Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

How do you feel about having sex during your/her period? There can be a negative connotation to intercourse during a woman's menstrual cycle that goes way back in history. This interpretation of a woman being "unclean" when menstruating is outdated- it's a natural, healthy, and beautiful thing! Even the word "period" makes most men uncomfortable and a topic they tend to avoid. At the same time, women are often taught to not talk about their cycle and are worried about the shame aspect... This is an important conversation to have...often men and women both have some resistance to having sex during her period. But, sex is always messy!  We talk a lot about cycles, the pursuer/withdrawer, but how do couples see the menstrual cycle as their cycle? Not her cycle? How can it be something that they they do together and use this cycle to unite? They want to be there for each other when the other is down and not feeling so great... So wouldn't this also be a fantastic opportunity for vulnerability for couples? This is also a great time for non-sexual touching! Hormonal changes during this cycle can make you more sensitive and feel crappy...so maybe she needs more nurturing, comforting, or cuddling during this time! Is this a conversation you've had with your partner? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Premature ejaculation is very common, but also very treatable. It can be caused by a number of things such as performance anxiety, biological factors, early experiences with sexuality, or relationship issues. Sometimes it is related to the way that boys learned to masturbate "quickly" in their teenage years. Both men and women tend to have control over masturbating, but the body can be triggered too early with excitement or fear during intercourse. Things like pornography set up unrealistic expectations for sex and how long it lasts. When in reality, the average intercourse is about 8 minutes! Premature ejaculation averages about 1 minute. This can create certain expectations that men have for themselves which results in pressure and anxiety. This anxiety is often the reason for early climax. With sex, there can too much focus on orgasm, and not enough on intimacy! Being present and focusing on a deeper connection can help. In this week's episode, we'll talk about ways to overcome this problem! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jump into 2021 with a sense of direction for your relationship! Join sex therapist Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about setting intentional relationship goals in 2021. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The point of the holidays is to share love and connection! It's also a great time to spur meaningful conversations! Set aside time to ask each other questions like: What’s your earliest Christmas memory? What is your favorite part of Christmas? What was your favorite gift? What was your worst Christmas and why? What was your best Christmas and why? The simplest of questions can lead to a deeper conversation. Sharing memories and stories can be a great tradition to start! What are some of your favorite holiday traditions? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The holidays are busy for everyone! But you can't forget to make time for your partner... Let's talk about the 5 love languages and ways to express your love during the holiday season. Gary Chapman's five love languages describe how we receive and give love: -Acts of Service -Receiving Gifts -Quality Time -Words of Affirmation -Physical/Sexual Touch Do you know your love language? What about your partner's? We all want to feel loved and appreciated, but in different ways. We may be more responsive to certain love languages than others.  But, we need all five! If you put them all together, it gives room for major growth in your relationship. Little reminders can go a long way- simple things like helping wrap presents, taking over chores, sitting by the fire together and watching a romantic movie, telling your partner how much you appreciate them, mistletoe kisses or a massage! Listen to hear our suggestions on how to speak your partner's love language during the holidays. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Originally identified by Freud, the “madonna/whore complex” is the inability to maintain sexual arousal in committed, long-term relationships. It is the split between the softhearted and sexual currents in male desire. Freud wrote “where such men love they have no desire, and where they desire they cannot love.” Men want to keep the two separate- they desire a sexual partner who is sexy and promiscuous, while they cannot sexually desire the respected partner. Women in particular split themselves- whether it’s the all-giving, loving mother madonna or the fun, sexy party girl. It can be hard to merge the two! The difficulty when you're in a committed monogamous relationship, is this how do we let both parts of ourselves out? And how do we see both parts in our partner. The same applies to women and their conflicting desire for the “caveman/co-partner!”  Don’t settle for either/or! How can you have both? Sometimes this requires re-eroticizing your partner, taking risks, and rekindling the lustful side of yourselves. What Freud was missing was...you need secure attachment to make it work! In order to bridge the divide of how to feel safe while also bringing out that lustful side, you need clean ways of communicating that create safety in your relationship. That integration is the key!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Women who have felt or seen their partner’s anger will not be able to feel his erotic vibe.  Sexual pursuers can become demanding when their partner isn’t responding to their attempts at intimacy. Their frustration can keep increasing and eventually boil over and become anger (COVID definitely hasn’t helped with impatience!) While anger can sometimes provide quick change in the short-term, it is not sustainable in the relationship long-term. In the long-term, anger can slowly disintegrate the relationship and feeling of safety.  Men and women can both be hot-tempered! However, an angry man can unconsciously frighten a woman by his intensity, strength and size. For a man, moving out of a place of silence into a place of speaking and expressing your feelings is important - the manner in which you do this is more important. Even if you have no intention of physically acting on your anger, it may shut down your partner’s sexy feelings. Hear what Laurie does to respond to a roleplay of George’s anger by 1) not responding in kind 2) being firm and 3) removing herself when the anger reaches the point of abuse. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This one comes at you fast! George and Laurie talk through a variety of sex acts that couples choose to liven things up. No judgements just a curious exploration of what might turn a monogamous couple on and why. With lots of laughter, they talk through where to do it, what you might try, how to reduce some anxiety when trying new things - everything from sexual positions to taking control to role play. If you’d like to receive the list Sexual Variety for you and your partner to talk about - email us at info@foreplayrst.com Help us and join our contest to win from our sponsor Manscape a perfect package by sending us a screenshot of your review on iTunes!  Drawing on 12/4/20. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can you and your partner align your emotional and sexual cycles?  We can be on different planets sometimes when it comes to these cycles, but when they align with each other they are more consistent. Finding an intersection between your emotional and sexual cycles requires both partners to take risks. However, you may not recognize each other’s attempts!  Sexual pursuers often look for connection through physical touch...they are being vulnerable by initiating. They are trying to make repair without words, but the withdrawer may not see this attempt because they need words. The withdrawer may perceive it as their partner “only wanting them for sex” which can add to the pressure and make them pull away. The pursuer then perceives this as rejection to their attempt for connection. This miscommunication is what causes us to get lost in a negative cycle.  When the withdrawer takes a risk to open up sexually and lower their defenses, they are also being vulnerable. Again, flexibility from both partners is key; having the mindset of “let’s see what can happen…”  Sex can be a great repair; it can bring you closer together and help you get to a place of connection to then talk about hurt feelings and emotions with each other. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can willingness replace desire? Are you wanting or just willing to have sex? Sometimes willingness can mean being vulnerable and communicating with your partner about your needs, anxieties, desires, and what you are comfortable with. Simply opening a safe space for conversation can make a world of difference. Both partners want to be heard and responded to simultaneously and that's hard to do when emotions are so prominent. Who is initiating vulnerability and bringing it up? If a withdrawer takes the risk to initiate a conversation or explain their anxieties, the pursuer needs to keep focus on the withdrawer. The way that the pursuer chooses to responds makes a big difference in the outcome. It's not a time to compare your pain, or feelings of rejection, because that will only increase the pressure and their sense of failure. Instead, listen to them, address their hesitations, and make them feel safe. For pursuers, it can be so frustrating when the withdrawer doesn't want to talk, so it's important to voice your appreciation for their vulnerability. Withdrawers, be open to taking a leap! Never force yourself to do something your body doesn't want to- but maybe use willingness as starting point, not desire. Be willing to make love in hopes that your body starts to respond. Take time for pleasure, the goal is to connect and be present with the person you love. Pursuers, this requires patience. Start with the understanding that it may not lead to sex or orgasm and be open to connecting in other ways. This takes off so much pressure for the withdrawer! A strong relationship needs both partners to be willing to be vulnerable emotionally, physically, and sexually. The goal is good enough or resilient sex. This requires lots of flexibility and adaptability! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices