the use of labels get us into trouble and how do we overcome the stigma of labels? Why We Must Understand the Art of Insubordination – 25:17  Why is the act of dissent important? What can you do to persuade friends and family when you are a dissenter? How can you introduce dissent into the mainstream without getting canceled? How to be a Principled Rebel in Modern Society – 35:12 What does it mean to be a principled rebel and why does every society need principled rebels? What is the best way to get your message across if you are part of a struggling minority influence? Why do we need to expose ourselves to ideas that run counter to our own beliefs and worldview? Dissenting is about more than just holding ideas and beliefs counter to mainstream thought. You must be willing to get involved in mainstream conversations, listen to what people have to say, and provide a legitimate path forward so people can see where your ideas lead. This allows them to be more comfortable following your ideas and handling any discomfort that might come from trying to change their worldview and the world around them.A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog w,hen you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Resources from this Episode Todd Kashdan’s website The Art of Insubordination: how to dissent & defy effectively Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover leadership and decision-making with David Siegel. David is the CEO of Meetup, the largest platform for finding and building local communities, and the author of Decide & Conquer: 44 Decisions that will Make or Break All Leaders.Success is determined by the decisions you make and the people you surround yourself with, so how can you know when you’re making the right decision for your future, what can you do to surround yourself with people who will help you create success, and how do you maintain firm boundaries along the way?What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What does it take to be the CEO of a great company like Meetup and how can you apply that knowledge to your own goals? Build a powerful network like a CEO – 19:28 What can you do to build a network that will get you to the next level of your career? How do you create luck in your life so more and more opportunities present themselves to you? What can you do to set firm boundaries as you become more successful? Navigate difficult conversations with ease – 38:14 When is the right time to have a difficult conversation and what can you do to make difficult conversations easier? How do you move your ego out of the way so it doesn’t sabotage your success as a leader? Build a thriving company culture – 49:03 What can you do to foster a company culture that is open to change and willing to cooperate on effecting change? What’s next for Meetup? CEOs know the importance of having a powerful network and tough decision-making. It’s what gets them through difficult conversations and allows them to build a thriving company culture. But, it doesn’t happen overnight. You have to be intentional about who you connect with and how you engage with them if you want to reap the benefits. What are some things you can do this week to start building your own powerful CEO-style network and decision-making framework?A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Resources from this Episode The fall of WeWork’s Adam Neumann Decide and Conquer: 44 Decisions that will Make or Break All Leaders MeetUp Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover setting boundaries with Nedra Tawwab. Nedra is a licensed therapist, sought-after relationship expert who has practiced relationship therapy for 14 years, and author of the instant New York Times bestseller “Set Boundaries, Find Peace”.Boundaries are a challenging concept to implement for many, but it can be simplified once you understand them, so what are boundaries, what does it mean to communicate and defend your boundaries, and how do you handle situations where people are repeatedly crossing your boundaries?What to Listen For Introduction to Boundaries – 0:00 Why did Nedra Tawwab write a book on boundaries? Why is boundary setting pushed out of us as children only to be demanded of us as adults, and what can you do to reclaim your ability to set boundaries so you can avoid unhealthy relationships? What does it mean to set a boundary and how do you know when you should set a boundary? Respecting Your Boundaries – 11:00  What should you say if you need to back out of a commitment? Should you feel bad about backing out of a commitment? What leads someone to ghost you and how should you handle it? Building & Defending Your Boundaries – 24:50  What should you say if someone disrespects your boundary? How do you set new boundaries with someone? What can you do to show up for your team while setting healthy boundaries so you can get your work done? Healthy vs Unhealthy Consequences for Boundaries – 34:40  How do you know when a relationship should end if the other person keeps crossing your boundaries? How do you handle family members who are unwilling or unable to respect your boundaries? Boundaries are important because they allow us to build healthy relationships with people who respect us as individuals. If you don’t communicate to someone what it means to respect you and treat you well, you’re gambling on their ability to read your mind. I don’t know any mind readers so I’d call that a bad gamble.A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month!Resources from this Episode Nedra Tawwab on Instagram Nedra Tawwab’s website Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab Set Boundaries Workbook Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover procrastination and perfectionism with Jennifer Kemp. Jennifer is a leading expert on perfectionism and builds flexibility and self-compassion when working with therapeutic clients.Many of us experience perfectionism in different ways but they all hold us back from where we want to be, so what are the different ways perfectionism shows up in your life, what are the warning signs your perfectionism is unhealthy, and what can you do to overcome your perfectionism? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is unhelpful perfectionism and how is it different from the perfectionism we understand today? What 4 signs can you look for to identify whether your perfectionism is healthy or not?   The importance of adapting vs perfecting – 13:40  How does the pursuit of perfection lead to less progression when you’re trying to learn or improve a skill? What classes can you take to improve your conversational ability, sense of humor, and perfectionism?   What makes Art of Charm training programs so effective – 25:39  How do AoC alumni maintain their development after the program so they don’t fall back into their old behavior? How does skill development become self-reinforcing so it feels fun rather than a lot of work?   The warning signs of perfectionism – 39:20  How is perfectionism linked to other mental health issues and how can you identify them? What exercises can you do if you’re struggling with a harsh inner critic?  Is perfectionism keeping you from the success you’re after? You’re not alone. Perfectionism can show up in your life in several ways, including procrastination. Perfectionism can be a strength when it helps you create quality results, but it’s not doing you any favors if it stops you from taking action.  A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way.Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this EpisodeJennifer Kemp’s websiteThe ACT Workbook for Perfectionism Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover being an awesome human with Nataly Kogan. Nataly is a former writer for Verywell Mind, the co-founder and CEO of Happier, a leading wellness company on a mission to make millions of people happier, and the author of The Awesome Human Project. Burnout can be a deadly trap you don’t recognize until the damage is done, so what can you do to avoid it (and still be successful), how does perfectionism make it worse, and how do you find your “why” so you can push through tough times and criticism?  What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What are some obvious signs of burnout? What is the biggest lie entrepreneurs and leaders tell themselves to keep pushing through burn out?   Be an Awesome Human – 12:47  How do you edit your thoughts to help you be the best version of yourself? What two questions can you ask yourself to edit your thoughts and stop your mind from sabotaging your work, relationships, and goals? What does it mean to treat yourself with compassion and why do we ALL need to treat ourselves with more compassion?   Perfectionism is the Enemy of Completion – 31:00  How can you reframe perfectionism so it doesn’t stop you from finishing what you start and putting your work out there for others to enjoy? Why is it detrimental to your success to value every piece of criticism you receive?   Find your “why” and flourish in any job – 41:31  Why is it important to know your “why” when it comes to long term success and fulfillment in any line of work? What is emotional fitness, why is it just as important as physical fitness, and how do you develop it?  It’s easy to undervalue our physical and mental needs when pursuing ambitious goals. You can get lost in devoting countless hours to building a company and push aside physical exercise because it takes time away from the company. You can get lost in spending all of your free time at the gym and push aside quality sleep because “sleep is for the weak.” But we tend to forget the only reason we can do any of these things is because we have one precious life to work with.  A Word From Our SponsorsDo you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalog when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this EpisodeNataly Kogan’s websiteThe Awesome Human Project by Nataly KoganAwesome Human Hour hosted by Nataly Kogan Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on InstagramThe Art of Charm on InstagramThe Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover happiness with Arthur C. Brooks. Arthur is a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and is the author of 12 books, including the national bestsellers “Love Your Enemies” and “The Conservative Heart”, and his newest title “From Strength to Strength”. Happiness and meaning are two things we all want but many of us follow the wrong paths to find them, so how do you figure out what the correct path is and how do you find meaning in a world that is focused on satisfying superficial desires? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is the ultimate secret to happiness according to science? What are the 4 disciplines exhibited by happy people on a daily basis that you can start implementing today? How can you get the benefits of religious faith & community if organized religion isn’t your thing? Achievement does not equal Fulfillment – 14:19 Why do some of the most successful people on the planet feel empty and alone? Why do many of us reach a point in our careers when we feel we’ve peaked and what can you do to keep excelling in your profession beyond that point? What is success addiction, how do we fall into it, and what can you do to kick the addiction if you find yourself addicted to success? Strive for fulfillment instead of achievement – 29:10 What should we be pursuing if our current goals of money, power, fame, and pleasure are leading us to feel unhappy, alone, and empty? Why is school/education not the answer if you’re looking for more meaning in life, and what are we looking for when we think school is the answer? How are music and other creative pursuits related to our ability to find fulfillment and happiness? Everyday the world tries to convince us the path to happiness and fulfillment is traversed by spending money on a product or service. We are made to think being famous will lead to fulfillment and love. We mistakenly believe having more power and control over the world around us will lead to feeling complete and accomplished. The funny thing about happiness and fulfillment is they are found in the simple things that do not require significant sums of money: loving the people around you, wanting and needing less, having strong spiritual beliefs, and doing work that is a service to others. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Arthur C. Brooks’s website From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life by Arthur C. Brooks Dr. Judson Brewer | Unwinding Anxiety Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover neuroticism with Dr. Taylor Burrowes. Taylor received her PhD in Marriage and Family Counseling, is a retired mental health counselor and marriage & family therapist, and now works independently. Like mental health in general, we all fall somewhere on a spectrum of neuroticism, so how can you notice when you’re exhibiting neurotic behavior and what can you do to make sure it doesn’t ruin your relationships? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is neuroticism and how does it show up in all of us? Who is Dr Taylor Burrowes? The signs of neuroticism – 15:18 How are restlessness and neuroticism connected and how can you identify when restlessness is leading you to make poor decisions? Why are pauses important in conversation when you’re speaking to one person or an audience? What can you do to stop overthinking from ruining your relationships while still allowing it to help you in areas like work? How does neuroticism influence your social development – 33:36 Why is overthinking detrimental to your ability to be seen as authentic and build relationships? Why is coaching so important when it comes to developing your social skills? Why do we jump to conclusions that often have no evidence supporting them and how can we stop doing it? What causes you to experience neurotic behavior – 52:20 What are the root causes of the neurotic behavior we all experience at times and what can you do about it? We’re all a little bit crazy, and that’s ok. Neuroticism shows up in all of us in several ways including restlessness, overthinking, and jumping to conclusions. It can get in the way of healthy relationships, especially for men, because neuroticism conveys a lack of confidence in who you are. Once you can recognize neurotic behaviors, you can remind yourself it’s important to not act on them. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Dr Taylor Burrowes’s website Dr Taylor Burrowes on Twitter 10 ways neuroticism shows up in men and what to do about it | YouTube The Vetting System by Dr. Taylor Burrowes The 4 Stress Languages | YouTube Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover regret with Daniel Pink. Daniel is the author of several New York Times bestsellers, including Drive and To Sell is Human, and his newest book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. To have freedom of choice means we will experience regret, so what can you do to have a healthy relationship with your regrets, and how can you look at regret moving forward so you make the decisions that will lead to the least amount of regret? What to Listen For Introduction – 0:00 What is the best way to motivate a team working on a long term project? What is the single biggest motivator in someone’s day-to-day work and how can you use that to increase your productivity and your team’s productivity? What question can you ask to get unstuck when you’re not sure how to proceed in work and life? Is it possible to live life without any regrets – 13:19 Why is it actually unhealthy to try to live without regrets and what benefit do regrets serve us? What is the difference between regret and rumination and why can one be good for you but not the other? What are the four categories of regrets? How do you know when you should reach out to someone you’ve lost touch with? How to use regret in a meaningful way – 38:00 What strategies can you use to develop a healthy relationship with your regrets so they don’t stop you from enjoying life and becoming successful? Why is self-compassion important for neutralizing the harmful effects of regrets? Regrets can suck, but there are a variety of ways to reframe regret and develop a healthy relationship with it so it guides you rather than torments you. When we feel regret over a decision we made, it’s important to spend time understanding why you feel that regret. Then think about the next time that decision might have to be made and commit to making it. Write it down. Tell your friends so they can hold you accountable if possible. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Daniel Pink’s website Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, we cover breaking the ice with AJ, Johnny, and Michael Herold. Why is breaking the ice an important skill, what impact does it have on your health, and what strategies can you use to make breaking the ice easy and effective? What to Listen For Breaking the ice and your health – 0:00 Why should we be engaging in more small talk and why is it dangerous to our mental and physical health to spend too much time alone? What is the first obvious signal that loneliness is your new normal and what can you do to break out of that cycle? Make small talk more effective – 20:18 Why are witty one-liners ineffective at breaking the ice and what should you say instead? What questions should you avoid when meeting someone for the first time, and what questions should you ask instead? What is the easiest way to revive a conversation if you feel like it’s dying or getting awkward? Break the ice MORE OFTEN! – 30:58 How should we be looking at breaking the ice and small talk if we want more opportunities, more friends, and a more fulfilling life? How do you break the ice with someone wearing headphones? Why is making small talk important if you have goals and dreams you want to accomplish in life? It’s easy for us introverts to dismiss small talk and interactions with strangers as a waste of time. What’s the point, right? The problem with this mentality is that it ignores our human nature. We are social creatures, and as social creatures our mental and physical health will suffer if we are isolated from our tribe. That is one reason being exiled from the tribe used to be the ultimate punishment as life without the support of your fellow tribesmen surely meant death in the wild. A Word From Our Sponsors Do you LOVE the toolbox episodes? Did you know that every week we give a LIVE mini-toolbox lesson inside our Private Facebook Group? Best of all it is FREE to join. Join today and get access to all of our live training and level up your communication, leadership, influence and persuasion skills. With 14,000 members it’s a great place to network, learn and overcome any obstacle that’s in your way. Did you know that you can get the whole Art of Charm catalogue when you subscribe to Stitcher Premium using our link? That’s 15 years of podcasts featuring expert guests and toolbox episodes! Sign up today and use Code “CHARM” to get a free month! Resources from this Episode Is Efficiency Overrated?: Minimal Social Interactions Lead to Belonging and Positive Affect Art of Charm Ice Breaker Cheat Sheet Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices