Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When your Year 12 child can't do maths or your teen rings crying from camp after being bullied, your instinct is to fix everything. But research shows that simply being heard is often more powerful than any solution. This episode reveals how validation, not problem-solving, helps children develop resilience in challenging situations. Learn the simple two-minute technique that transformed a tearful camp crisis and discover why becoming a "people builder" creates confidence in our children that lasts far beyond any temporary fix. Quote of the Episode: "You don't have to solve; you just have to support. And when the kids can feel it and then you give them an opportunity to find a way forward, they will find it. The answers are deep inside themselves." Key Points: Children need validation and understanding before they can move forward from emotional distress Being a "people builder" creates confidence and resilience in children Emotion coaching involves recognizing feelings, naming them, and allowing them to be expressed Support without immediately trying to solve problems helps children develop self-regulation Hearing supportive voices can be enough to help children find their own solutions With consistent emotional coaching, children develop faster regulation responses Finding the right supportive environments (like tutoring) can transform a child's confidence Children often have the answers within themselves when given space to find them Overcoming challenges builds resilience and confidence Small interactions with supportive people can have profound effects on children's wellbeing Resources Mentioned: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman [affiliate link] Edgar Guest's poem "A Builder or a Wrecker" Emotion coaching methodology Action Steps for Parents: Practice emotion coaching by naming your child's feelings when they're upset Allow emotions to "breathe" before trying to find solutions Ask open questions like "What do you think would be best?" after validating feelings Look for "people builders" in your child's life (teachers, tutors, friends) Consciously choose to be a "builder" rather than a "wrecker" in your interactions When your child calls in distress, focus first on connection before correction Give children space to find their own solutions after feeling supported Recognise that overcoming challenges builds resilience, even when painful at the time See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When school photos become weapons through AI manipulation, how do we protect our children? From understanding why teenage boys might engage in this behaviour to knowing exactly what to do if your child is involved, learn practical steps for prevention and response. Plus, discover why biology isn't destiny and how to build empathy in an increasingly digital world. Quote of the Episode: "The collective IQ of boys when they're in a group is significantly lower than the individual IQ of each boy when they're on their own." Key Insights: AI technology creates new forms of harassment Biological factors influence teen boy behaviour Group dynamics affect decision-making Empathy levels change during puberty Traditional photo safety advice may not be enough Quick response is crucial if incidents occur Professional help may be needed Recovery pathways must be available Resources Mentioned: eSafety Commissioner website Law enforcement guidelines School reporting procedures Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: If Your Child is a Victim: Document everything Report to authorities Seek professional support If Your Child is a Perpetrator: Take immediate action Remove technology access Cooperate with authorities Seek professional help Create accountability pathway For All Parents: Have open discussions about AI risks Review digital safety practices Build empathy despite biological challenges Maintain open communication channels https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/school-life/victoria-police-investigate-allegations-gladstone-park-secondary-college-students-targeted-in-deepfake-online-pictures/news-story/3aae004a2d0ce532d35a16d5378e21bfSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When we change environments to support neurodivergent children, everyone benefits. In this preview of Saturday's interview with Professor Adam Guastella from Sydney Children's Hospital, discover why viewing autism as a 'disorder' might be missing the point, and learn how the right support systems can transform outcomes. Plus, understand why insufficient support leads to troubling patterns of bullying and underachievement. Quote of the Episode: "When people have changed environments to be more inclusive to support children with autism and other neurodevelopmental needs, those environments are really good for everyone." Key Insights: Focus should be on changing environments, not just children. Inclusive environments benefit all children. Support needs are both environmental and individual. Better support leads to better educational outcomes. Lack of support correlates with higher bullying rates. Academic underachievement often relates to poor support. Professional collaboration improves outcomes. Early intervention and support are crucial. Resources Mentioned: Sydney Children's Hospital at Westmead Brain and Mind Centre, University of Sydney Self-Determination Theory research Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on environmental adaptations that support learning. Build collaborative relationships with support services. Ensure appropriate support systems are in place early. Look for ways to create inclusive spaces that benefit everyone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Should pocket money be linked to chores? What about paying for good grades? From savings percentages to spending rules, discover why traditional pocket money wisdom might be wrong, and learn a value-based approach that actually works. Plus, find out why regular money conversations matter more than any system you choose. Quote of the Episode: "Money is just a store of value, and the conversation really should move away from money to how am I adding value in the world?" Key Insights: Pocket money should be independent of chores. Paying for grades can decrease intrinsic motivation. The Three S's: Spend, Save, Support. Financial conversations matter more than systems. Value creation should precede money focus. Forced savings can build positive habits. Regular money discussions enhance financial literacy Stretch goals encourage saving behaviour Resources Mentioned: The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel [affiliate link] Happy Families newsletter Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Separate pocket money from household responsibilities. Implement the Three S's system (Spend, Save, Support). Have regular conversations about money and value creation. Set achievable saving goals with matching incentives. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From classic works to cutting-edge neuroscience, discover the books that have shaped modern parenting wisdom. Join Dr Justin Coulson as he shares his carefully curated list of game-changing parenting books, including why each one matters and how they can transform your family life. Plus, hear Kylie's surprising take on which books might matter most of all. Quote of the Episode: "When I think about the kind of parent that I aspire to be, those two books have had more influence in my life than all the other books combined." Key Insights: Great parenting often comes from continuous learning Different books serve different parenting stages and challenges Some classics remain relevant despite their age Picture books can be as influential as academic texts Cultural perspectives offer valuable parenting insights Understanding child development enhances parenting approach Expert knowledge needs to be balanced with practical application Scientific understanding of child development continues to evolve Resources Mentioned: (NB. These are affiliate links) Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour Act Natural by Jennifer Traig Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff The Myth of the Spoiled Child by Alfie Kohn Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler The Teenage Brain by Frances Jensen I'll Do Better Tomorrow, I Promise by Maureen Adamek Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney Action Steps for Parents: Start with one book that addresses your current parenting challenge Balance academic texts with accessible, practical guides Consider including children's books in your parenting resource library Make regular time for parenting education through reading See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How much sleep do kids really need? From caffeine myths to screen time truths, sleep specialist Dr Moyra Vandeleur from Royal Children's Hospital unpacks the latest research on children's sleep. Learn why teens naturally stay up late, whether weekend sleep-ins matter, and what the science really says about warm milk before bed. Quote of the Episode: "Sleep, diet and exercise are the three pillars of health - and sleep has only recently been recognized as equally important." Key Insights: Recommended sleep varies by age: Toddlers (1-3): 12-14 hours Preschoolers (3-6): 10-12 hours Primary school (5-12): 10-11 hours Teenagers (13-18): 8-10 hours Individual sleep needs vary Quality, quantity and pattern all matter Teen biology naturally shifts sleep timing later Caffeine affects sleep for about six hours Regular exercise improves sleep quality Screen time before bed doubles sleep difficulties Snoring more than three nights weekly needs medical attention Resources Mentioned: Royal Children's Hospital National Child Health Poll Sleep guidelines Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Create Screen-Free Wind Down No screens one hour before bed Establish relaxing routines Keep consistent bedtimes Monitor Stimulants Limit caffeine, especially after lunch Watch for hidden caffeine sources Exercise earlier in the day Get Medical Help If: Child seems tired despite adequate sleep Regular snoring occurs Sleep problems persist despite good habits See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From a ten-year-old willingly trying alfalfa sprouts to teenagers singing while doing dishes, discover how indirect approaches can transform family challenges. Learn why leaving a book about gut bacteria lying around might work better than years of mealtime battles, and how a simple word game can turn kitchen clean-up into family fun. Quote of the Episode: "Force creates resistance. When you try to make kids eat, as we have for so many years... but instead, she reads it in a book and she's willing to give it a crack because she feels like she's in the driver's seat." Key Insights: Indirect approaches often work better than direct instruction Strategic placement of resources can spark interest Games can make chores disappear into the background Family participation makes tasks more enjoyable Children teach themselves when given the right resources Time and patience often yield better results than pressure Fun and connection matter more than task completion Siblings can create effective solutions Resources Mentioned: The Friends You Don't Know You Have by Laney and Jordan Oldfield Word Association game for family chores Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: For Picky Eaters Place helpful resources where children will find them Allow self-directed discovery Celebrate willing experimentation For Family Chores Create games that involve everyone Focus on fun rather than task completion Use music and creativity to engage participation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when researchers analyze 238 studies spanning 51 years and 38 countries? They discover one consistent truth: autonomy support leads to thriving kids, while psychological control leads to struggling ones. Learn why guilt, shame and coercion damage child wellbeing, and discover the three practical steps to becoming a more supportive parent. Plus, understand why this holds true across all cultures and age groups. Quote of the Episode: "If you want to be a great parent, and there was one variable that mattered more than anything else, this is it. It's about autonomy support." Key Insights: Meta-analysis covered 238 studies across 51 years Research included 126,000 participants from 38 countries Results consistent across cultures and age groups Psychological control leads to maladaptive perfectionism Control linked to depression 12 months later Reducing control improves academic performance Findings apply from toddlers through adolescence Three types of control: autonomy support, psychological control, and behavioral control Resources Mentioned: Emma Bradshaw's meta-analysis study The Parenting Revolution book University of Sydney research Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Explore: Take your child's perspective and understand their viewpoint Explain: Provide clear rationales for rules and limits Empower: Work together to develop frameworks and boundaries See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

New research from the National Child Health Poll reveals surprising statistics about children's sleep, including why 42% of kids have sleep problems and why parents' beliefs about teen sleep might be wrong. Learn why screen time isn't actually helping kids wind down, how caffeine affects sleep patterns, and discover the biology behind why teenagers really do struggle to wake up early. Quote of the Episode: "While we're exhausted at 8:30, teenagers are still good to go at 9:00, 9:30 - that's when melatonin starts to kick in." Key Insights: 42% of children have sleep pattern problems 47% of parents wrongly believe screens help wind down Caffeine after lunch doubles sleep difficulties Teen biology affects sleep timing Melatonin production differs between teens and adults Regular sleep patterns matter more than total hours Screen use disrupts natural sleep cycles Sleep routines remain important for all ages Resources Mentioned: National Child Health Poll Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: No Screens Before Bed Implement one-hour screen-free period Remove devices from bedrooms Establish Sleep Hygiene Consistent bedtime Regular wake time Cool, dark, quiet bedroom Create Bedtime Routines Age-appropriate wind-down activities Consistent patterns Calming environment See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child begging for makeup while you're desperately trying to preserve their innocence? From church on Sundays to everyday requests, the makeup debate touches deep parental fears about growing up too fast. Discover why parents really resist early makeup use, and learn a practical three-step approach to handling this delicate issue. Plus, hear how six daughters taught these parents that sometimes the biggest parenting battles aren't worth fighting after all. Quote of the Episode: "Making a big deal about makeup is perhaps a bit unnecessary - we've learned not to sweat the small stuff." Key Insights: Most parental concerns about makeup stem from fears about premature maturity Research shows resistance often comes from conservative backgrounds Parents worry about beauty standards and self-worth connections The more parents resist, the more appealing makeup becomes Force creates resistance in these situations Family rules evolve with experience and understanding The Three E's approach works well for makeup discussions Context and motivation matter more than specific age limits Resources Mentioned: Beauty Sick by Renée Engeln [affiliate link] Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey [affiliate link] Miss Connection Summit Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Explore: Get curious about your child's real motivation Explain: Share your values and concerns openly Empower: Work together on solutions that respect both perspectives See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.