Beat Your Genes Podcast

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him? 2. I’m having environment issues and I’m really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter.  Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It’s really hindering my progress. 3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I'm a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn't get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don't re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I'd like to learn how to get better at it. Maybe I'm too darn sensitive. 4. I am very happy with my life, have a dream job, good performance reviews, good pay and I so I should be happy. But I know that I'm not fully applying myself at work and I that I'm cruising at 50% effort. As as result I feel constant guilt for slacking off at work, and yet I cannot seem to force myself to work harder. The boss is happy, and unless there is an immediate and heavy deadline I don't feel motivated. Can you talk about this phenomenon please?

In today's replay of episode 211, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss: 1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied? 2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too? 3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. How can I get over the feelings of inadequacy I have in my marriage post-affair? It's been almost a year since I found out and I still bring it up in arguments. At times I use it as my trump card and win our arguments as he feels bad every time I bring it up. Yet I can't bring myself to stop doing it. 2. How can I let go of the jealousy and resentment towards his affair partner? They are still in contact and remain friends. I find myself checking her social media accounts and obsessing over her, and I want to stop.

In today's episode, Dr Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions 1.My friend (washed up Jimmy) felt that the Doctors were undervaluing 'washed up Jimmys' potential contribution to a relationship. He made an interesting point.  In a society that is bringing women into the workforce, there will inevitably be more relationships with higher earning females. We can see that this will run afoul of our ancient attraction circuits. But isn't this a necessary trade off of the gender equality movement?If women in the workforce must "status-settle" on a lower earner, why not have a washed up Jimmy, as opposed to a low earning Horace? Horace can neither provide sexuality nor security. Maybe this is why this is a recurring dynamic in Dr. Howk's practice. The conversation got me thinking that perhaps a society that adheres to traditional genders roles is more conducive to viable romance. 2.I recently tried and failed to make my best friend into a trading partner. She needed money and seemed like she would be an asset to my business. I had started a proofreading company and hoped she would become one of my most reliable editors because she told me she had great experience and lots of her own clients. After she did a few less-than-perfect jobs for me, I decided I would not be passing on any more work to hersince I was losing money (I had to get her work re-edited). At the time, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her the work wasn’t good enough, so I paid her, said nothing, and hoped she would get the idea. Several months later, she has realised and cannot forgive me. For me, this was a purely business decision and was not personal. Even though I feel bad for her and how I handled the situation, I can't accept that I should have done different. But I've now lost a friend. Was this conflict of interests inevitable and is there any way to salvage this friendship?

In tonight's replay of episode 190, Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions: 1. I was wondering how Dr Lisle reconciled two seemingly opposing thoughts I've heard on separate episodes. 1. CBT is an effective therapy to mitigate cognitive distortions and 2. The human brain/nervous system does an immaculate job of evaluating its effectiveness and status within a group. If our brains do such an amazing job of evaluating feedback from the group, why are cognitive distortions so common? 2.I've often felt anger when someone seems to misunderstand something, perhaps honestly and perhaps disingenuously in something that is approaching an argument. The feeling often keeps me from explaining exactly what I mean because I expect that the exact points of the disagreement are disingenuous so it won't matter and I will only regret justifying myself and "opening up". You've often mentioned that that communication in relationships isn't faulty the way most psychologist say, but you've also talked about getting crystal clear. So should I beat my genes and get crystal clear, or is the inference that it won't change a thing correct?

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following question: Do you have any tips for getting yourself to do the hard things you know you should do? I am a voracious consumer of self-improvement content. I truly believe in the science and superiority of the whole food plant-based diet, in the importance of regular exercise for physical and mental health, and in the benefit of productivity and life-improvement. I have things that I know would absolutely improve my life in the long run but I cannot seem to make myself do these things, even though I am high in conscientiousness. It's as if I keep convincing myself I can just "slip on by" being lazy. It's a pattern that has followed me all my life - I'm quite smart and always got good grades but I've only put in the effort to do well rather than extraordinary well like I could have, even though I know this would be of great benefit to my life in the long-run. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm in my mid-20s and obese, lonely, depressed, addicted to technology, and performing far below what I could be in life. How do I get myself to do the things that I know will make myself more happy and increase my competitiveness in society?

In tonight's replay of episode 187, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility. 2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me.  Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions. 3.  I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"? 4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality

In today's show, Dr. Howk & Dr. Lisle discuss: 1. On your episode about the 2020 election, I was very surprised to hear the two of you lionize the sturdiness of American government when one of the central problems in American life, diet-related disease, is so largely attributable to lobbying. If government can be bought, how am I supposed to buy the idea of a reliable government? 2. How do people like the Esselstyns, Dr Campbell, and others not fall into the Ego Trap re: plant based eating? 3. Would you do a show addressing dating between men and women who are past their baby-making years? Those in their fifties and sixties or older who are widowed or divorced. As a 62 year old widow it seems most men just want something casual with no commitment. I want a commited partner. Any advice?   4. Last week I was crushed to hear Dr. Lisle say he is dead from an evolutionary prospective. As a an avid follower of Dr L, Dr H and BYG, this active 75 yr old woman is finished with with reproduction but still desiring social contact and certainly not ready to retreat from the village. I would love to hear you address the social needs of seniors who are open extroverts.

In today's show, Nate Gershfeld recaps some favorite clips from the 2020 episodes.

In the last live episode of 2020, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss: 1. I am in my mid forties and for almost my whole life I have been a strong advocate of much stricter controls of driving, smoking and drinking. Literally my only disclaimer is that I understand controls may lead the behaviour to go underground and so you'd have to allow for that. Otherwise: Bring on the controls of these dangerous activities!  I personally do not own a car, do not smoke and do not drink by the way. Others seem not to feel the same and often strongly say the deaths are an acceptable cost to the ongoing enjoyment of smoking, drinking and relatively unsafe driving.  How fantastic that everyone's cost-benefit-analysis has suddenly shifted so far to now accept infringements on personal behaviour to prevent covid deaths? I say "welcome to the saving lives party; I have been here enjoying it for many years and I welcome you. Perhaps now you are ready to save a few more million lives with some relatively minor additional infringements of personal liberty? Perhaps we could look at driving, smoking and drinking?" Muttered replies ensue. "Oh wait," I say, "covid is special? I've looked at the statistics and yes maybe it is. It seems to be by far the least dangerous of the four and yet we're doing much more about it. Wierd." 2. BYG listeners are sophisticated enough to recognize that and video games represent "supernormal stimuli" that can be problematic because they ultimately get in the way of achieving meaningful goals. But if we are really honest with ourselves, wouldn't we admit that dogs and cats are really just another form of this counterproductive "supernormal stimuli" - meaning that they tickle the reward pathways meant to incentivize family formation but could possible inhibit us from doing the work to form meaningful bonds/offspring with potential mates.

In today's show, the dr's discuss the following topics: 1. As a somewhat successful women in her late thirties, I find many males attracted to my stability. I feel almost viewed as an asset to potential mates in the dating arena. Someone they would show off to their parents. Even to hear, ‘we could do so much with our incomes combined’. Dr. Lyle has stated men are not much concerned about provisions from the woman. I would like to hear your download on this. Along the same lines, I hire a dozen or so people a year to help in labor type jobs. Most of the individuals are in their 20’s and seem to lack work ethic compared to people in their later 30’s. I automatically think that the millennials lack work ethic and it is ‘learned behavior’. How do you explain this from an evolutionary standpoint? My point is, if laziness isn’t learned, why does it seem like we have more lazy people today than in previous generations? 2. I am concerned when I hear people and even Dr's say things like masks and social distancing and virtual learning is the permanent new normal. Even Dr McDougall has voiced some of this recently on a webchat. Why is this the trend, and is it going to be, Life isn't fun at all and I am finding this depressing. Months ago I shared Dr Ionaiddes and similar opinions on Facebook and got shut down hard. I apparently had the audacity to question the mask wearing and social distancing concepts and got ugly angry responses; it feels dystopian to me. Not a single person I know seemed to voice any of this? Am i the nut?