Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When your child is struggling, do you ever feel like you should know exactly what to say—but you don’t? In this episode, we explore the parenting pressure to fix our kids’ problems... and why sometimes, the best thing we can do is just pick up the phone and listen. Plus: the surprising milestone we celebrated this week and why your relationship deserves a party too. KEY POINTS Kids often expect parents to know what to do—but we don’t always have the answers.  A powerful reminder: our kids don’t need perfect words—they just need us to show up. Building community makes it easier to hold the line with tricky issues like phones. Why celebrating your marriage or partnership (even obscure milestones!) is crucial for a strong family. Love and presence matter more than parenting “perfection.” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "I didn’t say anything wise. I didn’t make anything better. I didn’t do emotion coaching or problem-solving. I just listened. And that was enough." RESOURCES MENTIONED Wednesday’s Episode with Dr Brad Marshall on the impact of phones Sunshine Coast Ballooning (hot air balloon anniversary celebration—not sponsored, just loved it) HappyFamilies.com.au for more resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let go of needing the perfect words – Just be there. Listen. Build your community – Especially around tricky boundaries like phones and tech. Celebrate your partner – Mark the small and silly milestones. They matter. Reconnect with your kids – Even if you don’t have a fix, your presence is powerful. Remind yourself – You don’t have to have the answers. Just love them. Be there. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle. KEY POINTS A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens. Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded. There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other. The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught. The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We need to question the gaming industry’s design, not our children’s character." RESOURCES MENTIONED Meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (2025) Yesterday’s episode with Dr Brad Marshall on gaming disorder and smartphone overuse ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Question the system, not the child: Open conversations with kids about how games and social media are engineered to capture attention and exploit vulnerabilities. Collaborate on screen use limits: Use the 3 E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower. Involve kids in setting family screen guidelines focused on what they gain, not what they lose. Replace screens with real connection: Prioritise family time, hobbies, nature, and friendships. The more involved you are, the less likely screens will dominate. Get curious about unmet needs: Ask: What is my child seeking from this screen? How can I help them meet that need in real life? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall RESOURCES MENTIONED The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire Happy Families podcast archive Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection. Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues. Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm. Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience. Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“My daughter says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts at night… so she plays music to drown them out.” In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark. KEY POINTS Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety) Strategies to help: Essential oils (yes, really—there’s research!) Gratitude practices before sleep Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination Gradual tolerance toolkit—moving away from music to mindfulness Normalising and validating nighttime anxiety Parental presence and conversations to address the underlying worries QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "Sometimes kids feel like they’re swimming with metaphorical sharks. They want to get out of the water—but we know they’re just dolphins. It’s our job to keep them swimming." RESOURCES MENTIONED Chatter by Ethan Kross Research on essential oils and anxiety (referenced but not directly cited) happyfamilies.com.au Leave us a voice memo for the podcast here ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let your child know their racing thoughts at night are normal—and you're there for them. Collaborate on a bedtime plan: gentle music, meditation, or calming scents. Encourage journaling or a “thought download” before bed to externalise internal chaos. Add in a nightly gratitude ritual—simple and connecting. Over time, help your child build tolerance for their thoughts without needing constant distraction. If things remain tough, reach out to a GP or psychologist for professional support. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are we really setting our kids up for success in the real world? From burnt spaghetti to budgeting fails, this episode dives into the seven critical life skills every parent should teach their child before they fly the nest — unless you want them boomeranging back! This is the essential parenting checklist for raising capable, confident, and independent adults. KEY POINTS Get Organised & Be ProductiveTeens need to know how to manage time, set alarms, prioritise, and follow through on responsibilities — no one else is going to do it for them. Keep a Tidy House & Maintain HygieneBasic cleaning and personal hygiene habits matter. No one wants to live with (or date) someone who never cleans the bathroom. Cook Three Basic MealsTwo-minute noodles don't count! Being able to whip up three decent meals is a non-negotiable adulting skill. Research & Make Informed DecisionsFrom phone plans to uni courses, help your teen learn how to ask questions, compare options, and confidently choose what's right. Understand Basic BudgetingTrack spending, avoid debt traps, and save for goals — money smarts start at home. Regulate EmotionsTeach your teen to handle stress, setbacks, and big feelings without a meltdown (or a phone call to Mum every time). Navigate Conflict ConstructivelyKnowing how to disagree without destroying a relationship is key — whether it's a fight with a friend or a tricky work conversation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The goal isn’t to send them out perfect. It’s to send them out capable — and make ourselves redundant in the process.” RESOURCES MENTIONED happyfamilies.com.au for parenting tools, resources, and workshops. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS 1. Do a life skills audit — which of these seven has your child mastered?2. Model these behaviours daily: routines, budgeting, cooking, conflict resolution.3. Involve your child in real-life decisions (like comparing phone plans or budgeting for groceries).4. Use mistakes as teachable moments, not failures.5. Celebrate independence, even if it’s just cleaning the bathroom without being asked!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Would you get out of bed at 2:30am to drive your teen to Work Experience with horses? In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, we share the parenting wins, fails, and funny moments from our week - including freezing mornings, heartfelt messages from listeners, and a couple of one-star reviews that left us speechless (almost). Also, Justin’s withdrawal from the Tour de France and unexpected fame in a shopping centre. From meaningful feedback on tricky conversations to tackling criticism with humour, this episode is about showing up, trying hard, and staying connected. KEY POINTS Supporting your teen’s passion… even when it starts at 3am Listener feedback about Sunday tricky conversations with kids What it’s like being recognised from Parental Guidance How to handle negative podcast reviews with grace and humour The reality of not being everyone’s flavour - and why that’s okay QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We're not going to be everybody's favourite fruit. And that's okay." RESOURCES MENTIONED HappyFamilies.com.au Parental Guidance (TV show) Justin's Sunday Tricky Conversations (encouraged by listener Miranda) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Support your child’s passion - even when it disrupts your sleep. Your presence matters. Start a weekly tricky conversation with your child, like Miranda did. It builds trust and emotional safety. Remember you're not for everyone - and you don’t have to be. Show up authentically. Leave a review (preferably 5 stars 😉) if the podcast has helped you - feedback helps more than you know. Take care of yourself too - catch up on sleep and laughter when you can. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Unpacking the most misguided parenting advice, the hosts challenge popular practices like controlled crying and timeouts. They argue that these methods can harm emotional connections and misunderstand children's needs. The conversation highlights the importance of responsiveness and emotional support, debunking the myth that being empathetic spoils kids. They also advocate for allowing children to express themselves, emphasizing that co-regulation and shared emotional experiences lead to healthier relationships.

They talk a lot about culture in schools/education.   What’s really driving teacher burnout, student disengagement, and poor behaviour in schools? In this compelling conversation, I’m joined by Adam Voigt—former principal, education thought leader, and founder of Real Schools—to explore why culture, not curriculum, is the true heart of great education. From phone bans to shocking increases in sexualised behaviour, we unpack the most pressing issues in today’s classrooms—and how families can play a vital role in shaping school culture for the better. KEY POINTS: Why phone bans work—and the student-led secret to getting buy-in from kids The disturbing rise of sexualised behaviour and harassment in schools Teacher burnout: why it’s getting worse and how to turn it around How shame, not badness, drives poor behaviour—and what restorative practices offer instead The 3 consistent challenges teachers face: student behaviour, workload, and parent interactions Why building school culture is the most powerful thing a school can do How culture improves outcomes for students, teachers, and parents alike QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “We need to reclaim how we work—not just the classroom. When schools focus on culture, every stakeholder benefits.” – Adam Voigt RESOURCES MENTIONED: Restoring Teaching by Adam Voigt – Free eBook, audiobook & print-at-cost version Adam’s organisation: Real Schools Happy Families resources for families and schools: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Be a culture builder at your child’s school. Ask the principal or teacher, “What’s our school’s culture—and how can I support it?” Talk to your child about phone use—and help them practice face-to-face connection at home. Model respectful behaviour, especially around teachers. Show your child that respect is foundational, not optional. Challenge inappropriate content and conversations early. Don’t wait for school to step in—your voice matters first. Share Adam’s book with your school’s leadership team. It’s a small gesture that could shift the culture in big ways. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You send out party invitations and… crickets. Or worse — a wall of “maybe” and no-shows. Are parents today just too busy, too anxious, or too uninterested to connect? Justin and Kylie tackle the growing epidemic of “commitment-phobia” among modern parents and uncover why it’s harder than ever to build the village our kids desperately need. From loneliness to overload to digital distractions, you’ll learn the real reasons parents opt out — and four surprisingly simple ways to bring connection back. If you’ve ever wondered why it feels like you’re parenting alone — and how to change that — this is the episode you need. KEY POINTS: Why today’s parents avoid social commitments (and it’s not just post-COVID). The collapse of “enforced proximity” and accidental connection. Why loneliness is now a public health crisis. How treating community like a marketplace keeps us isolated. The role of emotional overload and overstimulation. 4 actionable ways to rebuild your village — one parent at a time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "Other people matter. The community you’re craving already exists — it’s just hiding behind the same fears and overwhelm you’re feeling." RESOURCES MENTIONED: Submit your tricky parenting questions here ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create low-stakes, frequent opportunities for connection — coffee catch-ups, quick chats at pick-up, or a casual park playdate. Focus on contribution: ask “What can I give?” instead of “What’s in it for me?” Schedule digital downtime daily — put your phone down and reclaim your mental space. Don’t fear rejection. Keep showing up. Start with one parent and build from there. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every parent hits that moment — the eye roll, the “you’re so unfair,” the slammed door. It’s the backchat that drives us up the wall. But what if we told you that this so-called “sass” is actually a sign of something good? In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack why backchat is one of the most misunderstood parts of child development — and how you can respond in a way that strengthens your relationship, rather than wrecking it. We share 3 practical mindset shifts and 4 go-to scripts you can use today to turn attitude into connection and cooperation. Yes, even when the sass is strong. KEY POINTS: Backchat is often a clumsy expression of unmet needs — not a sign of defiance Reframing disrespect as a lack of skills (not a lack of values) changes everything Power struggles escalate when we seek control instead of connection Meeting autonomy, relatedness, and competence needs helps reduce pushback Get curious, not furious — especially when emotions are high Four practical scripts help parents respond with connection, not control QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Disrespect often isn’t deliberate — it’s just clumsy communication from a kid who doesn’t yet have the skills to do it better.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: The 3 Basic Psychological Needs: Autonomy, Relatedness, Competence The “Get Curious, Not Furious” principle happyfamilies.com.au for more resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reframe backchat as a sign of emotional overwhelm or unmet needs Use validating language like “Sometimes it feels like I’m your enemy, doesn’t it?” Offer autonomy with choices (“I don’t mind when you do it — just have it done by dinner”) Give in fantasy what they can’t have in reality to lighten the moment Use the 3 E’s Script: “Sounds like you’re really frustrated... will you help me see what’s bothering you?” Set boundaries with respect: “I’m going to give you a chance to rethink that and try again in harmony with our values.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.