Beat Your Genes Podcast

In today's replay of episode 198, the Dr's discuss: 1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA? 2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how? 3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I’ve been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I’ve noticed something interestin.  It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can’t help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don’t end up wasting our time with people who wouldn’t find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?

In today's show, Dr. Howk dicusses: 1. I am a fairly successful artist in his late 20s (definitely another Jimmy the Guitar player). My Big Five is highly distorted (O-98, C-75, E-98, A-15, N-98), which has gotten me in all sorts of trouble but luckily, my high IQ has kept me on the right track. Your podcast and website have helped me in almost every arena, but I can't shake my Jimmy gene. I find myself "falling in love", but losing interest just as quickly. This has caused many unhappy romantic relationships, sometimes even when I desperately want them to work. How can a Jimmy who would love to pair bond beat his genes? Is there a ten paid dates rule for men? What is the right environment, if I can't change my personality? 2. I'm a young male adult (~20), and I truly enjoying studying, working out, training, and just overall being productive. I know it's because I'm trying to gain mate value and climb social structures, but I truly enjoy it.  Now, I recently aquired a girlfriend, and I've found that I'm more attracted to bouts of watching youtube videos for a few hours at night before I go to bed, or just generally not being productive. I've had problems here and there, but most of the time I avoid the temptation altogether and it works well. But the energy to stop relaxing and start working once I'm there is more than I'm willing to muster, it seems. It may be that this is just how I feel right now in life, and in a month or two I'll be more productive again, but do you think it's possible that now I have a mate, my brain doesn't believe I have a serious need to climb structures and gain skills? If so, that is seriously depressing.

In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:  1.  Our adult son is still living at home to save money to buy his own place. This year he was riding his motorcycle without insurance for short rides. We chose to put a wheel lock on his bike until he gets insurance. Since then he basically ignores us. How can we get through to him and put an end to this 'stand off'?  2. My partner is 44 and has never had a serious job for more than a couple of months. He hates authority and always complains about having superiors or work being “dull”.  I've been the main breadwinner for many years and I am fed up. The thing stopping me from throwing out his stuff and changing the locks is the fact that we have a 10-year-old child. That, and the fact that my partner has a bad temper when pushed. How do I get out safely? 3.  My son is 14, and his personality is not very charming. He says very mean things to me, he is violent towards things and sometimes me, he has a hard time making and keeping friends. He is selfish in a way that is ruthless. Our dog is terrified of him. I don’t know how to deal with him anymore.Give me advice on how to be a better mother and how to cope please. 4. I am having a major personality clash with my mother-in-law. She is extremely religious and insists on praying for me and my husband regardless of what we are up to or going through. Every success is owing to her prayers, and every failure, she claims, is *in spite of* her prayers.  She has been a major point of stress for me since getting married three years ago. Her brand of undermining, theological interference really bugs me. Do you prescribe some disagreeable distance, or perhaps something else? I want to be a pleasant daughter-in-law but find myself feeling nothing short of hateful for her godly gaslighting. HELP!

In today's replay of episode 197, Dr. Lisle disusses: 1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem?  For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development? 2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always be like this, but the way you and Geoffrey Miller talk about advertising opened it a new perspective. Do you think I'm missing out, and if so, how could I improve where it matters? 3. How do scientists go about measuring genes? How do they identify and associate them with human behavior? Is this something they can see with Petri dishes and a microscope? What would a behavioral scientists day look like?

In this epsiode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.

In today's episode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.

In today's replay of episode 207, we go over these questions: 1. I understand from evolutionary psychology that certain market distortions, like a large number of females in college, or a small number of males in elderly age affect the quality of partners we're willing to date. What I am not sure about is how this calibration changes subjective experience. Do people only change their behavior to attain a partner, or do they also feel more attracted to people of perhaps lesser gene quality? 2. When I was in my twenties, I used to go to bars and wait in line to get in during the winter. In Montreal, winters can be very cold but one would always see girls waiting in the cold with no proper clothing. These happened to be the sexiest girls. My buddy would be impressed with them, saying that they seemed to have a supernatural ability to beat the cold. My question is: do you think that exhibiting the capacity to sustain a noxious stimulus can be used as a gene quality signal? Do you think that smoking can also viewed in this way? It is obviously a pleasure trap, but smokers may want to send the signal: "Look how high quality my genes are, if I can get away with smoking with impunity" 3. I am an introverted married woman in my mid forties. I have a friend who is single and in her early 60s. She frequently asks me and a small covey of women (who all happen to have mates) to go out dancing, to dinner, etc. via group texts. As I refuse to go to nightclubs, I occasionally join them for dinners (maybe twice a year) but refuse to go to nightclubs. My question is, Does a woman increase her chances of finding a mate if she surrounds herself with other women? Is she attempting to create a lure of sorts? I don’t want to continue to be uncooperative about assembling with the group if this is something that could potentially increase her chances at finding someone.

In today's show, the Dr's dicuss the following question:  1. In episode 243, Dr. Lisle defined the pleasure trap roughly as the state of an organism being fooled by artificial stimuli into believing it is achieving biological success. How does the placebo effect fit into this picture? Given that the placebo effect typically makes a person feel better without the underlying condition improving, it seems like we have evolved with something akin to the pleasure trap built right into us, and therefore the pleasure trap is not a modern phenomenon. 2. My anger and frustration is increasing as folks insist on eating foods that cause their disease which, in turn, incurs costs that all of us are then obligated to bear. Everyone wants to complain about the high cost of health care and global warming but choose to ignore the obvious solution. I need help in dialing back my frustration and increasing sense of despair. 3. The recent talk about living in distortions has really resonated with me. Is this the same as the early concept of making a paradigm shift in our thinking? Looking at the Mind Map, if the self is a calibration system that sets goals, and those goals are based on our personality's view of our competitive environment, are our distortions derived from outdated calibrations? Or how are they accumulated over time? It seems many of us get stuck in a particular way of looking at the world and our elevated place in it. And if we get stuck in those distortions are we then destined to work toward the wrong goals? Maybe I just want to hear more about how we concoct distortions and how to confront them...Love the work you all do!

In today's replay of episode 206, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk go over the following questions: 1. Depression often gets talked about as being a biological condition and that just like having a broken arm, treating depression with medication is similar to treating a broken bone with a splint. What is the opinion of Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk about treating depression with medication vs. taking an evolutionary approach to helping individuals improve the esteem dynamics in their life? The combination of medication and therapy is often viewed as the best treatment, but I don’t think most therapies take the approach that Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk do. 2. I'm a male and I've noticed that in numerous relationships, if my girlfriend was mad, then she would just flat out ignore me. I don't understand this behavior as anger would usually lead me to talk through issues and try to resolve them, whereas they might just ignore my calls and messages for days at a time. This caused me tremendous stress ro the point of getting no sleep and significantly impaired life functioning. How do I deal with this situation? And is this a male/female difference in conflict resolution, or an esteem dynamic where I'm over rewarded? 3. Ive been living with my boyfriend for over 15 yrs. Been with him total of 25 yrs. Im a young 60, he is 57. Ready to fall off ur chair? We have never had intercourse. First 10 yrs we done sone other intimate things, but no more. He never pursues or initiates anything with me. I used to try, but tired of being rejected.;( I want to leave the relationship. But do not. I definitely need help, can u give me some insight & guidance.

In today's show, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. For the past 20 years I have been bewildered and somewhat dissappointed in how my ex-husband and two adult sons have been difficult to get along with and very dismissive of me, despite my huge efforts to forge a warm and close feeling among the 4 of us. No matter how hard I try, I keep getting rejection and sometimes even ridicule from these guys,even though none of us live together anymore. Now, finally, I realize that the problem maybe isn't me (ie. not a "good enough" mother or wife.) Perhaps it is in their personalities -- they would all score pretty high on the disagreeable bell curve while I am in the high 80's for agreeableness. So now what? Is there a different strategy I should take with these family members. Or should I just give up and head for the hills? I would appreciate any help. I love these people, but I don't enjoy being with them anymore. 2. You’ve talked about how people enjoy landscapes that indicate that safety, food, and water needs will be met. But why do people feel a sense of wonder and awe at the night sky, a newborn’ s hand, or the Grand Canyon? Are these feelings related to religious experiences? Are there personality traits that would be more likely in people who have frequent experiences of awe and wonder?