Beyond Broken Vows | Christian Marriage, Adultery, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Betrayal, Intimacy
Emily & Johnny Spigelmire | Christian Marriage Recovery Coaches
***Top 1.5% Global Podcast***
Dear Betrayed,
Are you in shock? Confused, devastated, hurt, angry and feeling like you are not enough? Do you feel like it must be your fault, like you should have somehow seen the signs? Are you grieving the death of the marriage you thought you had?
Dear Betrayer,
Have you been believing the lie that if people knew what was really in your heart and mind, they would turn their back on you? Have you been convinced that your wife and family would leave you and you would lose everything if/when you came clean?
Beloved, do you both feel like your marriage is over?
Well, you’re right. That marriage full of secrets and lies IS over. But now there is hope for an honest and transparent marriage - one full of trust, safety, connection, forgiveness, acceptance, and intimacy that you’ve never known before. Bold statement, right? You may be thinking, “No way!” That’s okay. We understand…
Hi, we are Johnny and Emily Spigelmire and we have been where you are...
As a result of adultery fueled by pornography, the marriage vows we had exchanged as starry-eyed newlyweds and had worked so hard to keep were eventually shattered. We’ve been through hell and back. But we are here, together, to let you know that this devastation we experienced was actually a gift.
Of course, we didn’t see it that way at first and you probably don’t either. But, through a commitment to recovery, our faith in God, and our hope for redemption, we set out on a journey of healing, and we can’t wait to share what we’ve learned with you. We now have a marriage that continually blows our minds, and we give God all the glory!
So, if you’re ready to move from heartbreak and pain to hope and healing, grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, and join us on a journey of faith as we talk through difficult questions like;
Is there hope for our marriage?
Can I fix all the damage I’ve done?
Can I ever trust again?
Is true intimacy even possible?
We will also do deep dives into the topics of:
* Isolation
* Guilt and Shame
* Anger
* Rejection
* Addiction
* Trauma
* Body Image
* Triggers
* Communication
* And more…
Our story, like yours, is a messy one. But, with God’s help, it is possible to recover what was lost, stolen, or given away. We know this because God has turned the ashes of our lives into something beautiful and we believe he can do that for you too.
You can connect with us at:
support@beyondbrokenvows.com
https://insider.beyondbrokenvows.com/
https://coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com/
We would love to be part of your journey to healing and wholeness!
Dear Betrayed,
Are you in shock? Confused, devastated, hurt, angry and feeling like you are not enough? Do you feel like it must be your fault, like you should have somehow seen the signs? Are you grieving the death of the marriage you thought you had?
Dear Betrayer,
Have you been believing the lie that if people knew what was really in your heart and mind, they would turn their back on you? Have you been convinced that your wife and family would leave you and you would lose everything if/when you came clean?
Beloved, do you both feel like your marriage is over?
Well, you’re right. That marriage full of secrets and lies IS over. But now there is hope for an honest and transparent marriage - one full of trust, safety, connection, forgiveness, acceptance, and intimacy that you’ve never known before. Bold statement, right? You may be thinking, “No way!” That’s okay. We understand…
Hi, we are Johnny and Emily Spigelmire and we have been where you are...
As a result of adultery fueled by pornography, the marriage vows we had exchanged as starry-eyed newlyweds and had worked so hard to keep were eventually shattered. We’ve been through hell and back. But we are here, together, to let you know that this devastation we experienced was actually a gift.
Of course, we didn’t see it that way at first and you probably don’t either. But, through a commitment to recovery, our faith in God, and our hope for redemption, we set out on a journey of healing, and we can’t wait to share what we’ve learned with you. We now have a marriage that continually blows our minds, and we give God all the glory!
So, if you’re ready to move from heartbreak and pain to hope and healing, grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, and join us on a journey of faith as we talk through difficult questions like;
Is there hope for our marriage?
Can I fix all the damage I’ve done?
Can I ever trust again?
Is true intimacy even possible?
We will also do deep dives into the topics of:
* Isolation
* Guilt and Shame
* Anger
* Rejection
* Addiction
* Trauma
* Body Image
* Triggers
* Communication
* And more…
Our story, like yours, is a messy one. But, with God’s help, it is possible to recover what was lost, stolen, or given away. We know this because God has turned the ashes of our lives into something beautiful and we believe he can do that for you too.
You can connect with us at:
support@beyondbrokenvows.com
https://insider.beyondbrokenvows.com/
https://coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com/
We would love to be part of your journey to healing and wholeness!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Sep 9, 2024 • 34min
70 | Straight Talk: A Candid Revisit of a Betrayed Wife's Journey
September is our anniversary month and we're celebrating by taking a break from creating new episodes this month, but rather updating and replaying a few of our most popular episodes.
Today we are revisiting Episode #2 Her Story: My Husband Betrayed Me, where Emily bares her soul to tell the story of Johnny's marital infidelity* fueled by pornography use. And although it was Not Her Fault in any way, she is not perfect and you will hear some of the ways she fell short in her life too. But God is bigger than any failure, heartbreak or trauma. He is the redeemer of the lost and the comforter of the broken-hearted. (*name changed for privacy)
Grab a spiced latte or some other yummy drink and settle in for a deep and personal story of a betrayed wife and the hope she found in Jesus.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Hang out with us and support our ministry on Patreon, beyondbrokenvows.com/partner
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(*paid affiliate links may be included)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 01. ”Why Are We Talking About Betrayal?” A Q&A with the Betrayed and the Betrayer
Episode 03. His Story: I Betrayed My Wife and My Moral Values
Episode 04. Sharing Our Story: From Infidelity and Addiction to Reconciliation and Recovery
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Sep 2, 2024 • 35min
69 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #5 Spiritual Leadership
Wives, do you have a desire for your husband to lead you and your family spiritually? Of course!
Husbands, are you at a loss for what that looks like and how you can show up for your wife in this area? Yeah, probably.
Unfortunately, in many Christian marriages, this is often a reality. A wife will take up the responsibility of being the spiritual head of the home because her husband isn’t stepping into that role.
When betrayal and addiction are revealed, reasons for his passivity become clear. After discovery, it may be necessary for a wife to temporarily take the lead until her husband achieves some recovery and healing, giving him the capacity and desire to lead his wife spiritually.
Today we are discussing 4 ways a husband can take up his God-given role to lead his wife in authentic spiritual leadership.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Hang out with us and support our ministry on Patreon, https://beyondbrokenvows.com/partner
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
Ebook - 9 Steps to Healing After Sexual Betrayal, for couples who have decided to stay married. Available exclusively on our Patreon page, beyondbrokenvows.com/partner
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 64. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
Episode 65. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs…(Series) #1 See Her Pain
Episode 66. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #2 Prioritize Her
Episode 67. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #3 Keep Your Promises
Episode 68. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #4 Emotional Maturity
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Aug 26, 2024 • 41min
68 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #4 Emotional Maturity
Wives, are you trying to communicate your feelings to your husband and somehow it always ends up being about him. Are just not feeling seen, heard and validated?
Men, is your wife explaining to you how she feels or coming at you with big emotions and you find yourself at a loss of how to respond?
This can happen in any marriage, but when sexual betrayal is a reality, the pain and frustration seem magnified to levels that threaten to break the marriage. But, when she finds her voice and he respond with emotional maturity, the healing can begin.
Today we are going to talk through examples of how a betrayed wife can clearly communicate what she needs and how a recovering husband can respond with emotional maturity.
Grab a cool drink and get ready as we unpack 4 areas where emotional maturity can be cultivated.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Hang out with us and support our ministry on Patreon, beyondbrokenvows.com/partner
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 64. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
Episode 65. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs…(Series) #1 See Her Pain
Episode 66. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #2 Prioritize Her
Episode 67. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #3 Keep Your Promises
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Aug 19, 2024 • 30min
67 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #3 Keep Your Promises
How much do you value keeping your word? And how does it make you feel when someone doesn't keep their word?
For a betrayed wife, it becomes even more important that her recovering husband keep his word. This new display of reliability provides the safety and security that she desperately needs in a time of confusion and broken trust. When he makes the effort to follow through on his promises, he's slowly rebuilding a solid foundation of trustworthiness that she can depend on.
Join us for this important discussion centered around the importance of keeping our word.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 64. 5 Things A Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
Episode 65. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) - #1 See Her Pain
Episode 66. 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) - #2 Prioritize Her
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Aug 12, 2024 • 38min
66 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #2 Prioritize Her
We all have priorities, whether we make them intentionally or they exist by default. At times our priorities can be misguided and cause pain for ourselves and for others. We also understand that priorities are important and it’s necessary to have them in the right order.
And for a betrayed wife, it’s imperative to know that she is a priority to her husband.
Today as we continue in our series, we will cover a wife’s need to feel she is more important to her husband than anyone or anything else on the planet. We will be outlining 4 ways a recovering husband can make this a reality for his wife.
So, grab a cool beverage, pop in your ear bud, and join us for this important discussion.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 49. Sobriety vs. Recovery After Porn-Fueled Infidelity
Episode 64. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
Episode 65. 5 Things A Betrayed Wife Needs…(Series) - #1 See Her Pain
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Aug 5, 2024 • 34min
65 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #1 See Her Pain
Following the revelation of sexual betrayal, a couple must decide whether to stay together or not. Choosing to stay married initiates a complex journey of recovery and healing, filled with challenges and triumphs.
However, the journey may be prolonged due to the betrayer's lack of understanding the needs of the betrayed. Initially, the focus is on the betrayer's recovery and repairing the damage. The betrayed spouse often struggles to feel safe and discern truth.
Today we will be speaking through the lens of a betraying husband and a betrayed wife because that is our story. We want to shed light on the needs a wife has after the devastation of learning her husband has been unfaithful. Needs she may not even realize she has and needs her husband is most likely completely clueless about.
Listen in as we share with you what we have learned on our own journey of healing from sexual betrayal.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 52. What Is His Response To Her BIG Emotions After Porn-Fueled Infidelity?
Episode 54. Betrayed Wives Experience Profound Loss, But Do Cheating Husbands?
Episode 64. 5 Things A Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Jul 29, 2024 • 25min
64 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
Has the reality of porn-fueled infidelity in your marriage come to light? Have you both decided to stay together and want to do your part to save your marriage?
Husband, have you decided to go all in on making it right? Are willing to do whatever it takes to recover from the devastating consequences of your bad decisions, but moving forward in your relationship with your wife seems difficult?
Wife, are you hurt and confused about how this could have possibly happened? Are you grieving the loss of the marriage you thought you had? Do desperately need to see changes in your husband, but can’t find the words to communicate what you need from him?
We understand. At this raw and painful time, husbands likely don’t know what their wives need from them, and wives may not be able to articulate their needs in the aftermath of sexual betrayal.
On today’s show we are going to introduce 5 areas where a willing husband can learn to meet his wife’s deepest needs and how a broken-hearted wife can find her voice.
Listen in as we share with you what we have learned through our own journey of healing from sexual betrayal.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 05. The Effects of Infidelity and How We Made the Decision to Stay Married After Sexual Betrayal
Episode 52. Recovery Step 1: Hooked on Porn? Admitting Helplessness Over Pornography’s Pull
Episode 54. Betrayed Wives Experience Profound Loss, But Do Cheating Husbands?
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Jul 22, 2024 • 49min
63 | Got Porn Brain? What It Is and How It Affects You and Your Marriage
It wasn’t until I stopped using pornography altogether and the fog lifted that I learned just how much effect it had had on my brain. The further I got away from the porn and the more days of sobriety I achieved, I found that I was able to think more clearly and process the difficult truth of my sex-addiction. Understanding porn’s effect on my brain helped to explain so many of my actions, or lack thereof, before I was finally discovered and came out of the shadows.
Here are just 4 shocking statistics about pornography use around the world:
28,258 users are watching pornography every second.
$3,075.64 is spent on porn every second on the Internet.
88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression, and
49% of scenes contain verbal aggression.
Today on our show, we will talk about the reality of porn-brain and the effect continual use of pornography has on our cognitive abilities, reasoning, and relationships.
So, buckle up, folks! We're pulling back the curtain on the damaging effects of watching porn - the things that many people might not know or just don't want to talk about. So, grab your favorite drink and let's get started!
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Your Brain On Porn (e-book)
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 16. ”It’s Just Porn, What’s The Big Deal?” And 4 Other Lies We Tell Ourselves To Justify Viewing Pornography
Episode 20. From Porn Queen To Child of God Now On Mission To Help Others Find Freedom with Elizabeth Spraggins
Or Watch Episode 20 on YouTube!
Episode 21. Breaking Free: How To Escape the Grip of Porn Addiction with Emmanuel and Bekah Guarino
Episode 26. Recovery Step 1: Hooked on Porn? Admitting Helplessness Over Pornography’s Pull
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Jul 15, 2024 • 25min
62 | Social Media Hack Triggers Trauma From Porn-Fueled Infidelity
How was your week? Did it go as planned? This week, a verse really hit home for us in a big way...
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9
Imagine this - just as we were about to hit the button to record today’s podcast episode, a sudden interruption caught us off guard. Johnny received a private message that sparked a whirlwind of emotions and confusion. It was from a woman Emily didn't know.
Talk about getting triggered!
It turned out to be a false alarm – phew! But, after the dust settled, we decided to share this story with you instead of our originally planned episode on porn-brain, which we will have for you next week.
Life has a funny way of throwing us curveballs that can leave us feeling off balance and disheartened. But even amid chaos, there is always a path forward for those who trust in the Lord.
So, get comfortable and settle in for a true-life story of an unexpected event that could have ended in disaster - but, God.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! coaching.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 05. The Effects of Infidelity and How We Made the Decision to Stay Married After Sexual Betrayal
Episode 10. When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough: 8 Steps to a Healing Apology
Episode 13. His Triggers, Her Triggers – 4 Steps For Dealing With Triggers While Healing From Infidelity
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
Jul 8, 2024 • 28min
61 | Is Joy Possible After Sexual Betrayal?
After discovering your spouse had betrayed you sexually, what was your initial reaction? We bet it wasn’t joy. We know that there are many volatile emotions that come on the heels of that shocking and devastating news - among them pain, anger, and confusion.
As you try to make sense of the senseless in your new unwanted reality, you may find yourself desperately longing for relief from the ever-present despair that threatens to overwhelm you.
On today’s show, we are going to explore joy. What is joy? Is it different than happiness? Why would you even consider joy after betrayal? Does this sound impossible?
While it may seem counterintuitive, we believe that even in the midst of the most painful and destructive event of your life, joy is still possible. Intrigued?
Well, pour yourself a cool, summertime beverage and settle in as we unpack this thought-provoking topic of how and why to choose joy after betrayal.
We pray this blesses you,
Johnny and Emily
💜Work with us! Beyond Betrayal Breakthrough Coaching
💜Become a Beyond Broken Vows Insider! Receive our weekly newsletter with behind-the-scenes stories, marriage tips, podcast previews and early access to giveaways and promotions! insider.beyondbrokenvows.com
💜Send us a voice message on SpeakPipe
RESOURCES:
Covenant Eyes Use promo Code BBV to get 30 days free! (website purchase only)
(This post may contain affiliate links to products. We earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.)
RELATED EPISODES:
Episode 02. Her Story: My Husband Betrayed Me
Episode 11. Freedom and Healing: 4 Keys to Unlocking Forgiveness After Sexual Betrayal
Episode 12. His Adultery Shattered My Reality. How Do I Know What’s Real?
NEXT STEPS:
✔️FOLLOW so you don’t miss a show!
✔️Leave a 5-star rating & written review on Apple Podcast.
✔️ You can connect with us at support@beyondbrokenvows.com.
