Practicing Polyamory Podcast

Alonna Donovan Makinson, a practicing therapist for the polyam community, discusses how mono-normative messaging affects us as a society, leading to isolation and lack of support. She challenges the idea of deviance and advocates for expanding psychology education to include non-monogamous relationships.

Miss Nookie is a kinky educator and runs datingkinky.com, a FREE service to help kinky folx find more than just one another; she facilitates kinky folx finding the resources and tools they need for successful kinky relationships! In this fun-filled episode, Miss Nookie and I talk about her newest book, The Big Book of Ass, and despite a minor giggle fit here and there, we get to some really great conversation around all things anal. Miss Nookie talks about getting comfortable with butt play, encouraging folx to learn to relax. She explains some human anatomy (did you know we have two sphincters?!), and how to gain trust to allow both sphincters to be ready for insertion. Next we get into demystifying some of the stories we might hear around anal play, and Miss Nookie gives some good advice for those who might have some messy kinks. She also gives some tips on finding the right toys for anal play to make sure that nothing goes in, without being able to come back out! We talk about important health implications when engaging in anal sex, especially around the transference of bacteria, and whether any of what we talked about changes for gay men versus heterosexual couples engaging in anal play. Learn more by visiting www.datingkinky.com and follow on IG: @datingkinkyofficial !

In this fun episode, my metamour Jason Daubert hops on to chat with me and see what polyam topics we might cover. We start by taking a page out of the Daylover's book (@RemodeledLove on IG) and start with Jason's privileges, which leads into some great conversation about the terminology that we use in our polyam communities. I use "partner in common" instead of "shared partner" to describe the partner that connects us, and we talk about the connotation of possessiveness that we're addressing by changing our language. We also dive into the importance of pronouns (another important piece of the language that we use), and some of the challenges we might face when learning people's pronouns, especially if those pronouns have changed in the time we've known that person. We then jump into talking about our experience as metas, starting with how things have been for him since our partner in common and I started dating. Jason shares his experience first, describing himself as someone who isn't very possessive, but still experiences the FOMO part of jealousy. Then he turns the question around on me and I share my experience of being the new partner, compared to their pre-existing relationship, and coming to terms with our individuality and uniqueness in our partner's life. This was super fun, and I'm confident Jason and I will do this again soon!

Annie Boheler is a Somatics Certified therapist and we kick off this conversation by talking about the importance of having connection to and balance in our bodies, and how somatics training and therapy can help us find that connection. On the subject of balance, we jump right into talking about what should or shouldn't be shared between multiple partners. Annie encourages us to question our reasons for sharing or asking for information, and recognizing where those questions are coming from--investigate our intentions. We talk about the communication that need to happen between partners when asking what information can/can't be shared, and how to prepare for the potential of being told no. We get deeper here, when talking about how the person saying no might feel guilt for doing so, and how we can make space to sit with those feelings and be true to ourselves. Learn more about Annie at www.annielovage.net and follow her on IG: @rewildingintimacy !

Greg and Leanne Million have been together more than five year (married for one) after meeting on OK Cupid, and during their relationship they have gone through phases of opening and closing their relationship. Both have had non-monogamous relationships in the past, but they are still imperfect humans with emotions that need to be examined and harnessed. As Greg notes, the one thing that connects us all is our emotions!  Leanne shares what emotions she was feeling when their relationship began as an open one, and she explains the conversations they had as they came to the mutual decision of temporarily closing their relationship. Greg's superpower is helping other recognize the power of vulnerability, and the vulnerability he showed during this recording was incredible! Greg was completely honest about which of them was asking for the relationship to be closed, and he shares his struggles and lessons learned through the process. Greg and Leanne explain how we can practice harnessing our emotions rather than letting them take the reins, and using the power of those feelings to create lasting connections through vulnerability, physical activity, and intentional intimacy. Learn more about Greg and Leanne at www.gregmillion.com and www.leannemillion.com, and follow them on IG: @leannemillion and @thegregmillion !

Kieran Grosman is a transman, kinky, polyam therapist out of ++++ who never had a successful fight with a partner. Every time the first fight happened, it spelled the end of the relationship! Kieran knew there had to be a better way, and therapy helped him learn and implement strategies to improve his relationships. Kieran shares his experience with dysthymic disorder, what he describes as a continuous low-grade depression stemming from his closeted queer- and transness. Therapy saved his life by giving him the strength, coping mechanisms, and ability to identify with his queerness and embrace authenticity. The pandemic has made life more difficult for a lot of folx, but one advantage that Kieran notes is the accessibility of more diverse therapy options. He talks about how important it is for queer folx to have a queer therapist, someone who can practice mirroring and be a beacon of hope to let them know they can make it through those hard times. Kieran also explains changes he's seeing in his practice of more acceptance of trans or queer partners, along with the acceptance of potential exploration through polyamory for the partner discovering their new identity. He also shares two unexpected side effects of his transition, first becoming "invisible" as a masc-portraying person, and second being seen as "the enemy" by the lesbian community he previously knew. Every minute of this interview had me on the edge of my seat, and Kieran's final thoughts came as a bit of a surprise: a call for gentleness and understanding toward an older generation. You'll have to tune in to hear it! Learn more about Kieran at www.kgrosmanpsyd.com !

Before anything else, I wanted to make sure that when approaching this topic of "is polyamory right for me" that I was speaking with someone who was accepting and affirming of polyam. Our guest Maya Lane has her own history with the poly life, and she explains all of the things that it has done for her life and why she is completely supportive of those who practice it.  Maya shares the story of her now twenty-year marriage, a relationship which started out non-monogamous and stayed that way for over a decade. She further explains the factors that made her question whether polyamory was still the right choice for her, including balancing her children, family, career, and multiple relationships. Tune in to hear us talk about polysaturation, unresolved attachment wounds, and why it's important to work with a therapist like Maya when entering non-monogamy and get the help we need when the hidden, scary shadow pops up in our relationships. Learn more about Maya by going to www.mayalane.net and follow her on IG: @Maya_Lane_MFT !

Brittany Bannerman is one of those people that always had friends coming to her, telling her their deepest darkest, and she found herself wanting to help people navigate their mental health full-time. She's proud to be able to be part of people's healing journeys, and when polyamory was presented to her in some of the communities she was a part of, she discovered that it made a lot of sense to her and she wanted to support people shed monogamy and embrace their authentic selves. One principle Brittany learned along the way is what she calls open-handed love, which frees us from placing expectations and conditions on those we love.  I challenged Brittany on this, arguing that expectations and conditions are normal and necessary in relationships, especially in cases of abuse. How can we practice unconditional love when someone has hurt us? Brittany explains how that works and why open-handed love still applies even in these situations, and even frees us from carrying the pain and anger from pain, infidelity, and abuse. Tune in to hear what Brittany has to say about these and other topics, and learn more about her by going to www.strengthcounselling.ca and follow her on IG: @strengthcounselling !

I've never considered myself much of an artist, but Tara Graviss has heard that from her clients before and it never stopped her from helping them! As it turns out, art is more than drawing and painting, and Tara's expertise is in finding which artistic expression works best for her clients and to use it as a tool to talk about their feelings. During our chat, Tara explains the difference between art therapy and expressive art therapy, that being who decides the meaning of the art that's being created. She further explains how expressive art therapy is a way to express our feelings without using words. Even if you're the type of person who can't draw stick figures, Tara can help you express yourself through other mediums, such as theater, music, dance, and interpretation. Tara's expertise is in trauma therapy, specifically for folx who have experience sexual trauma and abuse. For those who have tried traditional talk therapy, expressive art therapy might be an additional resource to explore and heal that trauma. Tara explains the process, often beginning as a group session that creates safe growth environments, later transitioning to private sessions. For someone who doesn't feel particularly artistic (me), Tara helped me see how everyone is an artist in some way or another. Tune in to hear some tips on how to get started in getting in touch with your body and start to heal from these challenging times! Learn more about Tara by following her on IG: @theartof_resilience and @theartoftantra !

"Practicing Polyamory Podcast": Sophia Graham, educator and therapist, discusses self-consent. She explores personal identity, contradicting desires, overcoming social anxiety, and recalibrating the hustle mentality. Learn more at www.loveuncommon.com.