PsycHacks

As its name suggests, a covert contract is a quid pro quo agreement that is not disclosed to the other party. At first blush, it seems absurd that anyone would engage in this practice. After all, if you don't explicitly negotiate terms, how can you reasonably expect to get what you hope to receive from the transaction? However, people engage in covert contracts in their personal and professional relationships, every day of their lives. In this episode, I'll discuss what that might look like, and what you can do about it.

Everything has an origin, and that includes romantic love. While people have apparently been falling in love since the beginning of recorded history, the notion that this is a desirable state is actually fairly recent. In this episode, I'll discuss the origin of romantic love as it emerged in the South of France in the 11th or 12th Century AD. This origin story might be surprising, but it helps to account for a lot of otherwise inexplicable facets of romantic love.

Discover the intriguing concept of attraction imbalance in romantic relationships. One person often likes the other more, creating a dynamic of 'adorer' and 'adored.' This balance can shift day-to-day, but patterns often emerge. Explore how these dynamics influence emotional connections and the unique strengths each role brings. Delve into the nuances of how love is not always a perfect balance, leading to deeper insights into relationship dynamics.

Can you imagine a basketball team could remain competitive in the NBA if it made an organizational commitment never to commit a foul? They would be decimated by teams of comparable talent and ability that didn't restrict themselves so unnecessarily. The truth is that the top players both know the rules of their game intimately and know when to break those rules strategically. Too much obedience can be just as detrimental as too much disobedience.

Exploring the fundamental law of attraction: wanting what we want, not what wants us. Understanding how less can be more in attracting others. Examples and insights on increasing interest by wanting less, not more.

The Zen master Charlotte Joko Beck talks about the empty canoe in her book, "Everyday Zen." It's a simple metaphor that reveals a profound truth about the human experience of anger: it requires the imputation of agency in order to flourish. If you remove the imputation of agency -- picture an empty canoe drifting mysteriously through the fog -- then the experience of anger will vanish shortly thereafter. If the universe is empty, why populate it with the ingredients of our own frustration? 

Imagine an elementary school bully: a big, dopey boy that picks on other kids using the threat of violence. Do you think that one day that bully will wake up and say to himself: "you know, I've made some good money from this gig, but I don't think I need to do this anymore. I have enough lunch money"? That will never, ever, ever happen. You cannot comply your way out of bullying. And it's always easier to stand up for yourself in a relationship sooner as opposed to later.

When I was younger, I used to believe that my mind was a laboratory sealed off from the rest of the world. As long as I didn't speak or act on my thoughts, I believed that I was at liberty to think whatever I wanted within the privacy of my own mind. However, I've come to understand that thoughts aren't nearly as private as I believed. In this episode, I'll discuss two ways our thoughts tend to betray ourselves to others inadvertently. To improve your communication and relationships, it's important to learn to control your mind.

Delving into the link between hope and waiting, the podcast highlights how true hope involves waiting in the right place. It emphasizes that waiting without hope is pointless, using the verb 'esperar' in Romance languages as an example. The episode ends with a call to engage with the audience and offers a consultation opportunity.

Right now, I'm playing through the surprising excellent "Guardians of the Galaxy" video game for the PlayStation 5. Among all of the first rate performances, I've been particularly charmed by Jason Cavalier's portrayal of Drax the Destroyer. In this pop psychology episode of PsycHacks, I'm going to offer a brief character analysis of Drax, focusing on two of his more admirable traits: his relationship to challenge and his attitude toward death. Check the game out for yourself and let me know what you think.