The Human Intimacy Podcast

Navigating Triggers in Public Spaces: Building Trust and Connection After Betrayal   In this the 50th episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis delve into the challenges couples face when navigating public spaces after betrayal. They explore how hypervigilance, triggers, and the history of betrayal influence interactions in environments like malls or restaurants. The discussion highlights practical strategies to help individuals and couples create "prepared plans" for these crucial moments, allowing them to build trust and connection instead of succumbing to defensiveness or disconnection. Key topics include:   - Recognizing triggers and fostering self-awareness.   - The importance of empathy and validation in rebuilding trust.   - Strategies for humanizing others and breaking free from objectification.   - Tools for accountability and recovery when old patterns resurface.   - The value of proper preparation to prevent conflict and foster connection.   This episode provides actionable insights for couples and individuals seeking to navigate the complexities of recovery and strengthen their relationships in the aftermath of betrayal. Resources Discussed  1. First Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 14–15, 2025)      - Featuring experts like Dr. Sherri Keffer, Michelle Mays, and Dr. Dave Robinson.      - Sessions on betrayal recovery, trust rebuilding, and post-divorce healing.      - Discounted registration: $50 off for individuals and $100 off for couples.      - [Register here] Use Coupon codes: Individual Code: Podcast50 Couples Code: Podcast100 2. Books & Authors Mentioned:      - The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays      - Dr. Kevin Skinner’s Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal   3. Recovery Tools:      - Mindfulness techniques for addressing triggers.      - Accountability practices for navigating public spaces.      - Strategies for emotional regulation and creating connection.

Self-Work and Overcoming Resistance: Embracing the Change Process   In this episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss the concept of self-work, emphasizing its importance in personal growth and relationship improvement. They explore the challenges of resistance to change, offering practical strategies for self-reflection and breaking down the change process into manageable steps. The conversation underscores that self-work is an ongoing journey requiring courage, introspection, and accountability. Key Points   1. Definition of Self-Work     - Self-work involves identifying areas for personal improvement and taking intentional steps to address them.      - It can focus on health, mental well-being, relationships, or professional growth. 2. Overcoming Resistance      - Resistance to change is natural due to habitual patterns.      - Recognizing and leaning into resistance is a critical step in the growth process. 3. Practical Exercise for Change      - Start with a five-minute self-reflection exercise to identify areas for improvement.      - Narrow the list to one priority and explore why it’s important.      - Develop a "how" plan to implement change with specific, actionable steps. 4. Building Accountability and Support     - Share your goals with trusted individuals for accountability.      - Visualize success to strengthen commitment and consistency. 5. The Role of Courage and Insight      - Change requires honesty and courage to face discomfort and step into the unknown.      - Insight gained through self-reflection provides clarity and direction. 6. The Power of Unlearning    - Self-work may involve unlearning patterns and beliefs inherited from family or culture.      - Addressing deep-seated habits can influence generational healing. 7. Daily and Lifelong Application      - Self-work can be applied daily to specific areas (e.g., relationships, work, health).      - Long-term, it fosters lasting transformation and improves overall quality of life. 8. The Human Intimacy Conference      - A reminder about the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference on March 14-15, 2025.      - The conference will provide tools and insights for couples and individuals navigating betrayal trauma, infidelity, and post-divorce challenges.

In this powerful and deeply important episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis discuss the far-reaching influence of pornography on individuals, relationships, and society. The episode reveals shocking statistics about the average age of first exposure—11 years old—and explores the lasting psychological, emotional, and relational consequences for both children and adults. The conversation dives into critical issues, including the normalization of violence in mainstream pornography, the grooming of children, and the internalized shame that fuels secrecy and addiction.   The hosts also address societal challenges such as the inadequacy of filtering systems, the need for stronger legislative action like age-verification laws, and the responsibility of parents and communities to educate and protect children. Through compelling stories and clinical insights, they illustrate the profound impact of pornography on mental health, self-perception, and relationships.   The episode concludes with an inspiring message of hope and recovery. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize the transformative power of healing, self-awareness, and relational connection. They encourage listeners to take personal and collective action to safeguard future generations and support those seeking recovery and true intimacy.   Resources Discussed:   1. Statistics on Pornography Exposure:    - Average age of exposure: 11 years old.      - 22% of minors exposed to pornography are under the age of 10.      - 58% of minors accessing pornography are under the age of 14.      - 63% of minors reported accidental exposure in the past week.   2. Books and Research:      - Treating Sexual Addiction: A Compassionate Approach to Recovery by Dr. Kevin Skinner.      - The Children of Pornhub by Nicholas Kristof, New York Times.   3. Legislative and Advocacy Efforts:    - Age-verification laws in 19 states designed to protect minors from accessing pornography.      - Supreme Court case on January 15th to evaluate the constitutionality of Texas’ age-verification law.   4. Recommended Organizations and Tools:      - Covenant Eyes: Monitoring and filtering software to help manage online activity.      - Exodus Cry: A non-profit organization focusing on ending sexual exploitation.      - National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE): Advocacy and educational resources for combating pornography and exploitation.      - White Ribbon Week Curriculum: A program teaching children digital literacy and discernment.   5. Strategies for Action:      - Contact local representatives to support age-verification laws and digital safety measures.      - Use filtering software to mitigate exposure but recognize its limitations.      - Educate children early about the realities and harms of pornography.      - Advocate for improved online safety measures in schools and communities.   6. Healing and Recovery:      - Join group therapy or accountability programs for individuals struggling with pornography addiction.      - Seek professional help and focus on aligning actions with personal values for long-term recovery.      - Emphasize the importance of relational skills and authentic connection over artificial substitutes.   Next Steps for Listeners:  - Share this episode to spread awareness.   - Contact local representatives to support age-verification laws and advocate for digital safety.   - Learn more about the Human Intimacy Conference (March 14-15, 2025) at (http://humanintimacy.com).   - Explore additional healing and advocacy resources through NCOSE and Exodus Cry.   This episode challenges listeners to take action, protect children, and reclaim the ability to foster healthy, intimate relationships in a culture deeply affected by the harmful impacts of pornography.     Other resources provided:  A link to EC's campaign, Protect Children Not Porn that includes: A short animated video on the importance of AV Our documentary called Raised on Porn Our petition that almost has 100,000 signatures  Statistics on the harms of pornography on children A link to EC's state-by-state Age Verification Tracker A link to EC's stat page that includes stats on harms of pornography on children, the amount of pornography easily accessible to children, and the average ages of children that are viewing pornography. And our two-pager on why Age Verification is essential in protecting children.

New Year, New Habits: The Science of Change and Lasting Transformation   In this inspiring New Year’s Day episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis dive into the challenges and opportunities of creating lasting change. They explore why most New Year’s resolutions fail and share practical strategies for success, including understanding intrinsic motivation, habit stacking, and the power of accountability. Drawing from personal experiences and psychological research, the hosts highlight the importance of preparation, intentionality, and community in achieving meaningful transformation. As they reflect on their own journeys and invite listeners to join the Change 2.0 program, they emphasize that change is always possible with the right tools and mindset.

Becoming a Peacemaker: Finding Peace Within and Sharing It With the World    In this special Christmas episode of ”The Human Intimacy Podcast”, Dr. Kevin Skinner and his colleague, MaryAnn Michaelis, explore what it means to be a true peacemaker. While the holidays are often a time of joy, they can also bring stress, conflict, and hurt. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn challenge common misconceptions about peacemaking—showing that it’s not about "rolling over" or avoiding conflict, but rather creating internal alignment, setting boundaries, and confronting unhealthy behaviors with love and integrity. Listeners will gain insight into:   - How to find peace within themselves first   - The connection between inner calm and external kindness (polyvagal theory)   - Why true peacemaking involves both gentleness and courage   - Practical ways to be a peacemaker in daily life, from small acts of kindness to addressing difficult situations   The episode reminds us that being a peacemaker begins with who we are inside—a state of congruence with our values, gratitude, and a willingness to lift others up. Key Resources Discussed:   1. Polyvagal Theory (Dr. Stephen Porges):      - Understanding states of calm (ventral vagal), fight-or-flight (sympathetic), and shutdown (dorsal vagal) to regulate emotions and foster peace.   2. 12-Step Programs:      - Tools for introspection and self-awareness to identify areas for growth.   3. Dr. Martin Seligman’s Work on Gratitude and Happiness:      - Books: ”Authentic Happiness” and “Flourish”      - Highlighting the link between gratitude and higher levels of happiness. 4. Boundaries:     - Defining enabling behaviors and setting clear, healthy boundaries to promote peace in relationships.   5. Mr. Rogers’ Example of Peacemaking:      - Addressing difficult topics with kindness, compassion, and clarity.   6. Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation:      - Simple, everyday practices to lift others up, from small compliments to acts ofBecoming a Peacemaker: Finding Peace Within and Sharing It With the World Action Steps for Listeners: - Reflection Exercise:    Write down a moment when someone was a peacemaker for you. Reach out to thank them.   - Be Intentional:      Identify opportunities this week to:      1. Address unhealthy behaviors lovingly.      2. Lift someone up with kind words or actions.      3. Slow down, reflect on gratitude, and identify areas where you need internal peace.  

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Rebuilding Communication, Trust, and Love with Brett Williams In this episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner welcomes his long-time friend and fellow therapist, Brett Williams, author of You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married. With over 35 years of experience as a marriage and family therapist, Brett dives into the complexities of couple communication and conflict resolution. He introduces the “Four C’s” of communication—Chit Chat, Communicating, Correcting, and Combating—and explains how couples can move away from destructive patterns of blame and escalation.   Brett emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for confession—vulnerably sharing emotions without defensiveness—and highlights that love is the free gift of attention. Together, Dr. Skinner and Brett offer actionable strategies for effective communication, understanding your partner’s needs, and building love-based solutions for deeper intimacy and connection.   The episode concludes with an exciting announcement about the first annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 14th and 15th, 2025), where Brett will explore whether loving again after betrayal is possible and provide tools for trust and communication You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Rebuilding Communication, Trust, and Love with Brett Williams Resources Mentioned:   1. Brett Williams’ Book:      - You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married: Love-Based Solutions for Couples.   2. Concepts and Techniques:      - The Four C’s of Communication (Chit Chat, Communicating, Correcting, Combating).      - The Attention Reception Test (visual, auditory, kinesthetic preferences).      - Love-Based Solutions for rebuilding connection and trust.      - Physiological regulation during conflict (monitor heart rate and nervous system).   3. Related Research and Experts:      - Dr. John Gottman: Impact of escalated heart rates on communication.      - Dr. Stephen Porges: Polyvagal Theory and regulating the nervous system.      - Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages.   4. Event Mentioned:      - First Annual Human Intimacy Conference (March 14-15, 2025).        - Featuring Brett Williams and 15 other clinicians specializing in overcoming betrayal trauma, addictive behaviors, and rebuilding relationships. More information to come!

The Affirming and Healing Balm of Acknowledgement   In this episode of “The Human Intimacy Podcast”, Dr. Kevin Skinner welcomes Kosta Petrogeorge, a long-time colleague and friend, to explore the powerful concept of acknowledgement in relationships. The conversation dives into how deeply seeing and acknowledging loved ones—through intentional words, actions, and moments—can heal emotional wounds, strengthen intimacy, and foster deeper connections.   Kosta shares poignant examples, including a scene from the film Dances with Wolves, where heartfelt acknowledgment powerfully affirms relationships. They discuss how couples navigating betrayal can intentionally reclaim spaces and relationships tarnished by infidelity or trauma, offering creative and therapeutic strategies. This includes a touching exercise to replace avoidance with an intentional ritual that fosters healing and repair.   Through real-life stories, Kosta and Dr. Skinner demonstrate that true acknowledgment transcends mere words—it is an intentional act of claiming and honoring those we love. They also explore the impact of missed acknowledgment, sharing insights on how unresolved moments from the past can be addressed and healed.   The episode concludes with everyday applications for acknowledgment, such as introducing loved ones with intention, greeting a spouse warmly, and practicing "wind in his hair" moments to affirm the value of those closest to us. Dr. Skinner leaves listeners with an inspiring reminder: We all have the choice to deepen our relationships through genuine acknowledgment.  

Exploring the Silent Struggle: Betrayed Men and Their Healing Journey with Dr. Jesse Piles    In this compelling episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner sits down with Dr. Jesse Piles, a PhD in humanities and a dedicated researcher, to discuss the often-overlooked experiences of betrayed men. Drawing from years of research and hundreds of conversations with betrayed husbands, Dr. Piles sheds light on the unique emotional and psychological impacts of infidelity on men. Topics include differences in how men and women process betrayal, societal perceptions of male infidelity recovery, and the significant role of sexual disgust in men's healing journeys. Dr. Piles emphasizes the need for open-minded listening and tailored support for betrayed men, challenging the narrative that men "just get over it." With insights from decades of scientific research, he highlights the unique barriers men face in seeking help and recovering from betrayal. This episode is a call to action to broaden the conversation around betrayal and develop resources that address men's specific experiences. Key Takeaways 1. Unique Male Experiences of Betrayal     - Men experience betrayal differently than women, with key emotions including sexual disgust and questions about meaning and legacy.      - Betrayed men often focus on two haunting questions: “What was my wife thinking?” and “What did she gain?”   2. Barriers to Seeking Help      - Men tend to isolate in difficulty and avoid discussing their emotions.      - Societal narratives and existing recovery models are often ill-suited to their experiences.   3. Differences in Infidelity Patterns      - Men and women betray at similar rates, but their motivations and emotional impacts differ.      - Women’s infidelity often involves high neuroticism, while men’s is linked to low agreeableness and conscientiousness. 4. Support Needs for Betrayed Men      - Listening with an open mind and without preconceived models is critical.      - Betrayed men prioritize family stability and often defer addressing their emotions to focus on protecting their families. --- Resources Discussed 1. Dr. Jesse Piles’ Research      - Decades of scientific literature on infidelity, highlighting the disparity between research findings and public narratives.      - Analysis of men’s experiences through lenses of cognitive awareness, sexual psychology, and societal norms. 2. Key Articles      - "Why Women Cheat" (2023/2024): Highlights the complexity of female infidelity from a biological perspective.      - Studies on Big Five Personality Traits: Examines the link between infidelity and personality traits like neuroticism and conscientiousness.   3. Support for Betrayed Men      - Research for Betrayed Men: A comprehensive resource offering blogs, articles, individual, and group support tailored to betrayed men.        - Website: [researchforbetrayedmen.com](http://researchforbetrayedmen.com)   Final Message   Dr. Jesse Piles encourages betrayed men to seek support and emphasizes that no two experiences are the same. Through open dialogue and research-backed insights, he aims to give betrayed men the voice and resources they need for healing.  For more information and support, visit [researchforbetrayedmen.com](http://researchforbetrayedmen.com).  

Understanding Anxiety: Tools for Managing Stress and Building Connection In this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis dive into one of the most prevalent mental health challenges of our time—anxiety. As the holidays approach, many feel the weight of heightened emotions, family interactions, and personal stress. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss the biology of anxiety, its relational impacts, and practical tools to manage it effectively. From understanding the role of the vagus nerve to employing techniques like breathing exercises, bilateral stimulation, and mental rehearsal, this episode equips listeners with actionable strategies to navigate anxiety and strengthen their connections during the holiday season and beyond. Resources Mentioned in the Episode:   1. Books and Theories      - The Polyvagal Theory by Dr. Stephen Porges      - Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson      - The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk      - Mindfulness for Beginners by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn   2. Techniques and Exercises      - Box Breathing: A simple technique to calm the nervous system.      - The Basic Exercise: A vagus nerve-stimulating exercise explained in the episode.      - Bilateral Stimulation: Gentle tapping or walking to help reset the nervous system.      - Vagus Nerve Massage: Techniques for self-soothing and relaxation.   3. Digital Tools and Protocols      - The Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) by Dr. Stephen Porges: A tool designed to regulate the nervous system.      - Mental Rehearsal and Visualization: Tools for preparing for anxiety-inducing scenarios.   4. Additional Support      - Human Intimacy Podcast Archive: Explore related episodes on emotional regulation and relational healing.      - Contact: Email your questions to questions@humanintimacy.com for tailored advice or resources.   5. Practical Tips for the Holidays:      - Use visualization to prepare for potentially stressful family interactions.      - Take short breaks during gatherings to reset and regulate anxiety.      - Limit exposure to sensationalized media that might increase stress.   This episode provides a compassionate and practical guide to understanding anxiety, offering tools to help listeners find safety within themselves and in their relationships.

Making Love and Other Non-Sexual Activities: Creating Connection in Every Relationship In episode 41 of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis redefine the concept of "making love," shifting it from a purely sexual context to an intentional act of creating connection and care in all relationships. Through personal stories, client experiences, and research insights, they explore how love is a choice and an action, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, psychological safety, and intentionality.   The discussion delves into the challenges of showing love after betrayal or during conflict and highlights practical tools for fostering connection, such as attuned communication, externalizing problems, and practicing presence. They also discuss the barriers that prevent love, including fear, resentment, and lack of safety, while encouraging listeners to reflect on their ability to make love by creating a nurturing environment.   Key takeaways include the importance of tone and body language in communication, the role of self-awareness in showing up authentically, and the need for self-care and external support during difficult times. The episode concludes with an inspiring invitation to “go make love” in all its forms, from small acts of kindness to moments of deep connection. --- Resources Discussed: 1. Barbara Fredrickson’s Book, Love 2.0      - Explores the concept of love as a momentary connection rather than a fixed state, emphasizing micro-moments of positivity and connection. 2. Dan Siegel’s Work on Feeling “Felt”     - Focuses on how attuned communication helps individuals feel deeply understood and validated in relationships. 3. Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick      - A study highlighting the impact of nonverbal communication and emotional attunement on connection and attachment.   4. The Intimacy Pyramid (Dr. Skinner’s Version)      - A framework for understanding different levels of intimacy, starting with psychological safety and moving through emotional, verbal, intellectual, and sexual connection. 5. Brett Williams Book, You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married     - Encourages couples to focus on collaboration rather than defensiveness, offering practical advice for fostering connection. 6. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach      - Encourages individuals to reflect on how their demeanor and actions impact relationships, posing the question, “Do you make it easy for people to love you?” 7. Eye Contact Meditation      - A couples exercise focusing on deep, intentional eye contact to foster intimacy and connection. 8. Support from Trusted Relationships      - The importance of turning to trusted friends, family, or therapists to process emotions and find words before engaging in difficult conversations with a partner. By integrating these insights and tools into your daily life, you listeners can learn to make love a choice and a practice, fostering stronger, more authentic relationships.